Do Dating Sites Help With Asexual Dating?
Finding compatible partners can be difficult regardless of how you identify, what you’re looking for, or what your sexual orientation is. For those who are asexual, however, dating can present unique challenges that others may not face. Knowing how to overcome these obstacles can be imperative for those looking for fulfilling, healthy, and lasting relationships. Online dating sites have grown in popularity and are just one way to meet respectful, like-minded partners. Both dating sites for asexual individuals and conventional dating sites can increase your likelihood of finding a match. In this article, we’ll be exploring options for asexual dating and giving valuable tips for overcoming the challenges of dating as an asexual individual.
How do dating sites help with asexual dating among individuals?
One of the primary benefits of utilizing a dating site is that it can help you find like-minded partners. Online dating sites allow you to sort potential dates by your criteria, meaning you can weed out some definite mismatches right from the start. Asexual individuals are among the minority, and chances are you're more likely to find partners who are not asexual than those who are. That's where dating sites for asexual individuals, in particular, can help you narrow down your search.
Another way that dating sites for asexual individuals help is not by narrowing down partners but by widening your search range. This can be especially important for asexuals because it can be a challenge to find other asexual individuals. In any given location, there’s a small chance that you'll run into another asexual individual, and even if you do, what are the odds that they'll be someone you get along with?
Dating sites help you to find people who don't typically cross your local circles, either because they have a different set of favorite hangouts, they keep a different schedule (can you imagine just missing your right match because you go to the library at slightly different times each week?), or they live in an entirely different area from you.
Of course, if you identify as an asexual, you don't necessarily need to use dating sites built specifically for asexual individuals. Instead, you could utilize other, more inclusive sites. Asexual individuals can form relationships with partners who experience sexual attraction just as they can have partnerships with those who don’t. In fact, most asexual people who develop relationships do so with sexual individuals who compromise on how sexual their relationship is.
No matter which type of dating site you choose to use as someone who is asexual, it can be important to go after what you’re looking for. If you desire a relationship, dating sites may help you find one. However, there are plenty of other ways to meet people.
Benefits of dating sites for asexual individuals
There are certain benefits to using dating sites specifically for asexual individuals. These could include:
Being accepted
One of the benefits of dating sites for asexuals is that you reduce the chance of being criticized for your preferences. If you are in an online community where everyone else is either asexual or accepting of asexuals, you can feel a bit more comfortable with being honest about yourself, your needs, and your desires. Instead of holding back out of fear of judgment, you can be yourself from the start.
Learning more about yourself
Many dating sites include forums and community sections where you can discuss topics with like-minded people. Additionally, as you chat with potential dates, both the questions you ask and the ones you answer can help you learn more about yourself. As you ask questions, you may get unexpected responses that allow you to reconsider how you think about certain things. Likewise, formulating an answer to the questions posed by others may force you to consider things you hadn't thought about before. Most people find that they need to chat with several different people on an online dating site before finding someone they'd like to meet. Talking to multiple people gives you opportunities for learning more about yourself and what you want.
Feeling validated
Dating websites can have the advantage of allowing you to feel validated. Dating sites for asexual individuals and other sites that get you around more like-minded people can help you feel like a part of a group. You may start to see that there are plenty of other people like you out there. Isolation isn’t healthy for anyone, and even if you have lots of friends, it can still be lonely to feel like you are different from them in some basic way.
Unique relationship challenges
Dating sites can help you overcome some of the unique challenges of dating as an asexual individual. To recap, here are the major ways they may help:
- They make it easier to find like-minded people to date because you can find out preliminary information from profiles and chat before ever meeting.
- Dating sites specific to asexuals help you find partners compatible with your physical intimacy style.
- Dating sites may make it easier to get big issue topics out of the way before pursuing a relationship.
- Dating sites make it easier to find compatible individuals that you wouldn't have run into otherwise.
- Using dating sites to find the right kinds of people to talk to helps you reduce the chance of being criticized for your preferences.
- Pinning down a profile and going through the question-and-answer phase of preliminary dating can help you learn more about yourself.
- Knowing that other people like you are also seeking relationships helps you to feel validated in your experience.
Of course, some challenges must be dealt with head-on, such as discussions on compromising physical intimacy. Even two asexual individuals may have to compromise on this issue because not every asexual person is the same. You may be a person who enjoys cuddling or even kissing your emotional partner, but you may find a partner who does not enjoy any physical expressions of intimacy. Although neither of you may experience sexual attraction or desire, you may still need to compromise on other displays of affection.
