Knowing Yourself Can Improve Your Relationships: Five Key Questions To Ask
When you’ve been with someone for a long time, it can sometimes be difficult to view your relationship objectively.
Challenges in long-term relationships
As your lives together develop and you and your partner fall into patterns, you may lose attention to the strength of your relationship as you did when you first started dating.
Why knowing yourself can improve your relationships
However, having a strong, healthy dynamic is just as important later on in a relationship as it is in the beginning. Understanding yourself better can play an important role in this process. In today’s article, we will discuss five thought-provoking questions you can ask yourself at any time to gauge the strength of your relationship, as well as how therapy can help you explore them in more detail.
Questions to ask yourself as you strengthen your relationship
A healthy relationship has multiple components, typically including trust, alignment on goals, positive behaviors, and the ability to be yourself, among others. In order to ensure your relationship is as strong as it can be, it can be worth taking a moment to reflect on how it stands now. This can give you valuable insight into what areas to work on.
Assessing the strength of your relationship
To assess the strength of your relationship, consider the following five thought-provoking questions:
Do my partner and I want the same things?
Making sure you and your partner are in alignment around expectations can be beneficial to the health and longevity of your relationship. Topics such as marriage, the pace of the relationship, whether or not you want to have children, and where you want to live can all be important things to consider, but these big decisions are just one part of the equation. You might also want to reflect on whether you and your partner agree on things like finances, housework, travel, and other aspects of your day-to-day lives together, so you don’t lose sight of what's important in your relationship. Misaligned expectations may be a sign that you need to sit down and talk about what you both want out of your relationship and, if necessary, work to strengthen your communication skills.
Does my partner support my short- and long-term goals?
When it comes to improving the strength of a relationship, it is often important for couples to keep tabs on their goals, both in the present, near-term, and the distant future. From career aspirations to hobbies, values, passions, and sports, ensuring your partner supports you in achieving your life goals can be crucial. Consider taking stock of what both you and your partner want out of life—and, by extension, your lives together. Do you feel that you can depend on your partner to be there for you as you pursue your goals? If not, a discussion about how you can best support one another might be beneficial.
Can I be myself with my partner?
The ability to be yourself when you’re around your partner is a key component of many relationships, and it may be worth considering if you’re seeking to strengthen your dynamic with your partner. Although it can be natural to want to show your partner the best version of yourself at the beginning of your relationship, it’s worth asking yourself whether you can act authentically around them as your relationship evolves past its initial stage. Do you feel safe to show them your flaws, or do you find yourself afraid to let your guard down around them? Are there any sides of yourself that you aren’t comfortable with your partner seeing, including your values in life? If so, why? These are all questions to explore as you reflect on your relationship, and they can give you important insight into whether you truly feel at ease with your partner.
How is our communication?
When it comes to the strength of your relationship, another important aspect to consider is your ability to practice communicating your needs in a constructive, healthy way. The research backs this up, with studies finding associations between healthy communication and relationship satisfaction. Take a moment to reflect on whether you feel comfortable telling your partner what’s on your mind and bringing challenges to their attention when you need to. How do you manage disagreement? Are you able to actively listen, or do you find yourselves interrupting or berating one another? Taking a step back to consider the ways you and your partner interact can help understand the health of your communication—which may be directly tied to the health of your relationship.
Do I trust my partner, and does my partner trust me?
Trust is often the foundation of a healthy relationship, providing a sense of safety, loyalty, and openness—all of which can allow you and your partner to create space to be your most authentic selves with one another. Trust between partners can allow them to open up to each other, show vulnerability, and more easily weather challenges in the relationship. Needless to say, this can contribute to the strength of the relationship. When exploring trust in your own relationship, consider whether you can honestly share your emotions and conflicts with your partner, feel secure around them, and live your lives together in a safe space free from suspicion or fear of judgment.
Exploring your relationship through therapy
Keep in mind that the above thought-provoking questions are only meant to get you thinking about your relationship. Although these criteria are typically considered ideal for a healthy relationship, there are ways to strengthen your relationship, even if not all of these questions necessarily apply to you. By communicating with your partner and taking the steps to foster a healthy dynamic, you can ensure the health of your relationship long into the future.
Benefits of couples therapy for a stronger relationship
One of the best methods for doing this is through work with a therapist. A licensed relationship counselor, with expertise in the psychology behind relationships, can help you explore your goals and develop authenticity, trust, and communication with your partner while addressing any concerns you may have.
Developing authenticity, trust, and communication
Through the use of a personalized treatment plan, couples therapy can allow couples to develop lasting strategies for strengthening their relationship, both during and after the course of treatment.
Considering online counseling options
While traditional couples therapy offers many benefits, finding time to attend in-person sessions can be challenging for some couples. For those with busy schedules, children, or other outside commitments, online counseling may be a practical and flexible alternative. Platforms like Regain may be an attractive alternative, providing the ability to attend therapy with a licensed therapist with a background in couples psychology from wherever is most convenient.
Advantages of online therapy
Furthermore, the ability to message a counselor at any time may be useful for couples with relationship questions that come up outside therapy hours.
Effectiveness of online couples therapy
Internet-based couples therapy has been shown to be as effective as in-person therapy. Different studies have found that not only does online relationship counseling yield similar results as in-person counseling, but that it can even enhance the sense of connection between couples and their counselor.
