Supportive Solutions For Those Who Feel Hard To Love: A Guide

Do you feel hard to love? While it may not be true, this lack of clarity and confidence can cause instability in your most stable relationships, potentially causing a greater degree of self-doubt. 

There are steps you can take to feel better about yourself, determine if you do have areas of difficulty in your personality and presentation, and to improve your relationships overall. Below, we discuss signs of possible difficulty in relationships, address the innate human need to be loved, and offer insights to help you be more receptive to experiencing love on a deeper, more intimate basis. 

Are people really hard to love?

We want to note that no one is beyond love or redemption. Rather, addressing possible areas of friction in your presentation and self-perception can give both you and other people around you a better social experience with every interaction. Understanding the signs of difficulty in your relationships can empower you to create change in your life, and reach a higher level of social satisfaction at a faster rate. 

Here are some signs it could be a good idea to invest time in self-reflection and personal development in your relationships:

• You might commonly get the feeling that others are quick to be angry with you

• You might often feel misunderstood and misjudged

• It may make you feel angry when others don't meet your needs

• You might find it hard to see other people's perspectives

• You may constantly blame others for the way you feel

• Others deal with you indirectly, rather than trying to resolve problems directly on a 1:1 basis

Exploring the human need to be loved 

Psychologists have understood that people need love for a long time. Abraham Maslow included love and belonging as a crucial human need in his hierarchy of needs. In fact, Maslow held the human need for love, acceptance and connection in such a high regard that he put it just above physiological needs and safety needs.

Can you control being hard to love?

As you consider this question on your personal development journey, it can be helpful to remember that we are generally responsible for our actions and reactions at any given time. If you believe that you have areas of difficulty in your personality, it can be helpful to consider your outward presentation in relationships. Doing this can show you new areas of personal growth and focus to make your relationships more positive and fulfilling. 

With this in mind, there are steps you can take to make yourself more receptive to love, and agreeable in your relationships: Step Into A Place Of Motivation 

Becoming easier to love can be a challenge well worth your time and effort.

What does it take to succeed? 

First, you'll need to consider finding the motivation within yourself to face the tasks of introspection and consideration ahead of you. You'll generally need to be willing to examine your behavior and thought processes as objectively as possible.

You also may need to consider the needs and motivations of others, and be willing to look at the impact your behavior has on them. 

To do this, you may find that you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable at times. You might also have to learn new ways of communicating, and risk practicing those techniques even when you have doubts. It might not be easy at first — but if you continue on this path, the rewards can be great.

Begin to open yourself to love

Opening yourself to love generally requires you to  be open to possibilities.  To begin, consider shifting your focus on making changes, and allow yourself to celebrate the results and growth you see.  

Learn to love yourself

If you don't love who you are, you might not be able to truly appreciate other people for who they are. Improving your self-esteem, then, might need to become your number one task. Consider setting aside what others think of you for now, and focus on what you think of yourself. This can act as a form of fuel for your self-development. 

Work to meet your own needs

When was the last time you cared for yourself? If you can’t remember, it might mean that you don't easily recognize your needs. While everyone generally has a time in their life when they can't meet their own needs, it can be empowering to realize that you can meet your needs most of the time.

Focus on the positive

Sometimes, we may choose to complain because we don't know of any other way to connect with someone. People do connect on this basis, but these connections tend to be superficial.

If you want to connect with people on a deeper level, you might try setting aside those complaints. Consider focusing on the good things that are happening for you and the other person, working towards positive changes. 

We do want to note that it's okay to recognize when something isn't right. Rather than  complaining about it, you might consider approaching it as a problem to be solved.

Be quicker to compliment than to criticize

Criticism can be extremely helpful under certain circumstances. For example: If someone is trying to learn a skill you're good at, they might ask you for feedback on what they need to do differently. If you keep a positive and problem-solving mindset, you may be able to help them.

On the other hand, criticizing when no one has requested your help can feel overwhelming or abrupt to other people. 

To get around this, you might consider complimenting other people often, when you can genuinely say there's something about them that you appreciate. If you don't see anything to compliment, consider attempting to look a little harder. You can use your powers of observation to find something admirable in others. You may even wind up impacting your own mood in the process of remaining grateful. 

Learn to be empathetic

Expressing empathy for others is a powerful way to make yourself more loveable. . Instead of keeping your focus on your own need to be love, empathy allows you to step into someone else’s shoes as you try to understand how someone else feels.

Empathy can often come from acts of imagination. To begin, you might have to imagine yourself going through what they're going through if you were them. Then, you can consider expressing your empathy in ways that are helpful to them. 

Ask questions

Active listening can be a powerful tool for many to connect deeply in relationships. Next time you're talking with someone, consider focusing more on them. You can do this by asking them questions in order to learn more about what they're trying to tell you. 

Avoid making unnecessary judgments

At times, you may have to judge situations, events, and people in life to make good decisions. However, it can be especially powerful to accept people for who they are without placing a value judgment on them. This can promote harmony in your relationships overall.

Respect others' right to choose

Sometimes it's hard to understand why people do the things they do. Rather than let this influence your reaction, however, you can choose to leave room for differences, holding space for individual growth, joy, and love.

Relax

Relaxation techniques can be a helpful tool to use to help ground yourself in the present moment. This, when used consistently, may be a resource to you as you work to combat negativity or frustration. You might consider trying systematic muscle relaxation or deep breathing exercises to start. 

Can online therapy help those experiencing self-doubt? 

If you’re experiencing self-doubt, you don’t have to go through it alone. Online therapy can be a helpful resource to leverage from the comfort of your home, or another safe place. 

When you’re living with self-doubt, it can feel overwhelming to consider speaking to someone about it, especially in a face-to-face arrangement. With online therapy, however, you can receive comparable benefits in a more accessible (and often affordable) way. 

Is online therapy effective? 

With the rise of online therapy over the course of the 2020s, many have been left wondering if online therapy is as effective as in-person therapeutic formats. Current analysis from the National Council on Aging suggests that online counseling is just as effective as traditional therapy — specifically addressing benefits that those living with anxiety disorders, depression or other mental health conditions have been able to gain. This statement is fueled by multiple scientific studies and analyses that have confirmed the ongoing claim(s). 

Takeaway 

While we all generally have the innate ability to love and be loved as humans, some may believe that they are in a season where they are difficult to love. Assessing your current state of development and focusing on areas of personal development can be a helpful tool to dispel hypercriticism and build your confidence over time. Online therapy can also be a helpful tool to assist you in this, offering you the opportunity to receive an unbiased, third-party opinion to support your clarity and accurate self-perception. Regain offers therapeutic services in your specific area of need.