Use Couple Counseling Exercises To Strengthen Your Relationship
You want your relationship to be strong because you want it to last, but it's not always easy to get a relationship that lasts forever. You need to be willing and able to work on it as a couple, and that's where couples counseling exercises come in. These exercises are going to help strengthen your bond with each other and your relationship as a whole, making sure that you will be able to weather the storms that come your way and that you'll be able to continue working together, no matter what.
Couple Counseling Exercises
There are several different exercises that you and your partner can work on and in order to follow communication exercises for couples properly, make sure there are no distractions. Whether you want to do them entirely on your own or whether you do them at the urging of a counselor is entirely up to you. Just keep in mind that these exercises will only work if you and your partner are willing to be open with each other and completely vulnerable. After all, that's what any relationship will be all about, and if you want to succeed, you need to put yourself out there. It is a commitment that needs to be done continuously, just like when one is taking typical couple workout goals.
Appreciate Each Other
Take a little time and write your partner a letter telling them all the things that you appreciate about them. Please don't mention the things you do for them, but talk about what they do for you and how much you appreciate them. Maybe talk about that time you woke up late, and they already had the kids' lunches packed, or the way they always take care of the yard or make the coffee for you in the morning. Letting them know that you notice the things they do and appreciate it makes your partner feel loved and respected.
Don't let that one instance be the only time you do this, however. Make sure to start letting your partner know more about what you appreciate and what you like best about them. Each day try to let your partner know something that you appreciate about them from that day. Let them know that you're noticing them and that you're recognizing how hard they're working. It doesn't have to be something that they did for you. Maybe it's something they did at work that they mentioned to you. Show them how proud you are and how much you appreciate them.
Hold The Fight
When you and your partner start to argue, please take a moment to step back and think about it. Agree to put the fight off until Friday or Sunday. Pick a day a few days away and then wait until that day comes around. Do you even remember what you were fighting about? Chances are, most of the fights won't happen because you won't even remember having them. Perhaps you now had time to think a little more rationally instead of in the heat of the moment. Now it will be easier to discuss instead of arguing.
If you can't put the topic off, then it's time to step back and take a few minutes. Maybe you need to make a decision on that party for your daughter right now, and neither of you wants to change their mind. Maybe you have to make the payment for the bill right now, so you need to know where you're going. If the decision has to be made quickly, try to take at least a few minutes to each sit-down and breathe and think things over on your own before returning to the situation. This gives you a little time to center yourself and feels more prepared to discuss things calmly instead of being too heated.
Make Dinner Family Time
Don't let that one instance be the only time you do this, however. Make sure to start letting your partner know more about what you appreciate and what you like best about them. Each day try to let your partner know something that you appreciate about them from that day. Let them know that you're noticing them and that you're recognizing how hard they're working. It doesn't have to be something that they did for you. Maybe it's something they did at work that they mentioned to you. Show them how proud you are and how much you appreciate them.
Hold the Fight
When you and your partner start to argue, please take a moment to step back and think about it. Agree to put the fight off until Friday or Sunday. Pick a day a few days away and then wait until that day comes around. Do you even remember what you were fighting about? Chances are, most of the fights won't happen because you won't even remember having them. Perhaps you now had time to think a little more rationally instead of in the heat of the moment. Now it will be easier to discuss instead of arguing.
If you can't put the topic off, then it's time to step back and take a few minutes. Maybe you need to decide on that party for your daughter right now, and neither of you wants to change their mind. Maybe you have to make the payment for the bill right now, so you need to know where you're going. If the decision has to be made quickly, try to take at least a few minutes to each sit-down and breathe and think things over on your own before returning to the situation. This gives you a little time to center yourself and feels more prepared to discuss things calmly instead of being too heated.
Make Dinner Family Time
If you and your partner often eat rushed meals on the living room couch or even in the kitchen while you're getting ready for something else, you're not taking the time to enjoy being around one another. Take the time to move your meal to the dining room or at least to a table somewhere and sit down together. Talk a little, even if the meal can only be 10 minutes before you have to be rushing off somewhere else. That little bit of time to talk and interact with each other will help you connect better as a couple.
Your mealtime is a great time to spend time as a family, but if there are days when you can't do it, or there are times when you're in a rush at mealtime, make a plan to devote a set amount of time to talk with each other. Maybe it's 10 minutes after the kids go to bed, or it's 20 minutes while dinner is cooking. Whatever it is, make sure that you and your partner, and your children are all sitting down together and talking at least once a day about what's going on in your lives and even things you need help with or that are happening at another time.
