Reconnecting When You’re Feeling Disconnected or Experiencing Depersonalization

The emotional connection experienced between partners is essential to building the relationship through commitment, communication, and meeting needs of each other. When this element is missing, a partner may feel lonely and feeling disconnected or emotional distance in relationships.

The feeling is apparent when a partner seems distracted more often, or they don’t gaze into your eyes with interest like they used to do. It's normal to feel disconnected with your partner, you may also notice your boyfriend being distant from time to time. Luckily, there are many options for reconnecting with your partner, including online therapy. It's also important to note that learning how to emotionally detach from a stressful situation can also be a positive coping mechanism, but this article will help you determine when it becomes a negative interference in your relationships. 

Emotional Disconnect Defined

Emotionally Disconnection in A Relationship Can Be Painful And Confusing

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What is emotional detachment? Emotional detachment is the inability of someone to feel and express their emotions. It may lead to conflict, being neglected, or wondering if you did something wrong. Some wonder if their partner is no longer in love with them or wants to end the relationship. Others may suspect betrayal in the form of cheating if they feel disconnected or their partner is no longer emotionally invested.  It is devastating to grow apart and that your partner is pulling further away from you. When you're feeling good about your relationship, many of us feel happy and content. The emotions are mutual with your partner. When one or both partners are no longer emotionally attached, they are not on the same page emotionally. A good indicator is when he/she pulls away from you. 

Why Does This Disconnected Feeling Happen?

Emotional disconnection between partners usually occurs slowly over time.

The reasons why may have something to do with either partner’s actions at the present moment. Why has this disconnection occurred? How disconnected couples reconnect? What causes a partner to pull away, show emotional withdrawal, and be feeling disconnected? Does it seem like you’re the only one trying to keep things alive? Understanding what is going on in your relationship can help determine what to do when you're feeling disconnected.

What Does It Look Like?

Partners experiencing emotional detachment may not recognize their relationship is suffering. A partner may overlook this aspect for a while, thinking things will change, but they haven’t. Then, they start feeling unwanted in a relationship.

Can You Get the Closeness Back After Depersonalization?

You may wonder if it is possible to reconnect with your husband or wife to achieve the closeness you once had when you're feeling like this. A partner may experience pain from their past they have yet to confront. Maybe a mental illness like anxiety or depression is a concern. Some partners are too afraid of emotional intimacy to open up and reveal their inner thoughts.

Signs of Disconnect Or Depersonalization

There are several reasons why partners detach and may experience feeling disconnected. Emotionally unavailable men or women are often too focused on themselves and they want more attention, which is why they can't give enough to their partners. A few reasons someone may be emotionally unavailable include being unable to establish a deeper connection with you or certain personality disorders, like depersonalization derealization disorder. Other disorders, like dissociative disorders, or even intense stress could also be behind this feeling. Whatever the reason for the disconnect, it is important to recognize the issue to determine your options.

Here are signs to look for when suspecting emotional disconnect.

Some signs may include:

• At one point, they would talk to you about a problem or something on their mind. If you try to speak to them or ask them what is wrong, they turn the other cheek or seek solace.

• Your partner seems distracted when you talk to them. As you have a conversation with them about your personal feelings or whatever is bothering you, they don’t seem interested. The closeness is not there that you once had while having a discussion.

• Your partner is blind to your emotions and negative thoughts. If you express anger or sadness with tears, it is not enough to get your partner’s attention. They seem unmoved and careless that you’re hurting. The deep connection with your spouse is no longer felt in the relationship.

• Your partner doesn’t want to work out conflicts. You are willing to work things out with professional help so you can move forward, but your partner lacks interest. They don’t care the problem is left unresolved because they are indifferent. They express little emotion. They may walk away from you or roll their eyes during an argument.

• Your partner doesn’t spend time with you. They withdraw themselves from plans or say they have something else to do if you suggest an activity with them like dinner. If you try to talk to them while they are sitting in a room, they get up and go to another room or pretend to be busy doing something else instead of spending time with you.
  
  

• Other signs your partner doesn’t want to sleep with you: Your sex life is almost nonexistent and all the magic is gone. Your partner gets passive or irritated when you try to bring a hint of romance into the picture. Your partner may blame you for their lack of sexual interest even if you’re not at fault. This might make you feel "I'm not happy in my relationship anymore."
• Your partner doesn’t make an effort to please you. Your partner used to do things that made you happy and loved through seemingly meaningless interactions. They used to make sweet gestures like give you a gift or stay up to date on what you like. Your existence is an annoyance.
  
  
• Your partner puts their needs first. Your partner doesn’t show interest in wanting to do activities you like. They rarely think about your needs before theirs. Your partner has stopped considering your feelings when they choose to do something that benefits them. They may not do actions that show they care about you. They would rather hang out with friends or make decisions that don’t involve you, even if it creates an inconvenience for you.
  
