22 Keys To Writing Love Letters For Her

By ReGain Editorial Team|Updated June 23, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Laura Angers, NCC, LPC

Do you want to express your love to your girlfriend or wife? Writing love letters for her is a great way to let her know how you feel. Whether you write a long, multi-page letter or just a quick note, you need to put some thought into what you say and how you say it. Here are 22 tips to help you do it.

Start With A Few Basic Decisions

If it's important to send your love a letter, it's important enough to think before you write. The first task you need to do is make some basic decisions that will help you get a clearer idea of what you're going for as you write.

1. Should You Compose The Letter Yourself?

Technically, you don't have to compose the love letter at all. You can choose from 1001 love letters and templates to have someone else do the hard work for you. All you have to do is add the name of your beloved.

That may sound like the most efficient option if you don't like writing, but is it the right choice to make? Consider this: If your loved one wanted to read a letter written by someone else, she could do the same thing you just did and read it online. How is she going to feel if someone she knows receives the same letter with their name inserted?

Cheating is always a dangerous game, and it usually ends in disappointments or misunderstandings. Prewritten love letters may be easy to use, but they don't give your beloved anything of personal value.

2. What Is The Purpose Of The Letter?

Think hard about why you're sending the love letter to her. What do you hope to accomplish with it? Your attitude and thus your writing style will automatically adapt to your intentions when you hold them clearly in your mind. You might want to write the letter for one or more of the following reasons.

  • To express your love for her
  • To help her feel loved and worthwhile
  • To remind her of your shared history
  • To correct a false impression that you think she has about you
  • To reveal a different side of yourself to her
  • To share the good news with her
  • To make her smile
  • As a gift on a special occasion

3. What Tone Will You Take?

The tone of the love letter refers to the attitude you express through your writing. So, what attitude do you want to come across to her? Is this going to be one of those romantic love letters? Or, would you like to keep it light and humorous. Maybe clarity is most important to you, so you take on a no-nonsense attitude.

Choose your tone with your purpose for writing the love letter in mind. Then, settle into that attitude right away. If you want to be romantic in the letter, you need to feel romantic as you're creating it, for example. If you try to write a humorous love letter when you're unhappy, it can come off sounding cynical and sarcastic.

Get yourself into the attitude you want to express first. When you do, the syntax, diction, perspective, and level of formality you want will naturally arise in your writing.

4. How Long Do You Want To Make It?

Start out knowing about how long you want your love letter to be. One page is a good length because it gives you enough space to say something significant without rambling. Sometimes, you might choose to write just a little love note that's only a sentence or two.

If you feel the letter is your one chance to say everything you want to say to your love, the letter could be many pages long. Or, if you're far away and want to share everything that's happened, you might end up with a long letter. The main thing you need to pay attention to in long letters is the structure of the letter. Otherwise, the letter's impact will be decreased.

5. Choose Your Medium

Decide what form you want the physical letter to take. Here are some options:

  • A handwritten letter on paper
  • A digital document
  • A video with a script written by you

6. How Will You Send It?

You can send the letter through the mail, by email, or even as an electronic message.

Have A Brainstorming Session

Now that you have the technical decisions out of the way, it's time to get to the heart of the letter. Have a brainstorming session. Start with a whiteboard or a large piece of paper and something to write with. As you think of your beloved, write down everything that comes to mind. Don't judge anything. Just write it all down.

7. Recall Good Times With Her

Try to remember experiences you share with her. When were you happy together? Remember the details of the event. Please think of how she enjoyed the event or situation. How did you feel about being with her?

8. Think About Her Positive Qualities

Now, focus on her. Think about her characteristics. Consider what you admire about her and what you enjoy about who she is. It's easy to get sidetracked if words come to mind that is commonly said in love letters. If you notice you're not getting down any characteristics that describe her, look at her photo or imagine what she looks like. Then, think of words that describe her best.

9. Consider What She Enjoys

Think of things she enjoys. When you bring up activities, events, objects, and people that make her happy, you show her that you're paying attention. You notice her happy expressions and her willingness to seek out these things and people. She sees that you "get" who she is and what excites her.

10. Find What Makes Her Unique

If you're writing someone a love letter, you probably find her different than other people you've known. What is it that sets her apart from the crowd? Brainstorm on her unique qualities, interests, words, and behaviors and add these things to your notes.

