What To Expect During Divorce Counseling And Are There Benefits?

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) About Divorce And Divorce Counseling

What is a divorce counselor?

A divorce counselor is a certified therapist whose duty is to assist couples who are considering getting a divorce. They may work in a private practice setting, at a counseling center, or they may practice online. The counselor holds sessions with the couple to properly understand their reasons for divorce, and see how the situation can be salvaged. If during the counseling, the divorce counselor discovers that divorce is the best option, he/she helps the couples through the divorce process- the logistics, decision making, and transition, helping them start afresh in their individual lives after divorce. You can also meet with a therapist online on platforms such as ReGain or BetterHelp or utilize online counseling. When choosing a therapist (online therapist), you should keep in mind what sort of goals you hope to achieve.

What do divorce counselors do?

A divorce counselor works with patients to help them through the process of divorce. A divorce counselor or therapist understands separation and divorce, as well as all that comes with separation and divorce in both the emotional and tangible sense. They’re there to help you have the best divorce outcome possible and can give advice and strategies to do so. This can include pre- and post-divorce counseling work, and it may include long term counseling to work through the results of a divorce. Divorce counseling approaches try and remedy some of the issues leading to a possible divorce. It’s possible to find a therapist at a private practice, or pursue therapy online with an online marriage and family therapist or a provider with a similar title. If you are an established therapist, you may want to list your practice online to become more accessible to patients of all kinds.

To find a good divorce therapist, you’ll want to look for someone who specializes in divorce. Whether you get counseling online or in your local area, you can be confident that all divorce therapists are versed in topics related to marriage divorce, and separation. Remember, however that every provider is different, and the best divorce therapist for someone else won’t be the best divorce therapist for you. There might be something specific that you’re looking for. For example, you might want to find someone who is versed in working with the LGBTQIA+ community. If the first therapist you see when deciding to divorce isn’t the right fit, it’s okay to switch.

Do therapists recommend divorce?

Therapists rarely recommend separation and divorce. The counselor or marriage and family therapist first takes time to sit with couples and tries to see if the marriage can still be saved. Very rarely would therapists such as licensed marriage and family therapists outrightly suggest that couples should file for divorce. In some cases, especially for couples who opted for therapy too late, the decision to go through with divorce has most likely already been made before visiting a therapist. In that case, divorce counseling or therapy with a marriage and family therapist or a similar mental health provider would be the best option, as they’re there to assist with separation and divorce specifically.

Marriage counseling – What is the success rate of marriage counseling?

Divorce counselors often use Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT) – which aims to help couples understand and improve their emotional responses to issues in their marriage, and this is targeted at helping them to gain a better understanding of each other. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), the EFT has made the success rate of couples counseling reach about 70%. It is important to note that one of the biggest factors that determine how divorce counseling turns out is the divorce counselor. When couples seek the services of an experienced divorce counselor early enough, the chances of success are higher. Whether you seek marriage counseling online or in your local area, it can be very beneficial and effective.

How much do divorce counselors make?

On average, a divorce counselor can earn up to $54,000 annually. Many divorce counselors have master’s degrees in different mental health-related fields such as divorce.  Divorce counselors must also pass the state license exam as required. These qualifications contribute to what the average divorce counselor earns.

Do marriage counselors ever recommend divorce?

When couples begin to have irreconcilable differences in marriage, they may automatically believe separation or divorce is the next line of action. However, this may not always be so, which is why there is a need to see a marriage counselor first before making this decision. Counselors rarely recommend divorce without first considering the situation. Marriage counselors would first take time to work the couple through counseling approaches in sessions to know what the problem is and determine what solution is best for them. If during marriage counseling, the counselor or marriage and family therapist finds out that the marriage can still be salvaged, they tailor the counseling sessions. And if divorce is found to be the solution, the counselor enrolls the couple for pre and post-divorce counseling sessions to walk them through the transition process. Counselors usually allow couples seeking a divorce to take the final decision of divorce themselves, and the job of the marriage counselor during divorce therapy is to help both parties understand perfectly, the pros and cons of the decision they are about to take.

Can my husband see the same therapist?

Although couples can decide to go for separate divorce counselors if they so wish, it is most advisable for couples seeking a divorce to see the same divorce therapist. This is because the therapist can gain full knowledge of the marital issues from both sides. Having couples counseling sessions with the same therapist will go a long way to make the work less tasking for the therapist. Just like in the case of premarital counseling approaches, having the same therapist walk you through the process of divorce counseling is important and helps couples. A good divorce counselor ensures privacy is paramount, so individuals going through a divorce do not have to worry about what is okay to say or not during their couples’ counseling. This is why counselors usually take the couple through both individual sessions and joint sessions so that both parties can have opportunities to express themselves freely which helps couples.

