Does your guy seem to be on his worst behavior lately? If you find yourself always wondering why he’s ignoring you, acting strange, or acting like your relationship isn’t his priority, you’re not alone. When you first started your relationship, your guy was probably attentive, available, and putting his best foot forward. You can remember being excited at how this good-looking guy was showering you with attention and affection.
If It Hurts, It Instructs
Wanting to make your man worry about losing you is nothing to be ashamed of. You wouldn’t be the first person to wonder how to make a man worry about losing you. It’s a natural reaction to being hurt. However, the trouble with trying to make him worry about losing you will likely end up doing more harm to you and your relationship.
Instead of figuring out how to make him worry about you, it sounds like it’s time to take a closer look at your relationship and why you want to make him worry about losing you in the first place. In this article, we look at some of the factors that can cause rifts in relationships and provide professional support options to heal yourself and your intimate relationships.
Why Men Pull Away
For some couples, the more time they spend together, the more likely they are to take each other for granted. This can happen when we forget to value our partner, become overwhelmed by life, or get distracted from what’s essential while pursuing our goals. Whatever the reasons for the disconnect, if you’re on the receiving end of your partner’s thoughtless or neglectful behavior, then you’re probably feeling emotionally upset, drained, and hurt.
Well-meaning family members and friends may suggest that you “play hard-to-get” or try to make him worry about losing you instead of getting to the bottom of the issue. While we all know that our family members and friends mean well, their advice isn’t the same as getting professional mental health advice or therapy.
A therapy professional would likely pick up on the fact that is trying to find ways to make him worry about losing you is a sign of a deeper issue in the relationship. Your family members may see trying to make him worry about losing you as the best option. In most cases, this strategy is counterproductive.
Sometimes the reason that men don’t give their all in a relationship — is that they don’t have any more to offer. In other words, they may already be providing you what they feel is their all. Biologically, while women are more complex creatures that can multitask and take on multiple projects, men are wired differently.
This means that men usually focus on finishing one thing at a time instead of mentally spreading out their workload. As a result, a man who is engulfed in a project at work or around the house may seem unavailable or indifferent as he focuses most of his time and energy on the current task at hand.
Another reason that your guy may not be living up to your expectations — is that he doesn’t know what they are. As couples grow and reach new levels in relationships, a new level of communication with your partner is required so that they can keep up with the changes in your life. Think about what you were doing at this time last year and how much you may have changed since then.
Open communication about your wants and needs is the only way to ensure that your guy has gotten the message. When you learn how to have open communication with your partner in your relationship — it may surprise you to learn that while you were preoccupied with thinking about how to make him worry about losing you that your guy has already started to worry about losing you on his own — and it’s not for the reasons you think.
It’s possible that your guy may be feeling insecure about the relationship or that he’s not living up to your standards or expectations. Not having a clear line of communication creates plenty of room for misunderstanding and misinterpretation silence in relationships. A better alternative to figuring out how to make him worry about losing you may be for you both to learn and practice new communication skills — and get to the bottom of why you want to make him want to worry about losing you in the first place.
A licensed mental health professional can teach you and your partner how to communicate relationship issues and questions more effectively. Understanding what your partner needs and communicating your own needs — without the fear of being judged can help eliminate the passive-aggressive behaviors and miscommunications that often lead to break-ups, separations, and divorce.
You may have noticed that in our society, many people tend to value strength in men. From a very young age, men are taught to be “strong.” This includes keeping their emotions in check and not letting anyone know how they really feel. These learned behaviors can carry over into adulthood and become an unconscious pattern of being unable to identify with their feelings.
In other words, if you feel like you’re being ignored, that he isn’t listening to your feelings, or that your guy should be better at expressing his own feelings to you, chances are he’s not doing it on purpose. It’s difficult to know what steps to take in a relationship when you’re receiving so many conflicting messages from friends, family members, society, and everyone else who seems to have an opinion. At the end of the day, the most important two people inside your relationship are you and your partner, which is where the healing and communication efforts should begin.
Why Giving Each Other Space Is Important
It may seem strange that the next piece of advice — is to give each other space. You may wonder how giving your man even more space can result in him being a better partner, husband, or boyfriend. Instead of looking for ways to make him worry about losing you, it’s important to learn that we all need room to grow.
Giving a man space to complete his tasks, get in touch with his own thoughts, and unwind is a critically important part of a relationship that new couples or young couples can easily overlook. If your guy asks for space, the best thing you can do is appreciate the fact that he told you he needs space — and then give it to him. This doesn’t mean that you should tolerate abuse, neglect, or bad behavior or try to figure out how to make him worry about losing you as a form of retaliation.
This means that you love and respect your guy (and yourself) enough to give him the space he needs to sort himself out. At the same time, if you find that you’re constantly obsessing over — why he isn’t obsessing over you, this is a good time to take an introspective look at yourself, your relationship, and what is driving the need for space on his end — and yours. It may surprise you to learn that your desire to make him worry about losing you is likely linked to your own worry about losing him.
Giving each other space is the best way to let him know that you care about his needs and gives you space to take time for yourself, step back from a stressful relationship, and get a fresh perspective on the situation.
If you are in a negative or toxic relationship beyond the boundaries of your man simply needing space, ask yourself why you continue to push for an unhealthy relationship? If you’re trying to make him worry about losing you and he’s trying to make you worry about losing him — this is an unhealthy relationship dynamic at work.