11. Think Of Quotes You Might Use

Now, search your mind for things she's said to you. For instance, you might want to think about something she's said and let her know her words rang true for you. You can also use quotes from poets, celebrities, and other sources to express something you want to say. If you know the quote but not who said it, you can research it later to mention the author. For now, take a note of what you remember.

Do A Little Preliminary Writing Work

After you've finished your brainstorming and have plenty of material to use, circle or underline the items that serve your purpose and express your love, at this point, you're ready to do your pre-writing.

12. Create An Outline

Make a brief outline of what you want to say. It doesn't have to be a formal outline. Just put a word or phrase that helps you remember what you're going to include.

13. Write A Rough Draft

With your outline in front of you, write a rough draft of the love letter. In a rough draft, you don't need to worry too much about wording, spelling, or grammar. If you come up with a great way to say what you want to say, go ahead and include that. Don't be concerned if the page isn't perfect. You're going to rewrite it anyway.

Compose The Love Letter

Writing the letter is your next task. You'll know what you want to say by now, but you might need to reword or add something. You also might decide to take something out if it doesn't fit with the rest of the letter. Here are some things to remember as you write.

14. Be Yourself

You can't express yourself by pretending to be someone other than who you are. Write as naturally as you can, in your normal conversational style. It's okay to put your best foot forward as long as it's your foot and not someone else's. You can show her a different side of yourself, a part of you that's gentler, more expressive, or direct. As long as your words come from some part of who you are, you'll sound authentic.

15. Remember, It's For Her, Not You

Love Letters to the Dead, a novel written by Ava Dellaira, tells the story of a girl who writes letters to Kurt Cobain after his death. Her goal is to learn to deal with her own grief. Many people who write love letters do so to satisfy their own needs. However, this letter is for her. Keep her needs in mind rather you're your own.

Also, don't fall into the trap of trying to sell yourself. This is a love letter, after all, not an advertisement for you! Show her who you are, of course. Just don't lose track of your purpose in writing her.

16. Don't Pressure Her

Bad love letters put pressure on the reader to do something they really don't want to do. They push sex, commitment, change, or some other agenda of the writer. These are the kinds of subjects that will likely push her away. Instead, give your loving words to her freely, without expecting anything in return.

17. Progress From Writing To Polishing

After you've composed the letter and gotten it into the right words, you need to make sure all the technical details are right. Check spellings, grammar, and sentence structure. Make any corrections you need to make.

18. Read It Aloud

Your final check is to read it aloud to yourself. Professional writers often do this to make sure their words run smoothly to their intended purpose. As you read, you may find that you need to make corrections again.

19. Put It Into Its Final Form

The last thing you have to do before sending your letter on its way is to work on the physical presentation. That means you need to put it on paper, clean up your digital document, or whatever it takes to get it into the form that you want her to see.

20. Send It With Confidence

If you've done this much work writing a letter you're happy to send, don't let doubts trouble you after you send it. She might turn down your affection like the character Garnet turned down Jamie in the Steven Universe Love Letters animated show. Or, she might love the letter so much that she keeps it for the rest of her life. She might be looking for advice on "writing love letters for him" next. How she responds to the letter is her choice, not yours.

21. Wait Patiently

It can be difficult to wait for an answer when you aren't sure of her response. Yet, you'll know that you've been kind, considerate, appropriate, and thoughtful. Once you've done the best you can do, rest in the assurance that no matter what her response is, you aren't a failure or a loser. You've written a wonderful love letter for her. That remains the same no matter how she takes it.

Still, you may have problems dealing with both the waiting time and her response when you receive it. Knowing how to write a love letter is a positive thing but dealing with your feelings about it is even more important.

22. Move Beyond The Love Letter

Once your love reads the letter and responds to it, you may be disappointed that it didn't work out how you wanted it to work. Although you may have written the letter with the purpose of healing your relationship, there's a chance that the two of you need more help to overcome your problems.

If so, one option is to talk to a licensed therapist for couple's counseling via ReGain.us. Your counselor can help you deal with communications issues, power struggles, or other conflicts that keep you apart. So, even if you've done a poor job of getting your point across, you can get help in overcoming the aftermath. Knowing how to write a love letter is an investment in your relationship. If you're willing to go another step further, you can work towards even greater relationship skills.

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