What not to say to a marriage counselor?

One of the reasons for seeking a good marriage counselor or marriage and family therapist is to help you and your partner gain clarity and resolve conflicts better. One thing you must never do is to lie to your marriage counselor or hide the truth from him/her. During pre-divorce counseling or post-divorce counseling, unburden your thoughts, fears, emotions, and any vital information. Do not tell your marriage counselor all is well when you know that is far from the truth.

What should I not tell my therapist?

As discussed previously, therapists are generally great resources who are sworn to privacy– that means that whatever you discuss in therapy stays in therapy. Do not hold back how you truly feel about anything. The benefit of therapy comes from speaking honestly.

Online counseling or therapy online can also be useful tools for those who may feel uncomfortable in a traditional therapy setting. Remember that you can go to therapy for anything like trauma.

 Is counseling mandatory before divorce?

There are several reasons for breakup or divorce in marriages, and although some couples may not see the need- especially when they feel the relationship has broken beyond repair, it is always advisable to seek out a certified marriage counselor first before deciding to file for divorce. The influence of a neutral person can go a long way to help the couple get back together when they undergo pre-divorce counseling. In a situation where one partner wants divorce counseling and the partner who initiated the divorce refuses, a judge can make it mandatory for both couples to go for divorce counseling. However, couples who are not interested in seeking resolution– for instance, when domestic violence is involved- may choose to go ahead with the divorce process without undergoing counseling.

Should I get counseling before divorce?

Marriage counseling or divorce counseling is essential for couples contemplating divorce, especially those with kids. The process of divorce can feel excruciating and difficult. Not all troubled marriages have to end up in divorce or permanent separation. Marriage counseling can help to renew the bond of love that once existed in the marriage. Peradventure the marriage can’t be saved, and divorce has to happen, the lessons and skills learned during the marriage counseling session or pre-divorce counseling session can help individuals make better decisions in subsequent relationships in the future.

It’s common for people to seek counseling, life divorce coaching, therapy, or another form of support that specializes in divorce. If you’re struggling to cope with divorce, you might seek individual counseling that specializes in divorce or see a mental health professional during the divorce process. If you can find a licensed professional counselor or therapist who specializes in divorce, that is likely the best way to go.

Children of divorce might also want to see a licensed professional counselor as you move through the stages of divorce. As you move through the stages of divorce, you feel divorce guilt. Divorce guilt is common, but many people are children of divorce, and it is better to leave a relationship that isn’t good for you than it is to stay in a less than ideal situation.

What is pre-divorce counseling?

Pre divorce counseling is counseling specifically focused on tackling the challenges that surround beginning the divorce process. If you have decided that divorce is the best option for you and your partner, you may work through the stressful time that working out a divorce is in your counseling sessions with your mental health professional. Counseling and open communication may help make the difference between a bad, painful divorce and a good divorce full of healing and communication.

Will counseling help my marriage?

Counseling can be a great tool for couples or families struggling with communication or other issues. Marriage and family, while normal parts of life for many, can be stressful. Things can be especially stressful and pressing when children are involved. There is no shame in seeking out the assistance of a marriage counselor, couples counselor, marriage and family therapist, or any other mental health professional. It is even possible to see a family therapist online (or participate in online therapy of other kinds).

Oftentimes therapy offers a safe and healthy outlet to express emotions and frustrations. Counselors can provide helpful advice and strategies to help you and your partner through your specific challenges and can give you worksheets, books, exercises, or tools to use. You may find it very helpful to have an outside listener beyond just your family members as you work through your negative emotions. Counseling is a great tool for working on things in a marriage that may need some help, like communication skills, and gave give you some tools and suggest reading material, but it is not a lifesaver. Keep reading through our FAQs to understand the difference between normal and manageable challenges in a marriage and those that suggest that more serious intervention is required.

How can I fix my marriage without counseling?

When challenges arise in marital relationships, and it seems differences are irreconcilable, couples begin to consider whether or not they need to go for marriage counseling. A lot of couples delay in making a decision because they feel considering marriage counseling may present a perception that they have failed. Here are some of the ways to fix a marriage without divorce counseling:

• Learn to communicate properly: One of the most important ingredients of a successful relationship is good communication. Communication is almost as important as love itself. When the communication line is faulty in a relationship, issues and conflicts will always ensue, and when not handled properly, this could lead to breakup or divorce in the marriage.
• Quit assumptions: Assumptions, they say, is the lowest level of knowledge, and this can cost you your marriage. When the lines of communication have been tampered with, assuming things about your partner tend to become the order of the day. When unsure about anything, ask questions.
• Always remember your ‘why’: As time passes by in relationships, couples sometimes lose sight of the purpose for the relationship- i.e., what brought them together. It is necessary to revisit your purpose from time to time to help you stay focused and fight through together if you do not want to get to that point where you have to seek for divorce counseling.
• Do not run away from differences: One of the issues usually highlighted during divorce counseling is the inability of couples to understand and accept cultural, religious, moral, and social differences. Differences are the spice of life. Couples need to embrace and learn to live with the differences of the other person.

