Family Values: What Values Should I Instill In My Family?

By ReGain Editorial Team|Updated March 29, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Karen Devlin, LPC

Whether we are conscious of it or not, we are constantly passing certain values down from generation to generation. From living an honest life to making generous donations to local organizations, your children take note of this behavior and act on it. It is never too late to instill values into your family, and it is never too late to change some of the values that are not beneficial to your family. If you're interested in changing the attitudes and the methods that your family has towards living life, here are some popular values that successful families share.

First, We Need To Define Family Values As Well As Your Values

I Know What Values I Want To Teach But Confused About How
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According to an article on American Family Values on the website Love to Know, the term family values refers to "a set of beliefs and ideas (social and sometimes political) that provide moral guidance to a family unit." For example, let's imagine that you've been raised in a strict religious household that is against many of the liberal values of today's families.

There is nothing right or wrong with this value. It is simply a family value. However, these are the types of values that you need to evaluate when you are trying to examine what your family believes and how they act on those beliefs. If there is a value in your family that you think is destructive or dangerous, make a note of it and work to change it. If there is something in your family that works and that makes the individuals better people, keep that value strong within the family. Like any habit or belief, you can change the values of your family, even if it will take some time.

Second, We Need To Know How To Change Our Personal Beliefs As Well As Our Family's

There is no use in listing popular family values and telling you to change them if you have no idea how to go about this. Once you've identified the family values that you want to eliminate and the ones that you to incorporate, here is a short guide that you can use to change your beliefs:

Step 1. Identify The Belief And The Part Of Yourself That Is Holding Onto It

Belief and identity are very closely intertwined. For example, let's say that honesty is a big family value. When you have this value, you don't just value honesty. You ARE an honest person. Every fiber of you is grounded in that value, and you make a conscious effort to become an example of that value.

To begin the process of changing a personal belief or value, you have to identify it and acknowledge it. Continuing from the example above, find that one of your values is honesty and acknowledge that it is an integral part of your life. Once you identify a value, you can change it.

Step 2. Find The Seed That Planted The Value

You are not born with values at birth. You are given them by family members and friends who make a huge impact on your during your lifetime. When you identify a value that you may not want to hold onto anymore, ask yourself, where did it come from?

Did it come from your mother? Your father? Your uncle? Your friend? Take a trip down memory lane and try to remember who instilled that value in you. If you try hard enough, you will be able to trace the value back to its source. You will also be able to understand why you held so tightly to the value when you realize the feelings that you had for said person. This is important.

Step 3. Challenge The Value And The Emotions Associated With It

This is going to be the hardest step but ultimately the most important in this short guide. To break free of a certain value, you will have to challenge it. No matter what your value is, think about the cons associated with it. Why is it bad for you and your family? How has it harmed you in the past? Why is holding onto it affecting you negatively? Truly look into the value and see why it may be considered "wrong." Then, challenge the person that gave it to you. This does not mean that you have to break away from them or rid them from your life. It just means that you may have to clear the misconception that said the person was perfect and that they could have been wrong in the way that they thought about life. This part will take some time to make sure that you have gone over the negatives before you move onto the final step.

Step 4. Break Free Of The Original Value And Start Living The New Value

Now, you have to say goodbye to the original value and begin incorporating the new value into your life. This means that you must live your new value with all of your strength. For example, let's imagine that your original value was a stance against gay marriage and you are now trying to accept equality as a value. Don't just get rid of the first and say that you are okay with the second. Live it! Go out and make your stance on gay marriage known. Be accepting of choice and let your family know that you are. Only through living your choice can you truly make a change.

Now, We Can Get To Some Common Family Values That Families Of Today Share

If you're looking to instill some great family values into your own family, here are some that you should not overlook:

"Fun" Values - Fun values consist of things that you and your family do to break away from the busy hustle and bustle of life. Have you heard the phrase, "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy"? It is most certainly true, for both your children and yourself. Fun values may include:

  • Promoting play time after doing homework
  • Gathering together to play board games or physical games at least one day out of the week
  • Spending time on family outings and not worrying about work or school

School And Business Values - Your family will be able to identify when you are fulfilled and happy at your job. They will also be able to tell when you are miserable or when you are overworked. If they see that you continue to stay in a job that is not good for you or that causes you to be absent from family time frequently, they might take that as a signal that work is meant to be like that. To avoid this, here are some work and school values to set in your family:

  • Giving 100 percent on every assignment and project
  • Saying no and practicing self-care when it is needed
  • Asking for what you deserve
  • Being responsible for your workload and doing things promptly
  • Being responsible with money earned
  • Making an effort to learn something new every day
  • Making an effort to learn skills that will help you get promoted to your position
  • Valuing the work that you have done and seeking to do even better next time
  • Being valuable as both an individual as well as a team player

Moral And Relationship Values - We all tell our family that they need to be good people to be successful in this world. However, the definition of a "good person" may not be clear if they do not see the examples of a good person at home. To make sure that they know how a good person acts, here are some moral and relationship values that you should practice no matter wherever you are:

I Know What Values I Want To Teach But Confused About How

  • Being a good listener and a solid communicator
  • Sharing what you have with others around you and giving to the less fortunate whenever possible
  • Volunteering your time to a good cause
  • Being an honest person in all aspects of your life
  • Facing your fears and working through them to grow as a person
  • Seeing where your skills may be needed in any situation and providing them for adding value to life
  • Taking responsibility for things that you have done that are good and bad
  • Persevering through tough times and keeping hope alive
  • Being kind and caring towards others
  • Demonstrating patience and maintaining your composure when things don't go your way

This is by no means a comprehensive list, and there are plenty more ideas online if you are willing to do some research and work to instill them in your family.

Are you having some difficulty with removing or your family from some of your values? Are you having some difficulties trying to instill these values? If you are having trouble in any way, shape, or form, it would be very beneficial for you to visit https://www.regain.us/start/. Regain is an online counseling platform that helps people deal with any problems arising in any relationship. This link will bring you to a page that will help you find the right relationship counselor for you! Good luck!

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