Does My Ex Think Of Me? Moving On After A Breakup
It’s normal to wonder if your ex thinks of you after a breakup; many people experience the same thing. However, if you’re so distressed by the end of a relationship that you have trouble functioning in multiple areas of your life and can't move on, you may want to seek additional support and guidance. Read on to explore healthy, practical ways to get over your ex, move on after a breakup, and how therapy can help you heal so you’re ready for your next relationship.
Why you may wonder about your ex after a breakup
When you were in a relationship, your ex presumably held a significant role in your life. Many people have lingering feelings after a breakup because our emotions don't let go quite so easily. You certainly aren’t the only one who thinks about their ex. Research shows that as many as 35% of people in a relationship dream about their ex-partner. By comparison, only 17% of single people dreamed of exes.
You are likely on your ex's mind occasionally, especially if the breakup was recent. You both underwent a significant change to your regular routine and habits, and they likely need time to adjust too. What you may really be wondering is whether your ex has forgotten you.
"By knowing the reasons why the relationship isn't working, the initiator of the breakup has already sorted out his or her story. However, the person being broken up with is thrust from being in safe psychological territory into an abyss, particularly if the relationship was seemingly safe, secure, and serious."— Why We Need Closure From Broken Relationships
How a love and breakups affect your brain
These things usually happen to your brain during a love and breakups:
Falling in love, swimming in oxytocin
Often called the “love hormone,” oxytocin is produced in large quantities during the early stages of a relationship as an evolutionary response to help you form a growing emotional connection with your romantic partner. The neurochemical activates the brain’s pleasure and reward centers, making you feel good near your partner.
Heartbreak can change your brain
Studies show that the pain of a broken heart can be felt as physical pain, and some people experience symptoms similar to addiction withdrawal after a breakup. The data shows that actively trying to get over your ex triggers increased brain activity, often corresponding to increased recovery progress.
The stages of grieving a relationship
“Romantic breakups can be followed by symptoms of heartbreak and bereavement. Typically, these symptoms have been associated with a loss from death, although they can also occur following other losses like divorces and romantic breakups.” — Tiffany Field
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
— Romantic Breakups, Heartbreak, and Bereavement
Give yourself time and space to heal
Breakups are so hard and hurt so much because you invested a great deal of yourself into the relationship. It’s supposed to take time to get over it. Don’t push yourself too hard; give yourself the time and space to heal. The companionship of a rebound may sound enticing, but it could hurt your progress—and your new partner.
How to move on after a breakup
While there’s no fast way guaranteed to help you get over an ex after a breakup, there are a variety of research-backed techniques you can use to process your feelings and move on past heartbreak.
Set healthy boundaries—and stick to them
Researchers suggest it can help to reevaluate your boundaries after a breakup and let people know if you’ve made any changes. You should prioritize your mental and emotional well-being.
Healthy breakup boundaries include:
Go no contact—at least for a while
You'll have a much more difficult time getting over your ex if you're still talking, texting, and seeing each other daily. You may want to slip into old patterns and ignore the emotional pain of the breakup. Try agreeing to go no-contact for a few weeks to give yourself time to heal.
Avoid their social media
You may be tempted to scour your ex’s social media pages for an indication of how they’re handling the breakup and whether they miss you. Remember that social media is rarely reality, and many people wouldn’t post about it if they were upset.
You don’t owe anyone details
If you don’t feel comfortable talking about the breakup, you don’t owe anyone the details of your personal life. You’re not obligated to share the intimate knowledge of your broken relationship with anyone. You can simply say that you appreciate their concern but don't want to discuss it.
Feel what you feel
It can be crucial to believe that your feelings and experiences about the relationship and the breakup are valid and that you are allowed to feel whatever you feel. Your emotions are yours, and you’ll have an easier time moving forward after a breakup if you identify what you feel, allow yourself to feel it, adjust to how it affects you, and move on with your life.
Focus your energy on self-care
Getting out of a serious relationship can be an excellent time to refocus your energy on self-care and loving yourself. Ensure you eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly, and maintain healthy sleep hygiene. Studies show that people focusing on personal development after a breakup often show increased confidence, emotional stability, and independence. As you work through the separation, journaling about your feelings can help you examine and process your emotions.
Build a healthy, supportive environment
When you’re not feeling like yourself and are working through the chaotic emotions of a breakup, it can be helpful to surround yourself with supportive friends and family, creating a healing environment that lets you know you’re not alone.
When you’re ready, examine what went wrong
When you've had time to adjust to and work through your emotions, examine your behavior in the relationship and how you reacted to your ex’s words and actions. Look for what went wrong and figure out what you could have done differently to identify negative patterns in your thoughts or behavior. This step is best accomplished with the support and guidance of a mental health professional.
