Why Should You See A Divorce Therapist?
Updated February 14, 2020
Reviewer Lauren Guilbeault
So things didn't work out with you and your partner, and now you're struggling to get your life back on track. Maybe you were the one who wanted the divorce. Maybe you were the one who didn't want your marriage ever to fall apart, let alone end in a divorce like it is now, but alas the situation was thrust upon you anyway. Regardless of which side you find yourself on, getting divorced is a momentous transitional step to be taking in your life, and it's going to have a massive impact on who you feel you are as an individual once again and what your next course of action may be in regards to your future. With so much weighing on the conclusion of parting from your spouse, it is a significant life event that you will need to deal with, and a divorce therapist can help you do just that.
What Is A Divorce Therapist?
A divorce therapist is a licensed professional counselor and someone who specializes in relationships and moving on from dissolved marriages. Seeking the assistance of a divorce therapist can help you sort through the aftermath of your separation and can be of great benefit in analyzing yourself, your view of relationships and your new freedom in the world, and how to make sure you stay on track for a healthy future. They likely will sit down with you and talk about the divorce itself, but they can also talk about plenty of other things like your emotions and feelings or your plans for after the divorce is fully finalized. After all, you have a whole new opportunity for your future now that you are divorced and starting practically new, and this can be a great time to make the most of your newfound freedom and identity outside of your past marriage to another person.
Divorce therapists are primarily the type of therapists that are focused on helping you learn how to turn your life around and recover from a devastating relationship situation. If you need some outside perspective, clarity, professional help, and even a bit of motivation to assure you that you can get back on your feet and move on, these types of therapists are a fantastic and safe option for you to turn to in your time of need.
Why You Need A Divorce Therapist
Maybe you thought you'd be happy about the divorce from your partner, and maybe you are. However, there are some underlying issues that you will want to work through. In hindsight, even the best that a relationship has to offer may still be riddled with small concerns that can lead you to wonder which choices affected which factors of your lives together. At one point in time, you loved your partner dearly. Losing someone you love in any type of circumstances can be a devastating blow to your life, your perspective of the world around you, your other relationships, and your mental health in various ways. You may have never even stopped loving your spouse even after the problems arose, but certain things in your relationship just couldn't be worked out, and it was best to simply part ways before the relationship got even more damaged. You may have questions about things that you simply can't understand in regards to what went wrong or why it couldn't be overcome. Maybe you were the spouse that didn't even want the divorce at all, and now you're stuck dealing with the intense feelings of abandonment and hurt and betrayal because they left you after initially having promised to commit the rest of their lives to you, "'til death do you part." This level of heartache can cause more than enough problems for someone who truly never wished to live a life without their chosen spouse right next to them for all their days.
A professional divorce therapist is there to be able to help you work through all of these feelings and emotions so that you can move on with your life.
Your life is not over just because you've gotten a divorce, even if to some it may feel exactly like it is just that way. The first few weeks or months, or sometimes even years, may seem so foreign and unfamiliar that you aren't even sure what exactly to do with yourself or what steps to take next. It can be a confusing and disheartening time, but the guidance of a professional with experience in this field can greatly help you to overcome those initial fears and uncertainties and find the good in the situation.
In fact, resolving your marriage and losing those ties to another person provides you with an entirely fresh, new beginning for you and your whole future ahead of you, and a therapist can help you figure out all the ways that it's possible. Without those bindings, there is no longer anyone that you have to ask permission from before going to a new place, buying something you've always wanted, or even changing up your appearance. There is no one directly affected by your ability to choose new goals and hobbies and adventures for yourself. You've acquired a new freedom and a new lease on life, and that means you can live your life to the fullest and do all the things you may have felt like your relationship previously prevented you from doing!
Along with boosting your confidence and helping you to realize just how good the newly single life can be, your chosen therapist will help you to go through all of the emotions associated with the loss of your relationship, and sometimes what even feels like a loss of years and of time that could have been spent differently, and then they will help you to discover how to be more hopeful and excited about your future and just what it might hold. For most people have gone through a divorce, you're going to struggle with feelings of sadness, feeling hurt, and even trying to navigate your feelings of anger at the situation, but all of those feelings won't last forever, nor should they. Some individuals may rapidly realize just how positive of an experience their divorce can be, yet others still deeply attached to their ex-spouse will likely need more time and professional help to overcome the deep feelings of loss that are holding them down. Not a single thing is wrong with someone feeling either of these sets of emotions, but a licensed professional is always available to help people on both sides of the spectrum make their new life the best it can be.
With some outside help on the part of your therapist, you'll begin to understand the concept of your opportunity for a bright new beginning even better, and you can finally start the process of healing and moving on.
If children are involved, a therapist can also lend guidance on how to handle co-parenting, the worries of your child not being with you 24/7 after splitting from your partner (assuming joint custody has been awarded) and provide tips for dealing with all of the emotions surrounding the new family dynamic. A child having divorced parents can often be a stressful situation and one generally discussed in negative terms, but with the proper help, two estranged ex-spouses can easily cooperate in order to get along still when it comes to raising their children with as much love and positivity as possible, and without the worry of one parent trying to sabotage the child's relationship with the other parent. It may even help, outside of divorce therapy for yourself, to engage in family therapy sessions if the child is old enough to be affected by the divorce itself. Mediation with a professional can greatly help to ease their minds, as well as provide an outlet for the child to express any concerns regarding his or her parents, their relationship, and their parenting efforts apart from each other.
Finding That Therapist
If you and your partner at one point tried couples counseling or couples therapy, it might be a bit difficult for you to continue seeing the same therapist, but keep in mind that your therapist has no vested interest in either one of you over the other. Those worries aside, this specific professional may be your best option as they will already be familiar with you, your ex-spouse, and the relationship you previously shared. This gives them far more insight into helping you cope with the aftermath of your divorce than starting the therapy process all over again with an entirely new person who has to learn all of your details and events from the beginning. Therapists are also legally obligated to not able to talk to you or your partner about what the other says once you are no longer in the same counseling session. That means that you can still feel confident and comfortable talking to your previous therapist about what you're going through even now that the relationship is over.
If you are not sure about finding a therapist, or you just don't know how to go about choosing one that works for you, there's an easy answer: ReGain is a great way for you to get out there and find a therapist that you can feel comfortable with, as well as from the comfort of your own home. Not only will you be able to choose from a range of excellent therapists available specifically for divorce counseling, but you'll also be able to do it right from your home and avoid any of the inconveniences of having to seek out a professional in-person. You won't even need to leave your house to get the therapy assistance that you're looking for, and this can greatly help you feel more comfortable opening up. The reduction of stress thanks to this accessibility in finding the help you need is only further beneficial, and this can help you feel more prepared for everything else you're going to be doing in your life now that you're starting over, free and open to a world of possibilities.