What Is Memory Repression And How Can It Affect Your Relationships?

If you’ve ever watched a crime show like Law and Order: Special Victims Unit, you may have seen at least one episode where someone remembers the events of a crime by recovering a repressed memory. In the context of Law and Order: SVU, this often occurs in the context of a therapy session with a counselor or a forensic psychologist, and it often involves the use of techniques such as hypnosis.

These scenes can make a compelling and convenient plot device for an episode, but it might surprise you to learn that repressed memories may be real. Still, the reality of repressed memories can be quite different from their portrayal in crime dramas. This article will shine a spotlight on the reality of repressed memories and how they can impact a person’s life, including their relationships.

What are repressed memories?

For many people, forgetting is common. You may walk into a room and instantly forget what you came for, for example. You might ask yourself questions like, “Did I reply to that email?”, “Did I take the trash out?”, etc.  These experiences may be a result of your memory having a normal and temporary blip. It doesn’t mean that you’ve “repressed” the memories of ordinary things like where you left your keys or the specifics of what you said in a recent meeting. In these cases, it may simply mean that you’re momentarily unable to remember something. This could be because your brain needs space for something else that it deems more important.

These common memory blips can occur for a variety of reasons that have nothing to do with pain or trauma. But repressed memories are different. Memory repression— often called “dissociative amnesia”— may occur as a result of a traumatic experience. When your brain deliberately represses a single memory or several past memories, it typically does so in an attempt to shield you from a painful truth that could prove difficult for you to cope with. This may occur in early childhood when a child experiences abuse or trauma at a very young age. As a result, people may grow up without any memory of the trauma, only to later be triggered by an experience that causes the memory to resurface.

Memory repression and controversy

Some scientists doubt the validity of repressed memories. Thus, the phenomenon has been the subject of great controversy in the psychiatric community. For example, since many incidents of repressed memories are tied to childhood trauma, there is some concern regarding the ethics of interviewing patients about possible repressed memories. One of the most controversial cases on this topic involves a woman named Nicole Kluemper who accused her mother of molesting her when she was four years old.

Nicole’s therapist later said that she uncovered repressed memories of sexual abuse in a therapy session a few years later. Nicole’s videotaped recollections later formed the basis of a controversial study which claimed that repressed memories of sexual abuse were indicative of real trauma. The study was met with staunch opposition by other psychological professionals who argued that repressed memories could not be proven as valid. Additional studies suggest that some therapists have inadvertently planted false memories in their patients’ minds while attempting to help them recover so-called repressed memories.

The truth about repressed memories remains shrouded. As we piece through the many controversial studies and their varying results, it may be best to bear in mind that the human memory is notoriously fallible and malleable. 

For example, courts often consider eye-witness testimony unreliable for a few key reasons. One primary reason is the fact that your mind can edit and alter your memories after an event has taken place.

If you are asked to describe something you saw immediately after you witnessed it, your recollection of the event may be clear. But if you are asked the same questions after a couple of months have passed, you may give very different answers. For example, if you previously said that the perpetrator’s shirt was blue, after a few months, you may be fuzzy on the details. When asked again, you might say that it was grey. That doesn’t mean that you are lying or that you have any intention of misleading others. It may simply mean that your brain has mixed up the details about what you saw.

False memories are especially likely if someone else provides you with details about something you think you’ve seen. For example, imagine that you and your friend watched the new Spider Man movie together. A few weeks later, you’re both trying to recount the details of a specific scene to a friend who has not yet seen the movie. If your friend misremembers the details of that scene and you hear them telling their version as if it is fact, your brain might edit your own memory of that scene. As a result, you may go along and agree that the scene happened in the way your friend recalled.

The human memory is fallible. So, when we consider potential cases of memory repression, it could be important to keep this fact— and the subject’s long and controversial history— in mind.

How do I know if I have repressed memories?

People may begin to explore the possibility of memory repression after some sort of traumatic or unexpected event. If you think you may have repressed some memories of trauma, here are a few common signs that may confirm your suspicions.

