Dating A Shy Girl? How To Get Her To Open Up
If you have recently started dating an inherently shy girl, you might face the challenge of getting her to open up and feel more comfortable around you and others. While a person can be introverted and shy, every shy person isn’t necessarily an introvert. Remember that someone isn't fundamentally different just because they're shy or reserved. It might take them a bit longer to warm up to you about certain things, but building a bond with the person will be just like with someone who isn’t shy.
It's normal for these things to take time. Putting extra time and effort into the relationship may create a special bond between you that may have been different if you sped along the process. If you like her and see a future with her, putting in some effort will be worth it.
Here are a few tips on getting her to open up and get comfortable with you:
Make a plan and do things she's comfortable doing
If your girl is shy, it may not be a good idea to thrust her into a situation where she’ll have to interact with many people she doesn’t know. Find out about the things she enjoys doing and plan around those. If she likes fine dining, take her someplace nice and quiet where you can focus entirely on her. If she’s outdoorsy, hiking or canoeing are good options. If she’s a music fan, find a venue where you can watch the show without having to jockey to the stage for a view.
It's important to consider, however, that when someone is shy, avoiding social functions altogether isn’t always the best plan. Say, for example, that your friend is having a house party and has invited both of you. If you decline for her sake, your intentions may be good, but your girlfriend can misinterpret that and feel you don’t want to introduce her to your friends.
Shy people can enjoy parties and other types of gatherings, and the things your girlfriend will want to avoid will be up to her. Some shy girls might not enjoy big parties but might be comfortable getting together with a smaller group of friends. Talk to her about what she wants to do and try to include her in the plan. She will let you know whether she is up for it, and the fact that you’re considerate enough to ask will have an impact.
Open up to her
If you reveal things about yourself and show her who you are, she will naturally open up to you gradually. If you haven’t already, tell her about your background, family, friends, etc. If she’s comfortable doing so, take her to meet them and let her into your life. Making yourself vulnerable can go a long way toward getting her to relax, and spending time with you will get easier and easier.
Match her energy level
If you are naturally extroverted and outgoing, consider balancing your energy level to match hers in social situations. You don't have to be a different person to do this, and you can clarify to her that you’re typically very extroverted but play it low-key in the beginning. If she feels that your persona is too dramatically different than hers at the beginning of the relationship, she may not want a subsequent date.
Don't try to force her into awkward situations
Like most, shy people usually don't like being put in awkward situations, especially socially. You might be interested in introducing her to your friends or family right away. That's a great thing, and she will likely be excited to meet them eventually, just not in the very beginning. Being around new people without knowing how best to interact will wind up feeling overwhelming.
Take an interest in her hobbies
It can be helpful to take an interest in her hobbies as well. Many people have interests they spend a lot of time and energy on. For example, some might be interested in reading, and others might like board games or video games. Your girlfriend could be a film buff, or she might be really into music.
Taking an interest in activities she likes will be an excellent way to bond with her, but it will work out better if your interest is genuine. If you're tagging along to events or going through the motions, then she'll likely see that it’s a hollow gesture and you aren't actually interested.
Consider finding an activity or hobby that you can enjoy together. If she doesn't have a current hobby that you're able to enjoy together, you might be able to think of something that you will bond over. It could be anything that might interest both of you that will still allow her to feel comfortable.
Don't pester her
Always remember to avoid pestering your girlfriend about opening up about things. Being a shy person and needing some time to build up trust in someone isn't necessarily a bad thing. She doesn't mean to offend you by not confiding everything to you right away once you start dating; she’s just getting to know you at a pace that makes her comfortable. Some people are so shy that telling someone they find attractive can be a big step.
If you constantly bombard your girl with requests for more information and openness, she may feel put off by it. If you love or care about your girlfriend, letting her direct the pace will be much healthier. She will open up to you over time and notice the effort you're putting in to make her feel comfortable.
Remember that being shy doesn't mean she isn't confident or capable.
