Can “Are We More Than Friends With Benefits Quiz” Offer Insights Into Causal Dating?
Content warning: This article includes references to trauma and other topics that may be considered triggering. Please proceed with discretion.
Casual relationships, often referred to as “friends with benefits” relationships, are relationships in which partners engage in sexual activity without engaging in romance. They are typically not exclusive, meaning both partners are usually free to date other people. Friends with benefits usually make the decision ahead of time to leave romance out of their relationship, but at times, romantic feelings develop anyway.
Needless to say, this can make things complicated, especially in situations where one partner begins feeling romantic attraction but the other one does not. Other conflicts, such as jealousy or new partners, can also create challenges, which is why it can be important for friends with benefits to take certain steps to make sure their relationship is as healthy as it can be. We will explore some of these in this article.
Why people choose to be friends with benefits
Individuals may choose to enter into a friends with benefits arrangement for a variety of reasons. These reasons may include:
- Busy schedules that get in the way of dating and romance
- A lack of romantic attraction, such as in those who are aromantic
- Open relationships, in which couples seek out sex with other partners
- Previous sexual trauma, which can make romantic relationships difficult in adulthood
A friends with benefits relationship can look different depending on both partners’ preferences and reasons for entering into it. For example, some friends with benefits enjoy doing other social activities together, while others prefer to only engage in sex. Other times, one or both partners may be in an open relationship, which can also change the dynamic. For this reason, it's important to be upfront and honest about your intentions if you decide to enter into a casual relationship.
Tips for establishing a healthy casual relationship
Friends with benefits relationships have the potential to lead to challenges. They can also turn unhealthy if both partners are not honest and respectful of one another's needs and boundaries. Here are a few tips for making sure your casual relationship is as healthy and open as it can be:
Set clear ground rules and boundaries
Healthy relationships include healthy boundaries, and casual relationships are no exception. It's important to make sure you communicate openly with your partner about what sexual activities you are and are not comfortable with. Additionally, laying down ground rules about exclusivity, communication, and what you do before and after sex can help you avoid misunderstandings down the road.
Practice safe sex
Because sex is a key component of a friends with benefits relationship, it's important that you and your partner both take care of your sexual health. That may mean using contraceptives, getting tested regularly for STDs and STIs, and communicating with your partner about any relevant health conditions.
Be clear about your reasons
Because casual relationships can get complicated, it can be worth reflecting on your motivations for seeking one out and ensuring that they're constructive. Take the time to make sure you aren't entering the relationship for unhealthy reasons, such as wanting to get back at a previous partner, expecting a friend to develop feelings for you, or feeling pressured in any way.
Continue to communicate with each other
Unexpected speed bumps can be natural in any type of relationship, including casual ones. For example, emotions and conflicts can sometimes appear in a friends with benefits relationship, even when you’ve set ground rules and made your intentions clear. Similarly, challenges like jealousy, growing romantic feelings, or new partners can all upset the casual dynamic, so it can be important to address these by practicing clear and healthy communication. It may be helpful for both partners to check in with one another periodically about their feelings on the relationship, and whether they would like it to continue.
Work through complicated relationship dynamics in online therapy
When unexpected challenges come up in a friends with benefits relationship, one or both partners may find themselves feeling confused or conflicted. In these cases, those in casual relationships may find relationship counseling helpful for exploring their emotions, addressing conflicts, and communicating about what each partner wants out of the relationship. Similarly, therapy may also be helpful for those who find themselves developing feelings for their friends with benefits, as it can help them sort through their emotions and find a healthy path forward.
That being said, in-person therapy and couples counseling are not always feasible. In a friends with benefits relationship, outside commitments and scheduling challenges can make it tricky to attend traditional, face-to-face counseling. That's why, for friends with benefits in need of extra support, online therapy through a platform like Regain (for couples) or BetterHelp (for individuals) may be an appealing alternative. The ability to attend sessions from wherever is most convenient may make virtual therapy an attractive alternative to commuting to a counselor’s office in person.
