Having a friend with benefits relationship with another person can take quite a bit of the pressure off when it comes to trying to find someone to have sex with regularly. However, because you already have such a close relationship with the person, many people have fallen victim to catching feelings for the other person, which may or may not result in a further relationship down the road.
Because these situations tend to be a little messier than the average, it is important to learn more about exactly what a friend with benefits dynamic entails and when it is or when it is not appropriate to take things a step further (if that is something that both parties are interested in). In your quest for answers, you may have come across several quizzes that will help you to figure out whether or not you should be more than what you and your friend already are. Can an "are we more than friends with benefits quiz?" be a good starting point to learn more about your casual relationship? When the right questions are employed!
If you are struggling to learn more about your casual relationship, continue reading below to receive some great friends with benefits advice and to take a brief quiz that will help you clearly define what you feel for your friend.
What does "friends with benefits" mean? Simply put, a friend with benefits relationship is one in which you have arranged sex with a friend but never move into a romantic relationship. This type of no-strings sex allows you and your friend to receive the sexual attention that you are looking for without having to constantly date other people or have casual sex with strangers. Because these relationships can be more difficult to maintain than other casual relationships, there are quite a few rules that go into these types of relationships. Here are a few ground rules that you and your friend should follow if you both are certain that you do not want to become anything more than friends.
Maintain The Mindset Of A Casual Relationship (And Keep Your Intentions That Way)
When you enter this relationship, you should make sure that both you and your friend know exactly what you are getting into. Some enter friends with benefits situation with the belief that they can create a relationship out of something that is meant to be strictly sexual. Unless the two of you want to explore that avenue down the road, you both need to make sure that you are only focused on having your sexual needs met by each other. While the relationship is casual and shouldn't be something that you should examine extensively, it only works if both parties agree on the terms. You should only be sleeping with a friend, not looking for a partner.
Do Your Best To Avoid Hanging Out Outside Of Having Sex
Having sex with someone can cause feelings to develop, especially if we are engaging in these intimate moments with each other and then spending time with that same person outside of the bedroom. Although you may not want to give up a friend altogether, you should try to limit outside contact as much as possible. When you do this, you make sure that the relationship remains strictly in the bedroom, and you avoid developing feelings for them when you see them in person. If you must make contact, try to keep yourself separated so that you are not spending too much time with this person. Try to approach things from a clinical perspective and remember that you are only trying to reap the benefits of sex!
Have Sex Infrequently
A friend with benefits situation is designed for casual sex now and then. The problem? Many people will use their relationship as an excuse to have sex almost every day of the week. When you spend this much time with your casual friend and have more sex with them, it makes it easier for one or both of you to develop feelings. Both you and your friend should try to limit sex with each other a couple of times a week. The less sex you have, the more casual it is and the easier it will be to maintain.
Avoid Pillow Talk And Cuddling
Things such as pillow talk and cuddling can open both of you up to the potential for falling for each other. Even if this may be innocent or maybe what one of you are looking for after sex, it is best to keep the activity between each other strictly sexual. Having feelings can complicate matters and put a strain on the relationship. If you do talk, make sure that it is very casual talk as you are getting your things together and getting ready to leave. Flirting with a friend is generally something that you should stay away from. When it comes to cuddling or any other post-sex contact, it is best to avoid these types of things altogether. Again, keeping things strictly in the bedroom and limiting your interactions to sex makes it easier to keep things light between you and your friend.
Don't Try To Define The Rules Of Your Relationships Outside Of Sex
A casual relationship is designed to be fun and liberating. Neither of you wants to worry about having to set the rules like you would in a serious relationship. When you and your friend begin having sex, make sure that neither of you tries to define what you have. All that you have is friends with benefits arrangement. Beyond that, there is no need to talk about communication, dates, or any other activity that would come with a normal relationship. Just have fun!