Fall in love with yourself
After a breakup is a great time to fall in love with yourself again. Taking time to focus on yourself to determine what you want, expect, and demand in a partner can set you up for success in your next relationship. For a while, anything you'd like your partner to do for you, do for yourself. You can send yourself flowers or take a weekend trip alone. Set the standard for how you want to be treated in a relationship.
Conduct a breakup ritual to give yourself closure
Sometimes, the circumstances of your breakup don't allow you to get closure with your former partner. If you find yourself in that situation, you can make your own closure with a breakup ritual to acknowledge the pain and loss of the split so you can move on. Studies show that participating in a breakup ritual can be therapeutic.
Remember why you broke up
You may find that there are times when you feel lonely and want to call your ex to feel the comfort and companionship of your former relationship. When tempted to call your ex and reconnect, try to remember why you broke up in the first place.
How therapy can help you heal after a breakup
Many people have trouble letting go of feelings for their ex, making it hard to heal and move on in healthy ways. If lingering feelings for your ex are holding you back, consider working with a licensed therapist online through a virtual relationship therapy platform like Regain. If you’re a parent or guardian seeking support for your child after an adolescent breakup, online therapy for kids from 12 to 19 is available at TeenCounseling. Therapy can help you examine what went wrong in your previous relationship and what you could have done differently and help you develop practical conflict resolution, communication, and coping skills to help you in your next relationship.
Numerous recent studies show that online and in-person psychotherapy offers the same results. Teletherapy is usually cheaper and involves a shorter wait before receiving treatment. Virtual platforms provide access to a much more comprehensive pool of licensed therapists, making it far more likely that you’ll find someone who blends well with your personality, situation, and needs. If you don’t find a therapist who makes you feel comfortable on the first try, matching with someone else is simple.
Takeaway
Relationships may end abruptly, but feelings rarely do. Many people wonder if their ex thinks of them and may feel nostalgic for the lost love. This article offers insight into how love and breakups change you, how to get over an ex to move on, and how therapy can help.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
Can you feel if your ex is thinking about you?
Some people have an intuitive nature in which they feel like they know when their ex is thinking about them. If you’re thinking about your ex frequently and wondering, “does my ex think about me?” it can be easy to imagine a world in which you’re thinking about each other at the same time. Perhaps you can sense when your ex is thinking about you, and perhaps you can sense right before they send you a text message or give you a phone call. If you do have that intuition with your ex, it might be difficult to stop thinking about them.
How do you know if your ex still thinks about you?
In any relationship, it isn’t easy to assume what any person is thinking or if they’re thinking about you at all. You can’t truly know if your ex still thinks about you unless they tell you themselves. Men and women often have different ways of expressing their feelings and can therefore have different reactions when they can’t stop thinking about their ex. Some men might try to get as much distance as possible, while some women might have a harder time moving on from their emotions. That said, men and women do not necessarily have reactions that are stereotypically related to their gender. Everyone is different. Some people might focus on the good times and miss the honeymoon stage, while others might feel grateful for the split.
How do you know if your ex secretly misses you?
If you get the sense that your ex secretly misses you, perhaps it is because they are still active with you on social media. Although social media is the place where you each the best version of yourself, it can sometimes indicate how much another person is paying attention to your life. It’s not black and white, considering that it is still an assumption, but it can be a big part of what makes you feel like you can’t stop thinking of each other. If they try to text you or call you frequently, that may also indicate that they miss you.
Is my ex thinking about me during no contact?
It is possible that your ex is still thinking about you from time to time, even if you no longer have contact. If you were together for a long time, or if the relationship took place during an important part of your life, separating the memories of an ex from the general memories can be difficult. If you’re wondering, “does my ex still thinks about me,” you might have to accept that you will never truly have the answer, and that’s okay. Have peace of mind knowing that if it were meant to be, it would be.
How do you tell if your ex secretly wants you back?
If you many good times or a lot of time in general, you might be thinking about whether or not your ex secretly wants you back, especially if you’re thinking about them in that way. With any relationship, it’s tempting to think about what might be going on beneath the surface. You might exchange text messages here and there, and you might wonder if you were the best version of yourself in that relationship. If you're in the "my ex texted me" scenario and the ex is trying to keep in consistent contact or enjoys seeing you when possible, it can be easier to tell that they still care about you. If you want to rekindle the relationship, then talk to them about it.
How do you know when your ex is truly done with you?
Will an ex ever contact you again?
How to make your ex miss you?
Why is my ex always on my mind?
How you should act when you see your ex?
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