If you can’t stop thinking about someone, don’t worry; that behavior is normal. Heartbreak is a common and nearly universal problem, and with time, we can even learn to be grateful for it. Don’t mentally punish yourself for experiencing this completely normal part of life.
Fortunately, there are ways for you to move on from a person who is no longer interested in you or who never was.
You may think that moving on is about distraction or focusing on other things. But there are various potential reasons why you can’t stop thinking about them and may still be focused on this person because there is unresolved trauma or a lesson that you still need to learn from this experience.
Consider why you can’t stop thinking about this person and ask yourself if you really want to. If there is still potential for a romantic relationship with them or her, and if you believe the other person genuinely might be interested, then it’s normal to think about this person all the time and enjoy the excitement that comes with a new love. But if he or she has expressed that they aren’t interested in going further with a romantic affair, then you’ve received your answer.
If a person wants to be with you, they will make an effort to be with you. If you’re getting mixed signals, they are probably not on board in the same way that you are. Your best option might be moving on and finding a person who feels the same way.
Letting go isn’t easy. It’s a bitter-sweet process that could even take years. But there are ways that you can control your thoughts and form healthy habits.
If you can’t stop thinking about this person, and if you even think about him when you don’t want to, then you should investigate methods designed to help you move on.
How To Move On
1) Learn From This Experience
Consider what lessons you can take away from your experience with this person. Perhaps one of the reasons you can’t stop thinking about them is because you still haven’t learned all the important lessons this relationship had to offer.
Your moving on the process may take a long time. You may have revelations, then realize later that there was still more baggage left to unpack. But there will be a time when this person is a distant memory. Believe that there will be a day when looking at this person’s photo will trigger no emotional reaction at all.
We can learn to be grateful for even the most painful memories from the past. These experiences serve to teach us and help us grow into better people. Try to be thankful for this person because even if things didn’t end how you once hoped, they’ve helped you become the person you are today.
Think about how you would have carried out this relationship differently if you’d met this person today. Think about how you will act differently in important relationships in the future. Also, remember to think about the things you did well and the behaviors you’d like to repeat. Perhaps this person punished you or made you feel strange for loving and attentive behaviors that would be encouraged in another relationship.
It’s okay to take the distance and time to review the past and learn from it. Try to think from your own perspective. Now, you may find yourself with the luxury of considering the experience from your own perspective, uninfluenced by the other person's feedback.
2) Stop Idealizing
When you can’t stop thinking about someone, you spend a lot of time with an image of this person on your mind. You may build them up and tear them down a thousand times a day.
But this person isn’t the angel of your dreams, nor or they heartless monster. They are complex people, and they are certainly not the ideal that you’ve created in your mind.
You’ve built an entire world around this person by thinking about them so often. You are trying to get over the image of this person more than you are trying to get over the person themselves.
Try to unpack exactly what ideals you projected onto this person. What was it you were really hoping for? What role did they fall into? What ideal did you think they fulfilled? Remember that these are images and fantasies, all of your own design. If you created them and attached them to this person, you can just as easily detach them.
3) Reduce Contact
Perhaps you are constantly thinking about this person because you’re still constantly in contact.
Suppose you’re in an environment where it is impossible to avoid him or her; consider your options for leaving or at least spending less time there. This may sound excessive, but heartbreak has the potential to affect your happiness and quality of life significantly. You may find yourself a lot happier and capable of looking forward to the future in a different space.
Reducing contact doesn’t just mean in person. You won’t stop thinking about someone if you see their name every day on your phone. All the time you spend speaking with someone or chatting with someone adds fuel to the image of him or her in your head.
4) Work On Your Confidence
If you accept an on-and-off love affair with a person who isn’t sure about you in the same way you are sure about them, perhaps it’s because you believe that is the most affection you deserve.
You are a whole, loving person. You deserve to be with someone sure about you.
Personal growth can come from exercise, self-care, and spending time doing things that you love. Take the time you used to invest in this person, and invest it in keeping your space clean, a new friendship, a new wardrobe. Make yourself feel desirable, not because you crave the attention of another, but because you deserve to feel attractive.
One of the reasons you can’t stop thinking about this person might be because you think he or she was the best option you will ever have. As soon as you leave the house, you will see that this is not true. There are plenty of people out there, and many of them want love in the same way you do. You don’t want to miss out on your next great romance because you can’t get the last person out of your head.