Various studies have found that online counseling is an effective alternative to traditional therapy. For example, a 2022 study found that online couples therapy was as effective as traditional therapy when it came to improving relationship satisfaction. A 2020 study also found that couples therapy delivered via the internet led to an increased sense of connection between couples and their counselors.
Takeaway
A friends with benefits relationship, or a casual relationship, is a relationship between people who agree to engage in sexual activity without romance. People may choose to enter into casual relationships for various reasons, such as a lack of romantic attraction or being too busy for a romantic relationship. Casual relationships can become complicated, which is why it can be important to establish clear boundaries upfront, reflect on your motivations, take care of your sexual health, and communicate honestly and consistently.
For friends with benefits who are experiencing complications in their relationship, counseling can be a helpful resource for navigating emotions and resolving conflicts. If you would like support in managing your relationship with your partner, you can connect with a licensed counselor via a platform like Regain (for couples) or BetterHelp (for individuals).
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How do you tell if it's more than friends with benefits?
If you both feel more attached than you would in a friends with benefits relationship, it's safe to say that there might be more there. Have things changed since you first defined your friends with benefits relationship? Do you find yourselves getting closer? Are you cuddling after sex or having deep conversations? Most importantly, Does the desire to get closer seem mutual? If you've never outlined the conditions of your relationship, it's important to have a candid discussion now.
Being friends with benefits does not mean that you are settling for a semi-relationship with someone. It should be something that you both want, and you should've had a conversation where you and this individual agreed that you weren't looking for anything serious and that it was simply a friends with benefits relationship. Be honest with yourself about what you want out of this connection. Are you fantasizing about it becoming more? There is nothing wrong with you if you get attached to someone or start to develop feelings for them. It is simply a matter of being upfront.
How do I know if my FWB has feelings?
Often, if a friends with benefits relationship is becoming more, there will be signs. He might tell you directly, or he may start acting in a way that is more romantic and less casual toward you. He might start doing any of the following things:
- Wanting to hang out with you more outside of hooking up.
- Seeing you exclusively (is not having sex with other people)
- Asking how your day was on a regular basis
- Calling you babe or using pet names outside of the bedroom
- Makes romantic gestures such as holding your hand
If it starts to feel more like a relationship and less like a friends with benefits situation, it's likely that it is becoming more. Either way, if you start to get the sense that your friends with benefits relationship is something more, your gut instinct is probably right, and you need to have a conversation about it. If you also see him as more than a friend, it's important to bring that up. Alternatively, if you don't see him as more than a friend with benefits and want the relationship to remain casual, that also certainly needs to be communicated. Communication is the foundation of every relationship, and with friends with benefits relationships, it's especially crucial that you always know that you're on the same page to ensure that no one gets hurt emotionally. Never make assumptions; as nerve-wracking as it may be, you really do need to talk about the terms of your relationship as well as what both you need, want, and expect.
Do friends with benefits text every day?
Friends with benefits don't text daily. Generally, a friends with benefits relationship entails infrequent casual sex only. You don't get too involved in the other person's life and wouldn't generally reach out save for to make plans to get together. If you were good friends even before the friends with benefits relationship began, it makes sense that the friendship would remain similar to what it was before, but with the inclusion of physical intimacy. As a result, you might find that you text more often. However, due to the connection and knowledge of one another that friendship entails, creating a friends with benefits relationship with an existing friend can get complicated quickly.
That isn't to say that friends with benefits relationships can't work out. Friends with benefits relationships can be a lot of fun, and they can be completely and healthy. Again, you just have to be very honest with yourself about what it is that you want with your friend with benefits. Say that you know that you fall for people easily once you're intimate with them. Perhaps you have an anxious attachment style and tend to get very attached to people. Alternatively, say that you are prone to getting jealous. These are all things to be cognizant of when establishing a connection with another person. When you're in a friends with benefits relationship, know that this person might find someone that they are deeply romantically interested in at some point, and that at that point, your friends with benefits connection will stop. If the idea of that happening hurts you, it is valid, and it's not a bad thing; it just means that a friends with benefits relationship might not be what you're looking for and that, maybe, a committed romantic relationship is more applicable to what you want.
