Living With Someone With Anxiety: Top Tips For Supporting Loved Ones

If you live with someone who experiences anxiety, you may have noticed it interfering with their daily life. It can be concerning to watch someone you care about navigate anxiety, especially if you’re unsure how to help. In addition to directly asking how you can best support them, it can be helpful to learn more about their experience with anxiety, symptoms to look out for, how to avoid enabling maladaptive coping mechanisms, and non-stigmatizing ways to discuss their emotions.

What are anxiety disorders? 

Anxiety is a common emotion characterized by excessive worry, tension, and sometimes physical symptoms, such as racing heartbeat, chest tightness, or nausea. Anxiety can be beneficial, causing worry that encourages us to avoid risky situations, seek safety, and achieve more. 

While many people experience anxiety from time to time, individuals with anxiety disorders may experience anxiety that is more intense, long-lasting, or otherwise disruptive of daily life. 

Anxiety disorders are the most common type of psychiatric disorder in the U.S., with the American Psychiatric Association estimating that around 30% of adults have an anxiety disorder at some point. Examples of anxiety disorders include: 

• Specific phobias: Individuals with a specific phobia experience persistent excessive fear about something, such as snakes, heights, or public speaking. Specific phobias may drive maladaptive avoidant behaviors to reduce exposure to fear stimuli. 
• Social anxiety disorder: Oftentimes, people with social anxiety disorder are fearful of rejection, humiliation, isolation, or embarrassment in social settings. They may avoid social situations entirely, or experience anxiety while socializing (or in anticipation of social events). 
• Panic disorder: This type of anxiety disorder is characterized by intense episodes of panic, called panic attacks, and it often co-occurs with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, and other anxiety disorders. 
• Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD): GAD is characterized by persistent excessive worry and tension that interferes with daily life. Individuals with GAD may worry about routine activities, such as appointments, job responsibilities, or daily chores.

Anxiety disorders: Signs and symptoms 

If your loved one has an anxiety disorder, you may want to become acquainted with the signs that they’re feeling overwhelmed. Symptoms of anxiety vary, but the following are some of the most common ones: 

• Restlessness or nervousness
• Muscle tension
• Racing thoughts 
• Sense of panic, danger, impending doom, or dread
• Increased heartbeat, rapid breathing, and/or heart palpitations
• Clammy or cold hands
• Sweating, numbness, pins and needles sensation, or trembling 
• Hot flashes
• Feeling tired, weak, alert, or on edge 
• Difficulty concentrating on anything but current worry
• Sleep disruptions
• Nightmares
• Flashbacks
• Gastrointestinal upset
• Lightheadedness or dizziness
• Intrusive, obsessive thoughts 
• Difficulty staying calm
• Catastrophizing (believing the worst will happen)
• Black-and-white thoughts
• Avoidant or compulsive behaviors
• Making overgeneralizations
• Negative self-talk

While risk factors for anxiety aren’t known, it’s believed that a combination of genetic factors, personality traits, childhood trauma, and chronic stress may make anxiety more likely.

Tips for supporting loved ones with anxiety

If you do not have an anxiety disorder, it can be difficult to understand your loved one’s worries and fears. Unlike many physical illnesses, such as a broken arm, mental illnesses are not as visible or easy to comprehend. Though it can be challenging, there are several things you can do to better understand and support your loved one while they navigate anxiety: 

Validate their feelings

When your loved one is experiencing symptoms of anxiety, it’s often helpful to actively listen and respect their feelings, even if you do not understand or agree with them. 

You can practice emotional validation by letting them know you hear what they are saying, you understand their fears, and that it’s okay for them to feel whatever they’re feeling. 

