Do Dating Sites Help With Asexual Dating?
Updated September 04, 2018
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Finding compatible partners is a serious problem for asexual people. It may or may not be difficult to find someone with similar interests or a compatible personality, but then the sex topic has to come up and throw a wrench in your happiness.
Fortunately, there are plenty of dating sites that may help with asexual dating. You don't have to suffer from being involuntarily alone forever. Both asexual dating sites and conventional dating sites can increase your likelihood of finding a match.
That's what this article will show you. You'll learn how to seek out like-minded individuals. You'll find out how to compromise when your partner is sexually-inclined. You'll even discover some valuable tips for overcoming the challenges of asexual dating. Let's jump in and see which of your dating hurdles can be knocked over right away.
Finding Like-Minded Partners With Asexual Dating Sites
One of the primary benefits of utilizing a dating site is that it can help you to find like-minded partners. Online dating sites allow you to sort potential dates by your criteria, meaning you can weed out some definite mismatches right from the start. Asexuals are among a minority, and chances are you're more likely to find partners who are not asexual than those who are. That's where asexual dating sites, in particular, can help you narrow down your search.
Another way that asexual dating sites help is not in narrowing down partners, but widening your search range. This is especially important for asexuals because it's so hard to find other asexual individuals. In any given location, it's a small chance that you'll run into another asexual person, and even if you do, what are the chances they'll be someone you get along with?
Dating sites help you to find people who don't typically cross your local circles, either because they have a different set of favorite hangouts, they keep a different schedule (can you imagine always just missing your perfect partner because you go to the library at slightly different times each week?), or they live in an entirely different area from you.
Of course, if you identify as an asexual, you don't necessarily need to or have to use an asexual dating site instead of other, more inclusive sites. It is possible for asexual individuals to form relationships with partners who experience sexual attraction. In fact, most asexual people who develop relationships do so with sexual individuals with whom they must compromise on how sexual their relationship is.
Discussing Sexual Compromise
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It's best to be upfront with dates about your asexuality. Of course, it's your own decision how much you want to share and how soon. Waiting too long to at least divulge your basic preference makes it more likely that someone will end up with hurt feelings.
The discussion of how to compromise on sexual activities can wait until a little later, though. If a sexually-inclined person and an asexual person accept each other as potential partners, then they have done so understanding that they have different preferences. Later, if the relationship seems to be developing into something serious or long-term, or at least has the potential to do so, then it will be necessary to talk about what level of sexual activity each person is comfortable with.
You and your partner have a few different options, including just making up your solution. Here are a few suggestions, though.
Asexual Activity: Mutually Consented Lack Of Sexual Activity
You and your partner may agree not to engage in sexual activities with each other. Understand though, that it may be frustrating for a sexually-inclined partner to have no sexual outlet. If you are not comfortable with any sexual activities, you may have to make additional compromises that allow for sexual expression for your partner.
Your partner may be happy simply masturbating on their own to relieve sexual urges. Or, you may agree to ethical non-monogamy, in which you consent for your partner to have sex with other people to fulfill their sexual needs. How you and your partner arrange the details and rules of such situations should be discussed fully with each other, and it's best for any other sexual partners to be aware of the situation, as well.
Limited Range Of Sexual Activities
Another compromise option is for you and your partner to agree on a set of particular activities that you would be comfortable with. Perhaps this means that you will provide sexual stimulation to your partner without receiving sexual stimulation in return, either by manual or oral sex or by utilizing sex toys to stimulate your partner.
In this way, you can be a part of their sexual life without engaging in activities that you don't desire. If stimulating your partner is uncomfortable to you, then don't feel pressured. If you've never tried this though, it may be a good way to compromise on the difference in sexual desire.
Limited Occurrence Of Sexual Activities
Another common compromise between partners of differing sexual appetites is to agree to have sexual encounters sparingly. In this case, you may engage in a full range of sexual activities but only do so rarely. You may need to discuss a schedule or a maximum number of engagements with your partner, especially if you have no intention of initiating encounters.
