22 Keys To Writing Love Letters For Her

Updated May 5, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

Are you looking for a unique way to express your love to your significant other? Writing love letters can be a creative way to let her know how you feel about her and the relationship you two share. While you can always say what you need to say in person, sometimes writing down your feelings can allow you to be more vulnerable and thoughtful. Words can be forgotten, but love letters can be held onto for a lifetime and re-read whenever she needs a reminder of your admiration. Whether you write long, multi-page love letters or just a quick good morning love note on a stub of paper, it can be important to put some thought into what you say and how you say it. In this article, we’ll be giving you 22 tips for writing love letters to help you craft something meaningful for her.

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Having trouble expressing how you feel? Therapy can help

Start with a few basic decisions

If you want to create a thoughtful love letter for your significant other, it can be crucial to think through some considerations before you begin writing. Think about the following as you choose which route to take with your letter.

1. Is a love letter appropriate?

If you’re writing love letters for her, it’s likely that you’re in a relationship with each other. Love letters can be a touching sentiment, but it can be crucial to assess your relationship with the other person before deciding to give them a letter. For example, have you two just started dating? Have you been a couple for only a few days? While there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to relationships, you still want to ensure that she is comfortable with you. If writing a romantic love letter doesn’t seem appropriate for the stage that you’re at with her, consider saving it for a different time. 

2. What is the purpose of the letter?

Think about why you're sending the love letter to her. What do you hope to accomplish with it? Your attitude and thus your writing style can automatically adapt to your intentions when you hold them clearly in your mind. You might want to write the letter for one or more of the following reasons.

  • To express your love for her or share with her that you think you’re falling in love with her
  • To show that she’s important to you and on your mind when you’re dating long-distance
  • To help her feel loved and special
  • To correct a false impression that you think she has about you
  • To reveal a different side of yourself to her
  • To express that you can’t wait to share your feelings for her any longer
  • To make her smile
  • As a gift on a special occasion, such as Valentine’s Day or her birthday
  • To supplement an in-person apology after a conflict
  • To say “You are the love of my life”

3. What tone will you take?

The tone of the love letter refers to the attitude you express through your writing. So, what attitude do you want to come across as she reads your letter? Is this going to be a romantic love letter? Or would you like to keep it lighter and more humorous? Maybe clarity is most important to you, so you take on a serious tone.

Choose your tone with the purpose of the love letter in mind. Then, settle into that attitude as you prepare to write down your thoughts. For example, if you want to be romantic in the letter, it can be important to be in a romantic headspace as you're creating it. If you try to write a humorous love letter when you're unhappy, it can come off as cynical and sarcastic. Do what you can to get yourself into the attitude you want to express. When you do, the syntax, diction, perspective, and level of formality you want may naturally arise in your writing.

4. How long do you want to make it?

Start out knowing how long you want your love letter to be. One page can be an appropriate length because it gives you enough space to say something significant without rambling. Sometimes, you might choose to write a short and sweet love note that's only a few sentences. The more you write love letters, the shorter they may be.

If you feel the letter is your one chance to say everything you want to say to your love, the letter could be many pages long. No matter how long you choose to make your letter, it can be essential to make sure it’s organized and structured in a way that makes sense. Otherwise, its impact could be affected.

5. Choose your medium

Decide what form you want the physical letter to take. Here are some options:

  • A handwritten letter on paper
  • A digital document
  • A letter typed on a typewriter
  • A video with a script written by you

6. How will you send it?

You can send the letter through the mail, by email, or even as an electronic message. You can also get creative and send it through other ways. For example, you could hand deliver it to her house yourself and leave it at her door or on her car’s windshield where she can’t miss it. 

Have a brainstorming session

Now that you have the technical decisions out of the way, it's time to get to the heart of the letter. Have a brainstorming session in which you start with a whiteboard or a large piece of paper and something to write with. As you think of your beloved, write down everything that comes to mind. Try not to judge anything; rather, write it all down, knowing you can come back to it later.

7. Recall happy moments with her

You might want to ask yourself some of the following questions: When are some moments when you were happy together? How does she make even the most routine ordinary days something special? What is her presence in my life? Remember even the smallest details of the day, event, or situation and jot them down. Think of how she felt during that time and how you felt about being with her. 

8. Think about her positive qualities

Now, focus on her and think about her characteristics. Consider what you admire about her and what you enjoy about the person she is. It can be easy to get sidetracked if phrases come to mind that are commonly said in love letters. If you notice you’re not writing down any characteristics that are unique to her alone, look at her photo or imagine what she looks like. Then, think of words that describe her and jog your memory to remember situations in which she displayed those characteristics. 

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9. Consider what she enjoys

Think of things your significant other enjoys. When you bring up activities, events, objects, and people that make her happy, you can show her that you're paying attention to what she says. You convey that you notice her happy expressions and her willingness to seek out these things and people. A love letter that highlights what she enjoys can illustrate how you "get" who she is and what excites her.

10. Find what makes her unique

If you're writing someone a love letter, you probably find her different than other people you've known. These differences are likely what makes her so special to you. Think about what it is specifically that sets her apart from the crowd. Brainstorm her unique qualities, interests, words, and behaviors, and add these things to your notes.

11. Think of quotes you might use

Now, search your mind for things she's said to you. For instance, you might want to think about something she's said and let her know her words rang true for you. There may be inside jokes you want to bring up to spark a little laughter. You can also use quotes from poets, celebrities, and other sources to express something you want to say. If you know the quote but not who said it, you can research it later to mention the author. For now, take note of what you do remember.

