Does Your Partner Have A Diagnosis Of Borderline Personality Disorder? Learn To Cope

Borderline personality disorder can contribute to various relationship problems, even if it is diagnosed and currently being treated. The effects of this personality disorder can be quite overwhelming for those who have a partner with the condition, and sometimes it can make you feel as if your back is against a wall and that you've run out of options. Despite the challenges that you can face when with someone who has a borderline personality disorder, this article will discuss how you can notice the signs of the condition, how you can go about certain situations, as well as help him or her get help.

What is borderline personality disorder?

Borderline personality disorder is one distinct condition that belongs to a group of 9 others, appropriately known as personality disorders. There is a good chance that you've heard of some of them, such as avoidant, antisocial, narcissistic, and schizoid, to name a few. [1]

Personality disorders can last a lifetime if left untreated, and according to the American Psychiatric Association, they affect at least two out of four of these areas:

• Way of thinking about oneself and others
• Way of responding emotionally
• Way of relating to other people
• Way of controlling one's behavior

While these are a generalized guideline for all personality disorders, borderline can be a bit more specific, and according to the DSM-5, by the American Psychiatric Association, diagnosing this particular condition involves meeting 5 out of 9 of the following criteria, which can be divided into domains:

Domain A: 

1. Affective (emotional) instability including intense, episodic emotional anguish, irritability, and anxiety/panic attacks
2. Anger that is inappropriate, intense and difficult to control, and
3. Chronic feelings of emptiness

Domain B: Impulsive behaviors that are harmful to you or others

1. Self-damaging acts such as excessive spending, unsafe and inappropriate sexual conduct, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating.
2. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats.

This category also includes engaging in other behaviors that are harmful and destructive to yourself, others, or property.

Domain C: Inaccurate perceptions of yourself and others, and high levels of suspiciousness

1. A markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of yourself (your perceptions of yourself, your identity), and
2. Suspiciousness of others' thoughts about you, and even paranoid ideation, or transient and stress-related dissociative episodes during which you feel that you or your surroundings appear unreal.

Domain D: Tumultuous and very unstable relationships

1. You may engage in frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, and
2. Your relationships may be very intense, unstable, and alternate between the extremes of over idealizing and undervaluing people who are important to you.

In this domain, a person with these traits might also be clingy, believe that others think negatively about them, and have trouble being rational in stressful situations.

While Domain D, specifically brings up relationships, all four of them can have a significant impact on one, and if you're with someone who has it, you've probably experienced some of them already. Even if your partner has been diagnosed, it is still worth becoming familiar with the criteria that go into making a diagnosis.

Borderline personality disorder, on the surface, can often be confused with bipolar disorder I and II, hence why being able to identify the issue is crucial. Despite both being able to be abbreviated with BPD and having mood changes and emotional instability, the patterns are entirely different. For instance, borderline personality disorder involves this instability in response to an interpersonal event, whereas mood changes in bipolar disorder are more sustained and can sometimes happen for no apparent reason. [3]

The term borderline originates from being on the border of psychosis and neurosis, hence why some symptoms can sometimes overlap with bipolar disorder, and it is estimated the 2 percent of all adults in the United States are diagnosed with it. Women are also more likely to have it than men. [4]

How borderline personality disorder affects relationships

Now that you know what goes into making a diagnosis, you can try to apply the signs to your relationship, and in the rest of this article, you will read about some of the most common ones, so that you and your partner can get help with it, and potentially save your relationship. With assistance, most people with borderline personality disorder will stabilize.

 Idealization and overeagerness

It's one thing to be committed and passionate to your partner, but those with borderline personality disorder in relationships may be pathologically eager and will want to spend every single moment with the person that he or she is currently with. Those with the condition are affectionate and thoughtful and long for the same thing in their relationships, but, unfortunately, their actions have the opposite effect. It can cause the person that they are with to feel suffocated and overwhelmed. [4]

 Fear of abandonment

People with borderline personality disorder are often sensitive to any sign of abandonment or rejection, whether they are real or imaginary. They will sometimes focus on them to the point of obsession. Emotions in response to this can be very unstable; some patients can become extremely depressed, whereas others can become angry and combative, often accusing their partner of not caring about them. A lot of these problems can be attributed that they depend on others for emotional support and stability. [4]

 Becoming withdrawn

If someone with borderline personality disorder notices that his or her partner is not happy about something, even if it's something very minor, they can withdraw from the situation, instead of addressing the issue productively. [5]

 Emotional impulsivity

On the other side of the coin, instead of becoming withdrawn in response to a situation that's perceived as negative, those with this disorder can be impulsive, and this can potentially lead to embarrassing public outbursts of rage. In some cases, it can put people in danger, not just those in the relationship, but those around them as well. 

How can borderline personality disorder be treated?

Borderline personality disorder is incurable, but this doesn't mean that individuals should be discouraged from seeking out help. As mentioned before, it can be treated, and people can still live productive lives.

This is done through the management of the symptoms, which can involve medication and therapy.

Although there is no medication explicitly made for borderline personality disorder, antidepressants, antianxiety, and antipsychotic prescriptions can help keep emotions more stable. [5]

Therapy methods, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy and dialectical therapy, can also be extremely useful for the long-term, but giving people the skills they need to respond to situations with better judgment. 

Online therapy for borderline personality disorder

Having a relationship with someone with borderline personality disorder will be challenging, but it's possible to have a healthy one. For things to work, both of you will need to be proactive about it.

On your part, you will need to be open and understanding about what your partner is experiencing. Things will be stressful when episodes happen, but knowing that it's the disorder and not your partner can make them less burdensome. Patience and emotional support from you will go a long way to keep things under control.

Therapy can be beneficial for both of you, as well. Not only can it give your significant other the ability to respond more appropriately to situations, but it can also teach you how to react and be more supportive as well. At Regain, licensed and professional therapists are available online who can help you and your partner make coping with BPD and relationships less difficult. It's affordable and convenient, and both of you can attend each session together.

Takeaway

Learning how to communicate will be paramount to having a strong relationship, but having understanding will be just as important. Understanding comes with knowledge, and hopefully, by reading this article, you've gained a better picture of borderline personality disorder and its effects. This will allow you to provide the most support, which will then allow your relationship to flourish.