Takeaway
There is never a wrong time to check in on the strength of your relationship and work to make it stronger. The questions above may help you get a sense of where things stand with your partner and identify areas you would like to address. Subjects like communication, alignment on goals, and trust are all topics worth exploring, whether on your own, with your partner, or with a counselor. If you would like outside support in improving the health and longevity of your relationship, online relationship counseling through a platform like Regain may also be a valuable resource.
What are 10 questions to ask?
Here are 10 questions to ask a person who works for almost any relationship, whether that’s a new friendship, an existing friendship, a family relationship, a new dating relationship, a long-term romantic relationship, or even a past relationship:
- What’s on your bucket list?
- When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up, and can you see yourself doing that now?
- What is some advice you would give to your younger self?
- What would you do if you won the lottery?
- If you had to have a name besides your own, what would you name yourself?
- What’s your biggest pet peeve?
- What’s your favorite season or time of the year, and why?
- What’s a talent that you wish you had but don’t?
- What are the traits that you like the most in other people?
- Do you enjoy personality tests?
These questions work whether you are hoping to get to know someone you’re already somewhat close to on a deeper level, improve self-awareness, become more conscious of your thoughts and feelings towards others, understand and connect with those you are just getting to know, or have an honest conversation.
What are some juicy questions to ask your friends?
Here are some juicy questions to ask your friends:
- What’s the story of your first kiss? Who was it with, and how old were you?
- In school, did you ever get caught doing something you weren’t supposed to do?
- What are some of your most recent web searches?
- What do you think would change about your life if you spent a year without your phone?
- What do you think would change in life if you spent a year without social media?
- What is something that you think about a lot but never talk about?
- What do you see as your best and worst qualities?
- What are your biggest fears?
- Do you have any secret hobbies or interests that you keep to yourself?
- When you were younger, did your parents ever catch you sneaking out?
- Were you a troublemaker as a kid?
What are some deeply personal questions?
Deep questions spark deep conversations and emotions, which is why asking deep questions can help us understand interpersonal connections and improve self-awareness. Whether you’re asking a friend deep questions or a partner deep questions, it can help you understand each other and strengthen your bond. Here are some deep questions to ask if you want to understand and connect with someone on a deeper level:
- What is something you disagree with your parents on?
- When do you feel the most alive?
- Who would you say has made the greatest difference on you in life?
- When you are sad or going through a hard time, what helps you cope?
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
- Do you have any regrets?
- What are some of the things that matter to you that you would prioritize changing in the world if you could?
- What is something most people don’t know about you that makes you feel confident?
- What do you feel should be a common piece of knowledge or a common skill that most people don’t know?
- Is there a book that you think everyone should read?
What are some juicy questions to ask a guy?
The best juicy questions to ask a guy will depend heavily on how well you know them and the current status of your relationship with them. If you are in a long-term relationship with someone, good juicy questions to ask might be deep questions or a couple's question such as, “What is something you would like to do together that we haven’t done before?” “What’s something that you’ve always wanted to ask me or tell me but never have?” or “Where do you see us in X number of years?” If you want to get to know someone on a deeper level but aren’t ready for deep questions that are the deepest of deep questions, you might stick with a question like, “If you had an unlimited amount of money, what would you do?” or “what compliments do you like to receive the most for yourself?” If you want to ask a deep question that is deep but not too deep, you might ask something like, “What is something essential that you wish you had in life that you don’t currently have?” or “What would you change about your life right now if you could?” These questions will help you get a better idea of what a person wants in life, explain their desires and values, promote self-awareness, and finally, make them excellent juicy or deep questions to ask without going too far.
What is a good question?
Often, a good question makes a person think. This is particularly true when it comes to what makes deep questions good, especially when the person is self-aware. A good question may also help a person practice reflecting on their self-awareness, revealing something about themselves they wouldn’t usually get to talk about, that helps you to get to know them better, or a question that is a good conversation starter. What makes a good question depends heavily on who you’re asking it to and what you’re hoping to gain from asking the question. For example, a good icebreaker question is likely to look different than a good intimate question would. You’ll want to use self-awareness to avoid asking an intimate question or a potentially uncomfortable question if you’re getting to know them. Still, the same question might not be uncomfortable and could help you get closer if you are in a close friendship or relationship.
What is a tricky question?
In the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a trick question is defined as “a deceptive question that is intended to make one give an answer that is not correct or that causes difficulty.” On the other hand, a tricky question typically refers to a question that makes a person think deeply before they answer or express a hard answer.
Given the fact that being self-aware can improve your relationships, what are some questions to ask yourself?
When considering your relationship, reflect on shared goals, mutual support of each other's aspirations, authenticity with your partner, quality of communication, the level of trust in your relationship, and the commitment to being self-aware and self-development. Begin working on these aspects to give you a clearer sense of your own feelings and the general health and strength of your partnership. Work hard to improve communication, trust, and mutual understanding.
What are the five questions of life to strengthen relationships?
In the context of strengthening your relationship, the five key questions to explore are:
- Do my partner and I want the same things?
- Does my partner support my short- and long-term goals?
- Can I express myself andbe myself with my partner?
- How is our communication?
- Do I trust my partner, and does my partner trust me?
What are powerful questions?
The most powerful questions are the ones that matter, create deep reflection, and lead to insight into strengths and areas for self-improvement in your own life and your relationship. Examples of such powerful questions include: Am I able to be myself around my partner? How is our communication and interaction? Are we on the same page about life goals?
What are the three question types?
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