What Is Infidelity And How Does It Affect Mental Health?

Betrayal from a partner can cause depression, anxiety, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Although it may be difficult to discuss infidelity, therapy can often help people process emotions and can sometimes repair a relationship.

What is infidelity?

Merriam Webster’s dictionary defines infidelity as “the act of or fact of having a romantic or sexual relationship with someone other than one’s husband, wife, or partner.” However, in consensual non-monogamy, this strict definition doesn’t always apply. In any case, having a partner cheat on you can negatively affect your mental health in several ways.

Research on infidelity

According to Vogue magazine, sex research indicates that about 21% of people have admitted to cheating at some point in their lives, which typically means they’ve had a romantic or sexual relationship with someone other than their committed partner.

What is sexual infidelity vs. other kinds of infidelity?

Sexual infidelity is just one kind of cheating. Some consider emotional involvement with others to be cheating, while others also consider involvement with other people online to be cheating.

Sexual infidelity

Sexual infidelity occurs when one partner has some type of physical extramarital affair, whether it involves sexual relations or inappropriate physical contact. In a non-monogamous committed relationship, any physical contact without a partner’s knowledge and/or consent is often considered infidelity. Also, some people consider watching porn or having sexual fantasies about other people a form of sexual infidelity.

Emotional infidelity

Emotional infidelity occurs when someone cultivates a deep emotional attachment with a potential romantic partner outside the primary relationship, and as a result, emotional intimacy in the relationship typically erodes. Both sexual and emotional infidelity can be extremely painful to the partner who was cheated on.

What is infidelity online?

Online infidelity can include a number of actions, including the following:

• Flirting with someone else via text message
• Having a secret life online via an online dating service
• Watching porn
• Pretending like one is single on social media. 

What effect can betrayal have on mental health?

Any kind of betrayal can have an effect on mental health, and cheating in a relationship is no exception. 

The effects of betrayal

To a partnered or married person, betrayal can cause a number of mental health challenges, including depression, anxiety, and PTSD. It can damage self-esteem and cause physical problems, as well. This can affect people’s ability to maintain emotional intimacy and to trust others, which in turn can damage future relationships. These effects can occur with any kind of betrayal, but relationship infidelity can specifically cause problems with emotional and sexual intimacy. 

What happens after your partner has been unfaithful in terms of sex or romance?

When you discover that your partner has been unfaithful, you may experience a diverse array of emotions, such as anger, grief, and distrust. You may also consider whether you want to leave the relationship or stay in it and whether the two of you should attend couples therapy.

Is it helpful to attend individual, couples, or family therapy for infidelity?

If you’ve experienced infidelity in your relationship, therapy can sometimes be an important part of healing, both for a couple and individuals, and sometimes also for families. 

Couples therapy to heal from infidelity related to extramarital sex or affairs

Infidelity can be difficult for any partnership, and attending couples therapy after emotional and sexual infidelity can be helpful for the healing process. It can often help the partner who has been cheated on manage grief and other emotions, and it may help the cheating partner understand their sexual behavior. In some cases, couples therapy may also help couples move forward with better communication patterns. Surviving infidelity is often possible, but both partners typically need to be invested in the therapeutic process.

Family therapy

While family therapy isn’t a typical way to address infidelity, if the family or the children have been adversely affected, they may benefit from attending family therapy sessions.

Individual therapy for mental health

If your partner has been unfaithful to you, individual therapy sessions can also be helpful for processing feelings of grief and anger over any romantic or sexual encounters your partner had with someone else.  

Online therapy after infidelity

Some people may feel hesitant to attend in-person therapy to discuss infidelity. In these cases, support is still available through online therapy. In recent years, research has shown online therapy to be effective, both individually and for couples. It allows you flexibility with scheduling, eliminates travel time, and allows you to attend therapy sessions from home or anywhere with an internet connection, which may be helpful for couples who are not in the same location.