Why Sending A Romantic Text Is A Good (Or Bad) Idea

Content warning: This article includes references to abuse and other topics that may be considered triggering. Please proceed with discretion. If you are experiencing or witnessing any form of abuse, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). 

Texting: it’s one of the most common forms of communication, and with good reason. Texts are easy to send, they often arrive almost instantly, and they can be as short or long as you want them to be. Needless to say, many romantic partners use texting to communicate with each other at different stages of their relationship. 

Texting your romantic partner can be a useful and easy way to communicate, but it's not without its drawbacks. In this article, we will explore the pros and cons of texting in a romantic relationship, as well as best practices for texting your romantic partner.

The pros and cons of texting in relationships

Thanks to technology like cell phones, staying in touch with your significant other can be easier now than ever before. It’s not uncommon for partners to use texting to get to know each other during the early stages of their relationship, to express romantic feelings, and to check in with one another throughout the day. Texting can also be invaluable for those in long-distance relationships, with research finding that it can lead to increased relationship satisfaction among long-distance couples. 

That said, it’s important to keep in mind that texting is not the same as face-to-face communication. A lot gets lost in translation when you send someone a text, including tone, context, and body language. This can lead to misunderstandings and arguments if one person misinterprets or makes assumptions about their partner’s texts. Furthermore, text messages also run the risk of being shared with other people, and, in some cases, can contribute to abusive or toxic relationship dynamics. 

That’s why, in order to make the most out of this form of communication, it’s important to make sure you’re practicing safe, healthy habits when you text your partner.

What to do when texting a romantic partner

So, how can you leverage the power of texting to show your love for your partner in a healthy way? Here are a few tips:

• Set boundaries: Boundaries are an important part of any romantic relationship, and boundaries extend to text messaging, too. That’s why it can be important to talk to your partner about what you are and are not comfortable with when it comes to digital communication. You might consider establishing ground rules about sending intimate texts, texting late at night, or texting during work hours. 
• Be mindful of what you're sending: Once you send a text message, you may have little control over who sees it or how it’s interpreted. It is important to keep this in mind when texting a romantic partner, and to make sure you trust the person you’re messaging.

• Practice healthy communication habits: Healthy communication is a key factor in healthy relationships, and communication via text is no exception. It can be important to address issues openly, ask for clarification when you need it, and validate your partner's feelings the same way you would in face-to-face communication. 

What to avoid when texting a romantic partner

Because of the inherent differences between texting and talking to someone face-to-face, it's also important to know what not to do when texting a romantic partner. Practices to avoid when texting your significant other include:

• Jumping to conclusions: Because texts lack the context, tone, and body language involved in in-person conversations, they are more prone to being misinterpreted. Keep in mind that if your partner doesn't respond to your texts right away, this doesn't necessarily mean they’re angry, or that they’re avoiding talking to you. If you’re unsure what a text from your partner means, it's important to ask them to clarify, and to avoid making assumptions about what they're thinking or feeling based on their texts alone.  
• Having difficult conversations: Some topics are best discussed face-to-face. Significant conflicts, breakups, and major life events may all be examples of subjects to discuss with your partner in-person or over the phone, rather than via text.
• Pressuring: If there’s something your partner isn't comfortable sending or discussing over text, it’s best not to pressure them. Similarly, you should not feel pressured by your partner to do anything over text that you aren’t comfortable with. If your partner forces the issue, this may be a sign of an unhealthy or abusive dynamic. (If you are experiencing or witnessing any form of abuse, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233). 

Learn effective communication in online therapy

For all the benefits of texting, it can also lead to relationship challenges, including conflicts or patterns of unhealthy communication. For couples who are struggling to communicate via text in a healthy and respectful way, or whose texting behaviors are causing problems in their relationship, support from a relationship counselor may be helpful. Couples therapy can allow partners to address communication issues in a judgment-free setting and develop the tools to communicate safely and respectfully—in text and in person.

That said, traditional couples counseling may not always be easy to attend. For couples who rely on texting due to busy schedules or conflicting obligations, it may be difficult to commute to a therapist's office for face-to-face sessions. In these cases, online therapy through a platform like Regain may be appealing. With the ability to attend counseling from wherever is most convenient, virtual therapy may offer a more accessible alternative to traditional couples therapy.

Couples seeking help in improving their communication may wonder whether online therapy is as effective as traditional therapy. Research indicates that it is. A 2022 study, for example, found that online couples therapy was as effective as in-person counseling at improving relationship satisfaction, as well as symptoms of stress, anxiety, and depression. A different study found that virtual couples therapy led to an increased sense of connection between couples and their therapists. 

Takeaway

Texting your romantic partner can be an easy and convenient way to communicate at a distance. However, texting in a romantic relationship can have drawbacks due to a lack of context, and has the potential to turn unhealthy. Strategies for keeping your texting healthy and safe may include setting boundaries, avoiding jumping to conclusions, and taking difficult conversations offline, among others. 

If you would like support in improving your communication dynamic with your partner, you can get matched with a licensed relationship counselor via Regain.