Discussing sexual compromise
Waiting too long to divulge your basic preference makes it more likely that someone will end up with hurt feelings. The discussion of how to compromise on sexual activities can wait until a little later, though. If a sexually-inclined person and an asexual person accept each other as potential partners, they have done so with an understanding that they have different preferences. Later, if the relationship seems to be developing into something serious or long-term, or at least has the potential to do so, it will be necessary to talk about what level of sexual activity each person is comfortable with. You and your partner have a few different options, including coming up with your own solution. Here are a few suggestions, though.
Asexual activity
Mutually Consented Lack Of Sexual Activity: You and your partner may agree not to engage in sexual activities with each other. Understand, though, that it may be frustrating for a sexually-inclined partner to have no sexual outlet. If you are not comfortable with any sexual activities, you may have to make additional compromises that allow for sexual expression for your partner. Your partner may be satisfied masturbating on their own to relieve sexual urges. Or, you may agree to ethical non-monogamy, in which you consent for your partner to have sex with other people to fulfill their sexual needs. How you and your partner arrange the details and rules of such situations should be discussed fully with each other, and any other sexual partners should also be aware of the situation.
Limited range of sexual activities
Another compromise option is for you and your partner to agree on a set of activities that you would be comfortable with. Perhaps this means that you will provide sexual stimulation to your partner without receiving sexual stimulation in return, either by manual or oral sex or by utilizing sex toys to stimulate your partner. In this way, you can be a part of their sexual life without engaging in activities that you don't desire. If stimulating your partner is uncomfortable for you, don't feel pressured. If you've never tried this, though, it may be a way to compromise on the differences in sexual desire.
Limited occurrence of sexual activities
Another common compromise between partners of differing sexual appetites is to agree to have sexual encounters sparingly. In this case, you may engage in a full range of sexual activities but only do so rarely. You may need to discuss a schedule or a maximum number of engagements with your partner, especially if you have no intention of initiating encounters. Limiting the frequency of sexual activities may work most effectively if your sexually-inclined partner has a low sex drive. However, it can also work for individuals with higher drives, especially if you combine it with other compromises like those above. For instance, you can agree to a mutual sexual encounter once every couple of months and utilize one-way sexual stimulation on your partner occasionally in between. Or your partner may be satisfied using masturbation in between sessions or other sexual partners in between their sessions with you.
Ultimately, how you compromise on sexual activity is up to you and the person you're with, just like any couple. The two of you will each need to practice understanding the other's needs and preferences. Sometimes, dating sites make these discussions easier to get out of the way early on. If you don't know someone well, it may be more comfortable to throw around ideas about what compromises might potentially work for you before you're emotionally invested.
Alternatives to dating sites
Although dating sites can have many benefits for asexual people searching for partners, you also have other options. One of the most effective ways to find potentially fitting partners without using a website is to think about the type of person you’d want to be in a relationship with and start spending time at the kinds of places those people might be. Pay attention to the people who frequent your favorite places. A compatible date may be right under your nose. Further, engaging in activities that you enjoy with other people can help you find those with similar interests. You could also try speed dating or ask friends to set you up.
Online counseling for asexual dating
Relationships can be difficult regardless of your sexual orientation; however, those identifying as asexual may face unique challenges. If you’re having trouble romantically, it could be helpful to speak with a therapist. Regain is an online counseling platform that provides guidance to individuals and couples. Whether you need encouragement as you search for a significant other or you’re having trouble compromising on the level of physical intimacy with your partner, counseling could be beneficial. A therapist can work with you to identify what you’re looking for and help you become a healthier version of yourself for a fulfilling dating life. Likewise, a couples therapist can help you set mutual boundaries and expectations, either with a sexually-inclined partner or an asexual partner. Whatever your needs are, you can get matched with a therapist who has experience in that area and connect with them entirely online.
The effectiveness of online counseling for dating woes
When you’re experiencing troubles in your dating life, it can be easy to get down on yourself. However, maintaining a positive outlook and being confident in yourself can help you attract the type of relationship you’re seeking. If you’re struggling in these areas, online counseling could be a viable resource, according to one study. Researchers found that internet-based cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) successfully improved low self-esteem in adolescents and increased their levels of self-compassion. Additionally, they experienced a higher quality of life and had fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety. CBT is a type of therapy that helps people learn how to recognize and then change their unhelpful thoughts into more positive ones. By identifying the thoughts that are contributing to negative self-beliefs, people can work toward modifying them to alter how they’re thinking about themselves and behaving.