Use non-stigmatizing language

Anxiety disorders are often misunderstood and stigmatized. To avoid perpetuating harmful misconceptions, remember the following: 

• Use person-first language. For example, you could say, “I have a family member living with an anxiety disorder” instead of “I have a mentally ill family member.” 
• Avoid words like “suffering,” or “victim,” which associates mental health challenges with weakness. 
• Avoid telling someone with anxiety to “calm down,” or to “stop being irrational.” These phrases invalidate their feelings and assume they can just snap out of it. To quote Healthy Place, “Telling someone with anxiety to just calm down is like telling someone with epilepsy to just stop having a seizure."
• Educate Yourself

By reading books or listening to podcasts published by licensed mental health professionals, you can begin to educate yourself on cognitive behavioral techniques to address anxiety. For example, many people with anxiety are prone to catastrophizing (thinking about worst-case scenarios). When your loved one is panicked, you could ask them to consider the worst, best, and most likely scenario to explain the situation that’s causing them stress.  

Notice patterns 

Anxiety can manifest as many different physical and psychological symptoms. Identifying your loved one’s triggers and symptom patterns can help you learn to respond more effectively and proactively. 

Emphasize healthy coping strategies

When someone you love is overwhelmed, it can be helpful to identify what’s happening, and then gentle encourage them to engage in healthy coping strategies.  

For example, if your loved one starts showing symptoms of a panic attack, you could say, “It seems like you might be having a panic attack. I’m here for you.” Then, you could guide them through deep breathing exercises until their symptoms subside. 

There are many other coping strategies that may help, including practicing yoga, listening to calming music, exercising, going for a walk, meditating, practicing mindfulness, petting a dog, taking a bath, or cooking a nutritious meal. 

Avoid enabling

According to Johns Hopkins, loved ones are often tempted to eliminate environments or situations that trigger anxiety. For example, if phone calls cause them anxiety, you might want to offer to make phone calls for them. 

However, over time this can encourage avoidant behaviors and make anxiety worse. Instead, it’s recommended that you encourage them to attend therapy sessions with a licensed professional. Therapists can help avoidant clients by providing a safe space for exposure to triggers (called “exposure therapy”), which can effectively reduce fear and avoidance. 

Ask how you can best support them

Some people may find it helpful if you suggest breaking overwhelming tasks down into manageable steps, while other people may prefer you express verbal support like, “This is challenging now, but these feelings won’t last forever.” The type of support that works best may differ based on the situation, their attachment style, and other factors. Rather than guessing how to support them, it’s generally a good idea to ask. A straightforward question, like, “Can you describe something I can do to support you right now?” can be effective. 

Provide information about therapy

If you’re going to suggest that a loved one seek professional help, the National Alliance on Mental Health recommends using non-stigmatizing language, holding the conversation in a comfortable space without distractions, centering their positive qualities, and offering to help them find a suitable therapist. Remember that while you can provide suggestions, the decision to attend therapy is ultimately up to them. 

Understand the toll on yourself

Living with a loved one with anxiety can increase your own stress and risk of developing an anxiety disorder. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, frequently fatigued, agitated, or worried, you may be experiencing caregiver fatigue. It can be helpful to set boundaries, build supportive roles with others, be realistic about goals and expectations, join a support group, talk with a therapist, and maintain social connections with others. 

How online therapy can help

If your loved one is unsure about attending in-person therapy, they may find online cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) more approachable. Online therapy allows clients to attend sessions from the safety and comfort of home, which can reduce barriers to receiving help. Additionally, online therapy platforms like Regain feature in-app messaging, so clients can reach out to their therapist whenever they’re feeling overwhelmed between sessions. 

A 2017 review article found that internet-based cognitive behavioral therapy can effectively address many anxiety disorders, including generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and specific phobias. Additionally, a 2021 randomized clinical trial published in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) Psychiatry found that online CBT was both efficacious and cost-effective at reducing symptoms of social anxiety disorder in young people.  

Takeaway

Anxiety is a common emotion characterized by worry and tension. When symptoms of anxiety become intense, frequent, long-lasting, or otherwise interrupt daily functioning, they may signify an anxiety disorder. 

There are many ways you can support loved ones when they’re experiencing anxiety, including validating their feelings, avoiding stigmatizing language, and asking them what they need from you. Online cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can effectively address anxiety symptoms, and it can be more reachable than in-person therapy for those who prefer attending therapy sessions from the comfort and safety of home.