How To Define Romance In Your Relationship

Updated March 12, 2020

Medically Reviewed By: Tiffany Howard, LPC, LCADC

Every couple has a different way of bringing romance into their relationship. For some, romance is flowers and chocolates. Others think that romance is better achieved by simply chatting one on one. Finding the best way to define romance in your relationship is dependent on the personalities of you and your partner.


Definition Of Romance

The actual definition of romance is the sense of excitement that is felt with love. That definition is one that leaves romance as a subjective term. What is it that makes love exciting? This is a question that has a variety of answers, each one dependent on the person answering. How do you and your partner answer? That answer is how you define romance in your relationship. Exploring the options for romance across several personalities might help you to define it further.

What happens when your personality doesn't match your significant others? Simply put, you work to incorporate both of your romance styles into one relationship. You might also need to evaluate how the relationship will work long term. With the help of a marital or couples counselor, you and your partner can hash out the details surrounding your relationship and determine the best course of action for your romance and overall future.

Soft And Sweet

A relationship that feels most exciting when dates are soft and sweet is one in which both parties enjoy slow dancing, candlelit dinners, and picnics in the park. The excitement that is described in the definition of romance is one that is drawn out with gestures that allow each significant other to dote on one another with quiet moments and affection. It is a relationship that finds romance in the traditional route - often with flowers and chocolates in addition to sweet dates.

The soft and sweet kind of romance is often reminiscent of new love. A romance of this type requires a lot of one on one time and a physical connection. Holding hands means a lot to each person, and hugs are just as important as kisses. This kind of romance feels pure and exciting simultaneously.

If you are looking to define your relationship as a soft and sweet romance, there are a few things that you and your partner can do to make it so. You might start with everyday interactions, such as forehead kisses and long hugs. It is also a good idea to start incorporating the soft and sweet actions into your date nights. Try something new that you haven't done before that might fall into this category. Take your partner to an outdoor theater or go for a stroll under the stars. By attempting to be a couple in this category, you can make your romance style more defined.


Lustful Romance

A relationship that has a lustful style of romance is one that is based on physical attraction. It might start with compliments regarding one another's appearance, but the goal of this romance is often that of a sexual nature. Although this is common for highly sexual relationships, there are a variety of other relationships that fall into this category when it comes to romance.

A lustful romance might be one that is defined more clearly as sexual romance because it does not tend to place any focus on communication or to get to know one another on a more intellectual level. A lustful romance is, unfortunately, one that can easily fizzle out. However, if you find yourself wanting that lustful kind of romance, there are a few things to focus on.

Firstly, a lustful romance must contain physical affection. This goes beyond handholding and into affections that are more of a flirty nature. Partners must also complement their significant other's physical traits and appearance. Beyond this, the romance is established with sex.

Intellectual Connection

Developing an intellectual connection with your partner can define your romance, especially if it is something that is important to both of you. A relationship that finds an intellectual intimacy romantic is one that enjoys communicating about honest feelings and real topics. It is one that feels as though the brain is the most attractive part of each partner.


Romance in this kind of relationship is often centered around dates that encourage discussion. The couple might attend a lecture on a common interest and discuss it afterward or even see a movie and talk about what they liked and disliked. The idea with an intellectual connection romance is that thoughts and ideas are shared between the two parties in the relationship.

To define your relationship as one that thrives in intellectual romance, you must place focus on talking with your partner. Understanding the way he or she thinks, the things that capture his or her attention, and sharing your feelings and thoughts on the matter make an intellectual romance more likely. If it is exciting to learn about the inner workings of your partner's mind, you have reached intellectual romance.

Humorous Approach

Falling in love with someone's sense of humor is a common aspect of falling in love in general. To define romance in your relationship as a humorous kind, it is important that humor plays a role in the excitement of the relationship. For many, this means sharing inside jokes and simply laughing together. Date nights for couples in this kind of romantic relationship enjoy activities that make them laugh.

Laughter is a great way to bond with your partner. Dates that might induce laughter might involve seeing a stand-up comedian or seeing a comedic theater performance. Many relationships can skip the third party and make one another laugh over dinner or in simple conversation.

If humor is the way in which you want to define your romance, find out what both you and your partner find funny. Make each other laugh. Play games that are entertaining and humorous together. Making it fun to learn how to make each other laugh is a great aspect to involve in your romantic life. In fact, using your joint sense of humor to improve romance is a great way to build a lasting relationship.

Combination Romance

Taking aspects from each style of romance is crucial to developing a well-rounded relationship. While some are more recommended over others, having a good mix between the styles can define your romance as lasting. Since the definition of romance is the aspect that brings excitement to love, it can be easy for romance to encapsulate several characteristics.

Romance can be soft and sweet at times and include humor. It can also have some lust and intellectual conversation. If each of these categories brings you excitement while falling in love, chances are it is too difficult to define your romance as one single thing. There is nothing wrong with having multiple avenues of romance. In fact, for many couples, it is recommended.

Although solely lustful romances tend to fail, having your relationship include some qualities of a lustful romance can add a spark that isn't there when it comes to a sweet romance. A soft and sweet romance can encourage loving gestures that help the couple to open up with one another. Intellectual connections help to explore one another's minds, and humor is almost always good when it comes to a relationship.


Relationships And Romance

Defining romance in your relationship is a matter between you and your partner. It is not something that one person can choose, as it involves both parties. Romance must involve the excitement and mystery experienced by both individuals. Without the involvement of both, it can be hard for both people to be on the same page within the relationship.

When you and your partner are unable to agree on the style that works best for your relationship,you may simply need to romance one another in different ways. Where one person might like to be romanced with slow dances and intimate conversation, the other individual might prefer discussions about art and food.

It is completely possible to define romance based on the individual rather than the relationship. Most couples do not share every interest and desire with his or her partner. Accepting your significant other's differences and learning how to romance reach other is important to a healthy relationship.

If you find it difficult to give your partner something that does not match what you would enjoy, it may be possible to work through it with professional help by speaking to a therapist or a counselor. The important part is that neither you nor your partner gives up on the relationship. If both parties work for it, success is possible.

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