Awesome Comebacks - Learn To Defend Yourself In Relationship Disagreements
Disagreements are part of every relationship, even if it's a healthy one. When you argue with your partner, it's tempting to use humor to diffuse the situation. Sometimes making a joke in the midst of a fight can break the tension and give each person time to cool off. There's a difference between making a joke and saying something sarcastic that is hurtful at the moment. Have you and your partner been fighting recently? It's normal to disagree from time to time, and every relationship faces a challenge to work through at some point, but what should you do if you feel like you're arguing nonstop? It's hard to be in a dynamic where you feel like you need to defend yourself at all times.
You might feel like your guard is up. Maybe you suspect that you need to find comebacks to use when you're arguing with your significant other. Despite the hurdles that you may face in your relationship, snappy comebacks may not be the answer. If you're reading this article, you probably want to make things work. There are ways that you can make it through disagreements that you have with your partner. There are methods to stop the fighting and work through things without being sarcastic toward one another.
Why do you need to defend yourself?
Before you can determine what you need to do to handle disagreements with your partner, you must look at why you feel the need to defend yourself. Maybe you've been in past relationships where you got used to being on edge all of the time because of abuse, cheating, or other issues. When you've been in an abusive relationship or even one that was just toxic, it can scar you long-term. The same is true for those of us that have grown up with toxic home or family situations. You might've gotten used to that dynamic, and it might've rolled over into your current interpersonal relationships, romantic or otherwise. If this is the case for you, it's an important thing to look at. What you've been through isn't your fault, and it's something that you deserve to heal from. It might also be the case that there's an unspoken overarching issue in your current relationship that's causing all of the fighting.
What's the real issue?
When fights about seemingly small or irrelevant issues arise regularly, there's a larger issue at hand. For example, imagine that you and your partner are making snide remarks to each other. Maybe you're trying to find the right comeback to one-up the other person. Get real with yourself and look at what's going on here on a deeper level. If your partner is the one making snide comments at your expense, ask them what's going on with them. You can say, "I notice that you've been saying X and X to me lately. How do you feel about our relationship?" Use specific examples when you bring up the comments. That way, they can't avoid the issue or deny what they said. If things go well, it might allow your partner to open up about how they've been feeling. You can talk things out together. If your partner denies what they've said to you or tries to blame you, that's a larger problem. If they insinuate that you're "the problem," it's time to see a couple's counselor who can help you get to the bottom of the issues in your relationship.
When your partner won't talk about the real issues
When people defer to insults, it's because they're covering up something deeper. They don't want to deal with their emotions; saying a snippy comeback avoids what's happening in the relationship. Being vulnerable can be terrifying to some people. Maybe you're a person who is in touch with their feelings, and your partner isn't. That can be a frustrating dynamic because you want to express your feelings, feel heard, and understand how your partner feels. You can do different things in the situation to help facilitate an environment where they can open up to you. First, determine why they're shutting down. Here are some things you can say to your partner to find out the truth.
1. Use I-messages
It's tempting to blame your partner for the fact that they are shutting down. But that won't solve the issue. If they are perpetually insulting you, the thing to do is express how it makes you feel. One way to do this is by using I-messages. Often, we focus on saying things like, "you made me feel bad." You may have heard the expression, "Nobody can make you feel a certain way." This statement is valid. Your emotions belong to you. However, a person's actions can affect your feelings. For example, imagine that it bothers you when your partner insults the way that your body looks. You told them that making snide remarks about how your looks upset you.
Nevertheless, they continue to make negative comments about your appearance. You have a right to express how their comments make you feel. For example, here's how you would use that I-message. "I feel sad when you insult the way that I look." Your feelings are valid, and you have the right to express them to your partner in a way that isn't accusatory. Using an I-message accomplishes that goal.
