Why Married Men Flirt And What To Do About It

Updated March 12, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

Sometimes, married men flirt with other women. For some, it may be because they don't view it as cheating or perhaps to influence their wife's behavior. For others, it could be because they seek an illicit connection and disregard the hurt it could cause you and their wives. Read on to learn more about why married men flirt, some tips for what you can do about it, and how therapy can help couples reconnect or move past relationship issues. 

Is a married man flirting with you or being nice?

If you know a man is married but aren't sure whether he is flirting with you or being nice, take the time to examine his behavior before reacting. Otherwise, you may find yourself stuck in an awkward conversation. It’s entirely possible he’s just being nice, and you are misinterpreting his demeanor as flirtatious. The following are some common signs that a married man may be flirting with you. 

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Does your husband flirt with other women?

Flirting motivations

According to a study about flirting motivations, there are six primary reasons people flirt.

  • Sex
  • Fun
  • Exploration
  • Relational (social)
  • Esteem
  • Instrumental (to serve a purpose)

Body language

Paying attention to his body language can give you insight into his motivations. Does he turn his body toward you when you stand or sit next to one another? Does he make frequent eye contact and smile as he speaks to you or lean toward you while you’re close to each other? If so, he may be flirting with you.

Touch

While someone being friendly may touch another person, there is often a weightier feeling to touches made while flirting, often because they are unnecessary or lingering. Does he find excuses to be close to you or touch you? If so, he may be trying to flirt. 

Tone

A married man’s tone of voice and facial expressions may give you some clues as to whether he’s flirting with you. It isn’t necessarily a solid indicator, but it should give you an idea. 

Teasing

If he regularly teases you or keeps a running joke going that he repeats, he may be flirting. Teasing has been a time-honored part of flirting since grade school, and it is often a solid indicator. 

Remembering what you say

A man who’s flirting may remember the tidbits you offered in previous conversations and repeat them the next time you speak. If this happens, it could mean you've been on his mind, and he wants to show he was listening. 

Frequently texting you

He may be flirting with you if he frequently texts you throughout the day, especially if the messages are intimate or related to his personal life. 

Focusing on you

If he attends an event with his wife and spends time and energy focusing on you, he is probably flirting and may use you to manipulate his wife into a desired reaction.

How to handle a married flirt

  • Tell him that you know he is married and you aren’t interested. 
  • Remove yourself from the situation. 
  • If inappropriate behavior occurs in the workplace after you’ve asked him not to flirt, speak with human resources. 
  • Mention his wife. 

Why do married men flirt with other women?

Married men may flirt with other women for a wide variety of reasons. He may be naturally flirtatious, simply being nice, in an open or polyamorous marriage, or seeking an affair. The reasons why he flirts with someone other than his wife are unique to each man, but researchers have noticed some common trends through years of study. 

“In a new study, psychologists determined men tend to look at their partners in a more negative light after meeting a single, attractive woman. On the other hand, women are likelier to work to strengthen their current relationships after meeting an available, attractive man.” — American Psychological Association

He craves attention and wants to be wanted

A married man may flirt with other women because he’s feeding a desire to be wanted and thinks he can get the attention he wants from you. He may seek confirmation that he is attractive to someone other than his wife or want to boost his self-confidence because he doesn’t feel wanted by his wife. He also may have been rejected in the past and seeks excessive affirmation of his attractiveness. 

His marriage lacks intimacy

If his marriage lacks physical or emotional intimacy, he may flirt to seek that connection elsewhere. While there could be many reasons he feels a decline in intimacy in his marriage, flirting with someone else isn’t likely to provide the solution he wants. 

He likes the thrill of the chase

Many men enjoy the thrill of the chase, flirting because they like the pursuit of the unattainable. He may have no intention to follow through with more than flirting. When a couple has been together for a long time, there is little sense of pursuit left, and he may simply want to know he can interest another woman. 

Flirting is risky

Flirting with someone other than his wife is risky behavior, and if he’s caught, it could lead to negative consequences in his marriage—but that’s why it’s exciting, too. The fact that he doesn’t want his wife to know indicates he knows it’s wrong, but he may see it as harmless fun. Certain mental health conditions, such as bipolar depression, may make resisting risky behaviors and temptation more challenging. 

He wants to manipulate his wife into jealousy

Some married men attend public events with their wives and use the time to flirt with other women. This behavior may indicate that he’s trying to manipulate his wife into reacting in a certain way, such as jealousy, by allowing her to see him flirting with another woman. 

He’s looking for sex

Sometimes, married men flirt because they are looking to cheat on their wives and have sex with other people. He is willing to disregard the harm his actions could cause to his wife, the other woman, and himself for the sake of temporary pleasure. He may also have a sexual addiction disorder.

When does flirting cross the line?

Flirting can be a natural reaction and done with innocent intentions. Discussing where the boundaries lie between excusable and inappropriate flirting can be healthy. The behavior only becomes a problem when it makes someone uncomfortable, so defining what is and isn't okay can help you avoid issues. A 2019 study shows that women are more likely to be upset about an emotional affair, while physical affairs bother men more. Flirting may cross the line if it involves:

  • Coming on to someone by expressing overt sexual interest. 
  • It requires attention you should be giving your spouse. 
  • You feel the need to hide it. 
  • You’re trying to make your partner jealous. 
  • You react defensively when confronted about it. 
  • It becomes physical, with you deliberately touching someone else
  • There is an attraction beyond flirting. 

What to do if your husband flirts

If your husband flirts with other women, you may feel helpless and wonder what you can do to change his behavior. While much of that depends on why he feels the need to flirt, try some of these strategies to bring up the subject. 

  • Identify why your husband is flirting with other women. Is your marriage lacking something he needs? Does he flirt with most women or one particular woman?
  • Redirect his attention to you by flirting with him. 
  • Calmly discuss how his behavior makes you feel. 
  • Foster emotional and physical intimacy in your relationship. 
  • Define rules for inappropriate flirting. 
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Does your husband flirt with other women?

Reach out for help

It’s easy to feel discouraged if you learn your husband has been flirting with another woman. If you are having trouble moving past it on your own, you may benefit from speaking to an individual or couples therapist to overcome issues with the support and guidance of a mental health professional. 

How therapy can help couples improve communication skills

Couples therapy can be a valuable resource when your relationship is going through difficulties. If your husband's flirting hurts you, consider working with a licensed couples therapist on an online therapy platform focused on relationship issues, such as Regain. Couples therapy can help you identify the underlying issues that may lead to your husband’s flirting.

According to data published in the Frontiers In Psychology journal, researchers found no substantial difference in the outcomes of online and in-person couples therapy. During the study, both groups demonstrated significant improvement in relationship satisfaction and a noticeable reduction in symptoms related to stress, depression, and anxiety. 

Takeaway 

While married men may flirt for many reasons, it can help to understand some of what they could be thinking or seeking with such behavior. The information presented in this article may explain why married men flirt with other women and what you can do to respond.

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