I'm Afraid Women Hate Me: Identifying And Overcoming Dating Obstacles
By: Stephanie Kirby
Updated February 23, 2021
No one ever said dating was easy. You think it's hard when you are still in school, but then it can feel like it reaches an even harder level once you are a full-fledged adult. Thinking things like "I could never get that girl" are just a few of the obstacles that you have to overcome if you want to have success in the dating world. The good news is that you have more control than you think over the situation. Here are some common dating obstacles and what you can do to overcome them.
Low self-esteem is usually what's behind the thoughts like "I'm not good enough to get that girl." Psych Alive describes it like this: "Low self-esteem is characterized by a lack of confidence and feeling badly about oneself. People with low self-esteem often feel unlovable, awkward, or incompetent".
A lot of people believe that women are more likely to suffer from low self-esteem, but the truth is it's a struggle for many men as well. Low self-esteem can rob you of any confidence that you do have and leave you feeling like you don't look good enough, aren't smart enough, and aren't good enough to get the girl.
Low self-esteem can also be responsible for why you lower your standards and end up dating a girl that doesn't have the characteristics of what you want in a woman. It can lead to things like social anxiety, which can make it difficult to work up the courage to approach the beautiful woman standing across the room.
How To Overcome Low Self-Esteem
Your self-talk and the way that you think about yourself has a large impact on your self-esteem. If you want to boost your self-esteem and learn how to start having more success in the dating world, you need to address it. Stop saying negative things to yourself about yourself. Think positively.
If you aren't used to paying attention to your thoughts, this can seem like a tricky thing to do. But you don't have to figure it out on your own. Working with a licensed therapist through therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help you to learn how to recognize the thought patterns in your life that need to change. They will also help you learn what thoughts you can replace them with to boost your self-confidence and self-esteem.
Looking For The Perfect Woman
Another obstacle that you might be running into when dating has unrealistic expectations. You don't want to lower the standard that you have when dating because you have low self-esteem and don't think you can get the girl of your dreams, but there are times when you do need to change what you're looking for.
There is no such thing as the perfect woman. However, many men continue to pass up opportunities with women that would be great partners because they don't check off every box that they are looking for. No one is perfect, and you might never be able to find exactly what you're looking for. You need to have realistic expectations.
Know what things are really important to you in a woman that you're dating and what things would be nice to have but aren't 100% necessary. Figure out what few things you can't compromise on, but then don't be too strict on the other areas.
Sometimes it's fear and anxiety that causes you to continue passing up on great women. You make up excuses in your mind on why she isn't the right one, but it's really your fear of commitment or putting yourself out there that's causing it.
You Don't Know Where To Look
Once you aren't in school anymore, it gets to be a little harder to find women that you could potentially date. This can be a big obstacle because if you aren't coming across any potential dating partners in the course of your day at work and then you head home, it doesn't leave a lot of choices. However, there are several things that you can do, and they don't all involve going to the bar to try to find women.
Try getting involved in an activity that you enjoy. Join a gym or find a meet-up group that does things together that you like doing. This is a great way to meet women that have similar interests as you.
Don't overlook the workplace. Work romance may be frowned upon at your place of business, but you don't necessarily have to date someone that you're working with. It could be that you let a trusted coworker know that you are looking to connect with someone, and they may have a friend or family member that they think would be a great fit.
You can also try online dating sites. You probably know of a couple in your life that met through a dating site. It might feel weird to try finding a date this way, but there's a lot to be said for giving it a try. And, if you aren't having any luck coming across anyone in your day to day life, then it's probably worth a try. Just make sure that you're honest as you're filling out the forms to make sure that you can get a good match. This is not the time to say the answers that you think other people are going to want to hear. Just be yourself.
You Move Too Fast
If you want to be in a relationship, then you may be rushing things and always trying to move the relationship along too quickly. Don't act desperate and ask out every girl that you cross paths with. Girls don't like desperate guys. They want to feel like they're special, and that's why you are asking them out, not just that you ask out everyone you meet.
There's also a lot to be said for getting to know a girl a little before asking her out. Try to get a feel for if she would be a good fit for you. Then, even if you get that first date, don't feel that you have to continue pushing it to the next level right away. Take your time and let things naturally progress on their own.
You Aren't Succeeding In Life
It's going to be hard to find the right girl when you are barely getting by in life. Take a few minutes to think about what a girl looks for in a potential partner. She most likely wants someone that she is attracted to, that is dependable and able to take care of himself and potentially her.
Are you able to check off these boxes?
If you are unmotivated in life and aren't really making an effort to improve your situation, then you might not be putting out a lot for a girl to be attracted to other than your physical appearance. And, even if that gets you the first date, it's probably not going to be enough for her to want to build a relationship on.
You might need to spend less time trying to find the right girl and a little more time trying to become the right guy. If you feel that you are lost in life right now or that you are just stuck where you are, talking to an online therapist like those at ReGain can help you get moving again. This is a wise decision to make for yourself alone, but it can also help you in your dating success.
You Don't Want To Commit
It could be that you don't feel that you're ready to settle down, or it could be that you were hurt in the past, and you are afraid of getting hurt again. Either way, a lack of commitment can make it difficult for a girl to want to continue dating you. It might not be a problem right off the bat, but as the relationship progresses, she's going to want to see that your commitment level is as well.
If you want to overcome this dating obstacle, you need to get to the root of the problem. If you aren't ready to commit, maybe you should take a step back from dating for a while to figure out why. If you've been hurt in the past, then work with a counselor to see what you can do to heal yourself and recover from that hurt. Don't let hurt caused by a woman in the past stop you from succeeding with women in the present and future.
Other past experiences could also cause a lack of commitment. It could be that you watched your parents go through a messy divorce when you were a child and don't want to experience the same thing. Being able to identify and work past these situations will help you when it comes to your dating life.
Dating isn't easy, and there are always going to be some obstacles. But if you address the areas discussed above, it will go a long way in helping you to have success and find that right woman for you.
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