2. Opening the unrestrained door
When you take a moment to be vulnerable and express your feelings, you're opening the emotional door for your partner to reciprocate those actions. It might take an extra step on your behalf. After they respond to your feelings, you can ask them, "Is there anything that you'd like to talk about?" Some people don't offer their emotions without being prompted. You need to know what questions to ask to allow your partner to express themselves freely. Pay attention to their body language. You may notice that they have angry expressions on their faces. After they make a snide remark, it's an opportunity to ask them what's happening with them. It shows that you care about their feelings, and you want them to be able to talk to you about what's going on internally.
3. Show empathy
When a person spews insults at their partner, they are indicating that they are in pain. Something is bothering them, and they're lashing out at you because they feel safe to do so. That doesn't make the behavior right or justify it. It explains why they're insulting you. Remember, you have the right to set a boundary and tell them that you don't like to be called names. You could say something along the lines of, "It hurts my feelings that you would call me a name. Is there something going on with you that you want to talk about?" It's especially important to point out this behavior if it's an aberration from the norm. If your partner doesn't name-call, it may be that they're under a lot of stress. When people are stressed out, they act differently from their regular behavior. Once again, this doesn't justify their actions. You can point out that you notice they're behaving differently, and you would like to know if there's something wrong. Maybe they had a tough day at work or got into an argument with a loved one. Asking the right questions and showing empathy is important in a relationship and can facilitate a productive discussion.
What to say in relationship arguments—don't judge
One goal to strive for in relationships is non-judgmental communication. What does that mean? You accept them for who they are, and they do the same for you. You refrain from passing judgment on the other person and working together to form productive solutions to problems.
Relinquishing control
Remember that you can control yourself and your actions. You can't fix other people, or change their behavior, so don't waste your energy. If your partner is the type of person who keeps firing insults at you, what can you do? Rather than trying to figure out the most awesome comeback, it's powerful to step back from the situation. You can say, "Hey, I feel like this is getting heated. I need to take a breather and come back to our conversation later." Give each other some space to process your emotions. When things are heated, it's easy to say things that you don't mean. That isn't good for the relationship in the long-term. If your partner persists in insulting you, that's not okay. You have the power to take a break and set a boundary. You don't deserve to be treated poorly, and if your partner insults you or disrespects your need to step away, that's something to look at.
Online counseling
When you're arguing with your partner a lot, you may be frustrated. You both may be at an impasse. Perhaps you've tried to work things out, and you don't know what to do next. But you don’t have to do this alone—that's when you can seek therapy. Online counseling is an excellent place to discuss relationship issues. The counselors at Regain are experts at navigating complex relationship issues. Couples counseling can be a game changer for relationships. If you find that you would rather call your partner names than discuss the deeper issues in the relationship, an online counselor can help you with that issue. Maybe your partner is engaging in comebacks, which is causing a rift in your connection. An online therapist understands that relationships are complicated, and they want to help couples develop a healthy dynamic. Once you engage in online counseling, you can begin communicating healthily.
Takeaway
We may have tricked you with the title of this article, because the truth when it comes to arguments in relationships is that communication is key. You can be clever and humorous in your response, but you should try to avoid a typical “comeback” that may offend and rile up your partner more instead of finding empathy and working together to find a solution.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
What are the best comebacks ever?
The best comebacks ever are the ones that get to the root of the problem. In fact, better than a comeback with your partner is a genuine interest in understanding the reason for their pain and the problem. Often, arguments can bring up many emotions and traumas from previous life experiences or romantic partnerships.
Regardless, there are endless lists of great comebacks that can be found on the internet. When someone such as your partner insults you, it’s instinctual to retaliate. Defending yourself is important. However, you may want to consider certain ways to respond that can help to create a more open and honest connection. Defending yourself doesn’t mean you have to be mean. Sometimes comebacks can be a way to tease or keep things light-hearted when there is tension between you and your partner. At other times, comebacks can also escalate problems and make things harder for both you and your partner.
Many people in these circumstances might want to search for top ten comeback lists to glean from to be ready for those low blows. In fact, there are comeback lists for literally any situation, including “grumpy husbands” and “someone who gets angry and overreacts.” These are pretty comical in theory, but they can create an unhealthy cycle of bringing each other down when used in real life with a loved one.
