Define Attachment: Understanding Attachment Styles And Attachment Theory

Understanding attachment theory and attachment styles like secure attachment

Attachment is the deep, emotional bond you have with another person. Infants attach to their primary caregivers, and adults may remain attached to their parents, but they also form attachments to romantic partners and close friends. In this article, we’ll explore more about attachment and attachment theory, and dive more deeply into one particular attachment style.

What is attachment?

There are a few different definitions of attachment. When it comes to human connections, one definition of attachment is the emotional bond between an infant and parent/caregiver or the process of an infant forming a stable emotional bond to parent/caregiver, or early attachment. Other words related to attachment include love, like, fondness, safety, and affection. 

Attachment theory: Emotional bond between infant and caregiver

Attachment is the emotional bond between an infant and parent/caregiver. An infant will form a primary attachment to a parent/caregiver consistent with meeting their emotional/physical needs. Attachment theory was first developed by John Bowlby, a British psychoanalyst. According to the theory, an infant’s primary attachment to a parent/caregiver promotes brain development and influences the ability to form sustainable and healthy relationships throughout one’s lifetime. 

The four types of attachment

After an infant goes through a few stages of attachment, they can be categorized into the following attachment styles:

Secure attachment

Their parent/caregiver meets the child’s physical and emotional needs fully and in a proper amount of time.

Anxious-ambivalent attachment

According to the attachment theory, it is formed when a parent/caregiver sometimes responds to a child's physical or emotional needs with comfort and sometimes responds in annoyance. It involves inconsistent emotional/physical support—an insecure attachment. 

Avoidant attachment

According to the attachment theory, it is formed when the parent/caregiver often ignores a child’s emotional and physical needs—an insecure attachment.

Disorganized attachment

According to the attachment theory, it is formed when a parent/caregiver neglects a child. Children can appear to be fearful and anxious, and emotions do not change, regardless of whether their parent/caregiver is around them or not—an insecure attachment.

Exploring disorganized attachment between an infant and caregiver

The first modern studies of attachment began laying out the various attachment styles for infants. More recently, researchers have found similar attachment types in adults. Of all the attachment types, both for infants and those for adults, disorganized attachment, sometimes called attachment disorder, is perhaps the most challenging.

Disorganized infant attachment

With a disorganized attachment, the parent or caregiver, who is supposed to be a source of safety and comfort, is actually a source of fear. This attachment style can be a result of childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect. In this dynamic, the primary caregiver exhibits strange or frightening behaviors. They may mistreat them or even abuse them, even though the child craves closeness and safety. 

Disorganized adult attachment

Attachment styles can change during the lifespan, but the infant attachment style influences adult attachment. Adults with disorganized attachment may have the same root problem as disorganized infants. As infants, they've learned that they can't rely on others for consistent acceptance and care and that their caregivers may abuse them regardless of what they do.

Adults can choose who they attach to but may choose partners that confirm their attachment beliefs. In this case, this can mean they search for someone who will exhibit frightening, inconsistent responses when they seek connection without realizing it. Once in a relationship, their disorganized attachment style can also inform the way they behave towards their partner. What's more, a person with a disorganized adult attachment may tend to behave in ways that can increase their insecurity.

How to recognize signs of disorganized attachment

Certain ways of thinking and behaving often characterize disorganized attachment. You might be able to recognize some of these signs if you have a disorganized attachment.

The way you think about attachment often influences the types of attachment you're likely to form and how you function within those relationships. In a 2015 study, researchers Paetzold, Rholes, and Kohn devised a test to measure disorganized attachment. The following thoughts (or similar ones) were associated with disorganized attachment:

• Feelings of fear are common in romantic relationships.
• Romantic partners try to take advantage of each other.
• I don't know who I am when I'm with my romantic partner.
• Romantic partners are scary.
• Trusting a romantic partner is dangerous.
• Most people have traumatic experiences with people they're close to.
• Strangers aren't as scary as romantic partners.
• I feel confused about romantic relationships.
• I feel frightened in distressing situations.

Anxiety and depression can also happen frequently for people with disorganized attachment disorder. And the behaviors you display when you have disorganized attachment are often angry and aggressive. 

How having disorganized attachment can be harmful to your relationships and mental health

Disorganized attachment isn't just an intellectual notion. It can affect you in real ways throughout your lifetime. Some of the possible negative impacts of disorganized attachment can include:

• Your romantic relationships tend to be tumultuous.
• If you exhibit violent behavior, you might end up in trouble with the law.
• Depression, anxiety, and other mental health concerns may disrupt your life.
• You may have trouble keeping a job or advancing your career.
• Stressful events overwhelm you more easily.
• Your relationships with your children may be problematic.

How online therapy can help with attachment concerns in adult and children

As we’ve established, your attachment style can have a range of impacts on your life and current relationships. But, if you have concerns about attachment, it can often be difficult to figure out how to address them on your own. If you would like help in addressing attachment concerns and figuring out how to develop healthier connections with others, online therapy can help. In fact, research has found online therapy to be effective at improving both relationship and individual functioning. 

Discussing concerns around attachment can often feel very personal and even uncomfortable at times, and for some people, it may feel easier to have these conversations in a place where they already feel relaxed and at ease. With online therapy, you can have your therapy sessions wherever you feel most comfortable, so long as you have an internet connection. 

Takeaway

When it comes to human connections, attachment can be defined as the emotional bond between an infant and a parent/caregiver. According to attachment theory, there are several different attachment styles, including secure attachment, anxious-ambivalent attachment, avoidant attachment, and disorganized attachment. For help with attachment concerns and other relationship dynamics, you can connect with a licensed therapist online for support.