Loneliness And What It Means For Your Relationship
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Loneliness and romantic relationships can sometimes seem like opposites. After all, isn’t companionship one of the many benefits of being in a relationship? The truth is, however, that feeling lonely in a relationship is not all that uncommon. Not only can loneliness in a relationship have mental and physical health consequences, but it can also be a sign of an underlying issue. With this in mind, how do you know when you’re lonely in your relationship, and what steps can you take to address it? We will explore the answers to these questions in this article.
How loneliness can affect your health
Before we address loneliness in relationships, it’s important to review the impacts of loneliness, both on a person’s mental health and on their physical health. Loneliness is a challenge many people face, particularly in the age of social media and remote work. However, there’s a tendency to underestimate the consequences chronic loneliness can have on our mental, physical, and emotional well-being. Left unchecked, loneliness can lead to an increased risk of:
- Depression
- Personality disorders
- Substance abuse
- Alzheimer’s disease
- Anxiety
Additionally, loneliness can have a range of negative effects on our physical health. According to a 2014 paper from the Journal of Clinical and Diagnostic Research, loneliness can contribute to the development of conditions like diabetes, obesity, hypertension, and even heart disease.
Loneliness in a relationship: Signs and causes
It can be easy to assume that if you’re in a relationship, you’re shielded from the effects of loneliness, but this may not always be the case. Feelings of loneliness can and do happen to people in relationships, and can lead to increased stress, communication challenges, and the potential for conflict. For this reason, it’s important to recognize the signs and causes of loneliness in relationships.
Being lonely in a relationship can manifest in a variety of ways. Symptoms of loneliness may include, but are not limited to:
- Feeling unable to connect to or engage meaningfully with others, including your partner
- Feeling isolated, even when you’re with your partner
- Reduced self-esteem, or doubts about your self-worth
- Low energy or fatigue
- Trouble sleeping
- Increased stress or anxiety
- Over-reliance on social media
- A change in eating habits
As you can see, the symptoms of loneliness in a relationship don’t always include a feeling of being “lonely,” and they can manifest even when you’re with your partner. But what can lead to feelings of loneliness in a relationship, and are they always a sign of an underlying issue?
Reasons you feel lonely in your relationship may include:
- A lack of, or reduction in, intimacy
- Major life changes, such as a move, a new job, or the birth of a child
- Outside stressors, such as work challenges
- Being away from your partner for an extended period
- Certain mental health conditions, such as depression or anxiety
- A lack of support, respect, or trust in the relationship
In some cases, the root cause of loneliness has nothing to do with the relationship itself and may be due to outside factors. However, sometimes a feeling of loneliness in your relationship may be a sign that there’s a bigger issue that needs to be addressed, either by a healthcare provider or with the help of a mental health professional.
Addressing loneliness in a relationship
So, what can you do to manage feelings of loneliness in your relationship? The answer may depend on the root cause, but there are several steps you and your partner can take that may help alleviate some of the symptoms. These include:
Communicate
Often, the first step to addressing loneliness in a relationship is explaining your emotions to your partner, who may not be aware that you’re feeling lonely. By expressing yourself openly and honestly, you are giving them an opportunity to support you and opening the door to problem-solving as a couple.
Prioritize quality time
Sometimes, conflicting obligations and commitments can get in the way of a couple’s ability to spend time together. Consider scheduling a regular date night, or making a habit of spending regular quality time with your partner.
Tend to other relationships
Sometimes, nurturing your relationships outside the one you have with your partner can be helpful for building social connections and alleviating loneliness. Consider setting aside extra time for friends, family, and those you know through your job or hobbies.
Consider counseling
In some cases, loneliness in a relationship may point to another underlying issue, such as problems with communication or intimacy. In these cases, seeking help from a relationship therapist may be a valuable step to take. A couples counselor can help you identify what’s causing your loneliness, giving you and your partner the resources you need to rekindle intimacy, strengthen your communication, and improve the health of your relationship.
For all the benefits therapy can provide, however, loneliness can sometimes lead to depression and anxiety, making it challenging to leave the house. In these cases, online therapy through a platform like Regain or BetterHelp may be a more appealing option than face-to-face therapy. Due to the ability to attend counseling from the comfort of home, and to send messages to a counselor at any time, couples grappling with loneliness may find this to be an appealing alternative to commuting to in-person counseling.
A variety of studies have demonstrated the effectiveness of online therapy for both individuals and couples. One such study, from 2022, found that online couples counseling led to similar improvements in relationship satisfaction as in-person couples counseling, as well as similar decreases in symptoms of stress, anxiety, and depression.
Takeaway
It’s possible to feel lonely, even if you’re in a relationship. This can have consequences for your mental and physical well-being, such as anxiety, depression, and an increased risk of conditions like hypertension and heart disease. Common symptoms of loneliness may include trouble sleeping, difficulty connecting with others, feelings of isolation, and fatigue.
