Interracial Marriages: How To Navigate The Challenges
Relationships can be fulfilling, but most have their challenges as well. In addition to many of the common causes of stress in relationships such as finances and communication, for example, interracial marriages can bring with them a unique set of challenges.
How to navigate the challenges of an interracial marriage
Interracial marriage is increasing around the world, . It is even becoming a popular field of study because of the unique challenges these relationships can face. However, research suggests we may not understand interracial marriages as well as we might think.
A 2006 study disputed the commonly held belief that interracial marriages are more difficult than intraracial marriages and relationships. Researchers found that mixed couples have comparable relationships as same-race couples regarding attachment to each other, quality, conflict patterns, efficacy, and coping styles.
Another 2007 looked specifically at the quality of African-American/White marriages regarding perceived unfairness in the relationship. Researchers concluded that these marriages face many of the same issues as same-race marriages.
Challenges with the public, friends, and family
Still, there is no denying that interracial couples can face unique difficulties. Most of these problems stem from having to live in a world still warming up to the idea of mixed-race relationships and marriages. It’s been fifty years since Mildred and Richard Loving’s legal victory shattered the USA’s marital race barrier. In 1967, the Supreme Court confirmed that the right to marry whomever you choose is a constitutional one. However, societal prejudice, racism, and unconscious stereotypical bias still plague interracial couples today. Challenges an interracial couple may experience in public or among friends and family could include the following:
Negative stereotyping
Hurtful and insulting comments from the public
Open hostility, threats, discrimination, and intimidation
Stares, slights, whispers, derogatory gestures, etc.
Online trolling and negativity on social media; cyber bullying
Open rejection from family, friends, and colleagues
Dealing with" to "Interacting with
Some people may refuse to support their friends and family despite increasing interracial marriages and relationships. Many couples choose not to respond to negativity and bias, while others prefer to confront open aggression and mistreatment. Many couples may grapple with what to do.
The choice of how to deal with covert or overly aggressive treatment is yours. However, it could help to talk about social injustice, racism, and oppression with your friends and colleagues. You may also consider talking with them about how you feel about their treatment of you and/or your partner and encourage them to ask questions to help foster greater understanding. Consider finding out if there are any support groups in your area that you can join.
If you’re a white partner, you may deal with unique challenges of your own. Still, your greatest challenge may be recognizing that your experience of the world is different from your partner’s. It could serve you and your relationship well to keep the following in mind with regards to your partner of color:
Educate yourself about what it means to be a person of color in a world that is often still dominated and influenced by white privilege. Acknowledge that you don’t know and may never completely understand your partner’s perspective and unique experience in the world.
Educate yourself about your partner’s culture, including how racism or white privilege manifested in their history. Try to understand where your partner and their family come from without causing anyone discomfort.
Broaden your intellectual horizons by studying biographies and commentaries about racism, white privilege, and the like. This exposure will not only add to your education, but it should also stimulate your imagination, which is a valuable tool you can utilize to give you a glimpse into what the lives of people of color can be like.
Be willing to accept the possibility that you may not be welcome in some social situations. Sometimes, people of color might need to express themselves and discuss their experiences with others who understand them personally. Acknowledge that tough conversations can sometimes only be had in groups where fewer guards are up, and empathy is implied.
If they are open to it, discuss with your partner how they experience racism, racial bias, white privilege, etc.
Acknowledge that while you may not be overtly racist, you could have unconscious attitudes and mental stereotypes about race, societal norms, etc. This is nothing to feel badly about so long as you are working to challenge and understand these possible biases. You can test your own implicit bias with an online test from Harvard University: Project Implicit. The first step to address this bias is to realize that even small, unconscious reactions and habits that are not meant to be harmful can be deeply hurtful to your partner. This can include using racially sensitive vocabulary, reflexively laughing at a racist joke, or correcting your partner’s grammar or pronunciation in social gatherings, for instance.
Accept that you may have to make the most cultural adjustments and compromises in the relationship at first, especially if you and your partner’s backgrounds and personal histories differ significantly. If your partner has had negative experiences because of the color of their skin or their nationality, any insensitivity on your part might add to their trauma.
Dealing with challenging family
Family can sometimes be a challenging issue for interracial couples. Both partners may need to be clear on what they’re getting into regarding the family’s beliefs, attitudes, and opinions about interracial relationships and marriage.
It could be helpful to keep in mind that your parents may have grown up during a different time when interracial marriage was less socially acceptable. It could be necessary to understand their experiences and how they see the world. Some degree of acceptance, understanding, and sensitivity could go a long way towards smoothing relations with relatives, even if you don’t completely agree with them.
