Help! I’m Dating A Nice Guy And I Don’t Want To Screw It Up
By: Robert Porter
Updated May 21, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Whitney White, MS. CMHC, NCC., LPC
When you have finally met a really nice guy, it's normal to want to do what you can to make sure things go well. If you don't have a good history of successful relationships, then you might be worried about screwing things up with your new partner. When you're dating a nice guy, it's important to try your best to put effort into the relationship. Take a look at the advice below so that you can nurture your relationship over time and build the strong bond that you're looking for.
Communication is Imperative
Learning how to talk to your boyfriend is so important when you want to avoid problems. Communication issues often lead to complications in relationships. If you can't talk to each other properly, you might wind up fighting about things more than necessary. This can even lead to hurt feelings if someone takes things too far and winds up saying something that they will regret later. If you tend to argue with boyfriends, you might want to work on your communication skills to avoid familiar pitfalls.
Instead of yelling at your boyfriend when he does something you don't like, you could try speaking calmly about it. Oftentimes, arguments occur for simple reasons. You might be annoyed by your boyfriend tracking mud into the house, but if you can communicate about it calmly, an argument need not result. Calmly asking him to be more mindful about taking his shoes off or wiping his feet may be enough to prevent a repeat occurrence. Everyone gets angry from time to time, but better communication will lead to improved results.
When you're able to communicate properly, you'll be able to avoid fighting for no reason. You'll also have an easier time telling each other what your expectations are. If your boyfriend doesn't feel that he can talk to you without you getting mad, then he's more likely to avoid telling you things. Open and honest communication can lead to a healthier relationship. You have to be willing to work on things.
Be Understanding and Try to Avoid Excessive Arguing
Working to empathize with your partner can help prevent avoidable conflict. By looking at things from someone else's perspective and being open to hearing their views, you can learn all the sides of a situation before an unnecessary reaction occurs. For instance, it might be easy to get mad about him not spending much time with you during the week. Maybe you made plans, but he wasn't able to keep them and went to sleep instead. This is certainly something that will bother you, but there might be room for understanding.
Your boyfriend might be working long hours, and he could be so tired that he didn't have the energy to go on your planned date. This is disappointing, but it might not be something that requires an argument. Calmly telling him that it's important that plans be kept or that you're able to spend time together each week may do the trick.
Don't Rush Things
You also don't need to rush things just because you really like this guy you're dating. Sometimes taking things too fast can actually sabotage a relationship. Moving in together before your relationship is mature enough to handle that can be detrimental. Take things at a comfortable pace and try to let your relationship evolve naturally.
Just enjoy being together and try to make sure that your relationship goals match up. Be honest about your expectations for the relationship. Let him know if you want to date exclusively so that there is no confusion whatsoever. When you're ready to take the next step in a relationship, you'll be able to talk about things and move forward as a couple.
Take an Interest in His Hobbies
Taking an interest in his hobbies is a good way to get closer to your boyfriend, too. Being genuinely interested is a lot better than feigning interest, though. If you wind up liking some of the same things, then it's going to give you something else to bond over. Being able to bond over your shared love of something can enrich your relationship. Even if you don't love the same things that he does, he'll still be happy if you are interested in his activities simply due to your love for him.
Support Each Other
Supporting your partner in everything he does will help show him how much you care. Being supportive doesn't come naturally for everyone. Some people are a bit more self-centered by nature, and they might need to learn how to focus on others rather than being stuck on themselves. Try to spend time supporting your partner and showing him that you care about what he is doing.
This could mean listening to him after he has had a bad day at work. Support can also mean being there to cheer him on. Whether you're sending him a supportive text message or if you're doing your best to be there for him during important events, it will help to deepen your relationship.
Maintain a Healthy Sex Life
Sex is a crucial part of a healthy relationship. If you don't have a good sex life, then it's likely going to impact the relationship at some point in time negatively. Of course, not every couple is going to be sexually active. Some abstain for various reasons. Even so, most couples like to be able to develop a healthy sexual relationship over time. This isn't always easy when working a full-time job, but you have to do your best to make the time for sex and romance.
Try to set aside a bit of time every week to have fun with your boyfriend. Show each other how much you care and let the worries of the workweek fade into the back of your minds. Spending time together like this can really help you to get closer as a couple. Relationships are about much more than sex, but sex can be a great way to express your love, too. Try to keep that spark alive between you, and don't be afraid to ask your boyfriend about things he would like to do.
If you're worried about your relationship getting stale, then spicing things up in the bedroom can make a huge difference. Just remember that no one should ever feel pressured into doing something that they aren't comfortable doing. Understand your boyfriend's limitations and be sure that he understands yours as well. Otherwise, try to be a bit open to new ideas and don't be afraid to have fun. Good sex can bring you closer as a couple, making you a happier person overall.
Avoid Being Too Needy or Clingy
It's also a good idea to avoid being too needy or clingy. You likely love your partner a lot, and it's normal to want to spend a lot of time together. The problem is that some people create relationship problems by trying to monopolize their partner's free time. It's important to try to have your own life outside of the relationship. Each of you needs to be able to maintain your own interests and friendships alongside the relationship itself.
Texting has become a cornerstone of most modern relationships. Even when you can't be together, it's possible to at least send a text message to your significant other. It makes it easier to maintain a romantic connection even when you're a busy professional. It's important not to be too focused on text communication, though.
Some people wind up putting too much stock on the text messages that they receive. Some men and women get upset if their partner forgets to send a goodnight or good morning text. Something like this can indeed brighten someone's day or make them feel special, but not everyone can or wants to text at certain times.
With all of this in mind, it's important to recognize your own value in a relationship. Your partner being a "nice guy" is wonderful, and the chances are that their choice to be with you is based on their opinion of you being a nice, caring person, etc. Know your limits, your expectations, and communicate them honestly and openly with your partner.
Don't Hesitate to Reach Out to Online Counselors
Don't hesitate to reach out to online couples counselors if you need help. Every relationship is going to go through ups and downs. If your relationship with your partner has been a little rocky lately, then you might want to get the help of dedicated relationship counselors. They can help two people who love each other to overcome issues. It's possible to grow your relationship, and you can learn how to communicate with each other more effectively.
Compassionate couples counselors will be ready to assist you as soon as you reach out. You can talk to them to help with individual problems, and they will also be ready to work with you as a couple. They are always available, and this is going to be the discreet form of therapy that your relationship needs so that it can thrive.
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