Do some preliminary writing work

After you've finished your brainstorming session and have plenty of material to use, circle or underline the items that serve your purpose and express your love. At this point, you're ready to do your pre-writing.

12. Create an outline

Make a brief outline of what you want to say. It doesn't have to be a formal or lengthy outline. You can simply put a word or phrase that helps you remember what you're going to include in that section of the letter. 

13. Write a rough draft

With your outline in front of you, write a rough draft of the love letter. In a rough draft, you don't need to worry too much about wording, spelling, or grammar. If you come up with an effective way to say what you want to say, go ahead and include that. Don't be concerned if the page isn't perfect; you're going to rewrite it anyway.

Compose the love letter

Writing the letter is your next task. You likely know what you want to say by now, but you might need to reword or add something to really get your message across. You also might decide to take something out if it doesn't fit with the rest of the letter. Here are some things to remember as you write.

14. Be yourself

It can be difficult to express yourself effectively if you’re pretending to be someone other than who you are. Write as naturally as you can, in your normal conversational style. It's okay to put your best foot forward as long as it's your foot and not someone else's. You can show her a different side of yourself, a part of you that's gentler, more expressive, or direct. As long as your words come from some part of who you are, you'll likely sound authentic.

15. Remember, it's for her, not you

Love Letters to the Dead, a novel written by Ava Dellaira, tells the story of a girl who writes letters to Kurt Cobain after his death. Her goal is to learn to deal with her own grief. Many people who write love letters do so to satisfy their own needs. However, this letter is for her. Keep her needs in mind rather than your own. Additionally, don’t fall into the trap of trying to sell yourself. While it can be important to show her who you are, try not to lose track of your purpose in writing her a love letter. 

16. Don't pressure her

Unhelpful, unproductive love letters put pressure on the reader to do something they really don't want to do. They might push sex, commitment, change, or some other agenda of the writer. These are the kinds of subjects that may only push her away. Instead, give your loving words to her freely, without expecting anything in return.

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Having trouble expressing how you feel? Therapy can help

17. Progress from writing to polishing

After you've composed the letter in its entirety, it’s time to ensure all the technical details are correct. Check spelling, grammar, and sentence structure. There are online programs that can check these things for you, or you could ask your best friend to read it over and provide edits. As long as they are only editing the technical aspects of the letter and not the message itself, it can be appropriate to include another person in the process. Make any corrections you need to by using the resources and tools at your disposal. 

18. Read it aloud

Your final check is to read it aloud to yourself. Professional writers often do this to make sure their words run smoothly according to their intended purpose. As you read, you may find that you need to make corrections again.

19. Put it into its final form

The last thing to do before sending your letter on its way is to work on its physical presentation. That may mean putting it on paper, cleaning up your digital document, or whatever else it might take to get it into the form that you want her to see it in.

20. Send it with confidence

If you've done this much work writing a letter that you feel happy to send, don't let doubts trouble you. Go ahead and send it, hoping for the best. While she could turn down your affection, she might love the letter so much that she keeps it for the rest of her life. How she responds to the letter is her choice and is something you cannot control. 

21. Wait patiently

It can be difficult to wait for an answer when you aren't sure of what her response will be. Yet, you can have peace knowing that you've been kind, considerate, appropriate, and thoughtful. Once you've done the best you can do, rest in the assurance that no matter what her response is, you’ve created something meaningful. That remains the same no matter how she takes it.

22. Move beyond the love letter

Once your love reads the letter and responds to it, you may either find yourself elated or disappointed, depending on her response. If she’s happy with the letter, you can use this momentum to develop your relationship and make it stronger. If she expresses a different response than you expected, you can use it as an opportunity to grow and learn. 

Perhaps you wrote the letter with the purpose of healing your relationship, but it didn’t have that intended effect. In this case, there's a chance that the two of you may need more help to overcome your problems. If so, you can work together with a professional to move forward.

How online counseling might help

Writing love letters can be appropriate whether you’re simply expressing your love or trying to repair your relationship. If you’ve written one hoping it would mend the problems with your significant other, but the outcome wasn’t what you expected, therapy could be a more effective tool to utilize. Regain is an online platform that provides both individuals and couples counseling from anywhere you have an internet connection. If you and your partner are struggling to communicate and even love letters can’t help, it’s possible that talking through these issues in counseling could be just what your relationship needs. Online counseling can remove many of the obstacles couples face when seeking care. You may not have to worry about things like lack of transportation, high costs, and time constraints when you choose an online option for support. Reach out whenever you and your partner feel ready to get started. 

The effectiveness of online counseling 

Individuals who lack the ability to communicate productively with others may face problems in their personal and professional lives. Research has shown that online counseling can help people develop effective communication skills. In one study, researchers created a virtual program for nurses that included authentic clinical scenarios and simulated patient interactions; this program was meant to help them develop strong communication skills before their clinical postings with real doctors, patients, and families. Researchers found that the program enhanced the participants’ perceived self-efficacy and confidence in developing and maintaining the communication skills needed in their careers. Naturally, these results could also carry over into their personal lives.

Takeaway

Love letters can be a powerful way to express your feelings for your significant other. Whether you write her love letters regularly or every once in a while, it can provide a reminder of your affection and a thoughtful touch to your relationship. Crafting romantic love letters doesn’t come naturally to everyone, but anyone can learn how to communicate their feelings through words. If you need help in this area or in some other aspect of your relationship, consider connecting with an online therapist. A Regain therapist can equip you with skills you can use to create a healthy and fulfilling relationship. 

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