Does It Matter Who Pays On A Date?

Getting ready for a date can be exciting, and you if one is in your future, you may be hoping that it’s going to turn out perfectly. If you're new to or just getting back into the dating scene, you might be wondering if the same dating rules that you're used to will apply. For instance, does it matter who pays on a date, or is this something that is a relic of the past? The answer likely depends on who you ask. Overall, there isn't anything inherently wrong with wanting to pay for your date's meal, ticket, etc. so long as your date is okay with it, too. Some people may prefer to pay for themselves or split the bill, so having an open conversation about boundaries and expectations can be beneficial. Below are some tips to help you do just that with confidence and ease. 

Paying for your date could be a nice gesture

When it comes to determining who should pay on a date, tradition has often dictated that a man should always handle the financial details. However, this interpretation can be extremely limiting. F133or one thing, not all couples include a man, and even those that do shouldn’t have to be bound by outdated gender norms. People of any gender can prefer to pay for themselves, and assuming that you or your date will pay because of their gender can easily offend, even if this isn’t your intention. 

This isn’t to say that it’s inappropriate or unacceptable to want to pay for your date, even if you are a man. If you like paying on a date and it makes you feel good, then there's nothing wrong with that. But it can be important to remember not to make assumptions or force things. 

After all, paying for your date could be seen as a nice gesture. Even when someone doesn't care about old-fashioned dating rules, they might see what you're doing as sign of politeness. Perhaps you feel like you want to be a good date and show someone a good time, so you're going to pay for things. 

Some people may even feel like this is implied when they are asked on a date. If you aren't sure, then you might want to ask. It may seem awkward or uncomfortable to ask, but a simple “I’m planning to take care of the check, is that alright with you?” can suffice.

There is nothing wrong with having a date pay

It can also be good to understand that there may be nothing wrong with having a date pay for themselves, whether partially or in full. It all comes down to the people on the date and what makes them the most comfortable.

Paying individually or asking your date to split the bill can be a good way to ensure that no person feels obligated or pressured. Sometimes paying for another person’s bill can make them feel as though they owe you something in return, even if that’s not your intention, so some may simply prefer to take care of things themselves.

Likewise, some people enjoy the independence that comes with handling the bill for themselves. You might even take turns covering dates to keep the balance even. This can be another reason why it may be important not to make assumptions – it might end up being a better date if one person isn’t worried about finances. Let the good times, drinks, and food roll in!  

Some people may feel inferior when they can’t pay

If you feel inferior when you aren't able to pay for a date, then you may not be alone. Many people, perhaps especially men, have been brought up to think that they are supposed to behave a certain way. For this reason, many might avoid going on dates when they don't have enough money to pay for everything. This can hurt a relationship overall, both due to a lack of time spent together and feelings of frustration. 

It isn't uncommon to feel this way, but that doesn't mean that it's necessarily beneficial. Feeling like you're unusual or like you're less than due to not being able to pay may be rooted in outdated traditions that don’t stand to benefit you or anyone else. Ultimately, it doesn’t have to matter if you pay, or if your date pays. It just matters that you have a good time together and that you're both enjoying the date.

Strict adherence to gender expectations isn’t necessary

Strict adherence to gender expectations doesn’t have to happen or hold you back. This can be true no matter what gender, if any, you identify with. Disconnecting the idea of financial support from gender roles can make it much easier to navigate conversations about it.

If you have strong feelings about this issue, then it may be fine to keep paying for dates if your partner is cool with it. Just know that you don't have to keep paying for everything if you don't want to. It isn't necessarily your duty to pay for every little thing that you decide to do as a couple. 

Overall, it can help to take the time to go over your expectations with the person that you're dating. As long as you know that someone can cover paying for the date, it shouldn't be a problem to go out. You don't have to worry about old dating rules unless you and your date personally feel that doing so is important.

You can always count on online couples counseling

If you and your new partner are having disagreements about how to approach things like finances, it may help to get some outside perspective. There may be nothing wrong with having different viewpoints, but it can become problematic when you can't communicate with each other properly. Online couples' counselors can help you to work through complications in your relationship and learn how to discuss things like expectations in a healthy, productive manner.

Best of all, this discreet form of couple's therapy can be accessed from the comfort of home. You won't need to worry about adhering to strict office hours, and saving time and money on gas prices can also make this option quite affordable. 

Many couples have been helped by reaching out to online couples' counselors. In fact, one study showed that 95% of couples who engage in online couples counseling considered it to be helpful. No matter where you’re at in your relationship with your date, it can be beneficial to pursue either individual or couples counseling to learn more about how to navigate conversations like these and more.

Takeaway

So, does it truly matter who pays on the date? Overall, the answer seems to be a resounding “not really;” while it may matter to some people, others might not have a strong opinion in either direction. To determine what makes the most sense for you and your date, it’s probably best to simply talk about it. There’s no shame in wanting to ensure you’ve set clear boundaries and expectations – in fact, it might even help you form a lasting, healthy relationship.