How To Get Her Back: 5 Tips To Win Her Heart Again

By Stephanie Kirby|Updated June 20, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Robin Brock , LISW
How Can I Get Her Back?
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Are you feeling heartbroken because you lost your girl? Maybe you took her for granted, or maybe there were problems in the relationship that you didn't realize were as serious as they were. There are all different kinds of reasons why it could be that the two of you split up. But if you find yourself trying to figure out how to get her back, the following tips can help you win her heart again.

Determine Why You Want Her Back

Before you jump right back into trying to get her back, take a few minutes and think about why you want to get back together. You want to make sure that it's really what's best for you and your future.

If you want her back because you miss having someone in your life, you may end up in the same place again. Change can be difficult in life, and figuring out how to move on from an ended relationship is one of those changes that people struggle with. But that doesn't always mean the right step is to get back together.

You want to make sure that the relationship was good for your life. If your ex is not the right person for you and made your life harder, you might want to think twice before getting back together.

But if this time apart has helped you realize that she's who you really want in your life and that a relationship with her is a good thing for the both of you, then full steam ahead on trying to win her back.

  1. Figure Out Where Things Went Wrong

If you really want to know how to get her back, you need to understand why you aren't together in the first place. Without knowing why the two of you split up, it would be pointless to get back together again. You would end up repeating the same cycle.

When you're trying to determine where things went wrong, it's also important to remember that you need to get to the root of the problem. That's usually going to involve investing some time thinking. The real reason why you split up very well could be different than what you thought at first.

For example, if she broke up with you because she didn't feel like she was really connecting with you anymore, you want to figure out what led to her feeling like that. You may discover when you look back that well before breaking up with you, she would complain to you about how you never made an effort to really do anything that she was interested in. This could have led to the two of you spending less time together, which would cause her to feel less connected to you.

This is just one example, but the lesson to take away from this is that you need to work past the superficial problems and find out what's behind them.

  1. Work On Making Changes

You can't wait until she agrees to get back together to start making the necessary changes in your life. If you want to win her back, you need to show her that you have changed before she's going to want to give you another chance.

Make sure that you aren't just trying to conform to what she wants, though. If there are areas that you could improve in your behavior that she was concerned about, and you know would be good for you to change, then work on making those improvements.

But if there were things that she wanted you to change about yourself that are part of who you are and isn't what her preference is, don't try to change in these ways. It's important for your happiness and self-confidence that you can be yourself and be in a relationship with someone that appreciates you and wants to be with you for who you are.

  1. Build Your Self-Esteem

This goes along with making changes. Having healthy self-esteem and confidence makes you more desirable as a partner and makes you a healthier person.

If you have low self-esteem, it's going to be difficult to have a healthy relationship. It can lead you to become a people pleaser where you end up feeling like a doormat for your girlfriend. This can also make you very needy, which can annoy your girlfriend.

Low self-esteem can also cause you to have increased jealousy. If you acted extremely jealous, you might have pushed your girlfriend away. Increasing your confidence and self-esteem can help address this issue.

  1. Watch What You Say

If you really want to get back together with her, it's important that you watch what you say both to her and other people. In the initial stages of a breakup, you may be feeling a lot of hurt, pain, and anger. It's easy to voice these frustrations and feelings to other people. And it's also easy to say things that you don't really mean out of those negative feelings.

The last thing you want to do is say something to her, her friends, your friends, or anyone else that you're going to regret later. While you may be feeling some really negative things, you don't want to let your feelings control you.

This doesn't mean that you shouldn't find someone to talk to if you're struggling or trying to work through the situation of what happened in your relationship, but it does mean that you may want to think twice about what you say and how you say it.

  1. Find The Right Balance

Once you know that you want her back in your life, you may want to start reaching out to her to win her back. But you must find the balance of letting her know that you're interested and giving her the space that she needs during this time.

How Can I Get Her Back?

It may be that she's receptive to your advances right away and wants to get back together, but if she doesn't give you that impression, then you must give her some space. Trying to push her into getting back together is not going to help make it happen.

What You Shouldn't Do

It can be just as important to focus on what you shouldn't do when trying to win her back. Here are some things that you should avoid:

Be Forceful

You may have decided how you want the future to look and that you want her to be a part of it, but that doesn't mean that she feels the same way. If you try to be forceful or demand that the two of you get back together, you may push her further away.

Try To Make Her Jealous

There's a lot of advice online that says you should try to make her jealous if you want to get back together with her. This can be a way to help her realize that she still has feelings for you and would like to be with you. While this might work for some people, this really isn't the healthiest way to restart your relationship.

Lie

If you want to have a successful and healthy relationship, the last thing that you want to do is ruin trust before you have even rebuilt it again.

Never try to rebuild your relationship based on lies. Eventually, the truth will come out, and it will ruin everything you're working so hard to rebuild.

Rush Things

It may take time to get back together if it's going to happen at all. Do not try to rush things. Allow the relationship to progress on its own naturally. Don't expect that you're going to restart the relationship at the same place where it left off. Depending on why the two of you split up, you may be starting the relationship completely over again. And, for many people, this might be the best way to do it, so you have a fresh start.

Therapy For All Stages

A licensed therapist can help you work through this time in your life. You can talk to a therapist individually as you work through what went wrong in your relationship, what possible changes you need to make in your own life, and your feelings about winning her back.

A therapist can help you make the positive changes in your life that you want to see. And, they can help you understand what to do differently in your relationship if she takes you back.

If your ex is interested in getting back together, then you may want to consider couples therapy to help you get started on the right foot.

Whichever way you want to go, ReGain has an online therapist available 24/7. They can help you whether you want to do individual sessions or couples counseling.

This experience and educated outside opinion can be just what you need to help improve both your life and your relationship.

“I don’t know what I would have done without Harry. I was in a super low place and I was not sure what my problems were or how to solve them, but he was able to help me get to the bottom of my problems and work through them. Today I am happy and feeling like myself again. He was so easy to talk to and worked with me whenever I needed him. Even on vacation he took time to call me and talk through whatever I was going through. I would highly recommend him.”

"My experience with Priscilla has been immensely helpful in better understanding myself and providing me with the tools to see my life and relationships with more clarity and compassion."

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