Takeaway
Dating sites can be a helpful resource regardless of your dating goals. Being asexual may present various challenges while you search for people to date and do life with, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find happy, healthy, and fulfilling partnerships. Regardless of your sexual orientation, you deserve love and support just like anyone else. If you need help setting boundaries, exploring your identity, or with dating in general, consider speaking to a licensed therapist. You can search for therapists in your local area or utilize an online resource like Regain to get the care you need.
Is there a dating site for asexuals and do dating sites help with asexual dating?
Asexual Cupid is one of the most well-known dating sites for people who are asexual. Asexual Cupid allows you to select your romantic orientation when signing up and what you're looking for in terms of a person's age range and so on. In addition to ace dating sites, some dating apps or websites that aren't specific to asexual people also allow you to select "asexual" as an option for your sexuality.
If you just realized that you're asexual, you might be looking for other people who also identify this way to make friends with. Having a friend who is also asexual or aromantic can be comforting. Some people join online forums before they say, "I'm asexual" out loud. To find an asexual forum, search the web for "asexual forum," "asexual and or aromantic forum," "asexual or aromantic forum," 'aromantic asexual forum," or other similar terms. In some areas, in-person groups are designed for asexual people to meet each other. If you decide to meet up with people you meet online, make sure you use the proper safety measures.
Can you date someone if you're asexual?
Absolutely! Many people who fall under the asexual umbrella date and have fulfilling, happy relationships.
What is asexual dating?
Asexual dating refers to dating as someone who is asexual or as an individual who is on the asexual spectrum. Many asexual people refer to themselves as "ace," so dating as a person on the asexual spectrum may also be called "ace dating." Remember that being aromantic and being asexual aren't the same thing and that being asexual doesn't mean you're also aromantic. Many people who identify as asexual are also alloromantic. If someone identifies as an aromantic asexual person, they're both aromantic and asexual. If someone identifies as asexual but alloromantic, they're asexual but not aromantic. Many ace dating sites and forums allow options for both asexual and aromantic people.
How do you deal with an asexual partner?
Here are some things you can do if your partner says, "I'm asexual" or tells you that they're on the asexual spectrum:
- Coming out as asexual or aromantic can be hard; not everyone knows what it means to be asexual or aromantic, and it can be scary to say, "I'm asexual" for the first time, especially if you don't know how someone will react or what this means for a relationship moving forward. No matter what your partner coming out as asexual might mean, start by thanking them for trusting you with the information.
- Try to validate your partner when they open up to you. Asexuality is real, and it is not something to be "fixed," nor is it a medical problem. After you thank them for telling you, let them know that it's great that they figured it out.
- Respect their boundaries. If the person you're with is on the asexual spectrum and you're not, check in with them about sexual boundaries and talk about what this means for your relationship. What's okay and what's not? What do they want to do moving forward in terms of sex? Whatever the answer is, respect that.
- After your partner has finished expressing their feelings, talk about what you both want to do moving forward in the relationship. Some asexual people are in polyamorous relationships, some are in monogamous relationships, and others are in open relationships. Additionally, since asexuality is a spectrum, anyone who is asexual can be involved in a different level of sexual activity. Some are sex-repulsed, some aren't, and some have sex, whereas others do not. These are all things that could impact what happens in your own relationship. Some people do choose to split up after they or their partner comes out as asexual. Ensure that both of you are respected and that your conclusion is one that allows both of your needs to be met. You might even try changing certain things in the relationship and decide to check in later.
Everyone deserves a relationship in which they are respected and valued. People who identify as asexual or fall under the asexual umbrella can be incredible partners just like anyone else. If you two aren’t the right for one another, neither of you is at fault.
Do asexual people kiss?
Plenty of asexual people are romantics who enjoy kissing and other displays of affection. Asexual doesn't necessarily mean that someone doesn’t like physical touch at all. People who are asexual are comfortable with different levels of physical touch. Asexual relationships for those who identify as asexual and do not have sex (this is sometimes the case, but not always) often look much like any other relationship, just without the sex. However, everyone is different. It can be important to have a conversation after a partner says, "I'm asexual," because asexuality is a spectrum and different people are okay with different things. Ask them what that means for them. Allow them to explain to you where they are on the asexual spectrum and any other details of how they personally experience asexuality. Everyone deserves a fulfilling, healthy relationship, and it can be crucial for partners to be on the same page.
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