Conversation Starters With Your Girlfriend When You're Struggling To Connect

Do you find that conversation doesn’t always come easy, even when you’re with your girlfriend? It may be that you are more of an introvert and have a hard time initiating conversation, or maybe you just aren’t sure what to talk about. If you’re looking for conversation starters with your girlfriend, below are options to help get the words flowing.

Why it can be hard to connect

There are many reasons why it can be a struggle for a couple to talk with each other. Surface-level conversations and small talk can be easy for some, but difficult for others. If you are still new in your relationship, you may be afraid to say things that your girlfriend won’t like. You don’t want to offend them, so you’re careful about what to say. This can make it hard for you to say anything.

If you don’t know each other that well yet, it can feel like you’re talking about the same things repeatedly. If you don’t have a lot in common, this can be another reason why it’s difficult to find new topics to talk about. On the other hand, if the newness of your relationship has worn off and you already feel like you know just about everything there is to know about your girlfriend, you may not know what to say to keep the conversation flowing.

“Getting to know you” conversation starters with your girlfriend

When you’re just starting to date, you might want to keep the conversation on more of a surface level. This isn’t usually the time you’re going to want to quiz them on their plans for the future and how serious they are. Going too deep too fast can scare people away unless you’re both on the same page and moving at a similar speed. Here are some getting-to-know-you conversation starters that you can use with your girlfriend:

• Who is your favorite person in the world, and why?
• What makes you feel the most alive?
• What’s something you’ve always wanted to do that you haven’t done before?
• What’s your flavor of choice for ice cream?
• Are you a cat person or a dog person?
• Do you like to be spontaneous, or do you prefer to have a plan?
• Where’s your favorite place to go on vacation?
• Do you have any siblings?
• If you could have one superpower, what would you want it to be?
• Have you always wanted to have the job that you do?
• What are your favorite hobbies, or what do you like to do in your spare time?
• What’s a hobby that you would want to try that you never tried before?

Conversation starters to go a little deeper

You may find that your relationship is having a hard time going to a deeper level. You enjoy spending time with your girlfriend, and the two of you are connecting on some levels, but you know that it’s time for the relationship to start to progress, and you don’t know how to go about it. These are some conversation starters that you can use to get to know each other more and strengthen your relationship.

• What do you think a successful relationship looks like?
• What did you think of me when we first met?
• What’s your biggest fear?
• If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?
• If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
• What’s your relationship with your parents like?
• What’s the most embarrassing thing that you’ve ever done?
• Are you a spiritual person?
• What’s your favorite memory from your childhood?
• What’s your least favorite memory from your childhood?
• What’s one thing that you wish you could improve our relationship with?
• What are your biggest struggles that you’re facing right now?
• What makes you feel the most loved?
• If you could change anything about your past, what would it be?

Conversation starters to help you plan for the future

If you’re to the point in your relationship where you believe that there is a long-term future together, it can be important to have some key conversations before going all-in. However, some of these conversations can be difficult to have, especially if you have differing opinions.

These conversation starters can help you plan for the future with your girlfriend:

• Is getting married something that you see for your future?
• Do you want to have children someday?
• Is your job something that you want to do long-term?
• Are there any other places that you would like to live in?
• If we have children in the future, do you want one of us to stay home with them instead of daycare?
• What’s your financial situation like? Do you have debt from credit cards or student loans?
• How would we handle our finances together as a couple?

Things to talk about besides the two of you

Not all your conversations have to be about the two of you. If you’re struggling to come up with things to talk about, you can talk about general topics and things that are going on in the world. This could include things like current events, the latest sports news, new music, and more. If you and your girlfriend have been trying to sort through problems in your relationship, sometimes these types of conversations can give you a nice reprieve.

Don’t avoid the difficult conversations

Some topics can be difficult to talk about with your girlfriend. However, these conversations are usually the ones that are the most important to have for the longevity of your relationship. For example, things like money, sex, and expectations might not be the most fun conversations to have, but they can also be the most crucial ones to avoid conflict and mismatched expectations. Particularly for long-term relationships, you typically want to make sure that you and your girlfriend are on the same page in these essential areas of life. Having a successful relationship as you move forward can be dependent upon your ability to discuss difficult topics. 

Silly conversations matter too

While it can be important to make sure that you’re having tough conversations in your relationship as you get to know each other and get ready to move your relationship forward, it’s also okay to have silly conversations. A good sense of humor is a positive quality that many people find attractive.

Take the time to enjoy the conversations that you have with your girlfriend. If every conversation were deep and had ulterior motives of getting to know each other better or planning for the future, it could get tiring. Below are some silly conversation starters that you can use to have a fun conversation:

• If you just won a lifetime supply of anything that you wanted, what would it be?
• If you were going to be stranded on an island and bring five things with you, what would they be?
• Would you rather have to eat all your food hot or cold?
• If you could pick any point in history to be alive, when would you choose?
• If you could choose any name for yourself, what would it be?
• How much money would it take for you to lick the inside of a dumpster?
• Would you rather have to keep your arms straight or your legs straight?
• Would you rather go to Disneyland or Disney World?
• If you could invent anything, what would it be?
• Would you rather be able to find all your missing socks or all your missing Tupperware?
• If you had to change your hair color, what would you choose?
• Would you rather have to skip everywhere that you went or walk backward?

Online counseling with Regain

When two people are struggling to communicate with one another, there could be several issues at play. If you and your girlfriend have different communication styles or just don’t know how to connect anymore, it can be difficult to have productive conversations. Regain is an online platform that can offer couples counseling to you and your girlfriend and help you get to the bottom of your communication problems. Working with a Regain therapist is often simpler than meeting someone in person. You can connect over phone calls, video chats, or in-app messaging at a time that works for both of you. Even if you and your girlfriend have different schedules or have a long-distance relationship, you can still go to therapy together by utilizing Regain’s services.

The efficacy of online counseling 

Couples struggling to communicate efficiently could benefit from online counseling, according to this study. Researchers found that couples therapy delivered via videoconferencing proved to be an effective alternative to face-to-face interventions. This was particularly true for couples who otherwise couldn’t find the support they needed to heal and move forward together. Other results of this study showed improvements in relationship satisfaction, mental health, and other outcomes over a span of time. 

Takeaway

There are many ways you can grow closer to your girlfriend, one of which can be through close, intimate, and regular conversations. Staying continually curious about your girlfriend’s life can help each of you connect on a deeper level, which can increase the level of satisfaction within the relationship. While conversation starters can be beneficial for growing in intimacy with your significant other, other aspects of communication can be just as important. Online couples therapy can be a valuable resource for those wanting to improve their communication skills, whether it be active listening, body language cues, or delivering a message with clarity and a kind tone.