Use Couple Therapy Questions To Understand Your Partner

Medically reviewed by Andrea Brant, LMHC
Updated April 15, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

If you’re considering couples therapy or marriage counseling, you may be wondering what types of questions couples encounter during the therapy process. Couples therapy often entails two people asking each other important questions that may be challenging but ultimately lead to a stronger relationship.  

One of the most common problems couples run into is seeing each other as "partners" rather than as "people." This can limit a relationship. Couples are made up of two people. That means that if you see your partner as your "other half" and they see you as their "other half," there are two halves unaccounted for. You might know everything there is to know about your partner, but do you know everything there is about that person?

Thinking that you know a person when you know a partner can put your relationship in danger. People grow and change over time, and if you don't really know the person sitting next to you, you could be growing apart. Couples therapy can often help with this.

Want to understand each other better? Online therapy can help

How couples therapy can help

One of the biggest misconceptions of couples therapy is that a relationship needs to be already falling apart to begin therapy. The sooner you bring a problem to a therapist, the more likely they are to be able to help.

In fact, some couples begin therapy without noticing a problem and find that it strengthens their relationship, similar to how some people find that their mental health improves from therapy even if they don’t have a diagnosed disorder. Having this kind of attitude may help you find a couples therapist who is right for you before it's too late. It can also help keep couples therapy from seeming like something scary. Couples therapy shouldn't be scary; it can be an exciting process that brings a sense of renewal to your relationship.

Most couples therapy is about learning how to communicate with your partner, similar to how a family therapist aims to enhance communication among all family members. There are different methods and levels of communication. Learning these methods and styles of communication can help you and your partner better understand each other and grow closer together, even if you don't notice a problem.

One way that couples therapy helps you understand communication is by encouraging you and your partner to ask each other questions. Questions can help you with the communication process by helping you delve deeper into what really makes each of you who you are.

Below is a list of common counseling questions with notes on asking them and exploring responses. Some of them are questions that you may not have thought to ask. Others are couples intimacy questions that you have probably discussed, but answers can change over time. 

You might look at these marriage counseling questions as a trial rather than as a replacement for couples therapy. If you enjoy these questions or find that asking them and talking about them with your partner strengthens your relationship, consider talking to a couples therapist for even more help.

Couples therapy questions

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

You might have been asked this question at a job interview or while applying to colleges, but has your partner ever asked you this question? Have you ever asked your partner?

What's your plan for the future? What kind of outlook does each of you have for your future, and how will it affect how you live your life together? Knowing what each of you wants for your future may help you understand if you’re on similar paths. If you have different views for your future, it may mean difficulties ahead. That doesn't mean that you and your partner need to have the same life goals, but if you're going to have a future, it may help to have goals that are compatible.

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What do we expect in our marriage?

You might think about what you expect for yourself in the marriage and what you want from your partner. Then, you might think about what your partner wants for both of you. This may help you both figure out how to work together to be successful and achieve your goals.

How will we handle finances?

Knowing how the two of you will handle the money that comes in can make a difference in your relationship. Whether one of you will be in charge of all the money or you're both going to split the money 50/50, it can help to communicate to avoid conflict.

These days, as premarital cohabitation becomes increasingly common, more and more couples are skipping questions about how they handled their finances before getting married. However, being married changes your legal status, so it might make sense to ask this question if you skipped over it early in your relationship.

Even if you have asked this question before, it might help to ask it again. Your financial situation can repeatedly change during a relationship. 

What does marriage mean to you?

In approaching this question, you might talk to your partner about what the relationship really means for them. Marriage can mean something different to different people. If one of you thinks it's more important than the other does, it could be a problem for the relationship later on.

Further, this question is more nuanced for some couples than it is for others. There are a lot of different reasons that people married. Your religious community, legal status, financial background, and other factors can all change what the marriage means to you, and these factors can change over time. The answer can also change as you go through major life changes, like having children or experiencing death in the family.

What is the role of your in-laws?

If your parents are highly involved in your life, you may want to talk with your partner about how they will influence your relationship. You probably want to make sure that your partner is comfortable with you spending a lot of time with your parents and comfortable with them doing the same.

This question is also important if one or both sets of in-laws want to be particularly involved in your marriage by doing things like helping out financially or offering advice. The roles that in-laws play in a relationship may also change if you have kids or if one of you develops a health concern.

On the other hand, if you and your partner are in middle age or older, you may be having a discussion about an in-law in advanced age moving in with you rather than living alone or in a care home. This can significantly affect the relationship, especially if you don't talk about it until you have to.

Want to understand each other better? Online therapy can help

Thinking about couples therapy?

If you and your partner are thinking about couples therapy, you might benefit from online therapy. Studies have shown online couples counseling to be just as effective as in-office counseling, and you can engage in therapy from the comfort of your own home. With an online couples counseling platform like Regain, you can talk to a therapist via phone or video chat, and you can contact your therapist in between sessions via in-app messaging. 


If you’re thinking about couples therapy, you can use the questions above as a starting point. For more questions to understand your partner better, you can contact a licensed therapist at Regain. You can be matched with a therapist with knowledge and experience helping people navigate challenges at various stages of relationships. Take the first step toward a more fulfilling relationship and reach out to Regain.

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