Can You Rebuild Trust After Being Caught Cheating?
Key takeaways
- Infidelity can be devastating to a relationship, but there may be ways to move forward together.
- Online therapy can help you determine whether staying together or going your separate ways is the healthiest option.
For some people, there can be a sweet sense of satisfaction in witnessing others get caught cheating. Some may even relish the chance to watch videos of unfaithful partners getting caught in the act. A recent, enormously popular example of this phenomenon is the viral video of the couple caught at the Coldplay concert. This fascination can be considered a type of “schadenfreude,” or pleasure in others’ misfortune, and it can be quite common when seeing someone get caught engaging in unethical behavior.
But what happens when this situation plays out in your own life? Behind the scenes, catching a partner cheating or getting caught yourself can bring on a slew of complex emotions and a steep set of challenges. If this is something you are experiencing, taking time to process your emotions, spending time with loved ones, and seeking support in therapy can all be beneficial.
What emotions can arise after catching your partner cheating?
Catching your partner cheating can be a deeply painful experience, both in the moment and over time. Every person may react differently, but a wide range of complex emotions can be common.
Common emotions in the moment
In the exact moment when you find out that your partner is cheating, some of the following emotions may be common:
- Anger and rage
- Deep hurt and sadness
- Shock, confusion, and disbelief
- Disappointment
- Disgust
- Betrayal
Some people may feel a mix of emotions come on all at once in an intense, overwhelming wave, but others may feel numb at first—as if their emotions are blocked. Any and all of these reactions are valid.
Common emotions after the fact
After having more time to process the event, a different set of emotions may arise. Some common emotions may include the following:
- Insecurity and self-doubt
- Worry and fear about the future of the relationship
- Deep sadness and grief
- Stress and anxiety about the infidelity happening again
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What emotions can arise after being caught cheating?
The unfaithful partner may also experience a wide mix of emotions when they are caught cheating. Again, reactions can vary from one individual, couple, and situation to the next, but certain emotions may be common.
Common emotions when you are caught cheating
In most cases, an unfaithful partner never intended to get caught. Being caught by one’s partner can bring on an array of intense emotions, such as:
- Embarrassment
- Denial
- Anger
- Guilt
- Fear
Common emotions later on
After having more time to process the situation, the unfaithful partner may experience a new set of emotions. These might include the following:
- Remorse and regret
- Shame
- Confusion and disappointment in oneself
- Stress and worry about the consequences of their actions
- Continued denial of wrongdoing
Is it possible to rebuild trust?
Every relationship is unique, so whether it is possible to rebuild trust after a partner gets caught cheating is dependent on the couple themselves. For some people, the hurt, betrayal, and shame may be too much to come back from, especially if they witnessed the betrayal with their own eyes. However, if both people are committed to trying to fix the relationship, it can be possible to rebuild trust, although it can be challenging to do so.
Strategies to rebuild trust
In the wake of this kind of betrayal, rebuilding trust can require a range of steps:
- Coming clean about the infidelity and answering any questions that the betrayed partner might have
- Engaging in open and honest conversations about the relationship
- Individually processing the many emotions that have arisen
How can you move forward after infidelity?
Experiencing infidelity can be enormously painful, but there are various steps you can take to navigate these challenges and move forward. These steps may be helpful whether you decide to stay in the relationship or to end it.
Tending to your own mental health
Whether you were the unfaithful partner or the betrayed partner, taking care of your individual mental health can be crucial for moving forward. Some of the following steps may help:
- Taking time to process your emotions
- Reflecting on the situation and—in the case of the unfaithful partner—what led to the infidelity
- Reflecting on how you want to move forward
- Spending time with people you love and care about
- Doing things that bring you joy
- Seeking individual support in therapy
Seeking support for your relationship
If you decide that you want to stay together and work on the relationship, meeting with a qualified therapist in couples therapy can be a beneficial step. There is even a therapeutic modality called SART (systematic affair recovery therapy) that is specifically focused on helping couples heal after infidelity. You can connect with a couples therapist in your local area or through an online therapy platform.
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Online therapy for infidelity
Research has demonstrated the effectiveness of online couples therapy for a range of concerns, including relationship satisfaction. A large and growing body of evidence suggests that virtual therapy can produce the same results as in-person therapy.
If you and your partner are taking some time apart after infidelity, online therapy may be a convenient option, as it allows partners to join sessions from different locations if needed. Online therapy can also offer increased scheduling flexibility and the choice between video, audio, and online chat sessions.
Takeaway
Catching your partner cheating or being caught cheating yourself can bring on a complex mix of intense emotions, both in the moment and after the fact. Rebuilding trust after catching your partner cheating can be very challenging, but doing so can be possible if both people are committed to working on the relationship. For support in the process, meeting with a qualified couples therapist in person or online can help.
How does a woman react when caught cheating?
It can be common for a person who has been caught red-handed to behave defensively, make an excuse for their mistake, deny their behavior, or respond with anger. As time goes on, these reactions may shift to guilt and shame, or the individual may continue lying, denying their actions, or blaming their partner for their behavior.
What do I do if I get caught cheating?
If you’ve been caught cheating and want to save your relationship, being open, honest, and genuinely apologetic may be helpful. However, if you don’t want to save your relationship, ending it before causing your partner additional pain could be recommended. Speaking to a therapist may provide you with more personalized guidance.
Does the guilt of cheating ever go away?
As everyone is an individual, the experience of guilt can vary from person to person. Some may be able to move past challenging emotions over time, while a sense of guilt may remain for others. Choosing to talk to a therapist may help those who are having a hard time with guilt related to infidelity in their relationship or marriage.
What are the three types of men who have affairs?
Different sources share varying ideas about the types of people who engage in infidelity. However, there tend to be multiple factors contributing to someone’s decision to have an affair. Attending therapy may offer understanding as to why the affair occurred in the first place.
What ends most affairs?
Affairs may end for various reasons. The initial excitement may fade, the unfaithful individual’s primary relationship and personal life may enter “crisis mode,” the individual’s guilt may become overwhelming, or they may tire of having to hide the affair from family and friends, for example.
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