It's also important to know that being shy doesn't mean your girlfriend isn't confident or capable. People sometimes mistakenly think being shy is due to a lack of self-confidence. This is only sometimes the case. You shouldn't look down on her for being shy or feel she needs to change her personality. Acknowledge how strong and capable she is, and don't let her shy nature be the only thing that defines her for you.
You must also acknowledge that, like introversion, shyness isn’t the same as social anxiety. Being shy is just a personality trait that can make it more challenging to open up to people. Shy individuals can still be brilliant and confident in many situations.
Can online therapy help improve my dating life?
If you’re ready to look towards the future with your girlfriend but are having difficulty connecting, relationship counseling can help. A couples counselor will work with you to identify the issues that create challenges and explore ways to overcome them together.
Despite the broad benefits of couples therapy, many people choose not to seek treatment with their partner. The reasons can be practical, such as scheduling or accessibility issues, or personal, such as cultural or familial stigma around seeing a counselor.
Online therapy is an excellent solution to these barriers and more. With virtual therapy, you don’t need to worry about coordinating schedules or commuting to appointments. You can talk to a relationship professional from the comfort of your home when it’s convenient for you via phone, text, online chat, and video message. And unlike most conventional therapy scenarios, you’ll never need to feel uncomfortable encountering others at an office or speaking to your counselor in person.
Platforms like Regain match experienced, licensed relationship counselors with couples from diverse backgrounds and lifestyles. Regain is easy to use and often more affordable than conventional therapy without insurance. Although more study is needed, a growing body of evidence indicates that virtual treatment is as effective as traditional therapy for helping couples achieve better communication and deeper connection.
No relationship is without its challenges, but with a Regain therapist, you can find harmony and balance together.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How do you get a shy girl to be comfortable around you?
Rise to her energy level
If you are naturally extroverted and outgoing, you must balance your energy level to match hers. You don't have to be a different person to do this.
We naturally feel attracted to individuals that resemble us in one way or the other. If she feels that your persona is not compatible with hers, she most likely will not be attracted to you.
Don’t be overly outlandish
Shun being overly outlandish when you are conversing with a shy girl. Awkward and shy girls frequently resist over-the-top behaviors because individuals with so much personality overwhelm them.
Spend extra time with her
It is important to know that it takes extra time to get shy girls to become comfortable with you.
Crack jokes to entertain her and make her comfortable
Making up a funny joke is one good way of breaking the tension walls between you and a shy girl. Luckily, you don’t have to be the funniest comedian to put a smile on the face of a shy girl.
So, you are better off not obsessing over whether she will find your joke funny or not. Normally, she’ll appreciate your efforts in trying to make her feel relaxed in your presence.
Don’t show signs of womanizing
While it is true that confident women would appreciate you more if they see and know that many attractive women desire you, it is almost always true that this strategy is not so effective with shy girls.
How do you know if a shy girl is attracted to you?
Several boys confuse a girl’s introversion with noninterest. Understanding the difference between noninterest and shyness is important if you must be successful in dating a shy girl.
Knowing if a shy girl fancies you is important if you must be successful in getting her to date you.
Below are seventeen tips that show if a shy girl has a crush on you:
- She always wants to help you
- She does not initiate a conversation
- She respects you
- She blushes severally while with you
- She picks interest in dreams and your passions
- She gets busy with her appearance
- All your jokes appear funny to her
- Her friends act differently or giggle around you
- She eavesdrops on conversations about you
- Inconsistent body and verbal language
- Relatively Low PDA
- Hushed flirting
- She becomes wing-girled
- She always breaks eye contact first
- Indirect prospects to hang out
How do you get a shy girl to trust you?
Keep the pace slow
Shy people need extra time to help them adapt to new circumstances. Don’t be too pushy for the seemingly normal achievements in a relationship, like showing affection, the first kiss, meeting relatives and friends. A shy girl would appreciate a slower pace to find a way of becoming comfortable with the new situation that she just found herself in – else, her insecurity may get the best of her, and she can shut you out.
