5 Things You Should Know About Dating An Alpha Male (Before You Get Married)

Updated January 17, 2023by ReGain Editorial Team

If you or someone you know is dating an alpha male, you probably have questions about this personality type. When you are considering dating an alpha male, there are several things to take into account. The personality of an alpha male is likely different than that of other males, you know. Whether or not you can thrive in a relationship with this proverbial "king of the jungle" will depend on you. It is important to understand the traits that alpha males have been reported to exhibit before deciding to move forward with dating an alpha male.

Having a clearer understanding of what kind of behavior to expect when you're dating an alpha male or dating a dominant man can prepare you for the relationship and learn if it is the best match for you. In this article, we discuss five traits that today's alpha males have been known to exhibit and provide ways for getting support if things with your alpha male are starting to become a concern. Let's start by looking at a description of the alpha-male archetype.

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The Alpha Male Archetype

According to the APA Dictionary of Psychology, the alpha male is the dominant male. In most cases, when it comes to the alpha male, these luxuries are not optional -- they're required. The APA dictionary goes on to state that alpha males in many species may "prevent other males from mating, or mating during the time of peak fertility season. Now that you have a better idea of what the alpha male archetype looks like let's look at alpha males' five traits.

They Can Be Territorial

Anything that is considered his "territory" can fall into this category. If you choose to move forward with dating an alpha male, you may also be considered as "part of his territory."

While this seemingly romantic gesture is often enjoyed at the beginning of a relationship -- it can become overwhelming after some time. If you are a headstrong or independent person and like to make your own decisions -- a relationship with an alpha male may not be the best choice for you. When you're dating an alpha male (or anyone else for that matter), it is important to know the difference between someone being territorial and someone being controlling. Controlling behaviors can lead to negative outcomes in relationships when both parties don't agree.

It's been stated that the personality traits of an alpha male can quickly turn sour. If you see red flags indicating controlling or ostracizing behavior early in your relationship -- take a step back and assess the situation. If you are early in the relationship and have concerns, seek a professional counselor or therapist advice for unbiased advice.

If the situation truly is dire and the circumstances call for it -- this can be a good thing. However, the downside is that alpha males' quick reaction doesn't always allow enough time for them to stop and consider the severity of the situation -- before taking action.

If you decide to move forward with dating an alpha male, you will need to consider this one thing. You may need to pull out your negotiation hat to help him walk away from a violent situation. If you aren't interested in helping your partner keep a cool head, this may not be the right relationship for you.

The best mate for an alpha male is someone with a calm and patient personality. An ideal mate will have an optimistic outlook on life and diplomatic people skills to keep themselves (and their alpha male) out of hot water.

They Can Be Controlling

Based on what we've discussed so far, you may be starting to notice a trend in the alpha male's behavior. An alpha male main prerogative is usually to call the shots. Whether this is at work, school, or home, most alpha males want to be in charge and control every minute detail. This kind of controlling behavior can lead to them being perfectionists.

If you're dating an alpha male -- this normally means that you have to be open to the idea of seeing things his way -- most of the time. It doesn't necessarily mean that your two cents won't matter, but rather that your partner will need to have certain things that only he will have control over. Challenging his authority can result in bouts of arguments, sulking, or withdrawal. People in relationships with alpha males often feel like they are fighting for their right to be heard in the relationship -- and sometimes even their own homes. Understanding these things in advance can help you make a better decision about whether to date or marry an alpha male.

If you believe a relationship should be 50/50 in all you do, you may not be satisfied in a relationship with an alpha male who has a penchant for seeing things his way.

An Alpha Male May Not Play Well With Others

Considering what we've discussed so far, it should come as no surprise when we say the alpha male may not always play well with others. This proverbial king of the jungle can have very high standards and may be only interested in socializing with those who meet his specific standards. Dating or marrying an alpha male means your social circle may gradually become smaller over time as not many can meet the alpha males demanding high standards.

Needless to say, alpha males are often loners when it comes to maintaining close friendships. When you mix two alpha males in the same group, it can be a recipe for chaos. The whole point of being an alpha is to be the leader of the pack. When you get two alpha males together, it can often turn into a competition where each of them is competing for the group's attention. They may also butt heads quite often in group conversations where other males have a say.

Some alpha males have no problem hanging out with others. The important thing to note is that these traits can be present or absent depending on the male and the circumstances. When people who are considered alpha males display negative tendencies, this is usually an issue with their perception of how they view the world and how they "think" the world views them. Alpha males are not always as confident as they appear. There may be unexpressed issues, needs, or desires that drive them to their perpetually narcissistic behaviors in relationships (if left unchecked). Now that we have some ideas of how alpha males operate -- let's look at more of the factors that drive their behavior.

They Appear to be Confident

The appearance of being confident is one of the most prevalent and easily observable personality traits of the alpha male archetype. We often equate alpha males with powerful images of leaders, celebrities, and other men who appear to be fully in charge of their destiny/

The illusion of control in an alpha male's life can be very enticing, as well -- who hasn't dreamed of dating a world leader, superstar, or handsome celebrity? Whether they've actually achieved these stats in life -- an alpha male appears to be so confident that he can make you feel like a million bucks -- regardless of his actual occupation. On the flip side, no matter how confident your alpha male is -- secretly, he needs lots of love and support. Many alpha males stand strong and unwavering because of the support they have behind them.

No matter how macho he may present himself to be, an alpha male has emotions just like anyone else. He may be in favor of hiding those emotions more than others, but they are still there. An alpha male needs love and support just as much as any other person you know or have dated before. You may need to pay special care to your alpha partner in some situations to keep them reassured, motivated, and focused on their goals. An alpha male without a job to do, for example, is susceptible to having bouts of depression or anxiety when he doesn't have the proper support. Keep in mind that when the worst traits of the alpha male personality are likely to rear their ugly heads, it is in these downtimes.

Therapy Can Help You Establish Relationship Expectations

When To Get Help

Now that we've discussed the alpha male's positive and negative traits, you may feel like you or your man need to speak to a professional to help keep your dating or married relationship on track. Dating an alpha male can be rewarding as this is usually a take-charge kind of man who knows what he wants out of life and isn't afraid to get it. It is worth noting that he must know how to be dominant in a way that there is the right balance in a relationship. 

The downside of having a strong and sometimes domineering personality -- is that you may very easily step on other people's boundaries -- without even realizing it. (This is especially true in cases where alpha males' interactions have become verbally or physically abusive.) There is a big difference between "being in control" of yourself and needing to control someone else. If you're in a relationship with an alpha male or any other dating or married relationship that has become physically or verbally abusive, get help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a 24-hour resource with a staff of trained professionals to support you.

Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24-Hours a Day

Phone: 1-800-799-7233

Web: www.thehotline.org

Final Thoughts

An important factor to consider is that the personality traits, habits, and behaviors listed here that describe the alpha male archetype can also apply to many other people. When choosing a mate, it is important to note positive behaviors, negative behaviors, dealbreakers, and red flags -- before committing to a long-term relationship. Open and honest communication between partners will help them learn more about each other and deal with the idiosyncrasies and personality flaws that we all have when they inevitably come up. In other words, no one's perfect.

If you're dating or married to an alpha male and you have questions or concerns about issues in your relationship, the counselors on the RegainUS therapy platform are licensed board-certified professionals that can help. The RegainUS online platform has been voted the number one therapy app for couples. It offers you and your partner the opportunity to connect with thousands of licensed therapy professionals with over 2000 hours of clinical experience helping people and couples like you. Want to learn more about the alpha male or other dating personality archetype? Contact a ReGain.us couples therapy expert to learn more today!

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