Although much has been said about finding a partner for whom you feel passionate, increasing bodies of evidence are delineating the importance of having a partner that you are not necessarily head-over-heels passionate about but with whom you have a strong, close, and comfortable relationship. While it might not be quite as glamorous as many of the stories involving intense, passionate love, falling in love with your best friend could actually be one of the best, most effective ways to make sure that your relationship will work long after the so-called honeymoon period has ended.
A boyfriend/best friend combination can happen on either end of the scale. For some, a close friend gradually moves into “boyfriend” territory, and for others, the spark of attraction turns out to be far more than a simple romantic connection. Either way, it starts, though, numerous surveys and studies have demonstrated that having a boyfriend who is your best friend is an unfailingly strong way to cultivate a strong, lasting, and respectful relationship.
Best friends make great partners, largely because a best friend has something that a romantic partner does not necessarily possess: unwavering support and sincere affection. Romantic partners are wonderful, but much of the beginning of a romantic relationship involves some amount of dishonesty; in a romantic relationship, both people typically try to maintain some mystique or are on their best behavior to impress their new significant other. Conversely, a best friend knows your flaws, knows that you know their flaws, and can relax and spend time with you without the same amount of pressure and discomfort.
The role that relationships play might age over time-both as a whole and in your relationship, specifically. One study found that people in relationships report their partner being their best friend at a rate of over 80%, a significant change from the 40% reported a mere 30 years ago. The change could be due to a number of factors, the most significant one likely being the ever-changing roles partners play in relationships and marriages.
As people continue to value friendship at a greater pace and crave the same closeness and intimacy in their romantic relationships that they experience in their friendships, the likelihood of calling their significant other their best friend increases. Though they have long been called a ball and chain, marriage relationships have enjoyed a much different lens through which they are viewed, wherein both parties see their partners not as an overlord or a ball and chain, but as a source of comfort, support, and love.
This is not to say that all romantic relationships are now seen through this perspective; in some marriages (just over ten percent), having a significant other who is considered a best friend is neither a priority nor a reality. In some parts of the world, too, marriage is still considered, by and large, a contractual decision, rather than a love or friendship-motivated one. Even in many of these relationships, though, support is extremely important and can be the measure by which the relationship is evaluated.
The Beauty Of These Relationships
“Marry your best friend. I do not say that lightly. Really, truly find the strongest, happiest friendship in the person you fall in love with. Someone who speaks highly of you. Someone you can laugh with. The kind of laughs that make your belly ache and your nose snort. The embarrassing, earnest, healing kind of laughs. Wit is important. Life is too short not to love someone who lets you be a fool with them. Please make sure they are somebody who lets you cry, too. Despair will come. Find someone that you want to be there with you through those times.” -N’tima Preusser
As Preusser suggests, being with someone who supports and loves you unconditionally and makes you feel safe is an important part of having a long, successful romantic relationship. A boyfriend who is not supportive, or who speaks poorly of you, or who does not like to see you being free, silly, or playful, is not likely to be someone you can truly find happiness with. While you might not want to go the route of your boyfriend being your actual best friend, the advice stands: find someone you can trust and be yourself with.
“True love isn’t found; it’s built.” –Unknown
This particular quote, though its origin is unknown, encompasses all of the beautiful aspects of being best friends with your boyfriend: your relationship is not one that enjoyed a quick burn at the beginning and eventually petered out, but is a long-standing relationship that is built on mutual love, support, respect, and care. When searching for true love and being open to finding it with a friend, it is important to note that you build up to your partner being your best friend, even if the two of you are best friends before your relationship becoming romantic; people do not become best friends overnight. It may only take a matter of weeks to develop a relationship close enough to warrant the term, but the bonds that continue your relationship can usually last a lifetime.
