Anxiety And Relationships: 10 Tips On Making It Work
When you hear the words "anxiety" and "relationship," there are a few different ways that your mind can go. The first is thinking about a relationship that's causing you anxiety. The second is thinking about how anxiety is impacting your relationship. Or, you may even have anxiety over finding a relationship. Anxiety and relationships don't go well together. But, regardless of which direction you were thinking, some tips can help you make it work.
Abusive Relationships
Before we dive into the causes of relationship anxiety and strategies to improve it, let's address the topic of abuse. If you're the victim in an abusive relationship, this information does not apply to you. Abuse should never exist within a relationship. It doesn't matter if it's physical, emotional/mental, or verbal abuse.
If you're not sure if your relationship is abusive, check out the following articles to see if you can relate to the information included:
- How to Recognize the Signs of an Abusive Relationship
- Understanding Domestic Violence and What It Means For You
If you are in an abusive relationship, you must put your safety first. Do not stay with someone that abuses you physically, verbally, or emotionally. If you need support in moving on from your relationship and overcoming the
When Your Relationship Is Causing You Anxiety
The first thing you need to do if you're in a relationship causing you anxiety is determining where the problem stems from. Relationships are complicated, and even the best ones can be caused by anxiety from time to time. However, a little work can change all that.
Many different things could be causing your anxiety. It could be that you have differing opinions than your significant other; you both lack proper communication skills, handle finances differently, or have different dreams that you want to pursue. Some people are experiencing new relationship anxiety and might take some time to feel perfectly natural. Learning to trust another person can also be difficult and cause you anxiety. There is truly an unlimited list of reasons why you could be experiencing anxiety in your relationship.
This is why it's important to process through and determine what's causing you to feel anxious. Is it that you feel out of control? Are you scared? Did you have a bad relationship in the past that impacts the way you feel in this current relationship? When you know what it is, you can address it directly.
Getting Rid Of Anxiety In Your Relationship
Here are some general tips to help:
- Start talking. Sometimes all it takes to ease anxiety is to talk about it. Have a conversation with your partner to talk through why your feeling anxious. Having an open dialogue about it can help you to see things in a new light. You may realize that you were anxious about the things that you need to be concerned with. If things could be changed to improve the relationship, talking about it can help you both see that.
- Stop looking for problems. If you are insecure about yourself or your relationship, it's likely to make you anxious. Then, you portray this anxiety onto your relationship, which causes problems that shouldn't be there. Stop overanalyzing every word and action of your partner. Not only is this causing you anxiety, but it's probably causing your loved one a lot of unnecessary stress as well. If you're behaving like this, you are likely acting in fear. Determine where the issue is stemming from and address it.
- Change your expectations. If you came into the relationship with unrealistic expectations, it's time to correct them. No one is perfect, and if you're trying to make your partner meet all of your expectations, then you're going to be disappointed. Love them for who they are and relax into your relationship together.
- Learn proper communication skills. Anxiety in a relationship can also stem from having an unhealthy relationship. It could be that you argue often. Learning how to communicate with each other will help you improve your relationship and lower your stress levels.
- Set boundaries. It's important to have boundaries in life. Determine what your priorities are and what you will accept from others in life. An overcommitted schedule could cause your anxiety. Let your partner know that you need to make some adjustments, and it's not about them, but you need to make sure you're living a healthy life for yourself.
Are You Looking For Specific Help?
While these general tips can help improve your anxiety and your relationship, it might not be enough for you to have the improvement you're looking for. This is when it's beneficial to talk to a therapist. They can help you identify areas in your life and relationship that are causing your stress and learn the strategies to overcome it.
How Anxiety Is Impacting Your Relationship
If you had struggled with anxiety long before you were in a relationship, you might be creating stress within your relationship because of it. Here are some ways that anxiety impacts relationships:
- You become too dependent on the other person. If you feel insecure, you may become very needy of your significant other. You may not realize that this is hurting your relationship, but it can become very draining for the other person. They can end up feeling like whatever they do for you is never enough to be able to make you feel better. You cannot put your happiness and self-esteem solely on your partner.
- You become irritable and defensive. A few of the symptoms of anxiety include anger and irritability. When your mind is constantly running with anxious thoughts, it can cause you to have a short temper and no patience. This is bad for relationships. If you're always impatient and angry with your partner, it won't take long for them to get fed up with it.
- You become distant. When you struggle with anxiety, it can be difficult to open up with someone else. This can make connecting with another person difficult and can also cause problems with intimacy.
- You become untrusting, jealous, and suspicious. Your anxiety can cause you to be overly suspicious. This can lead to problems with trust and jealousy. You may want your significant other to report to you constantly, and you might try to always check upon them. It doesn't take long for this to become a problem. You can end up accusing your partner of wrong that they haven't done and driven them to the point of not wanting to deal with the drama in your relationship anymore.
Healthy Ways To Handle Anxiety To Have A Successful Relationship
If you're living with an anxiety disorder impacting your daily life and relationships, you may want to talk to a therapist. Each person is different, and the way anxiety impacts your life and the reasons you struggle with it may be very different from it is for someone else. A therapist can help you get to the bottom of your anxiety, learn how to overcome it, and live a healthier life.
While working through counseling, you can also try the following:
- Learn to control your thoughts. When it comes to your thoughts, there are only two ways that it can go. You can either control your thoughts, or they're going to control you. Practice thinking about what you're thinking about. If you catch yourself ruminating on something that adds to your anxiety, replace it with a different thought. Learning how to do this can take time but will positively impact your thought life.
