Is My Marriage Over? 12 Signs That It May Be The End – And How To Get Help

Conflict is normal in any marriage, but when it becomes frequent and feels unsolvable, it can be natural to wonder if the relationship could be nearing its end. Couples often split up for a variety of common reasons, but you may be able to learn from others’ experiences and use that information to improve your own marriage. In this article, we’ll be discussing 12 signs that your marriage could be in trouble and how you can address these issues if you’d like to save your relationship.

You don't care to argue anymore

While arguing with your spouse may not be a positive thing, when your marriage is struggling, there are times that it may happen as you try to reach a common ground or compromise. Arguments can show that you still care. Therefore, disengaging with one another and choosing not to argue at all could signal that you’ve lost interest in what the other thinks. It could be a sign that each of you is giving up on the marriage and don’t care enough to fight for it. You may not want to invest your energy into something that no longer matters to you, and your spouse might feel the same. 

You don't feel life would be much different without your spouse

If you've been living like roommates with your spouse, then you might be thinking that your life would be pretty much the same if you weren't married. If your spouse isn't your teammate but simply someone that coexists in the same house as you, it could be a sign that the end is near. Marriages are a unique relationship in that this person is your best friend and lover all wrapped up into one. When they feel like just another person in your life, you may start to wonder why you’re together at all. 

You don't trust your spouse

A successful marriage relies on trust to work. If you don't trust your spouse, or if they don't trust you, it can be difficult to maintain the relationship. Trust is the foundation on which almost everything else sits and it can extend to other areas of the marriage like finances, how you parent, how you each spend your free time, and more. If there’s a lack of trust and there isn’t any effort being made to rebuild it, consider whether you could be giving up on the union altogether. 

The intimacy is gone

If there is a lack of attraction between you and your spouse and sex is a thing of the past, it could be an indication that it's nearing the end. Sex is indeed just one part of marriage, but a complete lack of it could signify that something deeper is going on within your union. Even if you are okay with the lack of sexual intimacy, your spouse might not feel the same way. This can open the door to hurt, bitterness, and resentment. A lack of intimacy often stems from a broken emotional connection, which is often the glue that holds couples together. If the emotional and physical intimacy are gone within a marriage, and no one is trying to improve it, both spouses may start to question the relationship. 

You’ve decided to make your finances completely separate

While you can have a successful and happy marriage without having a joint bank account, you often still must make financial decisions together at some point. If you and your spouse have your funds separate and neither of you talks to the other about where the money is going, it could be a sign that trouble is brewing. Financial guru Dave Ramsey has found that many times when a spouse wants to split the bank accounts, it's a sign that they are either cheating or getting ready to leave. Separate finances alone may not be cause for concern, but if your spouse suddenly wants all the finances separate, it could be a sign that something deeper is going on. 

You're having an emotional affair

An affair doesn't have to be physical for it to be wrong and hurtful. If there is another person that you find yourself connecting with on a deep emotional level, it could signal a problem within your marriage. The connection you share with your spouse should be the most intimate one in your life. This doesn’t mean you won’t have other close friendships and bonds with loved ones, but your spouse should still be the one you turn to first and share the most with. If you’re going to someone else with your problems and allowing yourself to be comforted by them (and letting them share about their life with you), it may mean that your spouse is no longer number one in your life. 

You disagree about major life decisions

Getting married doesn’t guarantee you won’t have disagreements, even about big life decisions. If you get married to someone who has different ideas about what life should look like or who has values that differ from your own, it could create tension in the marriage. You may disagree about plans such as having children, where to live, and how to spend your finances. If you and your spouse cannot communicate and work through these issues as a team, it could signal that the marriage isn’t going to last. 

There is no compromise

If you and your spouse refuse to compromise, then you could be in for an unhappy marriage or one that might not last long. If you're unwilling to find a way to work together on differences of opinion within your marriage, this may not bode well for the future of your relationship. Healthy relationships involve some sort of compromise that allows both spouses to retain their individuality and feel seen, heard, and cared for. 

