Will a 'Do I Want Kids Quiz' Really Help Me Determine My Parenting Future?
Updated November 05, 2019
If you are on the fence about having kids, you might have taken a 'Do I Want Kids Quiz.' You might be wondering if the result is what you should go by. After all, answering a few key questions should tell you what you truly desire, right? In truth, a quiz like this might not give you the answer you were looking for. That in itself is an indicator of your desire (or lack thereof) for children.
When the topic of children comes up between you and your partner, is it one that causes tension? Trying to determine if you even want children when your partner is all for it can be hard on a relationship. Sometimes the best course of action, in this case, is to seek professional guidance in the form of a relationship counselor or therapist. They are often able to help untangle the confusion within your mind and come to a firm conclusion, in addition to helping you to discuss the topic with your partner in a safe space.
Discussing the topic is a great way to find out your true desire, but there are some things that you can learn from a 'Do I Want Kids Quiz.' The questions in a quiz will give you some insight into what parenthood is like.
Common Questions in a 'Do I Want Kids Quiz'
- Do your ambitions conflict with parenthood?
Many people that are unsure about having kids are in that state because they have big dreams for their careers. They fear that having children means the end of their journey to the top. While having kids can certainly change things about your freedom and scheduling, it doesn't mean you are required to leave your career behind. Although moms, in particular, are often expected to step back in responsibility at work or stay home with their children altogether, parents can still work! It can be challenging, but finding work-life balance is key to being successful at work and successful as a parent.
The way that you would answer this question on a quiz would likely skew the answer a bit to the "no" side of having children, but it does not account for the ability to find that balance.
- Is being an aunt or uncle one of your favorite roles?
If you are an aunt or uncle but are unsure if you want to be a parent, examine the time that you spend with your niece(s) or nephew(s). If you have no nieces or nephews, how do you feel when you spend time with your friends' kids? Do they annoy you constantly or are you able to have fun with them? If you don't like kids, it is likely that you do not want to be a parent. Maybe you feel that you would like your own kids. This common question is one that can cause a lot of confusion because, at the end of the day, you get to give someone else's kids back. That isn't the case with your own children.
Answering "no" to this question would likely lead the quiz result to say you do not want kids. On the other hand, a "yes" would count towards having children of your own. However, it fails to take into account that parenting is a forever job, whereas being an aunt or uncle means that you are not responsible for those children 24/7.
- Is alone time the most important time of your day?
Having kids means that you are sure to lose the majority of your alone time. If you prefer to spend your time in the bathroom alone, like to read in a quiet space for a couple of hours after work, or enjoy silent Saturdays with a bottle of wine, parenting will throw you a curveball.
While this question gauges how much you are willing to give your time to another human being, it doesn't tell the quiz-taker that all parents experience this curveball. Before parenthood, a lot of people did things and had time for activities that they might have to put on the back burner once kids come into the picture. While you might not be able to see giving up your beloved Saturdays, becoming a parent has ways of changing your entire outlook.
- Do you feel annoyed, indifferent, or useful when you take care of someone else?
Parenting is taking care of another person constantly. This is especially true with a newborn. You have to ensure that they are fed, bathed, clothed, change their diapers, and are sleeping safely. If you feel annoyed when you take care of other people, would you get annoyed caring for your own child? If you're indifferent, would you be happy to take care of your baby? Finding out how it feels to be responsible for another life is something that most people only experience in parenthood.
There are several reasons that you might get annoyed about taking care of someone else. Perhaps they are capable of doing it themselves or are too lazy. They might even take advantage of you. This question doesn't take that into account, so answering that you feel annoyed would likely skew the answer to determine that you don't want kids.
- Do you feel pressured to have children?
A lot of adults feel the pressure to have children of their own. Sometimes this pressure comes from your partner. Other times it is from your parents that want to become grandparents. Even society expects adults to have children. If you are married and do not have children, you have likely been questioned as to when you are going to start. Feeling that pressure can convince you that you want kids, but it doesn't mean that you do.
Being pressured into kids also could mean that you simply aren't ready for children. You could very well want to be a parent someday, but today is not that day. Answering yes to this question will tell the quiz that you are pressured and do not actually want kids. There is no accounting for being ready or having kids in the future.
- When imagining a future with kids, what do you think of first?
Upon imagining your own children-filled future, do you immediately think happy thoughts or are you miserable? Your first instinct will likely tell you how you really feel about having kids. All of the other fears and things that you might miss out on because of children are common for a lot of people.
This is an eye-opening question. Your first instinct regarding children of your own is probably one that you can trust. A question like this can truly help you to determine if you want to have kids one day.
- Are you prepared for your finances to change with the addition of a child?
A big fear that potential parents have is the cost of a child. Your finances will likely see a big change when you have kids. In fact, even if you and your partner decide to continue working at the same job and have the same hours as before you had a child, you will have to buy a number of things for them that you might not have thought about. In addition to the diapers, clothing, and baby food, you might have co-pays for unexpected doctor visits and prescriptions, expensive daycare fees, and the natural wipes that don't break out your baby's bottom.
It sounds like a lot (it is!), but parents often find creative ways to make ends meet. Many become couponers after having children. They even buy in bulk on items like diapers so that they save some money. No one wants less money than what they are used to, but in reality, it is something that you get accustomed to! Plus, the way you handle your money can teach your children how to do so when they reach adulthood.
- Can you put someone else's needs above your own?
Putting aside selfish desires is a requirement for parenting. For selfish people, this is the most challenging part of parenting. However, once you become a parent the things that you once thought you had to have become less and less important. Putting the needs of others above your own was probably harder when it wasn't your own child. As a parent, you need your child to be healthy and happy.
While this final question might be included in a 'Do I Want Kids Quiz," it is hard to answer as someone that is not a parent yet. When you become a parent, your wants and desires shift. This question does not account for the way your own feelings change after having children of your own.
Finding the Solution
You might find a quiz with these questions or similar questions that told you that you do not want quiz. It might have also given you the opposite answer. The questions may have provided you some insight into parenting, but the result that the quiz came up with should not be your final decision. Consider the questions and how they make you feel about being a parent. The answers to those questions might help you to determine your answer.
Ultimately, deciding whether or not you want to have children is something that you get to choose. There is no quiz that will tell you your honest desire. A helpful trick, however, is to see how you feel when you get the result of the quiz. If you are sad or disappointed when the quiz result tells you that you do not want kids, there is a good chance that you actually do want children. Discuss your thoughts with your partner - use the guidance of a professional if needed - and you can find out what you really want.