- Be open with your partner. This advice was included earlier too. It's important to learn good communication skills and then be open about what you're struggling with. Don't expect your partner to read your mind or feel anxious about the same things as you. Please do your best to communicate your feelings to them so they know what you're struggling with. If you know something that they can do to help, let them know. Don't get offended if they aren't able to think of it on your own.
- Work on building your self-esteem. If your struggle is connected to your low self-esteem, work on doing things that improve your confidence and boost your self-esteem. Make sure that you acknowledge and celebrate the success that you have each day.
- Do some journaling. If you feel that you need to get all your anxious thoughts out of your head but don't want to dump them on your partner, try journaling constantly. It can be an effective way to clear your mind without becoming too needy for your significant other.
- Remind your partner that it's not about them. If you struggled with anxiety before starting your relationship, it's good, to be honest about that with your partner. Maybe you're struggling with anxiety at work and it's affecting your relationship too. If they don't know that, they could end up thinking that they're the cause of it. This could cause a lot of confusion in the relationship. It will help them not worry if they know that your anxious behavior is not because of them.
When You're Anxious About Finding Love
If you long to be in a relationship, but it just hasn't worked out yet, you may experience anxiety. You can start to question if something is wrong with you or if you'll ever find love. If you find yourself in this place, it can help you out to talk to a therapist. It's important that you feel good about yourself and that your identity is not dependent on being in a relationship.
The only way for you to have a healthy relationship is for you to be a healthy individual. A therapist can help you build your self-esteem without being overly dependent on love.
When You Need Help With Your Anxiety
If you find that anxiety impacts your relationship or the chance of being in a relationship, don't hesitate to reach out to a therapist. Learning how to get your anxiety under control can help you in more than just romantic relationships. It can improve each area of your life. If you're looking for a therapist to work with, you can easily work with online counselors who make it fast and easy to get the help and support you're looking for.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Can anxiety interfere with relationships?
Anxiety doesn't necessarily interfere with relationships. In other words, anxiety can interfere with relationships in some cases, but it doesn't have to, and it doesn't always. If you have an understanding partner willing to learn about anxiety, it's unlikely to cause a strain. That said, anxiety can lead to relationship issues if you have a type of anxiety that can potentially impact interpersonal relationships directly, such as relationship anxiety. If you have anxiety in relationships or think that you might have relationship anxiety, it is possible to work through it so that the effects of relationship anxiety no longer impact your interpersonal relationships.
How do you know if you have relationship anxiety?
Signs of relationship anxiety to look out for include:
- Reassurance seeking
- Extreme fear of being left
- Crossed relationship boundaries (often, this is due to fear or lack of trust)
- Overanalyzing the relationship or overthinking little things within the relationship
- Extreme sensitivity to a slight change in tone of voice or other similar changes
- Clinginess
If you notice signs of relationship anxiety in yourself, there's nothing to be ashamed of. The first step to coping with and working through relationship anxiety is awareness.
How do you stop relationship anxiety?
Those who experience relationship anxiety may benefit from counseling. There are also things you can do to help yourself outside of therapy if you experience relationship anxiety. Working toward reframing your thoughts, for example, may be beneficial. A previous relationship may have contributed to developing the aforementioned signs of relationship anxiety for some people who experience relationship anxiety. If this is the case, you may want to talk about the said previous relationship in counseling or therapy so that you can heal.
How do you date someone with anxiety?
Here are some tips for dating a person with anxiety:
- Ask a person what triggers their anxiety or makes their anxiety worse. That way, you will know to help them avoid triggers and be there for them when they're unavoidable.
- When your partner feels calm, ask them what is helpful for them when they are experiencing anxiety symptoms.
- Make enough for it to learn about anxiety. You might even consider attending a therapy session with your partner to learn more about their condition and experiences.
- If someone is currently experiencing anxiety symptoms, use a calm tone of voice. Do not raise your voice, and consider asking them questions such as, "is there anything that I can do to help you right now?" or "would you like a glass of water?" You can't replace the medical or mental health professional, but you can be a support in your partner's life, and you can show that you care by listening, learning, and offering assistance when they are struggling. In time, you will learn what helps.
When it comes to anxiety, it doesn't affect everyone the same. That's one essential thing to know about anxiety disorders, especially if you're in a committed relationship with someone who has one. Ask your partner how anxiety manifests for them personally, and know that no two people with anxiety are the same, even if they have the same anxiety disorder. For example, some people may want physical touch when they are anxious, and others may not. Some people want alone time, where other people want someone to be there. That's why awareness, both on your end and your partner's end, is so crucial.
What is it like dating someone with anxiety?
For the most part, dating someone with anxiety is like dating anyone else. It's essential to learn about your partner, their needs, and how they operate as a person in any relationship. If they're open about their anxiety, having candid, calm conversations about it is an excellent way to support the person you're dating.
How do I talk to my partner about anxiety?
Here are some ways to talk to your partner about anxiety:
- Offer them resources such as articles, podcasts, and books that can help them learn about anxiety. Easily digestible, accurate works are the best.
- Consider taking them to a therapy or counseling session with you, if applicable, so that a provider can explain.
- Talk to them about how anxiety impacts you using specific examples and statements about what helps and what has the potential to make it worse. There's a lot of information about anxiety, and since it impacts everyone so differently, your partner needs to know what it is like for you personally.
Can relationships make anxiety worse?
Can anxiety make you want to end a relationship?
How anxiety makes you feel in a relationship?
How can I stop my anxiety from ruining my relationship?