How do I know if my marriage is worth saving?

When signs of a bad marriage relationship, partners may begin to seek family counseling. There are situations where despite the differences and misunderstandings, couples still enjoy each other These may be signs that the marriage can still be saved. Marriage and divorce are two close yet distinct phases in the lives of couples, and going through the stages of divorce, separation or divorce or the ways divorce changes your life is difficult. When couples carefully consider marriage and divorce and find they don’t want a separation or divorce, then they can work towards seeking help in their marriage. For a marriage to work, both parties have to be willing to put in the work; only then can the marriage be saved.

How can you tell if your marriage is over?

A lot of marriages are over long before divorce actually happens. One indication that your marriage may be over is if you refuse to seek help and go for family counseling when your marriage is in bad shape. In a situation where one of the parties involved isn’t making an effort to fix the issues that are coming up in marriage and divorce seems to be the only option he/she is willing to consider, the marriage may as well be over. Perhaps your partner suggested visiting a divorce counselor, but you seem nonchalant about it. The marriage may be heading for the rocks. Some others signs are:

• You find it difficult to apologize to your partner.
• You seem to always fight instead of talking and settling issues amicably.
• There are secrets you started keeping from your partner.
• All you feel towards your partner is disdain.
• You have started making plans for post-divorce life.
• You prefer spending time with other persons than with your partner.
• You feel the drive to cheat while not wanting to have sex with your partner.
• Despite being married, you live as if you are single.
• You are already considering premarital counseling with someone else.
• You are always drained in the relationship.
• You choose not to go for anxiety counseling despite obvious signs you need one.

Should couples go to the same therapist?

It is advisable for couples to talk to the same therapist or divorce counselor for their pre-divorce and post-divorce therapy. While couples experiencing anxiety in their relationship can consult individual anxiety counseling personnel, it is necessary for couples to use the same therapist when dealing with or to consider divorce. Of course, the therapy sessions always come with individual counseling sessions, so if there are trust issues, or either of the partners would like to share something in confidence with the therapist, the individual can do so during the individual sessions.

Can couples therapy make things worse?

Although people go for therapy to seek solutions to their problems, if not done right, therapy may actually make things worse. There are several factors that determine the success of marriage counseling– the couples themselves, the counselor, and the sort of problems the marriage is facing. There are different ways divorce can affect everyone involved- the couple and even the children of divorced parents. Therapists who lack professionalism and expertise can make things worse for couples who opt for divorce counseling, like in a case where the therapist focuses on your partner’s flaws more often than necessary during individual therapy sessions. Good therapy should be geared towards ensuring the best for both parties, not exacerbating the flaws of one partner over another. Speaking with separate therapists may affect the outcome of counseling because the therapists may not be able to weigh the situation from different angles appropriately.

What are signs you should get a divorce?

Deciding to get a separation or divorce is never easy. Deciding to divorce when it comes to family members can be a difficult part of the divorce when you consider all the ways divorce can change your life or time with friends. If you decide to go through with a separation or divorce or are deciding to divorce, divorce counseling is a great tool to ensure a good divorce.

Pinpointing signs you should get a separation or divorce is hard. Deciding to divorce or reasons behind getting a separation or divorce is different for everyone. You might find it incredibly beneficial to speak with mental health professionals about your situation. You could see a family therapist for family members, an online therapist, a divorce counselor, etc. to discuss your unique challenges.

What are the five stages of divorce?

The stages of divorce or the “five stages of divorce” match up pretty closely to the five stages of grief. Stages of divorce can include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. It’s also possible that children cope with the divorce of their parents in similar ways or through similar stages of divorce.

During the stages of divorce when you experience the emotional turmoil of divorce, you might want to seek a divorce counselor. You can also find a therapist who isn’t specifically focused on the stages of divorce to talk through your feelings you can feel during the stages of divorce or not. Stages of divorce and change can be big stressors, but therapy divorce counseling can help work through the stages of divorce, so don’t be afraid to seek out support. Again, since kids can struggle with the stages of divorce as well, in addition to your own therapy divorce counseling for the stages of divorce, there are some instances where family therapy or individual therapy for a child or adolescent may be beneficial.

