Dating Someone With Depression: Seven Tips To Help Your Relationship Succeed

When you're dating someone with depression, it can be difficult to witness their struggle with its overpowering symptoms. If you've never experienced depression yourself, you may be frustrated or confused watching the person you care about lose their motivation, say negative things about themselves, and pull away from loved ones. If you've gone through depression in the past yourself, it can be painful to see a person you care deeply for struggling underneath the condition's weight, knowing what it feels like. In this article, we’ll be giving you seven different tips that you can use to support the person you’re dating with their depression and improve your relationship.

What is depression?

Depression is one of the most widespread mental health conditions globally, affecting an estimated 16.2 million adults every year in the U.S. Depression can cause many symptoms throughout the mind and body, some of which can be hard to comprehend from the outside. Everyone has moments where they feel sad, overwhelmed, anxious, or exhausted. Most of the time, however, we're able to bounce back. Depression is a serious mental health disorder that cannot be snapped out of on a whim. 

It takes determination, persistence, and effort to move past depression, which can be hard to come by during a depressive episode. In most cases, it also takes the help of a therapist and even antidepressant medication to recover fully. Additionally, depression can reoccur in the future. To help you get a better understanding of what your partner is going through, here are some symptoms commonly experienced by someone living with depression:

• Loss of interest in activities and hobbies
• Lack of motivation
• Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
• Persistent sadness or emotional numbness
• Urge to isolate and withdraw from others
• Guilt and self-blame
• Loss of self-confidence
• Irritability
• Difficulty sleeping or excessive sleeping
• Loss of appetite or drastic increase in appetite
• Lack of energy and slow movements
• In some cases, suicidal thoughts

Successful, fulfilling relationships take work and commitment, and depression can add extra layers of difficulty. Depression can make a person act, think, and feel differently than they usually do, which can make their dating lives uniquely challenging. 

That's not to say that a relationship will fail if one or both partners struggle with depression. If both partners love each other and are committed to making the relationship succeed, then it’s still possible for the bond to weather the storm and emerge stronger than ever. The following tips can help you support the person you're dating when they're coping with depression, as well as ensure you're looking out for your own mental and emotional health. 

Tip 1: Offer your support

What can benefit your partner the most is knowing you're there for them.  Positive interactions in a relationship can help reduce the severity of depression. Avoid adopting an attitude of trying to "fix" them, as this can contribute to feelings of worthlessness or imply that they are somehow fundamentally broken. It can also spiral into unhealthy codependent behavior.

Remember, it's not your job to solve your loved one's problems. It is ultimately their responsibility to cope with and manage their depression. Encourage your loved one to seek appropriate treatment even if the first try doesn't immediately fix their depression and investigate medications if they're open to exploring their options. However, be sure to consult a doctor when considering medication for depression.

Support them by listening to them and letting them know you love them despite their depression. Let them know you'll be by their side as they go through the challenging process of getting better. Recognize and praise their efforts since depression can sap motivation and make it incredibly hard to make progress.

Tip 2: Learn about depression

Depression is a real, common medical condition with a wide range of symptoms that can sometimes be misunderstood. As listed above, depression can have many effects on someone's behavior, tainting their thinking with negativity, causing them to isolate and avoid social interactions, and stealing enjoyment and fulfillment from the activities and hobbies they once loved.

Take time to read about the condition, what causes it, and what research-backed treatments are available. This can give you a deeper understanding of what your loved one is struggling with and how you can help and support them. Encourage your partner to do the same, as self-education on the condition can be an important part of recovery. If your partner has not been formally diagnosed, encourage them to seek a professional diagnosis, which can open up many types of specialized treatment.

Tip 3: Know you're not to blame

It's not your fault your partner is depressed. Your partner may be depressed due to a variety of things other than you. Depression can have many causes, most of which are genetic, hormonal, or environmental. If your partner seems irritable or lashes out at you, it can be normal to question yourself. You may worry that you're doing or saying the wrong things or making their symptoms worse.

However, you are never responsible for your partner's depression. Even if you occasionally disagree or argue, that is not the catalyst for your partner's depression. It's not your fault, so work on challenging thoughts of guilt or inadequacy. It can be hard when your partner pulls away due to depression but try to find reassurance in the knowledge that you did nothing wrong, and it doesn't mean they care about you any less.