Be Completely Honest
This can be difficult because you don't want to hurt your partner, but sometimes you need to be brutally honest. Come up with a single hour during the week or even just once a month where you and your partner can sit down and be 100% honest with each other. Once you leave that honesty hour, you can't hold any anger over what was said (though it's okay to take a little time to reflect). For that hour, there's no fighting and only absolute honesty. It helps to strengthen your relationship and your love for each other.
Commit to being honest with your partner all the time and showing them that they can trust you. Being honest doesn't have to be cruel or heartless. It means telling your partner where you're when they ask or letting them know where you spent the money or what's happening at work. It means not hiding things or having secrets because you think your partner will be upset or angry. If you want to have a healthy and happy relationship, you need to be honest from the start.
Spend Time Alone Together
We already talked about taking some time to talk to one another, but it's also important that you and your partner have alone time together. Schedule a date night once a month or even more frequently, and make sure you stick to it. Get a sitter for the kids or ask a parent or friend to come over and help you out so that you and your partner can have some time for just the two of you. You don't have to go anywhere special or fancy. You don't even have to go out at all. Get the sitter to take the kids somewhere, and you can have a nice night in.
Spending time with the two of you alone will give you a chance to talk about all of the things that you can't talk about when the kids are around. It's going to give you the time to remember why you fell in love and why you want to be together. It gives you time to enjoy being a couple again without the pressure of taking care of the kids and making sure they have everything they need.
Remove the Stress
Talk to your partner about the things that stress them out and the things that stress you out. Chances are they're not going to be the same things. Maybe you're a big clean freak, and you love to keep the house spotless, but your partner stresses about cleaning every week. Maybe your partner is great with numbers, and seeing that budget makes you break out in hives. Look at the things that each of you is good at and feel stress about, and plans how to get rid of those stressors.
If you love to clean, then that's a great thing for you to do and take it away from your partner who hates it. If your partner loves the numbers, then that's a great thing for them to take care of instead of you. It means that you're both going to feel more calm and tight and that you're both going to be happier. Getting rid of stress is extremely important, but it doesn't have to be as difficult as many people make it out. Just take the time to figure out how to work around those things.
When you and your partner are struggling or even when you're not, it's important to work on exercises and improvement methods for your relationship. You want to be strong and healthy together so that you can continue to improve the relationship, and that's going to take some work. With the help of a therapist, like the ones you can find at Regain.us, you'll be able to start on the path to an even better relationship in no time at all.
Therapy can be a great way to work through each of these tasks because you're doing it with someone who knows what they're talking about and has helped many other couples with the same things. Maybe you're not sure how you're going to do it on your own, or you and your partner seem to struggle with not fighting or arguing when you try to fulfill the exercises alone. If that sounds like you, a therapist may be the perfect way to make sure that you're getting the actual help that you need without stressing yourselves out unnecessarily in the process.
Frequently Asked Questions
What questions are asked in couples therapy exercises?
The questions asked in couples therapy can cover all the aspects of your relationship from before you even met to current issues and even to what you expect in your future together. Here are some of the questions your therapist might ask you in relationship therapy for couples.
- What do you expect from couples therapy?
- What brought you into couples counseling?
- Before you met your partner, what kind of relationship were you hoping for?
- What was it about your partner that made you want to start a relationship with them?
- What were the forces that brought you together?
- How would your life be different if you were no longer a couple?
- Are you happy in the relationship?
- How has your partner disappointed you?
- In what ways does your relationship improve your life?
- How do you feel about the way your partner spends their time?
- What would you like your partner to do more often?
- What do you wish your partner would stop doing?
- What can you do to improve your relationship?
- What kinds of communication problems happen between you?
- What do you think your partner thinks of your relationship?
- Do you see eye to eye with your partner on money issues?
- What could you do for your partner to make them feel appreciated?
- Are you considering divorce?
- How do you want your relationship to progress from now on?
- What do you predict is the future of your relationship?
You might find many of these questions and more in counseling books. So, if you want to, you and your partner can explore these questions on your own. However, in couple counseling, your counselor will guide you as you ask each other these questions and do other couples' activities. They will help you learn to communicate with each other about these and other questions in healthier ways. For the best couples therapy results, it's important to be honest, and open to learning something new about yourself and your partner.
