Can A Childhood Emotional Neglect Quiz Help You Understand Your Relationships?

Your childhood can have a major impact on how you form and maintain relationships as an adult. If you had a childhood that featured caretakers who were less than attentive to your needs or put you through trauma repeatedly, these issues can become ingrained into how you interact with others and with yourself. To overcome these potentially poor relationship-forming habits, it can be helpful to understand how your childhood affects you.

Some may turn to resources like a childhood emotional neglect test to answer these questions. Still, for many, the question is whether these types of quizzes can give you the insight you need and provide you with the resources that can help you overcome issues that may stem from childhood. 

Can a quiz tell you what you need to know? 

In short: no. Online quizzes can often seem to be quick and authoritative sources of information to turn to, but these quizzes typically are not in-depth enough to provide an accurate or full analysis. The issue with these quizzes is that they are rarely detailed enough to give you the right feedback on your current situation. Even worse, some quizzes have information that is not factual or questions that you may not have the answers to. In short, if you choose to take a childhood neglect quiz or something similar, take the results with a grain of salt.

That said, if you do feel the need to take a quiz, make sure to seek them out from a reputable psychology website that has proven its expertise and is backed by other major organizations, such as the National Institute of Mental Health or the ACEs questionnaire (ACEs stands for “adverse childhood experiences). This way, you can rest assured that the quiz has been crafted through careful research and is as accurate as possible for those taking it.

Understanding your past: How can childhood emotional neglect damage your current relationships?

While a quiz can help you realize which aspects of your childhood may have negatively impacted you, it may not explain why knowing this is important for making any necessary changes to your life in the present. Knowing more about your childhood is important because it tells you about how you form and maintain attachments. Our very first relationships are the ones that we experience with our parents or caregivers. When we see that others interact with us in a certain way, we adjust to those interactions, responding accordingly. This learned behavior is then applied to our relationships in the future, which is why we can often notice a pattern in our relationships through the years, whether they are friendships or romantic relationships.

Attachment styles can be broken down into four different types. These styles include:

Secure attachment

Children who have caregivers who express love and support for them and take care of their needs are more likely to develop a secure attachment style. This means that they can trust and connect with others more easily. As an adult, their relationships may often look balanced as they can trust that their partner and other relationships will offer support when needed. They may also be more honest and open with their feelings and communicate well with others.

Dismissive-avoidant attachment

On the other end of the spectrum, some individuals were emotionally or physically neglected as a child or had caregivers who didn't always pay attention to their needs. In response, those with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style may try to reject the help or attention of others. If they find themselves in a relationship, they may try to be cold and push themselves away or put walls up to give the illusion that they don't care about others, even if they do.

Anxious-preoccupied attachment

Those with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style may not have felt loved or connected in their relationship with their caregivers, and it commonly shows in adulthood. Rather than seeing a relationship as a bond with someone who they love, a relationship serves the purpose of allowing someone to save them and fill their emotional needs. Still, they may push away as they are very unsure of their partner's feelings for them. As a result, these individuals will often cling to their partner and look for reasons to leave if things don't go their way. Overall, they are constantly scared of the possibility of their partner leaving them, which causes them to push and pull at the same time.

Fearful-avoidant attachment

Individuals with a fearful-avoidant attachment style may find themselves in a middle state between wanting love and being too afraid to commit. There is typically a fear of intimacy with this attachment style. This can manifest in emotional issues that can make it hard to stay in a relationship. If you have a fearful-avoidant attachment style, you may be able to see that your relationships tend to be difficult in various ways, and you may find yourself clinging and pushing away from your partner throughout your time together.

As you can see from the above, your first relationships often have a significant impact on the person you have become and how you interact with others. If you are someone who dealt with emotional neglect, for example, you can develop any of the last three attachment styles. Unfortunately, an online quiz would probably not give you this much information on the interaction between childhood and adult relationships.

Can attachment styles change?

Like many other behavioral patterns, the good news is that you can learn how to cultivate a more secure attachment style with time, mindful healing, and work. Here is a closer look at a couple of tips that can help you to get started!

Develop more relationships with partners who have secure attachment styles

As someone with an insecure attachment style, pursuing relationships with those who have a similar attachment style can make it hard for you to learn how to form better relationships since your partner is dealing with relationship problems of their own. Many people learn by doing, and you can only accomplish this if you have an example to learn from. Not only can a partner with a secure attachment style teach you healthier ways of interacting with others, but they can also help you heal from some of the trauma by acting as that person who supports you and cares about you. When you see how you should be treated, you may begin to recognize healthy signs to look for in relationships, be they platonic or romantic.

Work on addressing your trauma and the problems that stem from it

While we can't go back in the past and change the things that still affect us today, we can learn to heal from these things and to change the impact that they have had on us. Once you have a better understanding of why you act the way you do, you can begin working on that trauma to no longer affect you in the present. However, your trauma is not the only thing that you need to work on. If you have poor self-esteem or anxiety due to your childhood trauma, you will likely also need to fix these issues so that they do not continue to damage your efforts to improve your life as you work on the causes of your issues.

Learn how to accept and love yourself

Issues stemming from your trauma, such as those mentioned above, can make it hard for you to see yourself in a positive light and to believe that you are deserving of love. No matter what you believe, the truth is that you are worthy of much more than you may be allowing yourself to receive. Take the time to care for yourself and do the work to help you come to this realization. When you treat yourself with love and care and can be easier to accept the same from others.

Process childhood experiences in online therapy

If you’re having trouble identifying your attachment style, changing it, or working through childhood issues, seeking out the help of a professional can be invaluable. That said, it could be hard to find the time to schedule counseling sessions and get to them. Consider turning to Regain for help. Regain is an online counseling platform that connects you to board-certified therapists who can help you deal with relationship issues, attachment, and other mental health problems. Sessions can be held via video chat, phone call, or instant and secure in-app messaging anywhere you have an internet connection, including your home! 

Online therapy is backed by research as an effective, convenient option for a large variety of mental health conditions and concerns. The National Center for Health Research conducted a meta-analysis of dozens of studies, concluding that online therapy is just as effective as in-person therapy for treating trauma, PTSD, depression, anxiety, and more. Continue reading below for reviews of some of Regain’s therapists, from individuals experiencing similar issues.

Counselor reviews

“Working with Ralph was a great experience for me and my boyfriend. My boyfriend was apprehensive about any form of therapy, but Ralph’s approachable and non-judgmental demeanor made it easier for my boyfriend to be receptive to him. He cited a lot of techniques and had us learn and use them in our communication. What helped a lot was also the small attainable goals he helped us set that we actually achieved, which made us feel productive without feeling overwhelmed. He’s very flexible with his schedule and always checked in to see how we were doing. I would highly recommend him to any couple who could use some guidance.”

“Austa has been wonderful thus far. She has helped my partner and I during an unimaginably difficult time... She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship. I was hesitant to pursue counseling at the beginning, but I truly believe that it is making a difference for our relationship. Austa is easy to talk to and she is a great listener. I would wholeheartedly recommend her as a counselor.”