Invest time in your own interests. Meet other people who like the same things as you. Early-stage love can produce euphoria, and it’s normal to want to find that feeling again. But you can find happiness and fulfillment from other activities and behaviors as well. Oscar Wilde once said that “to love yourself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”
5) Speak With A Counselor
Some people worry that their affections for a past partner overshadow their love for their current partner. Even if you don’t have a current relationship, many people worry about falling in love again if they can’t let go of the past.
Online counseling sites like Regain.Us offer individual and couples therapy options, and they also offer a free consultation. A counselor will ask you questions and get to know you; then, they will offer techniques for controlling your thoughts.
If you are on the fence about speaking to a therapist, try just one session, and the counselor will honestly tell you if they believe you need more attention.
6) Practice Meditation And Mindfulness
Mindfulness is the practice of understanding your thoughts and your environment.
Through mindfulness, you can watch your own thoughts like a backseat observer and understand them without judgment.
Take a little time to meditate and focus on your breath every day. After a time, you will become disciplined. You may be able to break old habits and form new, healthy ones.
Whether you’re thinking about this person out of habit or because you subconsciously don’t want to let them go, you ultimately have control of your own thoughts.
Try practicing gratitude and breathing exercises. Mindfulness and meditation are a whole world that is beneficial to both your mental and physical health.
Thinking about someone constantly is very normal, and there is no reason to feel alarmed by your behavior.
If you want to let go of someone and move on, the resources are available. Everything you do is a habit that you learned at one point, which means you’re equally capable of letting it go.
One day, you will feel nothing but gratitude for this experience. Forgive the people from your past, thank them for the ways they’ve helped you grow, and start looking forward to your hopeful and exciting future.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How do I stop thinking about someone and move on?
It can be hard to stop thinking about someone you opened up to, spent time with, and shared many memories with. At the end of a relationship, it can feel so challenging to stop talking to a person that means so much to you.
One of the best ways to let go of a relationship is to focus that energy on yourself. What are your goals? What are your hopes? What do you enjoy doing? Remember that moving on is a process and not something that can happen in an instant. Over time, you will gradually find yourself healing from the relationship, and the feelings associated with it will become milder.
What does it mean when you can't stop thinking about someone?
Sometimes when you can’t stop thinking about a person, it’s because you’re projecting certain ideas onto them. When you start thinking about them, you may only remember the positive things in the relationship. You may also think about all of the ways they could solve your problems if they were around.
It can be really difficult to stop thinking about someone that was once a constant in your life. Just remember, it will get easier over time.
Is it true that when you can't stop thinking about someone, they think about you too?
If you stop talking to somebody, it’s definitely possible that they’re thinking about you. It’s not necessarily true that they’re thinking about you the same time you are. The best thing you can do is establish ways to stop thinking about them that works for you.
The end of any relationship is not a competition. It’s best to try and focus on the ways you enjoy life overall. The more that you can refocus your energy on yourself, the better.
Why can't you get someone off your mind?
It can be difficult to stop thinking about someone when they’ve made an impression on your life. Sometimes this happens when there's a new relationship forming or at the end.
It can be hard to understand what your life looks like without someone who was your partner throughout life at the end of a relationship. You may constantly think about the person, what went wrong, and how you would change things. Take a breath, understand that the past is out of your control, and keep your distance from them.
Can you feel someone thinking about you?
Some people believe that we can feel that someone is thinking about us through vibrations or energy. Truthfully, at this time, there is no scientific evidence that proves this idea.
How do I stop obsessing over someone I hate?
Bringing positivity into your life in other facets of your life can be incredibly beneficial when you find yourself thinking about someone in a distracting way. You may actually find that you can connect more to people around you who may have experienced a similar situation.
You can also try practicing gratitude for the things in your life daily to remind yourself that this person was only a small piece of it. Staying active and busy with other things you find interesting can also help you keep yourself distracted throughout your day.
If you’re obsessing in a more volatile way, you can try writing a list or letter of all the reasons you don’t trust or like the person. Sometimes this helps people get closure if they don’t feel like they have it. This is a much better option than trying to contact the person and hash it out.
How do you stop having feelings for someone?
Unfortunately, you won’t always be able to control your feelings. One of the best things you can do is accept that those feelings are there and take your time moving through them. Trying to push negative thoughts away can make it difficult to move forward.
How do you get over someone who doesn't want you?
The best thing you can do while you’re getting over someone is to give yourself a break. Don’t push yourself to move on too quickly, and take your time to process the relationship. Remember that you are worthy of love and that there is more out there waiting for you.
If you’re really struggling to cope with these kinds of feelings, therapy could be a great option for you. Having someone there to guide you through the healing process can be really beneficial.