Tip 4: Take care of yourself

When a flight attendant explains the emergency protocols before an airplane takes off, they will tell you that if the oxygen masks deploy, put one on yourself before you put one on your child or anyone else. If you can't breathe, you can't help anyone else. You may have heard this metaphor before, as it's ideal for explaining the importance of caring for yourself so you can attend to others.

When you love someone with depression, you may tend to put all of your focus on them. You might lose track of your own needs and wants and brush them aside. However, it can be crucial to take care of yourself first. Make sure you're eating well, getting enough sleep, and keeping up with your responsibilities. Have a support system that you can lean on, if possible. If not, consider seeking out a support group. If you feel like you could benefit from therapy, don't hesitate to look into finding a counselor to speak with to help keep you from feeling overwhelmed.

Tip 5: Practice effective communication

Let the person that you're with know that you're there for them and that they can talk to you without judgment or unsolicited advice. Often, being there to listen can be one of the most powerful ways you can help someone struggling with depression. Ensure that you also communicate your own needs in a non-confrontational way. Try to be positive and focus on your feelings and needs, not blaming or criticizing the other person.

It can be tricky to achieve balance in communication when you're dating someone with depression. A relationship therapist can coach you on ways to communicate more effectively with your loved one.

Tip 6: Understand how depression affects intimacy

Depression commonly leads to a loss of interest in sex and intimacy. Lowered self-esteem can make a person feel self-conscious and pull away. Many depression medications (particularly SSRIs) can decrease a person's interest in sex to complicate matters. This can have a strong negative impact on the relationship. As with the previous tip, it can be important here to keep the lines of communication open and discuss your expectations and needs with one another. By working together, you can find ways for each of your needs to be met and lower your overall level of frustration within the relationship.

Tip 7: Depression is not an excuse

While it can be important to give your partner a certain amount of leeway when they're struggling with depression, mental health conditions are never an excuse to abuse someone or put them down. If your partner belittles you, calls you names, insults you, or otherwise treats you poorly, recognize that this is not okay. If this becomes an ongoing pattern, it may be the healthiest option to end the relationship.

Not every relationship can survive when one or both partners are affected by mental health concerns. If you feel that the relationship is causing your mental health to decline, if your partner refuses to seek treatment after an extended period despite acknowledging the problem, or if you feel like the negatives outweigh the positives, it may be time to part ways. While this can be an incredibly hard decision, it may be right for both parties.

Online counseling for depression

If you’re dating someone who has depression and you don’t know how to support them effectively, it could be helpful to speak with a therapist. A therapist can equip you with tools to support your partner and give you tips for taking care of yourself. Regain is an online counseling platform that provides services to individuals and couples. Whether you’d like to get advice on your own or alongside your significant other, there’s an option for both. With online counseling, you don’t have to leave your home to get support and can connect at a time that works for you. 

The effectiveness of online counseling for depression

Depression can be debilitating, but online counseling could be helpful. In a comparative review, researchers reviewed 17 different studies and found that electronically-delivered cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) was just as efficacious in managing symptoms of depressive disorders. CBT is a form of talk therapy in which people learn how to recognize and challenge their negative thoughts. With time, they can alter their former thinking patterns and develop healthier, more positive beliefs about themselves, thereby changing their behaviors. 

Takeaway

Depression is a common mental health disorder that can deeply affect those who struggle with it. Several aspects of a person’s life may be impacted by their depression, including their romantic relationships. Watching the person that you love struggle with their mental health can be disheartening, but there are plenty of ways you can learn to be a supportive partner. Depression can make sustaining a relationship a challenge, and while it can be worth it in the long run, it can be important to seek support if you feel that you need it. While it’s understandable that you want to be there for your partner, it can be crucial to prioritize your own well-being. Connecting with a therapist may be helpful if you’d like to learn how to take care of yourself and your relationship simultaneously. A therapist can give you tips for self-care and offer advice about how to show up effectively for your partner. This can help you foster a healthy, happy relationship that lasts.