Forgiveness doesn't exist in your relationship

Healthy relationships rely on forgiveness to move past their partner’s mistakes and let go of grudges to avoid resentment. Your spouse is bound to hurt you at some point in your marriage, and you’ll hurt them eventually as well. They may say something that offends you, fail to make you feel loved, or do something that upsets you. Unforgiveness can turn into bitterness which can kill intimacy and closeness in a marriage. If you're unwilling to ask for forgiveness and accept responsibility for things that you've done wrong, you could be damaging the long-term health of your relationship. It can be crucial for both spouses to be able to admit when they're wrong, ask for forgiveness, and extend forgiveness when necessary. If you're unwilling to forgive your spouse, or they're unwilling to forgive you, it can make it difficult to move forward in marriage. The things that are left unforgiven may continue to resurface repeatedly in your marriage.

There are more serious problems that aren't being addressed

Smaller issues and situations that are common in marriage may be easy to overcome with a little bit of effort and communication. However, bigger issues like substance use, domestic abuse, and infidelity might be more challenging to move past. These situations can have very serious consequences that can impact not only the person participating in the behavior but also the partner and any children in the family. If you or your spouse is struggling with any of these problems and aren’t willing to address them, they could lead to the downfall of your marriage. 

You're starved for attention

If your spouse refuses to give you the attention or affection that you're after, it can be challenging to find reasons to stay married. You may also be tempted to start looking for that attention outside of your marriage. This can happen when your spouse doesn't participate in activities with you, doesn't take an interest in what you like, refuses to go places with you, and is always too busy to talk to you. They may not be intentional about taking you on dates, asking you about your day, or making you feel loved and cared for within the marriage. If you’re having to beg the person who’s supposed to be your biggest supporter for attention, it could be a sign that the marriage is nearing its end. 

You have plans for your future on your own

If you aren't considering how your plans could impact your spouse, it could be a sign that you may not make it together for the long haul. When you want to be with someone in the future, you consider how your future goals and plans may impact them. You even alter and adopt goals that you and your spouse can work toward together and value their happiness as much as your own. If you are planning future goals that don't include your spouse, or they have plans they seem to be making that don't include you, then your relationship could be in trouble.

How to get help with your marriage

If you find yourself wondering, "Is my marriage over?" there are a few things you may want to consider. First, ask yourself if you’d like your marriage to be over. If you do, then it may not matter what signs there are in your marriage or if there aren't any at all. If you're unwilling to work on your marriage, then you may already have your answer. The same goes for your partner. 

If, however, you’re asking this question because of behavior you're noticing from your spouse, these signs don't necessarily mean it's over. They could be warning signs letting you know that you need to address areas of your marriage if you want to turn things around. If you desire to save your marriage, it can be important to discuss your concerns with your spouse. 

Online counseling for marital issues

If you’re afraid that your marriage may be over and want to save it, talking to a licensed marriage therapist could be a helpful step to take. Your marriage doesn't have to be nearly over for you to benefit from counseling. A licensed marriage therapist can help you and your spouse get to the bottom of your problems, heal past hurts, and learn how to move forward in a healthy way. Regain is an online counseling platform that specializes in relationships. Without ever having to leave your house, you can connect with a trained therapist right from your couch or wherever else feels comfortable. You and your spouse can work together to correct the direction of your marriage and receive advice and guidance along the way. Online counseling is cost-effective and can make it convenient to get the support your marriage needs, which may make it the ideal option for your situation. 

The efficacy of online counseling for marital problems

Conflict can tear marriages apart, but it can also allow couples the opportunity to work on their relationship together. In one study, researchers assessed whether an online integrative behavioral couple therapy program could improve individual and relationship difficulties. They found that couples who participated in the intervention were able to identify the core problems in their relationship. They were then able to come to a clearer understanding of the issue at hand and have a productive conversation with their partner about it. Finally, they were able to make “concrete changes” in their relationship to overcome these problems. Integrative behavioral couple therapy (IBCT) is an evidence-based approach that teaches couples how to accept the negative aspects of their relationship, which can ultimately create the change they’re desiring to see in their partner.

Takeaway

Marriage therapy, forgiveness, and a commitment to making things work can turn around even those marriages that are full of conflict. Marriages take both people to thrive, and sometimes one person in the relationship is unwilling to take the steps they need to turn the relationship around. If you find yourself feeling hopeless or helpless in your situation, a therapist can help you process your emotions and learn how to move forward in a healthy way. When you can recognize the areas of your relationship that are struggling, you can start to address them. Rather than ignoring the issues you and your partner are facing, consider being proactive about them. A licensed therapist can offer support, guidance, and mediation as you seek new ways to repair your union with your spouse. Over time, you may come to see that your marriage can be saved after all.