Thinking About Saving Your Marriage? 11 Tools For Working On Your Relationship

Updated September 14, 2023by Regain Editorial Team

It happens to the best of couples. Your marriage may have lasted several years, but now it seems that you have grown apart, and your marriage is on the rocks. If you are thinking about fighting hard and wondering how to save a marriage instead of giving up and filing for divorce, you need to make sure that you remember some important things throughout the process.

Can My Marriage Be Saved?

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Working On Your Relationship? A Therapist Can Help.

With about half of all marriages ending in divorce, you may be wondering if your marriage can be saved at all. The bottom line is that as long as you and your spouse still love each other, respect each other, and want to make it work, your marriage is not beyond saving. You can reclaim your good marriage again. However, some things are indications that your marriage cannot or should not be saved. For example, abuse cannot be tolerated, whether physical, emotional, or mental.

If you are experiencing domestic violence, reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1 800 799-SAFE (7233).

Things To Remember While Saving A Marriage

There are many things that you need to remember when working to save a marriage

It's The Little Things

Your spouse must feel that you care for them and think they are special regularly. It is often easy to make your spouse feel appreciated and loved. Little things can make a difference, like putting a note in their briefcase or lunch, sending a text in the middle of the day, telling them “thank you” for doing something that made your life easier, or a gentle touch in passing while you are taking care of dinner. These little things all add up to more connections between you and your spouse and will pave the road back to a healthy marriage.

Practice Compassion When Communicating

Some psychologists believe that about 60 percent of conflict in a marriage never gets resolved. It is not whether these conflicts are resolved that determines the strength of marriage but how each partner reacts to that conflict. Married couples who fight nicely, using active listening, and practice compassion in dealing with one another have a higher chance of a successful and happy marriage.

Share Personal Conversations

Couples may think that they are communicating, but often communication boils down to maintaining the household. One of the best ways on how to save your marriage is to have effective communication. An example of effective communication in marriage is by having conversations with your spouse that have nothing to do with finances, the household, or the children, if you have any. Your conversations can be about nearly anything, but they should be personal to you and your spouse and open the door for a more emotional and understanding connection.

Celebrate the Good

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It is important to support your spouse in times of trials and strife, but it is also important to offer them emotional support in the good times. If your spouse had a great day at work, got a promotion, landed a new client, or had some other accomplishment, go out and celebrate. It is one of the best ways marriage can thrive, as you’re creating more positive memories together.

Novelty, Variety, And Surprise

These three things can be the cure for the boredom and normalcy that years of marriage can bring. When your marriage seems monotonous and dull, you need to throw in some new and exciting experiences with your spouse. You can go to a concert together, attend a festival, go away on a romantic holiday on a whim, or spice things up in the bedroom. Whatever activities you and your spouse can find to do that you can enjoy and find exciting together are the keys to saving a marriage.

Remember That Love Is Not Enough

To save your marriage, you have to remember that just because you love your spouse and they love you does not mean that you can have a healthy and satisfying marriage and relationship. Love alone is not enough, even in a healthy marriage. Every relationship takes a conscious effort on both sides. You will not be able to save your relationship through love or by loving each other more. You must learn how to communicate effectively and cope with conflict in a healthy way.

Communication Is Key

Communication is of the utmost importance when you are trying to save your relationship and save a marriage. You and your spouse need to communicate on a deep and meaningful level to save what you have left. If communication is something that you and your spouse seem to be lacking, you can work on these things with a marriage therapist or marriage counselor. Marriage books can help, too, if you want a good place to start.

Find Common Ground

You and your spouse were attracted to one another at the beginning of your relationship. What were those reasons? Think back and talk together to discover some of the things you did have in common and that you still have in common. People change and grow over time, and your interests and goals for life may have changed. Talk together and find common ground in these changes.

Give Yourself Space

When you are fighting for your marriage, you might think that you need to focus solely on your relationship and focus all of your attention on your spouse. But this can be a huge mistake and one of the ways marriages can fail. To save a marriage, you need to care for yourself and give yourself space to decompress and be you. Take some time to do something on your own, like getting a manicure or massage or having a night out with friends.

Forgiveness Is Key

As already mentioned, many conflicts that arise within marriage are never fully resolved. It is important to forgive your spouse for any of their transgressions or the conflict between you. You don't necessarily want to forget the incident because remembering will help you prevent it from happening again. But forgiveness and moving on from the conflict is important for salvaging your relationship.

Mutual Respect Is Important

You and your partner need to have mutual respect for one another, even when arguing or amid conflict. Make sure that you come out of this argument with an intact marriage. Mutual respect goes far beyond this as well. It is simple things like letting your spouse know when you will be running late for dinner.

Things To Do To Save Your Marriage

Here are some things that you can do to help save your relationship.

Express Love In A Way Your Partner Will Find Loving.

Everyone experiences love, affection, and connection in a different way. What shows you that your spouse loves you may not be the same way your spouse feels your love. You need to discover what makes your spouse feel loved, cared for, and special, then make an effort to give them those things whenever possible to save a marriage.

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Working On Your Relationship? A Therapist Can Help.

Be Affectionate

One of the best pieces of relationship advice is that you must try to be affectionate with your partner, even when you are not sexually intimate. Just the occasional touch, kiss, hug, or holding hands can help you and your spouse feels more connected emotionally.

Be Mindful

When you are spending time with your partner, do so mindfully. This means that you should be present at the moment, not thinking about the past or future. Be in the moment with your partner, communicating with them, or spending time with them in a natural and relaxed way.

Go Back To What You Know

Life often gets in the way of doing the things we once enjoyed doing with our partners. Instead of worrying about things being in a rut and humdrum boring, you can go back to what you and your spouse already know works for you. Get back into old activities that you enjoy together, even if it means you must save up money to accomplish them.

Get Help

If you and your spouse are trying to save your relationship and find common ground, it can be helpful to see a marriage counselor or marriage therapist. These licensed and experienced professionals can help you pinpoint what needs to be done to save your relationship. They can help you with communication issues, intimacy problems, and other marital conflicts.

Researchers have found that stress plays a big role in contributing to marital dissatisfaction, possibly because the energy required for handling stressful times depletes the energy required to maintain a good marital relationship. In addition to helping with marital concerns, such as improving communication, counselors can also help teach ways to better manage stress. 

Getting professional help should not add to your list of stressors. Studies have found that online counseling is just as effective as in-person therapy in most situations. Regain online counseling makes it easy, letting you receive guidance from the comfort and safe space of your home on a convenient schedule for you using online tools. And the cost of Regain counseling is less than in-person for many people. 

Takeaway

Even the best of relationships still experience their ups and downs. If you are experiencing marital problems and want to try to save your marriage, there is help. Contact a Regain relationship therapist to start strengthening your marriage today. 

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