You can also ask each other the same questions outside of couple therapy. In fact, if you go to couples therapy, your counselor might give you homework to spend time alone together doing couples work just like this. If so, follow your therapist's instructions, remain as calm as possible, and remember to be respectful of your and your partner's feelings.
Relationship therapy for couples is rarely easy. You might be asked to discuss things that feel out of your comfort zone or participate in an intense exercise. But if you want your relationship to continue and get better, talking things out might be just the solution you need.
What is the Gottman Method Couples Therapy?
The Gottman Method Couples Therapy is designed to help couples to:
- disarm verbal conflicts
- become more intimate
- learn to respect each other more
- break down barriers that keep you stuck in conflict
- increase affection
- develop greater empathy and understanding within the relationship.
The Gottman Method is based on the Sound Relationship House Theory. This theory views a relationship as a house, with the walls of trust and commitment and Gottman's seven principles acting as the seven levels of the sound house relationship. Those seven layers are:
- Build love maps by recognizing the little things about your partner.
- Love and admiration.
- Turn towards each other instead of away from each other.
- Have a positive perspective.
- Manage the conflicts in your relationship.
- Work towards making your life dreams a reality.
- Create a sense of meaning for your life together.
This type of couples therapy starts with an interview with both partners and then each one individually so the therapist can make an assessment to work from in marriage therapy. Then, during the couples counseling sessions, the therapist will help you work on three things:
- Developing a closer friendship
- Managing conflicts
- Creating meaning
The Gottman Method founder, Dr. John Gottman, wrote several counseling books that might help you understand this method more clearly. For example, he outlines his seven principles of the Sound Relationship House in his book "The Seven Principles for Doing Marriage Work."
What do you talk about in couples counseling?
There are several things to talk about in couples counseling. Discussions are about issues involving you, your partner, and the relationship. Here are some of the subjects that might come up in a couple of counseling session:
- Past experiences
- Regrets
- Conflicts
- Goals
- Relationship strengths and weaknesses
Sometimes, your counselor might use couples therapy worksheets to help you think about your relationship before discussing your issues. Answering written questions about your relationship can help you recognize problems and gain insight into your relationship issues. The most important thing to remember about marriage therapy is that you can't progress if you don't engage in the process.
How do you rebuild intimacy in a relationship?
Rebuilding intimacy usually requires some special couples' work. Sometimes, you may do a couple of counseling exercises instead of having a regular conversation. For instance, you might spend an extended time cuddling. Or you might do a soul gazing exercise in which you sit face to face, close together, and gaze into each other's eyes without losing eye contact.
Perhaps the most powerful exercise for increasing intimacy is the seven-breath forehead connection exercise. In this exercise, you sit or lie down close together. Then, you touch your foreheads and hold them together. Next, you take seven slow, deep breaths.
Does couple therapy really work?
Couples therapy has been shown effective in many studies. The results of research vary, partly because different therapy methods approach couples' problems in various ways. For example, one study found that emotionally focused couples therapy was effective in two ways: it helped people make positive changes and helped them maintain these improvements after their treatment was finished. Another study, this one of the Gottman Method, found that this couples treatment method was effective in reducing emotional divorce and improving nonverbal communication.
However, the real question is not how couples therapy works for others but how couple therapy works for you and your partner. The best way to find out if it works is to give it a try, expect the best of yourself and your partner, and commit to doing your part to improve your relationship.
Is relationship counseling worth it?
That depends. If you and your partner have relationship issues, you might benefit from couples therapy. But unless you commit to the process and fully engage in discussions and exercises, you might not see much improvement in your situation.
So, what are the benefits for one or both partners going to therapy? Here are some reasons you might decide this therapy is totally worth it. You can:
- Resolve problems in the relationship before they become insurmountable.
- Increase your intimacy.
- Learn to communicate and connect in positive ways.
- Become more self-aware
- Grow as an individual
- Get in touch with your feelings about the relationship, good or bad.
- Make conscious, rational decisions about whether to stay in or leave the relationship.
- Work together to develop goals that matter to both of you.
- Become more loving companions.
What are three ways you can strengthen a relationship?
How do you strengthen a failing relationship?
What are the 5 most important things in a relationship between?
How do you strengthen bonds in a relationship?
What's one thing to strengthen in a relationship?
What does it mean to strengthen a relationship?
Why is it important to strengthen relationships?
Why is it important to improve relationships?
What are the strength of a good relationship?
- Previous ArticleVA Marriage Counselors: How Can They Help?
- Next ArticleOnline Marriage Counseling Program | Best Therapy 2023 | ReGain