Loneliness in a relationship may be caused by many different factors, such as major life events, distance from your partner, certain mental health conditions, or a possible underlying issue in the relationship. Practicing healthy communication with your partner, prioritizing time together, and nurturing your other relationships may all be helpful for alleviating loneliness in your relationship. A mental health professional, such as those on Regain (for couples) or BetterHelp (for individuals), may also be a valuable resource for managing loneliness.
Frequently asked questions
What does loneliness do to a person?
Loneliness causes people to feel empty, alone, and unwanted. Lonely people often crave human contact, but their state of mind makes it more difficult to form connections with others. Loneliness can become chronic and lead individuals to feel vacant, alone, and undesirable. Individuals who are alone frequently hunger for human contact, yet their perspective makes it harder to make associations with others. These symptoms of chronic loneliness can be treated with counseling, as chronic loneliness isn’t incurable. If not properly treated, it can lead to mental illness. However, loneliness can become more severe than just mental illness; it can also lead to heart disease. Symptoms of chronic loneliness also disrupt cellular processes controlled deep within the body, predisposing those experiencing premature aging. According to a study published in the journal Perspectives on Psychology, chronic loneliness can shorten your lifespan by 26 percent, making it more severe than obesity or alcoholism.
What is the root cause of loneliness?
Loneliness often results in low confidence; this can lead to disengagement and constant dejection. The causes or contributing elements to loneliness may include segregation, moving to another area, and divorce. The loss of somebody close to a person can also cause dejection and create further chronic loneliness symptoms.
Studies on mental illness and chronic loneliness have discovered that a lower percentage of the population is diagnosed with depression. These people include those who are married, have higher wages, and higher instructive status. Significant levels of chronic loneliness are related to living alone, few interpersonal organizations, and fewer social connections. Chronic loneliness in those with physical disabilities makes it even harder to be social. Social isolation is a root cause of loneliness. Chronic loneliness can affect a person’s health negatively, lifestyle, and well-being.
What is the cure for loneliness?
One way to break the cycle of chronic loneliness is to expand your network of friends actively. You can start with people who also have physical health challenges that match your own. There are therapeutic support groups that can help manage your physical health and your mental health as well. This is a great way to overcome loneliness and isolation.
It is necessary to address mild loneliness before it turns into a chronic mental illness. Symptoms of chronic loneliness can lead to serious issues such as depression and heart disease.
What happens when you are lonely for too long
Loneliness is a contributing factor to health problems in older adults, including complex chronic illness, functional decline, and increased mortality risk. According to experts, symptoms of chronic loneliness are not just about being alone. Rather, the feeling of being isolated and misunderstood can result in chronic loneliness and affect your mental health. It puts you at risk for chronic loneliness. Studies have shown that if a person remains lonely for a prolonged duration, it often results in mental illness.
What is the loneliest age group?
According to a recent Cigna study of over 20,000 adults in the U.S. called “I wasn't alone in my loneliness,” the loneliest age group in the U.S. is made up of people between the ages of 18 and 20, followed closely by the bracket of those ages 23 to 37.
This study was backed up by a nationwide survey led by The University of Manchester and BBC Radio 4. It found that 16-24-year-olds experience loneliness more often and more intensely than any other age group and seem to have the symptoms related to chronic loneliness, which then develops into a more significant mental illness.
Is it unhealthy to be lonely?
Yes, it is actually unhealthy to be lonely because it frequently results in a decline in both a person’s physical and mental well-being. Symptoms of chronic loneliness may also cause depression, sleep problems, disturbed appetite, etc. The pathological consequences of loneliness are found more among those adults who develop personality and adaptation disorders, such as overconsumption of alcohol, loss of self-esteem, extreme anxiety, powerlessness, and stress. These chronic symptoms of loneliness should not be ignored, as they can lead to mental illness. It is important to seek guidance from a therapist or counselor if you are experiencing chronic loneliness symptoms. The risk for chronic loneliness can hurt the immune system, heart disease (cardiovascular), mental illness, and endocrine system. Consistent and overwhelming loneliness creates stress and can culminate into serious physical disease and mental illness. Feelings of loneliness and being alone were found to be independent predictors of motor decline in the elderly.
Why do I still feel lonely in a relationship?
Loneliness is a complex feeling, and when you are in a relationship, the goal is not to be lonely. If you feel lonely in a relationship, it may be because you feel as though you are unheard or unloved. You may also feel as though you are disconnected from your partner.
You may also feel lonely in your partner's relationship if you yourself from getting hurt or developing a mental illness. A past relationship can negatively impact the current one. If this is the case, it is a good idea to reach a mental health professional. The risk of chronic loneliness what is chronic may increase when you feel lonely in a relationship.
You may be lonely in a relationship if your partner deliberately shuts you out and turns to work, food, alcohol, hobbies, or other things that do not include you. You may also feel lonely if your partner judges you regarding your thoughts, feelings, looks, or actions. Judgment creates disconnection, and disconnection can be very lonely and troublesome in a relationship.
Feeling lonely in a relationship can have long-term implications, and chronic loneliness can affect a person’s mental well-being.
What is considered chronic loneliness?
What mental illness causes loneliness?
How do you fix deep loneliness?
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