Why Boyfriend/Best Friend Relationships Work
“I meant it when I said I didn’t believe in love at first sight. It takes time to really, truly fall for someone. Yet, I believe in a moment. A moment when you glimpse the truth within someone, and they glimpse the truth within you. At that moment, you don’t belong to yourself any longer, not completely. Part of you belongs to him; part of him belongs to you. After that, you can’t take it back, no matter how much you want to, no matter how hard you try.” -Claudia Gray, “A Thousand Pieces of You”
As Gray’s quote suggests, love takes time. Friendship can considerably speed that time, as the intimacy and bond that you create within friendship can easily span decades, while romantic love often fades within a matter of months or years. The kind of love that forms within friendships is often stronger and deeper than the kind of love that forms within romantic relationships, largely because friendships are usually more honest: in romance, you are often trying hard to impress your new flame, while friendship is often more about vulnerability, and making yourself known. Although a best friend type of friendship is not necessary to cultivate a strong relationship, it can be a wonderful and beautiful way to create a strong, lasting relationship with your partner.
Pitfalls Of Romantic Relationship/Friendships
Although evidently many people would argue that a boyfriend/best friend relationship is a wonderful thing, there are some pitfalls associated with such an arrangement. The most significant pitfall that can be found in this type of relationship is the possibility of failure and the consequential loss of two relationships. If your romantic and friendly relationships are kept separate, and you break up with your partner, you have lost only your partnership. If, however, your partner is your best friend, and the two of you break up, it can feel as though you have lost two relationships, rather than one, and can leave you feeling isolated and scared.
A boyfriend/best friend relationship can also be problematic if one or both of you crave mystery and find that you have very little mystery between the two of you. Many best friends see their best friends in the most unpleasant situations imaginable and know their best friends’ every flaw and misstep. Although in a best friend relationship, this kind of intimacy is valuable and cherished. In a romantic relationship, one or both of you might struggle to have an intimate knowledge of past relationships, personal flaws, or personal hang-ups.
Should Your Romantic Relationship Also Be A Friendship?
Ultimately, the choice is yours: whether you prefer having a romance separate from friendship or the prospect of a friendship-enriched romantic relationship makes you feel ecstatic, you ultimately get to decide your goals, preferences, wants, and likes. If you enter into a relationship with your friend first, and you decide you prefer stronger boundaries between the two types of relationships, you can count on a learning experience and move on to another relationship-one with boundaries that you feel safe in and comfortable with.
If you are currently in a boyfriend/best friend relationship and struggle with any of the aspects of such a close, intimate union, your relationship could benefit from a session of couple’s counseling, which can help you learn how to set better boundaries and develop communication and coping tools to help keep your relationship on the right track. You and your partner could see a therapist in your town, or you could try couple’s counseling online, through a site such as ReGain.Us, which can offer counseling on your timetable, from the comfort of your home, and at a price that is often cheaper than traditional therapy methods.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Can I call my boyfriend bestie?
As long as he's okay with it, there's no reason not to. Just make sure to express your romantic love, too. Being in love with your best friend is a beautiful thing, and you want to show it. Here are some additional best friend boyfriend quotes or boyfriend as a best friend quotes to add to the list above:
“Love is friendship set on fire.” - Jeremy Taylor
"True love is finding your soulmate in your best friend." - Faye Hall
"In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world, there is no love for you like mine." - Maya Angelou
“Lucky I'm in love with my best friend.” - Jason Mraz
"A bond between souls is ancient; older than the planet." - Dianna Hardy
"They stood there pretending to be just friends when all the while everyone in the room could plainly see that they were only existing for each other." - Emma Blake
"Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning, a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable." - Bruce Lee
Love quotes are a great way to show you care. Additionally, love quotes or boyfriend quotes are versatile. Romantic quotes or boyfriend photos can be used in a variety of ways. For example, you might include boyfriend quotes or relationship quotes like the ones above in a card, or you might use boyfriend called for an art project. You might even text sweet romantic boyfriend quotes to your boyfriend or relay it to him and let him know it made you think of him. Many people say that having a partner who also feels like a friend is crucial, and it does make sense. You want to be able to have fun together as friends would and embrace each other as autonomous people as friends would. If you're looking for boyfriend best friend quotes, you can search the web using terms like "best friend quotes boyfriend," "best friend boyfriend quotes Tumblr," "quotes for boyfriend best friend," "best friend boyfriend quotes love," "boyfriend quotes love," "quotes cute best friend boyfriend," or "my best friend boyfriend quotes love."
