Here's Why You Need Sexy Relationship Goals
By: Dylan Buckley
Updated March 04, 2020
Medically Reviewed By: Karen Devlin, LPC
It's a common stereotype that older married couples or those who have been in dedicated relationships for a long period of time come across the issue of not having enough sex or as much sex as they used to when their relationship was fresh and new. This stereotype comes with the bickering couple that often features one spouse who simply does not want to have sex anymore and one who is not happy with that fact. While this stereotype is not always true and not all couples have this issue, those that do do suffer from a strain in their relationship as sex does play a huge role in a couple's overall happiness with each other.
Intimate touch is an important part of a close romantic relationship. For many people, sexual intimacy is entwined with emotional intimacy and that means that paying attention to your sex life can be a huge advantage to your long-term relationship and ignoring it can produce the opposite results. That being said, it's normal for a relationship to feel less sexy as time goes on. Passion doesn't always last when you are engaging in the same sexual activities and the truth is, it happens. The good news is that you can change this and you don't have to let it stay that way. Actively forming sexy relationship goals can keep you both feeling hot, and keep your relationship healthy. Let's take a closer look at why sexual intimacy is so important and how you can set some sexy relationship goals that will keep this relationship constantly progressing forward!
Why Sexual Intimacy Is Important
Before we start talking about the importance of sexual intimacy in relationships, we must first clarify that not all relationships will require increased sexual activity or sexual activity at all in order to thrive. Some individuals, whether it be that they don't feel the need to have sex that much or because they may have a sexuality that eliminates the need to have sex, are able to thrive in a relationship with a limited or non-existent sex life and should not feel pressured if this current model is working for you.
However, this lifestyle does not work for everyone and for those who are having issues, it is important to know why sexual intimacy is key to sustaining a great relationship.
Just because you and your partner are having sex does not mean you are actively contributing to your intimacy level with each other. It is possible for people in a relationship to become used to having sex with each other. It becomes a routine and when that happens, you may be able to have sex but not actually be in tune with each other. Building intimacy is about having sex in a way that engages your mind and your emotions.
When sexual activities are shared in with your full awareness, you build a deeper connection with your partner. In fact, some couples in long-term relationships find that addressing the problems in their sex life greatly improves the other issues in their marriage. Why? Because sexual and emotional intimacy brings joy that allows you to be less judgmental of your partner and that clears other problems within the relationship dynamic.
Here are some other major reasons why sex is key to a great relationship…
It Translates to a Better Experience Outside of the Bedroom
People think that sex is simply sex and that it doesn't have any benefits except for the pleasure that two people receive when they are in the bedroom together. However, this is not the case. Sexual intimacy helps to lead to a better relationship outside of the bedroom just as much as it serves to help a couple within the bedroom. When two couples are consistently intimate with each other and are satisfied with their love life, they are going to boost other things such as their general health, emotional state, and other parts of the self that are key to keeping things light and happy between them when they are engaging with each other non-sexually on a daily basis. Both touch and sexual love are key languages that help individuals translate their affection to each other and when a partner feels that affection, vulnerability, and trust through sex, it helps to add to the relationship.
It Boosts You and Your Partner's Confidence
Think back to the first time you met your partner. Were you not flattered by all of the affection and attention they were giving you? Did you not feel confident when you two were exposed to each other and they felt attracted to your body? Was there not a sense of confidence that came with being able to satisfy your partner sexually? Although these initial feelings may wane over time as you become more comfortable with your partner, there is still a great feeling that comes with being wanted by your partner and a confidence that comes with a fantastic sexual relationship. This is why when couples go from having frequent sex to having significantly less sex or no sex at all, partners feel unwanted or unattractive and lose some of their self-esteem and confidence in the self-image. Sex helps to restore that and reinforce those great characteristics.
It Improves Overall Mental and Physical Health
You may be surprised to learn that pleasure is not the only thing that you and your partner are getting out of having sex. Sex comes with a host of mental and physical benefits such as a reduction in stress and anxiety levels, an increase in immune system function, a more youthful appearance, a healthier lifestyle of dieting and exercise (or an increased of chance in making these moves), a decrease in pain, a decrease in the chance of developing heart disease and certain cancers, improved memory, and a better quality of sleep. Overall, sex is great for couples who want to boost their quality of life and this is yet another reason why you should improve your sex life.
Sexy Relationship Goals to Set
Now that you know why you need them, here are some sexy relationship goals to help you build intimacy with your partner and strengthen your bond.
Kiss With Intention (Every Time!)
Not all kisses are the same and some kisses can lack that special something that you used to have with your partner or translate the love between you two. Make it a goal to be present for every kiss you give and receive with your partner and treat it as its own moment deserving of your time and energy. Don't just give them a quick peck on their way out the door. Look into their eyes, take your time, and feel their lips touching yours. It only takes a few extra seconds to make each kiss meaningful and this can go a long way in increasing intimacy between the two of you. (It might even be enough to get you both in the mood!)
Be Naked Together
This isn't about just getting naked and having sex, which can lose its luster if you simply strip down and get to it without allowing for a buildup to happen. Allow time for yourselves to be close and explore each other's bodies while you are naked. Try sleeping naked together or giving each other massages. You could also just have your partner lie down on their stomach while you caress their back. These exercises serve to reinforce the idea that time spent nude together is not just about jumping to sex. Sex is about the exploration of two bodies together and is meant to be beautiful, intense, and pleasurable.
Talk About Expectations
Everyone has different sex drives and everyone has different needs when it comes to sex. Over time, partners may not feel as sexually satisfied as they used to in the relationship and they may either feel ashamed to talk about it or they may not want to embarrass or let down the other partner. Take the time to sit down to talk to your partner so that you can find out how often they feel you should be having sex, what you should be doing during sex, and what you can do to better serve their needs. (This goes both ways.) If you each have very different expectations, try to find a middle ground and stick to a plan that gives you both the opportunity to be sexual with each other regularly.
Flirt With Each Other
Being in a long-term relationship allows you to share intimate fantasies you wouldn't share with just anyone. However, being in a long-term relationship can make you feel too comfortable with your partner as well and you may lose that sexual excitement as the relationship progresses due to having gotten used to your partner's body and their sexual habits. In order to regain this spark, you must go back to the beginning and figure out ways that you can spice up the relationship. Talk to each other about sex. Be honest and be playful. Send your partner a sexy text message telling them a tiny preview of what you'd like to do to them later. It gives them a heads up that you're in the mood and gives both of you something to look forward to. Foreplay can also increase the intensity of the sexual activity and make it easier for the two of you to feel more satisfied and connected when all is said and done.
To summarize the above information, if your sex life has gotten stagnant, make it a priority to get your love life back on track for the sake of your relationship and for the many benefits listed in the first section of this article. Hopefully, these tips can help to get you started and you can continue to brainstorm ideas with your partner until you are on the same page about your sexual needs and desires. However, if you find that you are having issues figuring it out on your own, you can also try talking to a professional relationship counselor about how you can find more ways to build greater sexual intimacy with your partner and successfully integrate them into your relationship. Help is always there when you need it and change is as close as a click away.