Will a marriage counselor tell you to get a divorce?

Marriage counselors and divorce counselors are tasked with helping you and your partner strengthen and heal your relationship, so they likely will not jump immediately to recommending divorce for a couple that is struggling. However, if the differences and challenges in a marriage are unable to be overcome, your counselor may recommend separation and shift you and your partner to divorce counseling. You may want to read our “do marriage counselors ever recommend divorce” question and answer above for more specific details.

Does therapy help with divorce?

Divorce therapy can most certainly help with divorce. It’s there to help you separate peacefully, and research shows that it works. Remember that counseling is not the same as divorce mediation, and that if you already have a mediator for the purpose of divorce mediation, you can still benefit from counseling for divorce related issues. Separation and divorce are a life transition, and you might see a therapist for concerns that aren’t necessarily divorce related issues, too. For example, if you decide to seek a career shift post-divorce and go back to school, you might see a career counselor for career counseling.

There are many different types of counseling that people benefit from in addition to divorce counseling, which include career counseling, grief counseling, and sex therapy. Post-divorce or during the stages of divorce, you may seek types of therapy for mental health support, personal growth, or for anything else that comes your way. For example, you might also see an individual therapist, whether that’s an online therapist or someone in person, to cope with stress from the stages of divorce. They can support you as you build your new life and solidify your new life, and they can help you work through emotions that arise during the stages of divorce. The stages of divorce can be painful, but seeing a therapist such as a marriage and family therapist can help with the stages of divorce.

Note that divorce coaching is also conducted by a coach rather than a therapist. Divorce coaching is helpful for some, as is counseling for a divorce during the stages of divorce. The difference between divorce coaching, divorce mediation, and the choice to attend divorce counseling is that they all serve a different purpose. The best divorce support often entails assistance, comfort, or guidance from several different sources during the stages of divorce. For example, many people benefit from divorce counseling, divorce mediation services, and time with friends and family members during the stages of divorce. Support groups can also be highly beneficial this time. You can look for divorce support groups online, or you can find support groups near you. Note, however, that support groups are meant for peer support, and that support groups aren’t the same as group therapy, which is directed by a licensed mental health professional such as a licensed marriage and family therapist or licensed professional counselor. That said, group therapy is one of many types of therapy that may be helpful to those going through a divorce.

How much does marriage counseling usually cost?

The cost of marriage counseling depends on a variety of factors, as is the case for all types of therapy. If you see a marriage and family therapist for marriage counseling, you might pay your marriage and family therapist anywhere from $50 per session to around $200 per session without insurance. With insurance, marriage counseling can be more affordable and your co-pay may be as low as roughly $20 to see a marriage and family therapist for marriage counseling or other types of therapy. For many different types of therapy, seeing an online therapist, whether that’s a marriage and family therapist or another type of therapist, can help you cut the cost. Seeing an online therapist is generally cheaper than seeing a therapist in person without insurance. You can see an online therapist for a variety of types of therapy, including relationship counseling and individual counseling.

Do children of divorce need therapy?

Many children of divorce benefit from therapy, but a person’s individual needs may vary. If you are an adult who was the child of divorce and you find yourself seeking help with an online therapist know it’s a great decision. Seeing an online therapist is a particularly popular choice in current times due to the coronavirus. You can find an online therapist on an online therapy website, or you can find an online therapist who has an in-person practice but offers remote sessions. Seeing a mental health provider such as a marriage and family therapist is beneficial for those who are concerned about their parenting personality and how their life circumstances, including a divorce, may impact their parenting personality. Seeing an online therapist or someone who practices near you might help you calm any of your parenting anxieties. According to a statistic provided by the American Psychological Association regarding the US divorce rate, 40% to 50% of married couples who live in the United States get divorced. This divorce rate lets you know that if you and your family are going through separation and divorce recovery, you aren’t alone. Sometimes, divorce is indeed the best option, both for the couple and the family. It’s not always simple, but it will be okay.

If you have a teenager who is struggling with the divorce, look for a therapist who specializes in adolescent issues. You may contact your child’s primary care provider for a referral if needed.

Does counseling really help marriages?

Research shows that counseling really does help marriages. You can see an online therapist for marriage counseling, or you can see a provider in person. Again, emotionally focused therapy or EFT is one of the highly beneficial types of therapy that may be used for couples, alongside the Gottman method and other types of therapy focused on couples and relationships. When you see a licensed marriage and family therapist or another kind of provider for couples therapy, you will find new ways to communicate and new ways to work through problems. Marriage counseling can help you prevent divorce or work through any of the warning signs of divorce and help you to save your marriage if that is what you were working toward. Refer to the question “will counseling help my marriage?” for more information.