Comebacks aren’t always easy to conjure up on the spot. Being ready for insults from your partner might be something you can’t anticipate during times of tension. Comebacks are not the healthiest form of communication (actually, insults usually cover up deeper emotions). Regardless, people tend to like to have comebacks on hand and sometimes look for funny ones to roast a partner.
How do you make a good comeback?
When your partner or someone you know insults you, you might feel inclined to have good comebacks up your sleeve to get back at them. If they are making fun of you, then you should be able to make fun of them, too, right? This can be fun and lighthearted until it’s not. When you feel like you need to defend yourself in arguments constantly, this can lead to challenges in the relationship and potentially with your partner’s sense of the self-world. If you feel like you need to come up with the best comebacks or funny comebacks all the time, consider how this dynamic might be affecting each of you. Ideally, your partner should not insult you when they are angry.
There are moments when you might be tempted to put up your guard and attack back. You might want to respond with funny comebacks that can make someone laugh and bring some lightheartedness to the situation. Figuring out what situations call for this and which ones are better handled with empathy and honesty are important for healthy conflict-resolution in the relationship.
What’s a good comeback when someone calls you annoying?
If someone calls you annoying, it can be hard to know how to respond. For one, it might be an act or thing that you said that annoyed the person, or perhaps they are annoyed because of their own mood. Instead of looking at the top ten best comeback lists to get them back, maybe consider what is bothering them. What is it about your behavior that has annoyed them? This might be the route to take if you are in a relationship with the person who called you names.
If it feels more like lighthearted teasing and someone calls you annoying, you might want to have a funny comeback ready. These include the following:
- Are you agitated? My work here is done.
- I'm well aware that I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I would rather be a shot of tequila anyway!
- Well, they say marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
How do you reply to savage?
Savage can mean a variety of things. According to the Urban Dictionary, the term savage refers to someone who “isn’t scared of anyone or anything and never holds back their fire comebacks.” If someone calls you savage, it might mean that you’re unruly and fierce, and you like to fight.
You might find some good comebacks for this in the book Savage! Comebacks and Quotes, which has a long list of insults for when you’re defending yourself.
But the best thing you can do if you’re trying to have open and honest communication is to figure out why someone called you that and go from there. You might consider even asking that person. Or trying to understand the reason for your behavior that might have created this dynamic in the first place.
How do you respond to a “shut up”?
When someone tells you to shut up, they are probably angry and frustrated. They likely don’t want to hear what you are saying, perhaps because it is hurtful. There is no one way to respond, but the best thing you can do is understand why the person is angry, upset, or trying to get you to shut up.
You can respond with an I-message to express how you are feeling. It’s best to show emotions and be empathetic when looking for ways to resolve issues in any argument with a loved one or partner.
What to say when someone calls you fat?
Being shamed for being fat is a form of bullying. It can hurt someone’s feelings and be very destructive to someone’s self-image. If you are called fat, you might be inclined to have some funny comebacks ready to diffuse any tension.
You can also remind them that this is hurtful and harmful for your sense of self. Sometimes people make comments that imply you are overweight or need to lose weight. These can be equally harmful and detrimental to someone, especially if they are already struggling. Remind them that you will not accept being called fat and that it hurts your feelings. You can also speak to them about eating disorders and the power their words hold.
What do you say as a comeback?
There are plenty of good comebacks for when someone insults you or you’re in a disagreement. Those top ten comeback lists are always available when you’re ready for a good roasting session.
However, for a true connection to blossom and healthy communication in relationships, it’s best to find the root of any problem and talk it through with someone. Typically, someone says hurtful things because they are hurt and trying to cover up their own pain.
When someone you love insults you, the best thing to do is to talk about your feelings and make space for the other person to be open and honest. Being vulnerable in this situation might actually bring you closer together and keep you from holding resentment and tearing each other down.
How do you tell someone to shut up indirectly?
What should I reply to make me?
How do I interrupt a talker?
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