Show interest
If a girl likes you, she may have doubts about the deepness of the affection you have for her. She may spend considerable time wondering if you'd love to be around her or imagine that you may likely move on with your life at any instance. Make her trust you by showing her that you'd love to know about her. Seek to know her favorite food, musician, and what she took for lunch. Your questions do not matter – the initiative is all about being real in your yearning to know everything you want to know about her.
If she confides in you about a past event, ensure you keep it under the carpet and don't mention it to another soul.
Be attentive
There's a high chance that a shy girl would feel more connected to you if she trusts you during communications. Some of the best communication methods involve emphatic attention-paying skills, directness, honesty, and eye contact. Do not interrupt her amidst conversation. Nod and smile in a reassuring way while maintaining eye contact. This will melt her bridges and make her increasingly more comfortable with you. Also, ensure that your subliminal behaviors (like leaning in) align with the subject you are discussing – else, you may end up having your true intentions questioned by the shy girl.
How do you date a quiet, shy girl?
Makes plan for your date
If out of the blue you decided to fix a date with a shy girl that you are crushing on, she will make up excuses because she is not comfortable with the impromptu arrangement. This does not mean that she detests you; she only acts out her personality type – her introversion and shyness. Do guys like shy girls? If you are dating a shy girl, it is important to know that they appreciate it when they mentally prepare for their dates. It shouldn’t catch them unawares.
Schedule fun dates to make her comfortable with you and open up
It is a great idea to develop a fun activity for your date with your shy crush. This would create room for doing stuff together. If you perceive that the discussion would be difficult, choose an activity that will make her comfortable and loosen without doing all the talking.
Also, spend both of your downtimes together.
Shy girls are not the biggest partiers. They do not normally like to go to football games or other big dance activities happening in the next street. Don’t find it offensive if all she wants is to sit back and binge on some series or movie with you on Netflix.
Plan your dates to be one-on-one
Large groups are some of the worst fears of shy girls. Seek to know her preferences and dislikes. It is true that you want to spend time with your friends and watch the Champions League together, but for a shy girl, this is a no-go zone. Go on dates with her, but let it be void of any form of company.
Let her decide on the plan
Because a girl is shy is not equal to being opinion-less. If you are dating a shy girl, give her the chance to choose an activity that she likes when you are going on a date. When you do this, she’ll feel more confident and comfortable around you. Don’t force her to open up. Set the environment for it, and it will naturally fall in place.
Do not be wary of taking charge of the situation. May shy girls may answer most of your questions with “I don’t know.” That is why it is expedient that you have your plan in place.
Why is my girlfriend so shy around me?
You are probably her first boyfriend
She may be shy around you simply because you are her first boyfriend. This is natural. And with time, she’ll learn to be more comfortable around you. So, it is in your best interest not to force it.
Attempting to conceal her imperfections
Your shy girlfriend may think that you are too perfect for her. And in an attempt to make herself appear worthy enough in your presence, she may try to conceal her mistakes or imperfections when she is around you. This could be one of the reasons why she is shy whenever she is around you. She can be overly open and active when she is with her friends, but she freezes when you are around. It is time to spice things up if that is the case.
Low self-confidence
There's one other possibility that explains the shyness your girlfriend exhibits when she is around you. It may simply be a case of a lack of self-confidence. This issue is particularly delicate because your behavior towards her can make her gain confidence or lose it.
Below are some signs that your girlfriend is battling with low self-confidence
- Trouble prioritizing her feelings, wants, and needs
- Always being sorry or/and feeling blameworthy for every action – even when it is no fault of hers.
- Feelings of not being capable of, or deserving of, getting “more.”
Naturally shy
Your girlfriend may be naturally shy if all the reasons listed above do not explain her shyness. This is particularly true for smart, shy girls as they tend to crawl back inside her shell. So shy that they can’t comfortably exit their comfort zone.
How do you win a shy girl's heart?
How do you get a shy person to open up?
How do you deal with a shy girl?
What are the signs of a shy girl liking you?
What are the traits of a shy person?
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