Online Dating: How to Avoid Disasters
Updated December 02, 2019
Medically Reviewed By: Karen Devlin, LPC
Source: flickr.com
In 2016, 17% of new marriages stemmed from an online dating relationship. The industry profits almost 2 billion dollars per year with roughly 90% of all single persons in the United States belonging to presently, or at one point, an online dating service. While there are many happy endings, there are just as many or more dating disasters that come from online dating.
Statistics say that 10% of all sex offenders maintain an online dating account and over half of the people on dating sites admit to dating multiple people at the same time. Men tend to lie about their income, height, and age, while women are prone to lying about their weight, body type, and age.
We've all seen episodes of Catfish and heard stories of people meeting in person after chatting online and being very surprised to find that the person they thought they knew, is not who they said they were. Having a conversation online can also go a lot more smoothly when you are not face to face and online daters can sometimes be awkward or even smell bad in person!
How can you be part of the 17% of successful online dating marriages? There are several ways to avoid disasters with online dating.
1. Check Their Photos - You might feel like a cyber stalker but saving their dating profile pictures or social media pictures through google image search can help you determine immediately if you are being catfished. Scammers will find pictures of attractive people online or within their own social media circle and create false accounts using their name and someone else's picture or perhaps a fake identity altogether.
2. Start With Talking On The Dating Site Only - Most dating sites have mobile versions and messaging apps that allow you to communicate through the website anywhere you are connected to the internet. There is no reason to give out your personal information like a telephone number, email address, or other messaging platform information. People who insist on moving the conversation over to another platform immediately after contacting you should be avoided.
3. Do Your Detective Work - Have you ever Googled yourself? You would be surprised at the amount of information about yourself that is free and open to the public. You can find articles the person has been published or talked about in, photos of them, newspaper announcements and even arrest records and employment records. There are also forums you can find that tell daters which profile to watch out for or avoid. Other websites are available where women can post stories of their dates and what city they were in and the date's name so that women can watch out for those people.
Source: pixabay.com
4. Ask For Video Chat - Before going on a date with someone you meet online, ask them to do a video chat with you. Not the dirty kind, just a quick FaceTime or Skype chat to see their face and a more accurate representation of them than what they have on social media. Snap Chat and Instagram filters are quickly becoming the way to give anyone a fake makeover on social media so always make sure to try to see the person live at least once. You can also get a really good feel from someone by how they speak to you live rather than in an email or text message. If the person refuses to video chat, that is an obvious sign that they are hiding something from you.
5. Run Their Text Through Google - Sometimes you may be talking to someone who is from another country. Many times, middle eastern and African scam artists will try to entice women from the US to send money to them. These scammers work in large groups, like call centers. They use scripted text which you can usually find online. If someone you are talking to from a dating site starts talking about or asking you to wire transfer money, this should be a HUGE red flag!
6. Report Suspicious Profiles - Every dating website and social media platform gives users the ability to report profiles or accounts that are fake, harassing someone, or posting inappropriate content. If the accusations turn out to be true, that profile will be deactivated, and the user banned. While this does not stop the person from creating more fake accounts, it may slow them down a bit at least. If you are being scammed or blackmailed by someone online, you can report the information to the FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center.
7. Always Meet In Public - This may seem like a no-brainer to most people, but you may be surprised at how many people meet their internet dates for the first time at one of their homes. When meeting someone for the first time, the date should always be in a location that is well lit, public and has frequent traffic. You should never feel isolated or alone with the other person. If you want to be the safest, go on your date during day time
8. Skip The Alcohol - First dates are nerve wrecking, and you may be tempted to have a cocktail to calm your anxiety, but you should always skip the alcohol when first meeting someone. You have no idea how they act under the influence, and you also put yourself at risk for danger and date rape. Alcohol can also cloud your judgment and stop you from seeing someone for who they are.
Source: pixabay.com
9.
Do
Not
Accept
A
Ride
-
Drive
yourself
or
take
an
Uber
to
your
first
date.
Do
not
allow
your
date
to
pick
you
up
or
know
where
you
live.
After
the
date,
do
not
accept
a
ride
home
or
let
your
date
follow
you.
You
never
know
if
someone
is
pretending
to
be
a
nice
person
and
just
waiting
to
turn
into
a
predator.
Protect
yourself
by
not
putting
yourself
in
dangerous
situations.
10.
Be
Authentic
-
You
do
not
want
to
be
catfished,
and
neither
does
your
date.
Do
not
exaggerate
your
work
history,
accept
invitations
to
video
chat,
offer
pictures
that
give
a
clear
view
of
what
you
look
like
without
filters
or
editing.
Answer
questions
honestly
without
giving
away
too
much
personal
information.
If
you
have
something
in
your
life
that
is
a
big
deal
to
you
such
as
not
wanting
to
date
someone
with
children,
not
being
interested
in
a
smoker
or
needing
someone
who
is
willing
to
go
to
church
with
you
every
Sunday,
you
need
to
be
upfront
and
honest
about
these
things
from
the
very
beginning.
There
is
nothing
like
starting
to
fall
for
someone
and
find
out
that
you
have
fundamental
differences
that
cannot
be
overcome.
Online Dating can sometimes work out very well. 17% of new marriages met online and 20% of people who meet online enter into a committed relationship within a year of meeting. Dating is fun and exciting but also very nerve wrecking. It is safe to say that most people know someone that has been the victim of fraud or assault, or harassment and stalking. Equally, however, most people can say that they know someone who met someone online and is very happy.
Michigan State University, however, did a study that proved that couples who meet online are three times as likely to get divorced and that 28% of relationships end within the first year when partners meet through dating sites. Many times, emotional difficulties of a relationship, or the trauma of being scammed through an online dating site can cause situational depression. People who date online are also more likely to be picky and judgmental because every profile is analyzed like an application to date someone.
Online dating can also ruin someone's self-esteem. If you have a dating profile up and you are not getting any messages, winks, flirts, hearts, or whatever the sight's way of telling you someone is interested, you may begin to think you are not worthy of dating or love.
There is already a huge stigma about online dating, and when you strike out there, sometimes it can be a huge blow to your confidence and self-esteem. Dating sites always feature your profile with a thumbnail of your profile picture and typically lists your location and age. This causes people to automatically judge by the first impression of appearance rather than the person.
Source: flickr.com
If you or someone you know if having a rough time emotionally, has recently faced a trauma, been scammed by an internet dater, or is striking out in the relationship field, ReGain can help. Get pushed in the right direction towards strengthening your mental health and overcoming the trauma or insecurities that are plaguing you after a dating disaster.
