Good Compliments To Give Your Spouse To Make Them Feel Appreciated
By Hailey Neu
Updated March 18, 2020
Sometimes in a marriage, it is easy to get caught up in the day to day duties of life and forget to appreciate one another. Life is busy, and it seems like you hardly have any time to give your spouse the appreciation that he or she really deserves. This is where compliments are such a useful tool in a marriage. A compliment doesn't cost anything, it does not take a whole lot of time to administer, and it can do wonders to boost your spouse's self-confidence and satisfaction in your marriage. When you see the effect a good compliment has on your spouse, it will also make you feel better about yourself.
Good Compliments To Give Your Spouse
Compliments are so great for your marriage, because they make for a more confident and contented spouse, and a confident and contented spouse will be a much more pleasant companion to be with. But while compliments generally produce a desirable outcome, that shouldn't be the motivation for why you use them. They should be sincere and heartfelt, and not just something you say to produce a desired effect.
You might think that giving your spouse a compliment is a very simple thing to do. You just say something nice, and it makes your partner happy, right? Well, actually, no. Compliments can be a tricky thing. In order for a compliment to have a positive effect on your spouse's self-esteem, it has to line up with his or her core values. If your spouse does not see the value in what you are complimenting him or her about, then it will fall flat. Something that you might perceive as a genuine compliment might feel lame or even insulting to your spouse. That being said, if you appreciate your spouse and you are wondering what you should say to properly express your appreciation for him or her, here are some universally good compliments that are sure to do the trick.
"You are so thoughtful."
A little gratitude goes a long way in marriages, and it even can lead to a lower separation rate in couples. So, when your spouse does something kind for you without being asked, don't let it go unnoticed. Even if it's just something little, acknowledge the thoughtfulness he or she has shown you. Sometimes it can be easy to take for granted the many helpful little things your spouse does on a daily basis. Only the extravagant things get attention. But think about all the wonderful, non-glamorous things your spouse does for you all the time. It may be making you a cup of coffee, doing your laundry, filling the car up with gas so you don't have to, and cooking dinner. The list goes on. Let your spouse know how much you appreciate these things.
Telling your spouse how thoughtful he or she is does require a little humility, because it stems out of a true sense of gratitude. Gratitude is an acknowledgement that you are receiving something you don't deserve. You know your spouse doesn't have to do those thankless jobs for you, but he or she does them anyway because it makes your life easier. Often, the knowledge that he or she is contributing to your happiness is the only reward your spouse receives for doing these things.
Acknowledging your spouse's thoughtfulness is essentially a win-win situation, because number one, your spouse will be happy that you took the time to notice the things he or she does for you. Number two, your spouse will be much more inclined to keep doing those things for you if they know that it's truly appreciated. Gratitude is a powerful and wonderful thing.
"You are such a hard worker."
You and your spouse both work extremely hard. More than likely, the two of you spend most of the day outside the home at your separate jobs, and then you come home to tend to your separate household duties. This happens day in and day out. Building a life together can be exhausting. The daily grind gets to everyone from time to time, even your spouse, so show your spouse that you know how hard he or she is working for the good of your family.
Your spouse might feel guilty because they feel like the work they do takes so much out of them that there is not much left over sometimes. When you compliment your spouse's hard work, you are telling them it's okay and that you admire them for working so hard to build your life together. It is also more than that. When you compliment your spouse as a hard worker, you are speaking to deeper character traits that your spouse possesses. Compliments on character are extremely meaningful. It tells your spouse that you not only appreciate what he or she does, but you appreciate who your spouse is as a person.
"You do so much for me, and I am very thankful for you."
When you are married, you do things for each other without expecting anything in return. Love is your motivation to serve one another, not accolades. However, there are two words in the English language that are so powerful and that every human absolutely loves to hear, "Thank you." The next time your spouse does something to lighten your load like making dinner or doing the laundry, try saying, "You do so much for me, and I am very thankful for you." Acknowledge that they do what you asked them to do and you appreciate them accepting. Research has shown that when you express thankfulness to somebody for an act of service, it's more likely that the person you thanked will want to offer help again in the future. All humans want to feel needed by someone. When you express your thankfulness for your spouse, you are expressing your need for him or her and you are fulfilling a deep human desire within your partner.
"You look great."
In today's world, there is a lot of body insecurities that exist. It is difficult for both men and women to feel good about themselves when Hollywood and social media only allow you to see the perfect, edited versions of a person. A person's body image can influence how they perform in many areas of life. If your partner has a negative body image, it can negatively affect their confidence on the job, satisfaction in their relationships, and even their mental health. Telling your spouse they look great will give them the peace of mind that you are satisfied with how they look. Your spouse will feel more secure in your relationship if they know that they're attractive to you.
Often, when your spouse dresses or does their hair a certain way that you don't like, it's easy to jump to a critique right away. This can be disheartening to your spouse and make them feel bad about themselves. Instead, try to always compliment them when you think they really do look exceptionally nice. Chances are your spouse will want to dress like that again and do their hair like that more often because of the positive attention you are giving them. They want to look nice for you, and positive reinforcement generally works better than criticism in this area.
"I Respect You."
Respect is the foundation of any marriage. All the things you can think of that constitute a great marriage find their root in respect. What does it take to have a great marriage? Love, loyalty, faithfulness, thoughtfulness, patience, consideration, empathy, compassion. Yes, it takes all of these, but these characteristics don't just pop up out of nowhere. They are all rooted in respect.
"I respect you" is probably not a phrase that is spoken very often. This is probably because a lot of times it's something that is simply shown through actions. If someone truly respects you, you'll know by how they treat you, not necessarily by what they say. While actions definitely speak louder than words in this case, sometimes misunderstandings crop up and your partner can misread something you do. It might've been a gesture, a facial expression, or the tone of your voice. Maybe you recently had a heated disagreement. Whatever it may be, somehow you unintentionally made your spouse feel disrespected. This is why it is important to not only show respect to your spouse, but also to vocalize it at times.
"You Are A Great Spouse."
Your partner needs to hear that they are doing a good job at being a husband or wife to you. The phrase, "You are a great spouse," might seem cheesy on the surface, because it is such a basic thing to say, but it speaks volumes. It will be like music to your spouse's ears. Why? Because it is what your spouse strives to be, day in and day out. Sure, they may fail at times, because nobody's perfect. But, ultimately, your spouse wants to be a great one.
Your spouse needs affirmation every once in a while. They need a reminder that even though things aren't fairytale perfect, you still appreciate them and feel lucky to be married to them. You still believe they are a great spouse. The more you tell them this, the more your spouse will think like a great spouse. Reinforce positive affirmations in your spouse's mind, because people often become what they think they are. Do you want a great spouse? Help them think like a great spouse.
Good Compliments For Your Spouse
When you want to flatter your spouse and make them feel appreciated, try giving them one of the compliments above. They will greatly appreciate how caring you are, and your marriage will likely be much more satisfying. If for whatever reason your spouse still does not feel appreciated in your marriage, couples counseling can be a great resource. A counselor will address how you and your spouse feel and help you use effective methods to communicate better. You and your spouse deserve to feel appreciated by one another, and giving compliments should always be a top priority in your marriage.