For interracial couples, it could be important to seek support and understanding from family. You may also want to challenge their disapproval and bias when appropriate. If they remain resistant to your marriage and openly critical of who you chose as a partner, though, it may be best to keep your distance for the sake of your relationship. Consider that disconnecting from family doesn’t have to be permanent. They may just need some time to come around. Your relatives’ attitudes may mellow with time, or they may come to gain greater understanding of the relationship. In the meantime, it may be best to prioritize your own values and ensure that your partner feels respected and safe.
Online therapy may help you navigate interracial marriage
If you experience any of these challenges in your interracial marriage, it may be time to seek help. Still, you may find it challenging to reach out to a therapist, especially in person. You may fear judgement or bias in the mental health community, for example, or you may just be hesitant to discuss such personal issues with a stranger. Many people feel more at ease with online counseling as opposed to traditional office-based therapy. This form of counseling may also save you time since there’s no need for a commute.
The effectiveness of online counseling for couples has been proven time and time again. A recent study found that therapy for couples was just as effective via videoconferencing as it is in person. Positive outcomes include mental health gains for individuals as well as increased relationship satisfaction.
Counselor reviews
Read these counselor reviews from couples experiencing similar issues:
“Austa has been wonderful thus far. She has helped my partner and me during an unimaginably difficult time... She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship. I was hesitant to pursue counseling at the beginning, but I truly believe that it is making a difference in our relationship. Austa is easy to talk to and she is a great listener. I would wholeheartedly recommend her as a counselor.”
“My wife and I decided to give online couples counseling a go after finding traditional methods weren’t all that suited to our busy working and parenting lifestyle. Our counselor Donna Kemp has been amazing! We both feel she’s listened to us and given us the confidence to step out of our comfort zone to deal with problems that are easy to avoid. She is encouraging without being pushy. We’ve both responded very well to her and her methods and look forward to continuing on with Donna. Highly recommend!”
Takeaway
Any marriage can be challenging, but interracial marriages have unique issues to navigate. You don’t have to overcome these obstacles on your own, though. Consider personal or couples therapy (or both) to support your relationship goals. Reach out to Regain today.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs):
What is the divorce rate for interracial couples?
As the rise of multiracial couples and families continues, more studies are being done. Still, the potential for divorce rate between interracial couples and non-interracial couples is not too different.
Which country has the most mixed marriages?
As of now, it seems as if the countries with the most mixed marriages are European countries, which have seen the rate of intermarriage increase consistently over the last decade. In the United States, the rate of intermarriage has increased from around 7% to close to 10% in the last decade. There are differences in intermarriage rates depending on the specific country being surveyed, but many countries worldwide have seen comparable increases in intermarriage.
When was the first interracial marriage in the U.S.?
According to historical records, on November 4th, 1874, when interracial marriage became legal in the capital, Andrew Kinney and Mahala Miller, respectively black and white, traveled to the capital and were married. However, when they returned to their home state, which still had laws outlawing interracial marriage, they were fined. Their marriage was ruled in violation of Virginia’s state laws, which outlawed a white person from being married to a black person, despite being legal in Washington.
It wasn’t until nearly a century later, in 1959, when Richard Loving and Mildred Loving, an interracial married couple, were charged with violating the same law in Virginia. Years later, Mildred wrote a letter to attorney general Robert F. Kennedy explaining how her and her husband did not know that as a black and Indian female, she was unable to marry a white man. The letter caught attention and ended up being taken by the Supreme Court, which ruled that Virginia’s laws violated the 14th amendment, thus overturning the laws against interracial marriage in sixteen states. This allowed anyone to marry a white person and vice versa for any race. However, it still took several years for interracial marriages and couples to increase due to wrongful social stigmas that took years to overcome.
What caseallowed interracial marriage?
The case most widely accepted as the one that allowed interracial married men and women was the Supreme Court issuing its decision in the Loving v. Virginia case. Essentially, an interracial couple had been fined and forced to leave their state due to laws against interracial marriage, but they were also not allowed to visit family in the state. They appealed to the attorney general and Supreme Court, and the Virginian laws were decided to be unconstitutional. From then on, marriage partners in most states were allowed to be interracial legally.
Who was the first interracial couple?
Throughout history, there have been countless prominent interracial couples who have changed history. There have been marriages between a Hispanic person and a person of a different race, between black and white couples such as the Lovings, and more. Gonzalo Guerrero and Zazil Ha were of Spanish and Mayan heritage, respectively, but after being shipwrecked and learning the different cultures' customs, thus gaining the favor and respect of the Mayans, Guerrero married Princess Ha. Regardless of the specific date, women and men have gotten married to people from different races throughout history. Many of these relationships went on to create groundbreaking laws that allowed interracial couples around the world. Since then, interracial couples have slowly been on the rise and increasing faster every year. Regardless of race, newly married people are finding their partners around the world.
How does interracial marriage affect families?
Is interracial marriage a good idea?
How successful are interracial relationships?
Where do most interracial couples live?
Are interracial marriages safe?
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