Can FWB turn into more?
Friends with benefits can absolutely turn into more. That said, it is essential that you're on the same page. A friends with benefits relationship comes with a set of boundaries that are mutually agreed on. Mainly, those boundaries operate on the foundation that this connection is to be casual, fun, and for physical intimacy, not long-term romance. If your needs change or if you start to develop feelings for your friend with benefits, it must be addressed. Similarly, if you are confused as to what the relationship is in terms of if you're Friends with benefits or something more, it has to be addressed. If someone avoids the conversation, you are the only one that gets to determine how you feel about the response, but one thing that is true is that someone avoiding a conversation about the status of a relationship likely means that a serious relationship is not on its way with this person. Your answers to relationship quizzes like the one in this article may help you to determine if your FWB relationship has turned into something more.
How often do friends with benefits see each other?
The frequency of which friends with benefits see each other varies, but the consistent variable in a friends with benefits relationship is that you see each other on a casual basis. Generally, people in a friends with benefits relationship will see each other somewhere from once to a couple of times a week. It depends on a variety of factors, including your schedules, life obligations, and when you both want to get together, but again, the more spaced out you can schedule your time together, the better if you want to keep this connection strictly a friends with benefits relationship.
How do you tell if a man likes you or just wants to sleep with you?
Does he talk to you and spend time with you outside of the bedroom? Do you have moments that could be described as romantic that aren't at all sexual and don't take place during moments that are physically intimate? Are you starting to get close to each other in a way that's not purely sexual or casual? Do you find yourself having deep, intimate conversations about the future? Has he started to introduce you to his friends and family? These are all signs that he likes you as more than a friend.
Sometimes, friends with benefits totally work; there are no strings attached, and neither of you gets attached past the point of the friends with benefits relationship. For others, it's harder to handle the friends with benefits relationship. If you have a personality type where you tend to get attached to people if you spend enough time with them and aren't able to have a sexual relationship that stays totally casual and with no strings attached, it's good to know that about yourself. If you find yourself looking for articles, books, a personality quiz, or relationship quizzes related to your friends with benefits status, it's likely that you like him as more than a friend or have a feeling that he has deeper feelings toward you. Personality quizzes are fun to take with your friends, but if you want the relationship to be more and can't stop thinking about it, it might be time to have a conversation with your friends with benefits; especially if you're starting to want more and find yourself frustrated that the connection isn't going there. You can take the relationship quiz in the article above to see if you might be more than friends.
Will he lose interest if I don't sleep with him?
If your involvement with this person has moved past a friends with benefits relationship, he won't lose interest if you don't sleep with him. If you have established a friends with benefits relationship and nothing more, however, there was a point where you were on the same page in terms of understanding that the relationship was solely casual and for the purpose of casual sex with no strings attached. If you find that a friends with benefits relationship is no longer what you're looking for, you need to communicate that. It's true that if he is looking for connections that are strictly friends with benefits relationships, this may end the connection. That said, feelings come out eventually in some way or another. It will start to sting if you hold your emotions in, so the conversation inevitably has to happen.
Remember, friends with benefits relationships are not typically meant to last forever. If you start to develop an attachment to this person, they need to be clued in. You never know, they may feel the exact same way. Either way, it absolutely must be on the table.
Do friends with benefits go on dates?
FWB doesn't go on dates. If your friend-with-benefits starts to ask you out on dates or makes other romantic gestures toward you, it's a big sign that your friends with benefits relationship is something more serious. If people in a friends with benefits relationship go on dates, the possibility that they will develop feelings for one another grows. That is why friends with benefits do not typically go on dates with each other - that is, if they intend on staying friends with benefits and nothing more. If your friend with benefits asks you out on a date, it can serve as an opportunity to revisit the relationship's nature in an open conversation.
How long is the average FWB?
What are the red flags with Friends With Benefits?
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