You experience alarming reactions to certain people or places 

The body can retain memories of trauma even when the mind forgets or tries to move on. If you experience an unexpectedly strong reaction to a person and/or a place— for example, if you suddenly feel unsafe, get a bad vibe, or feel as though you’ve encountered this place or person before— and you don’t know why, this can sometimes be indicative of a trauma response your memory has repressed.

These same responses can also occur when you encounter specific smells, foods, or situations. If you suddenly feel as though your fight-or-flight response has kicked into high gear for no discernible reason, it’s possible that this response may be the result of a traumatic memory your brain has suppressed.

You experience memory blackouts

If you’ve ever had a little too much alcohol on one occasion, you’ve probably experienced a memory blackout before. That’s because excessive alcohol can inhibit the production of memories. If you’re blackout drunk, you may still be able to talk, function, and even behave normally, but your brain is so impaired that it’s unable to produce and retain memories in that state. While this is not a healthy state to be in, this type of memory lapse does not inherently cause lasting harm and is not indicative of repressed trauma.

But if you regularly experience memory blackouts that do not involve the use of alcohol or drugs, it’s possible that these incidents may be tied to a traumatic experience that you’ve repressed. Regular memory blackouts— especially those that last for days at a time and have a significant impact on your life— can also be a symptom of Dissociative Identity Disorder (or DID). Often erroneously referred to as “multiple personality disorder,” DID can develop because of childhood trauma. At the core, this disorder involves a fractured sense of self. When a young child experiences extreme abuse or trauma, the mind sometimes attempts to shield the child by compartmentalizing.

In practice, this may involve the creation of an alter ego— or “other personality”— which helps the child to feel strong and safe. If the child can temporarily identify as another, stronger person, it can help them to cope with the trauma in the moment. While this can be a helpful strategy for coping with trauma, DID doesn’t conveniently disappear as soon as the abuse and trauma end. Instead, a child who develops Dissociative Identity Disorder will generally carry it into adulthood where it can cause a host of problems.  

Recurrent memory blackouts are among the most common symptoms of Dissociative Identity Disorder. Other symptoms can include:

• Vivid, painful dreams and memories
• Unexpected, unexplained, and uncharacteristic changes in your behavior, mood, and/or clothing
• Feeling untethered or as though you have lost your sense of self
• Bizarre behavioral and emotional changes that prompt others to remark that you don’t seem like yourself

Not everyone who experiences abuse or trauma develops Dissociative Identity Disorder.

How repressed memories can impact your relationships

Many individuals who experience a sudden resurgence of unexplained triggers and memories may feel confused, lost, and untethered as a result. These sensations may affect one’s ability to develop and maintain healthy relationships. You may experience difficulties with trust and intimacy that can manifest as intense fears of abandonment or rejection, for instance. These fears can, in turn, put strain on your relationships.

Therapy can help

If you think you may have repressed memories of childhood trauma, it could be helpful to know that you don’t have to cope with this on your own. Unpacking trauma can be an intense and painful process, especially if your mind has spent years attempting to shield you from these memories. If you’re trying to work through these memories, it could be vital that you have the proper support. A licensed mental health professional can work with you and provide you with valuable tools and coping mechanisms to help you process your feelings.

For individuals with childhood trauma or repressed memories, there could be certain barriers to traditional therapy. You might be hesitant or even fearful of discussing painful memories or suspicions with a stranger, especially in person. An online setting could help put you at ease and find the confidence to share your story with a therapist. Online counseling can also be more convenient since you can access it from home or anywhere you have an internet connection. 

Scholarly research in the field of mental health supports the use of online therapy for individuals and couples. A comprehensive meta-analysis of studies followed nearly 10,000 individuals pursuing therapy for various mental health challenges and conditions. Researchers found no significant differences in terms of outcomes for people who attended therapy in person versus online. 

Takeaway

If you’re experiencing symptoms of repressed memories and unhealed trauma, you don’t have to unpack your feelings alone. A therapist who specializes in trauma and repressed memories can be an invaluable asset as you process these emotions. Contact Regain today to begin your journey towards a place of healing and peace.