Anxiety And Sex: Tips For Managing Your Nervousness

By Robert Porter

Updated February 05, 2020

Reviewer Dawn Brown

For some people, anxiety and sex go hand-in-hand. When you're a very anxious person, the idea of having sex might make you feel very nervous. This can be problematic when you're in a committed relationship. Your partner likely wants to be able to have regular sex, but you might not be open to this idea due to your anxiety. Of course, your partner should be understanding of your feelings, but it's also good to try to manage your nervousness to open up when it comes to sex.

Certain tips can help you to manage your nervousness as effectively as you can. Sexual anxiety can be very frustrating. Some people are nervous due to having body image issues. Others might have anxiety about whether their sexual performance is going to be good enough to satisfy their partner's desires. Whatever your anxiety is about, you should be able to use the tips listed below to help solve your problems.


Anxiety And Sex: Talk With Your Partner About Any Concerns

Your partner isn't going to know what is wrong unless you tell them. You need to be able to communicate with your partner properly to tell them why you have this sexual anxiety. Your concerns should be communicated to your partner so that they can understand that it isn't something that they're doing wrong. Understandably, you might be worried about having this conversation, but it's necessary to reach an understanding.

Don't be afraid to open up to your partner about your sexual concerns. If you're experiencing sexual performance anxiety, then let your partner know that you're worried that you won't be able to please him/her. They will most likely try to set your mind at ease, and this might be enough to assuage your fears. Of course, some people have sexual anxiety for other reasons.

Many people experienced types of sexual abuse in the past. This is a much trickier subject as it can ruin sex for certain people and will keep them from finding it to be an enjoyable experience. If you dealt with this in the past and it is causing you sexual anxiety today, then you should open up to your partner if you feel comfortable enough to do so. It would be best for them to know about this so that they can understand you better as a person.

To keep moving forward as a couple, you need to be able to communicate your concerns properly. If you simply avoid sex and don't have a conversation about it, then your partner is going to get the wrong idea. They might wind up falsely thinking that you just aren't interested in them. It could even cause your partner to go through their anxiety problems, so do your best to open up and talk to your partner soon.

Painful Sex Anxiety

Painful sex anxiety occurs when someone fears the pain that sex causes. There are people out there who experience significant pain when having intercourse. This isn't typical, but it does happen for some people. If this is something that you struggle with, then you should let your partner know as soon as possible. You might need to figure out less painful ways that you can have sex.

It's even possible that this condition can be treated. Depending on the cause of the pain, some medications can help. Women who experience vaginal pain during intercourse can sometimes make use of topical estrogen cream. This can alleviate pain symptoms and allow for normal intercourse. You should consider speaking to your doctor if your sexual anxiety is at all related to something like this.


Consider Seeing A Counselor/Therapist

You should consider seeing a counselor or therapist if you feel you could use help. Online couples counseling is available to you, and you'll be able to get help with your sexual anxiety. These experts understand the nervousness that you're experiencing, and they'll be happy to help you get over any problems. It can take time to open up and work on issues, but you'll be able to enjoy a healthier sex life by working with a skilled counselor.

Counselors like this have been able to help people who have sexual anxiety for many different reasons. They can work with people to help them feel less nervous about past traumatic experiences. They can also assist you when it comes to opening up and learning to be intimate with your partner. If you have been struggling with this anxiety and are worried that it is negatively impacting your relationship, then you should think about signing up for online counseling.

These counselors are very helpful, and they're ready to help you whenever you decide to reach out. Whether you're going through body-image issues or if you have an anxiety disorder, they'll be there for you whenever you're in need. You don't even have to leave home to enjoy this type of counseling, so it's going to be a simple way to work on your problems.

Learn To Be Intimate Without Intercourse

You don't necessarily have to have intercourse with your partner to be intimate. Some people are nervous about vaginal intercourse, but they might be open to the idea of other types of sex. There are many ways that you can be intimate with your partner without having sex. Even cuddling or kissing can help you to feel a sense of closeness with your significant other.

It's certainly true that sex has the potential to be a great thing in your life. You might not be emotionally ready for it if you have baggage from the past, holding you back. Some people are also simply too nervous about moving forward with full intercourse due to the risk of bringing a child into the world. Just know that you don't have to be sexually active to be in a relationship.

Over time, you should be able to overcome any fears that you have that are related to sex. You can also decrease the risk of conceiving a child by using contraceptives. Just be prepared, and you shouldn't have any problem leading a fulfilling sex life once you open up to the idea. You can take things at your own pace, and your partner will be comfortable with waiting if he or she cares for you deeply.


Work On Your Physical Fitness

To be clear, you should love yourself for who you are. If part of your sexual anxiety is focused on your physical appearance, then it can be difficult to be naked in front of your partner. For this reason, you might want to consider working on your physical fitness. People can be perfectly proud and confident in themselves even when they don't have six-pack abs or a flat stomach. Even so, getting into better shape can boost your self-confidence.

For some people, this boost in self-confidence might be enough to help them overcome sexual anxiety. You can start to recognize that you look better than ever, and this will make you feel more at ease. This isn't going to work to help everyone overcome sexual anxiety, but it can certainly be helpful. Being proud of your body the way that it is will be fantastic, but working on achieving your fitness goals can also be great.

Only Do What Makes You Comfortable

You should also understand that you don't have to do things that make you feel uncomfortable. There might be some sex acts that you simply won't want to perform. It's also possible that you might want to have sex in a certain way to make yourself feel more comfortable. For example, if you're self-conscious about your body, you might want to leave a t-shirt on while making love.

Your partner will understand if you need to do certain things to enjoy sex to the fullest. You can also address these issues with your couple's counselor. Working through issues is possible, and you might be able to open up to new ways of having sex over time. No one is forcing you to do anything, and you can simply work on becoming comfortable at your own pace.

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