Make Sure To Practice Safe Sex Each Time You Are With Each Other
If you are having sex outside of your friend with benefits relationship, you must make sure to practice safe sex. No one wants to catch an STD that came from another partner. Always use a condom, always take birth control, and make sure that you two are ready for the consequences if you decide to go without the proper protection.
Understand That This Is A Casual Relationship That Will Not Last
Friend with benefits are designed to work for the gaps that you two may have when you are in-between partners. This way, you can still have your sexual needs met without having to seek out strangers. When you or your friend get into a relationship, you can then quit the relationship until you may need each other again. These types of relationships are not designed to last. If they were, you would have been dating this individual from the beginning.
You may be in a situation where you are asking yourself, does my friend with benefits have feelings for me? On the other hand, you may be curious as to whether or not you are catching feelings for your friend. In either situation, you may want to explore whether or not you will want to develop a relationship with this person. To give you a better idea of your current relationship dynamics, here is a brief quiz that will help you determine if there is something more between you and your friend.
Do You Or Your Friend Make An Active Effort To Spend Time With Each Other?
If you and your friend are making arrangements to see each other frequently, it could indicate that one or both of you are willing to take things to the next level. This is because these bonding events can promote further feelings of connection outside of the bedroom, and it may be a large sign if you two are constantly asking each other to go to places. Much like with many of the questions in this quiz, it isn't an absolute. However, it could be something worth exploring!
Do You Or Your Friend Buy Gifts For Each Other?
Because you have a strictly sexual relationship, there is no need to do anything that a normal couple would do, such as celebrating special occasions or buying presents for each other. However, if you do find yourselves actively doing this, it may be a sign of deeper affection beyond the sexual life that you two share. Take some time to consider why you may be engaging in this behavior. Is it to be nice, or are you doing it because you have feelings for them?
Taking the time to do these things could be an indication that the two of you want a relationship.
Do You Or Your Friend Get Jealous When There Is More Time Being Spend With Other People?
Jealousy is an extremely common trait to have when you see a friend spending time with someone other than yourself. If you or your friend get jealous of the people outside of your relationship, despite only having a casual one, this is a sign that feelings are there. Granted, this can also be a major problem should a relationship develop, and this is something that you should talk about if you both want one.
Do You Or Your Friend Practically Live With Each Other?
As we stated above, it is generally best to have sex and then lead separate lives once you are finished. That said, individuals who like each other may spend a significant amount of time with the other person. They may begin to keep items at the other person's place or find excuses to stay in bed with the person. If this is the case for you and your friend with benefits situation, a potential relationship may have already fallen into your laps.
Do You Or Your Friend Talk Or "Joke" About How Easy It Would Be To Start A Relationship With Each Other?
People who may be interested in starting a relationship with someone else but are too shy to ask for it truly may make passing jokes, especially if they are already comfortable with their friend or see this other person frequently. Do you or your friend constantly joke about starting a relationship? Although this could be a joke now and then, it is often a sign that someone is dropping hints when it is being uttered repeatedly.
Are You And Your Friend Very Affectionate Outside Of The Bedroom?
Being affectionate in the bedroom could be perceived as something natural during sex, but flirting and contact outside the bedroom is a very different thing. Although you could technically want these things at times, engaging in them constantly paints a very different picture of your relationship. Those who are affectionate everywhere they go maybe steering towards a normal relationship next!
Most importantly, the best way to learn if you and your friend want something more out of your relationship is to ask! That said, the transition to a romantic relationship from a casual relationship is not always an easy one. You and your friend may not be equipped with the proper behaviors to cultivate a healthy relationship from the start. Do you and your friend want to take things a step further but need help to do so? ReGain is a relationship-based, online counseling platform that helps you connect with the right certified therapist for your needs. All you have to do is find an internet-connected device and the right time for both you and your partner to speak to a specialist, and you're ready to go! Click on the link above, answer a few questions, and transition smoothly into a new romantic relationship when you are ready.