Are best friends more important than boyfriends?
Friendships are an important part of our lives. Healthy social relationships impact our physical and mental health positively, and there's nothing like having a true friend. If you have a long-term best friend and you can tell that the friendship is healthy for you - you know that they want the best for you, and perhaps you even feel like family - cherish that. If a boyfriend attempts to isolate you from a best friend, it's a bad sign. Even if your relationship is healthy, don't forget your best friends when you enter a partnership. In addition to love quotes, romantic quotes, and boyfriend quotes, there are plenty of best friend quotes or friendship quotes you can use to show that you value your friends or best friend. Here are some friendship quotes:
“Friends are the family you choose.“ - Jess C. Scott
“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.” - G. Randolf
"A friend is a second self." - Aristotle
"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you." - Elbert Hubbard
“A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.” - Donna Roberts
“The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.” - Elisabeth Foley
“No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other’s worth.” - Robert Southey
“The ones that stay with you through everything, they’re your true best friends. Don’t let go of them.” - Marilyn Monroe
“A friend is one who overlooks your broken fence and admires the flowers in your garden.” - Author Unknown
Additionally, reading these friendship quotes can put things into perspective. Remember to show your friends appreciation!
How do I deal with my boyfriend's best friend?
If you don't like your boyfriend's best friend, there are a couple of things that you can do. An important thing to note is that, just because you're dating, you don't have to do everything together. He can spend time with his friends while you spend time with yours. That might be enough to solve it, but if the situation is more complex, you might sit down and talk with your boyfriend calmly and kindly and proceed to set boundaries.
What is the difference between bestie and boyfriend?
A bestie typically refers to a best friend, where a boyfriend almost always refers to a romantic partner. Some people abbreviate both best friend and boyfriend to "BF," but often, someone will call their best friend their BFF (best friend forever) and their boyfriend their BF (boyfriend). If you fall in love with your best friend, you might have a person in your life who is both a boyfriend or partner and a best friend. Here are some additional romantic quotes for a boyfriend or best friend boyfriend:
“Two things you will never have to chase: True friends and true love.” - Mandy Hale
“The love that comes from friendship is the underlying facet of a happy life.” - Chelsea Handler
"Sometimes there's someone who makes you feel so at home that you flourish." - Marnie Woodrow
“Intimacy is the capacity to be rather weird with someone and finding that that’s okay with them.” - Alain de Botton
"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." - Emily Brontë
“True love is not a strong, fiery, impetuous passion. It is, on the contrary, an element calm and deep. It looks beyond mere externals, and is attracted by qualities alone. It is wise and discriminating, and its devotion is real and abiding.” - Ellen G. White
"Yours is the light by which my spirit's born; you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars." - E. E. Cummings
"Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly." - Rose Franken
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Who is more important friends or lover?
The answer to this question is often what you might expect; your true best friends are likely more important to you than a new lover. Not in the sense that your relationship should be kicked to the curb or ignored, but in the sense that your friendships shouldn't be. If you have someone who has been there for you, who has supported you for many years, and who understands you, that is a friend that should be valued. There are nuances, of course. Not every friendship is healthy. In most cases, there should be space in your heart and life for both, and nurturing your friendships should be a priority. That said, if you have a toxic friend, it's important to address it. Additionally, there are cases where you'll have a long-term lover that you value deeply - perhaps even a boyfriend best friend. Then, you might make a new friend outside of the relationship who happens to be toxic. In that case, your lover is the one you'd regard as more important. Everyone has a unique situation when it comes to romance and friendships, so use your discretion and think about your circumstances uniquely.