  
• Your partner doesn’t tell you they love you. You notice it has been a while since they said three words to you, “I love you.” Many see this as a big red flag of emotional disconnect. A primary symptom of this is that they also lack in showing affection or pull away as an automatic response if you try to show them affection.
  
  
• Your partner shuts down. When you try to talk to them about your relationship and how you want more meaning, they don’t want to hear it. Things are not well in the relationship, and you want to work things out. Your partner seems uninterested in participating in efforts to make things better.
  
  
• Your partner prefers to be silent. They give you the silent treatment, and it makes you feel uncomfortable. They may give a short response if you ask a question or act indifferent. They don’t want to engage in discussion or conversation.

Other Actions To Take After Depersonalization

There are other actions worth noting when a relationship experiences an emotional disconnect. A partner may get angry when you try to encourage them to talk about these missing moments.

A partner may purposely create conflict to increase their distance away from you and build a wall. A partner doesn’t talk about their future with you anymore.

Maybe you had plans to do things together, but they no longer exist. It can be challenging to understand what caused the detachment. You may be feeling unappreciated, alone, and confused wondering why this happened and what your options are for dealing with it.

How to Reconnect

Ask them about their concerns and what they are willing to do. Learn if they are willing to explore options, like family therapy or substance abuse treatment, that can work on emotions related to their detachment, such as anxiety and fear. Efforts to reconnect may require patience and persistence. You engage in efforts to try and reconnect only for them to backfire due to environmental factors. A partner may feel overwhelmed or guilty and realize they are emotionally detached. Reconnecting will require effort from both partners.

Here are some suggestions on how to reconnect:

Mental Health concerns like Depersonalization

• If you sense your partner may be feeling emotionally unstable or is dealing with depression or anxiety or depersonalization, encourage them to talk to someone such as a mental health specialist or relationship counselor. Let them know it is a productive way to manage stress and their emotions. Offer to go with them or consider talking to a counselor if you are experiencing the same feelings.

Make Time to Talk About Depersonalization Or Disconnect

• Talk to your partner. Let them know you want to listen to them. Work toward having a detailed conversation about your relationship. Ask them if they are happy in the relationship and what changes they want to see. Listen to each other and process their feelings to understand them before you respond.

Disconnected?

• When your partner wants to be alone, talk to them about it. It is common for a partner to distract themselves on purpose when they want alone time with music, games, or with other people. Talk to them about setting time aside to be alone. You can set time aside for yourself too.

• Assess your communication and how you do it.

  Sometimes how you respond to your partner shows resentment or being too critical. Such a response may hurt your partner’s feelings, and you don’t realize it. As a result, they withdraw from you because they don’t want to upset you or be criticized again. Try being more positive, neutral, or directional when communicating with them.
  
  
• Give your partner space if they avoid you. Some partners feel overwhelmed if the person they are with is a clingy boyfriend/girlfriend. Step back a bit and conduct activities as usual without pursuing them as much. Your partner may become more engaged and warm up to you.

Conclusion

Many couples deal with emotional issues in relationships. When you had a feeling that your husband emotionally disconnected in a relationship, it is a warning sign something needs to be addressed. Discussing the problem is significant to the health of the relationship. When it goes unaddressed the relationship status becomes questionable.

You deserve a loving relationship that is emotionally fulfilling with the closeness and intimacy you want.

How ReGain Can Help Address Depersonalization

Connecting with a licensed therapist at ReGain can help you regain that connection with your partner. Read below for some reviews of our therapists from individuals experiencing similar issues.

Therapist Reviews

“Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together.”

“Austa has been wonderful thus far. She has helped my partner and I during an unimaginably difficult time... She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship. I was hesitant to pursue counseling at the beginning, but I truly believe that it is making a difference for our relationship. Austa is easy to talk to and she is a great listener. I would wholeheartedly recommend her as a counselor.”

Commonly Asked Questions Below:

What does it mean if you feel disconnected?
Is feeling disconnected normal?
Is disconnect a symptom of depression?
Why do I feel like I'm not here?

What causes emotional detachment?

Emotional detachment can be “by choice” or a result of traumatic events or abuse. It can also be a side effect of certain medications or a symptom of other conditions. If you are emotionally detached, you are unable or unwilling to connect on an emotional level with other people. It helps one to set boundaries. However, it can also be harmful in some relationships. When not controlled, you may feel “numbed.” This might make you think “I don’t feel anything for my partner.” When emotional detachment is uncontrolled, a mental health professional can help you address the problem.

What is emotional blunting?
Why do I feel distant from reality?
How do I reconnect with myself again?
How can I find out if I'm bipolar?
What is chronic disconnection?