She Wants To Get Married – Is Now The Right Time?

So, your significant other want to get married. You're not sure that that's a bad idea, but you're also not sure that now is the right time.

You - or they - might think that your hesitation is a bad sign, but that isn't the case. The truth is, it only means that you're taking the matter seriously.

Is now the right time?

That's a big question, and it should be composed of several smaller questions. How long have you known each other? Do you both want to get married? Why do you want to get married? What will happen to your relationship if you don’t get married?

We'll break all of these questions down throughout this article to help you determine for yourself whether the time is right.

When do people even get married?

Statistically, half of Americans over the age of eighteen are married, and the average age to get married is thirty for men and 28 for women. However, those are just statistics. It doesn't mean that you're behind the curve if you're older or that it's a bad idea to get married if you're younger.

Statistics are interesting, but they don't say much about your specific situation. When people get married isn't as important to you as to when you get married. That's something that you, your partner, and potentially a relationship expert figure out together.

How do you know?

Some people "just know" when it's time to get married. That might be your partner or fiancée, but it isn't you, or you wouldn't be reading this. And that's fine. Marriage is a big deal, and it's a good thing that you're taking the time to think about it.

So, when you don't "just know," how do you decide? There are a couple of questions that you should ask yourself, as we discussed above.

How long have you known each other?

When you get married, you're deciding that you hope to spend the rest of your life with someone. That's a big decision if you haven't known that person for very long.

Some people who have been through a lot together in a short time may feel particularly bonded. However, if the thing that bonds them resolves, they may find that they have little else in common. As a result, it's best to wait until you have already known each other in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, etc.

If you're only dating right now, a good compromise can be to have an engagement. This can satisfy your partner's need for commitment - which we'll talk about next - while giving you more time to get used to the idea of being married. However, you should only take this option if you're sure that you want to get married, but you're not sure that you want to get married now. Calling off an engagement isn't as difficult or as stressful as a divorce, but that doesn't mean that you should take it lightly.

Do you both want to get married?

Marriage is becoming less common as more people are simply choosing to live together. There's nothing inherently wrong with this. However, if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone but don't want to get married, it could be a sign that you have a fear of commitment.

Marriage is important to your significant other, so not letting them experience it because you're afraid is a little unfair. Beyond that, most people think of the fear of commitment as only impacting romantic relationships, but that's not the case. Your fear of commitment may be affecting other aspects of your life, like your career. Addressing your fear of commitment - with a mental health expert, if necessary - will help you in your relationship and other ways.

Both people should want to get married before they tie the knot, and getting married isn't the best way to combat a fear of commitment. You should be sure that you want to get married before getting married rather than getting married in a state of uncertainty and hoping that everything will work out.

Why do you want to get married?

If you're reading this, chances are you want to get married; you're just not sure if now is the time. And your significant other want to get married. So, ask yourself - and ask them - why you want to get married and have a sincere conversation about whether your reasons are sufficient. Any doubts may cost the chance of a happy marriage.

Some people want to get married because their religious community has tabooed certain activities before marriage. Some of these are significant incentives, like living together and starting a family. Others, like sex, are not.

Some people want to get married for legal or financial reasons. That's not necessarily a problem, but you should be sure that you also have real feelings for each other or else you won’t end up happily married. For example, a couple already living together might consider marriage for tax benefits or other financial and legal reasons. This may not be the most romantic reason to tie the knot, but they probably have significant feelings for each other if they live together. Hence, a tax break is a good reason for any to put their relationship on paper.

Of course, there's the classic situation where two people want to get married because of a pregnancy out of wedlock; that is usually why people are headed for marriage, as it can be taboo for the rest of the family. Once again, this isn't the most romantic reason, but that doesn't necessarily make it a bad reason. If your partner is pregnant and you love her, this is as good a reason as any to get married. If your partner is pregnant and you're not sure that you love her, you have some more thinking to do. After all, is a potential divorce going to be any easier on a child than that child growing up without married parents? On that note, as a friendly reminder, it is legal to get married after your partner has delivered the baby.

Why wouldn't you want to get married?

You can - and should - flip this conversation on its head as well. If you have hesitation about getting married, why do you have hesitation about getting married?

As for getting married, some of the reasons for not getting married are better than others. Not being sure that you're ready is a pretty good reason, so don’t get married at the drop of a hat just because your partner asks. Not being sure that you're on good financial footing might be a reason not to get married either.

Many people - particularly men - feel that they need people to support themselves and their partner before getting married. However, this is a largely antiquated view of things. Both of you need to pay the bills to live anyway. If you can support yourself independently, it will probably be even easier for both of you to support yourself as a couple - even if neither one of you could single-handedly support you both. Of course, if you aren't both supporting yourselves financially yet, you should probably crunch those numbers.

Some people also tend to think farther ahead than they need to - especially when it comes to finances. You don't want to get married because you can't afford a house and a family? That's okay. Right now, you're just talking about you and your partner. You don't need to get a mortgage and have a baby the moment that you get married. There'll be time for all of that later.

Tap into your support network

Whether you should get married and when are decisions that you and your partner should make together. However, that doesn't mean that you can't get opinions from people close to you.

No one knows your relationship like you and your partner. However, people who know you can see the relationship from the perspective you can't possibly have. As a result, it makes sense to talk to your family and close friends and any married couples you might be close to and ask them what they think.

Ask a professional

Your family and friends can be a good source of feedback, but you can always talk to a professional if you are still uncertain.

Too many people think that relationship counselors are only to be called when something goes wrong. This is not the case. Relationship counselors can help to strengthen your relationship even if there's nothing wrong with it. They can also help you understand each other and your relationship. That can give you the information you need to determine whether now is the right time to get married.

Another misconception is that both partners need to see a relationship counselor. If you and your partner want to see the relationship counselor together, that's great. Still, if you want to work on your relationship on your own by addressing personal problems like fear of commitment with your relationship counselor, you can do that.

Finding a relationship counselor

You can find relationship counselors in your area by consulting a local directory or running a quick web search. However, seeing a relationship counselor in person is expensive and - unlike seeing a regular counselor or therapist - is virtually never covered by insurance. It also requires adding appointments to your schedule. Further, some people don't like the idea of seeing a local relationship counselor because they're worried about running into the, around town.

Talking to a relationship counselor online is more affordable and more convenient. For more information about how seeing a relationship counselor online can strengthen your relationship, visit https://www.regain.us/start/.

Takeaway

Don't let anyone pressure you into making a decision this big before you're comfortable with it. Take the time to figure out whether you're ready to get married before taking that plunge. But once you do, you may discover just how happily married you are with your new spouse.