Know that if there is anything that you feel would make a therapist a good fit, whether you’re going through divorce recovery or working on maintaining a healthy, happy marriage, you can look for it actively to find the best fit. For example, you might see a marriage and family therapist who aligns with your religion. One example of this is that someone who is Christian might want to seek Christian counseling.

Another example of finding someone who has a good fit is finding someone who helps couples with the specific concern that you’re seeking counseling or therapy for like separation or divorce or stages of divorce. Some couples choose to go to sex therapy. Both individuals and couples can benefit from sex therapy. You might choose to see a sex therapist one-on-one during divorce recovery or during the separation or divorce process as part of the divorce process. Sex therapy is not as intimidating or invasive as it may sound, and it helps a lot of people, so if you think that you might benefit from sex therapy, or any other types of therapy, don’t be afraid to reach out. You deserve to find not only a good fit, but the best fit, whether you are seeking an online therapist or counselor, or a counselor or therapist to work with face to face.

How do I move on from a divorce I don’t want?

Going through a divorce can be excruciating, especially in a case where you didn’t want the divorce to happen. You may need to seek help from a good divorce counselor to walk you through all the changes in your family and possibly your name. It is a good time to learn to love yourself all over again and spend time with friends. In all, do not forget to give yourself time to heal and move on to a new relationship only when you feel you are ready to take the next leap.

Getting the right marriage counselor for your family is very important, and for couples seeking divorce counseling, you need to consider the effect separation or divorce can have on the children of divorced parents as well, couples may need to seek the services of child counselors as part of the divorce or post-divorce counseling process, to help their children get through the physical and psychological strain the divorce may have put on them. Professional counselors, including those at ReGain, is there for everyone whether that be a couple seeking marital or family counseling.

How do I find divorce counseling near me?

If you’re wondering, “can I find divorce counseling near me?” know that divorce counseling is available. For those thinking, “how do I find divorce counseling near me?” or wondering how to find a provider who’s close in proximity, the best route to take is to search the web for “divorce counseling near me,” get in touch with your insurance company. If you’re searching the web for “what if I can’t find divorce counseling near me?” and can’t seem to find an option near you, online therapy is an excellent option.

Further Reading About Divorce And Divorce Counseling

• How Divorce Counseling Can Make The Process Easier: https://www.regain.us/advice/divorce/how-divorce-counseling-can-make-the-process-easier/
• What To Expect During The Divorce Process: https://www.regain.us/advice/divorce/what-to-expect-during-the-divorce-process/
• Ending Your Marriage And The Stages Of Grief: Divorce And The Grieving Process: https://www.regain.us/advice/divorce/ending-your-marriage-and-the-stages-of-grief-divorce-and-the-grieving-process/
• 11 Questions to Ask Before Getting a Divorce: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/18/fashion/weddings/11-questions-to-ask-before-getting-a-divorce.html
• Quarantine Testing Your Marriage? 3 Questions To Help You Decide Whether To Stay Or Divorce: https://www.forbes.com/sites/heatherlocus/2020/06/04/quarantine-testing-your-marriage–3-questions-to-help-you-decide-whether-to-stay-or-divorce/#6e128a6a10f5
• What Is Divorce Counseling And Is It Right For You?: https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/marriage/what-is-divorce-counseling-and-is-it-right-for-you/

Divorce Counseling Can Help You

Therapy is a personal experience, and not everyone will go into it seeking the same things. But, keeping these nine things in mind can ensure that you will get the most out of online therapy, regardless of what your specific goals are.

If you’re still wondering if therapy is right for you, and how much therapy costs, please contact us at contact@regain.us. ReGain specializes in online therapy to help address all types of mental health concerns. If you’re interested in individual therapy, please reach out to contact@regain.us. For more information about BetterHelp as a company, please find us on 

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If you need a crisis hotline or want to learn more about therapy, please see below:

• RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) – 1-800-656-4673
• The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255
• National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-7233
• NAMI Helpline (National Alliance on Mental Illness) – 1-800-950-6264

For more information on mental health, please see:

• SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) SAMHSA Facebook, SAMHSA Twitter
• Mental Health America, MHA Twitter, MHA Facebook, MHA Instagram, MHA Pinterest
• WebMD, WebMD Facebook, WebMD Twitter, WebMD Pinterest
• NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health), NIMH Facebook, NIMH Twitter, NIMH YouTube
• APA (American Psychiatric Association), APA Twitter, APA Facebook, APA LinkedIN, APA Instagram