Limiting the frequency of sexual activities may work best if your sexually-inclined partner has a fairly low sex-drive. But it can also work for individuals with higher drives, especially if you combine it with other compromises like those above.
For instance, you can agree to a mutual sexual encounter once every couple of months and utilize one-way sexual stimulation on your partner occasionally in between. Or your partner may be satisfied using masturbation in between sessions. Or your partner may utilize other sexual partners in between their sessions with you.
Ultimately, how you compromise on sexual activity is up to you and the person you're with, just like with any couple. The two of you will each need to practice understanding about the other's needs and preferences.
Sometimes, dating sites make these discussions easier to get out of the way early on. If you don't know someone well, it may be more comfortable to throw around ideas about what compromises might potentially work for you, before you're emotionally invested.
Reducing Criticism of Asexual Dating Sites
There are certain benefits to using dating sites specifically for asexual individuals. One of those benefits is that you reduce the chance of being criticized for your preferences. If you are in an online community where everyone else is either asexual or accepting of asexuals, you can feel a bit more comfortable with being honest with yourself.
Learning More About Yourself
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Another benefit of utilizing asexual-specific dating sites has the opportunity to learn more about yourself. Many dating sites include forums and community sections where you can discuss topics with like-minded people.
Additionally, as you chat with potential dates, both the questions you ask and the ones you answer can help you to learn more about yourself. As you ask questions, you may get unexpected responses that allow you to reconsider the way you think about certain things. Likewise, formulating an answer to the questions posed by others may force you to consider things you hadn't thought about before.
Most people find that they need to chat with several different people at an online dating site before they find someone they'd like actually to meet. Talking to multiple people gives you plenty of opportunity for learning more about yourself and what you want.
Feeling Validated
The last dating site benefit discussed in this article is the advantage of feeling validated. Asexual dating sites and other sites that get you around more like-minded people can help you to feel like a part of a group. You start to see that there are people like you out there.
Isolation is not good for anyone, and even if you have lots of friends, it can be isolating to feel like you are different from them in some basic way. Seeking out people who share that difference gives you a sense of belonging that is difficult to get otherwise.
Unique Relationship Challenges For Asexual Dating
Dating sites really can help you overcome some of the unique challenges of asexual dating. To recap, here are the major ways they help:
- They make it easier to find like-minded people to date because you can find out preliminary information from profiles and chatting before ever meeting.
- Dating sites specific to asexuals help you find partners compatible with your physical intimacy style.
- Dating sites may make it more comfortable to get big issue topics out of the way before pursuing a relationship.
- Dating sites make it easier to find compatible individuals that you wouldn't have run into otherwise.
- Using dating sites to find the right kinds of people to talk to helps you reduce the chance of being criticized for your preferences.
- Pinning down a profile and going through the question and answer phase of preliminary dating can help you to learn more about yourself.
- Knowing that other people like you are also seeking relationships helps you to feel validated in your experience.
Of course, some challenges will have to be dealt with head-on, such as discussions on compromising about physical intimacy. Even two asexual individuals may have to compromise on this issue. That's because not every asexual person is the same.
You may be a person who enjoys cuddling or even kissing your emotional partner, but you may find a partner who does not enjoy any physical expressions of intimacy. Although neither of you may experience sexual attraction or desire, you would still need to compromise on other levels of displaying affection.
If you're having trouble compromising on physical intimacy, either with a sexually-inclined partner or an asexual partner, consider utilizing couples therapy for setting mutual boundaries and expectations.
What If You Don't Want To Use A Dating Site?
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Although dating sites have many benefits for asexual people searching for partners, you do have other options as well. The best way to look for potentially fitting partners without using a website is to think about the kind of person you would be comfortable within a relationship and start spending time at the kinds of places those people spend time at.
Also, pay attention to the people who frequent your favorite places. A compatible date may be right under your nose.