Unhealthy Relationship Patterns And Domestic Abuse
Examples of abusive behaviors are hitting, belittling, constant put-downs. Abuse isn’t always physical. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, there are help options available online. The National Domestic Violence Hotline operates an online contact center where you can call or chat with a trained professional for guidance, help, and emotional support.
When someone loves and cares for you, they make an effort to let you know and show you. If you find yourself constantly wondering how your guy feels or if you feel the need to manipulate or control him to have your way, there are more significant issues at play than you may realize.
Find healthier alternatives to making him worry about losing you. If you’re not sure what steps to take on your own, a therapist at ReGain can help. ReGain offers couples, individuals, and families in crisis online access to licensed therapy professionals and relationship experts.
A relationship expert can help you get to the bottom of why you feel like you need to make him worry about losing you. Your therapist can also help you address the fears you may have about the relationship ending (and address the fact that you worry about losing him too).
What kind of relationships did you have and see while you were growing up? Were they healthy, loving, happy? Or were they cold, complicated, and confusing? The chances are that whatever relationship patterns you grew up observing are the same patterns you will also repeat.
For example, someone who grew up witnessing domestic violence in their home as a child will likely grow up to be abused or become an abuser themselves. Did your parents try to make each other worry about losing one another? Or did they work together to resolve challenges rationally and learn to have mutual respect’s emotions?
This repetitive relationship behavior pattern is inevitable as we form our relationship blueprints based on the first relationships that we witness as children. Looking at it in this way, do you see any relationship patterns that you may be repeating with your guy — that aren’t your own?
Why Do You Want To Make Him Worry About Losing You?
A therapist can help you get to the bottom of why you want him to worry about losing you (and why you may also worry about losing him). Issues with unhealed childhood trauma are often the culprit when the desire to make someone worry about losing you is our first response to conflict. Did you worry about losing someone else crucial as a child? If you could succeed at getting him to worry about losing you — what does that mean to you?
These Are The Kinds Of Questions A Licensed Therapy Expert Can Help You Answer.
If you’ve experienced any childhood trauma or neglect (from which you haven’t healed), these issues will show up in your intimate relationships as an adult. The same is true for your guy who may have the wrong idea about relating or being intimate in relationships. People in healthy relationships don’t spend time trying to make each other worry about losing. (They spend time working together towards common goals and healing childhood wounds together).
Talking to a relationship expert or therapy professional can help you and your partner get to the bottom of the issues plaguing your relationship. A therapist can help you and your partner discovers and heal issues with self-worth, set clear goals, and develop better communication strategies.
Couples Counseling And Therapy Options
Sessions with a ReGain therapist online are similar to in-office therapy appointments with licensed providers. Getting started with online therapy is as easy as registering for your free therapy account and selecting an affordable therapy package (that includes both you and your partner).
Sessions with a licensed therapist at ReGain are conducted via telephone, video chat, and SMS messaging in real-time.
The good news is when you and your partner are having issues that may require professional third-party intervention, leading couples therapy platforms like ReGain are available for couples online 24-hours a day. Talk to your therapist from the privacy and comfort of your home or office using a smartphone, tablet, or laptop. The choice is yours, and the options for getting personalized couples therapy support can make the difference in a struggling relationship.
Now that you have an idea of why your guy may not be giving you his best, instead of spending your time trying to make him worry about losing you — you’re armed with the knowledge and next steps to take. Learning what makes both you and your partner happy is paramount to having a loving and lasting relationship.
If you’re in a situation where your partner can’t or won’t communicate and is refusing to work with you to resolve the issues, instead of thinking of ways to make him worry about losing you — ask yourself if this is something that you really want to be a part of long-term and get support from a licensed therapy expert instead.
Couples therapy and couples counseling have about a 70% success rate at helping individuals and couples to improve the overall quality of their lives and their relationships. Please stop trying to make him worry about losing you. If you need help, take the next step by talking to a relationship expert, the therapists at ReGain are here for you 24-hours a day.
Click here to get started.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How do I make him realize my value?
First, make sure that you’re keeping your value in mind and think about what you want in life outside of the relationship. Do things for yourself that make you feel happy and accomplished, such as spending time with friends, working toward a career goal, and so on. Spend time on yourself and your own wants and needs, especially if you’ve been in a relationship where it’s all given on your side and all take on theirs. If this is a relationship that you want to work out, the ultimate and best thing to do is to talk about the relationship's dynamic and work on it, not to feel as though you aren’t valued. Communicate rather than trying to make him worried about losing you or engaging in acts meant to help him realize your worth, which may or may not work out the way you intended. Appreciation is an important part of romantic relationships, and in a healthy partnership, the person you’re with will want you to feel appreciated.
When it comes to situations where you’ve broken up already, things are a bit different. While there are some things you can do, note that you can’t always control when men lose interest. If you want someone to be worried about losing, you don’t tell them how much they’ll regret losing you fast, and definitely don’t cling to them if you want to make them see your value or make them worried about losing you. Don’t worry about completing favors for him, and prioritize distancing yourself. If possible, once you’ve broken up, don’t talk at all, and if you have kids, speak minimally and amicably about parenting, but keep your distance otherwise. People don’t process losing their partner until the dynamic - not just the relationship status but also the dynamic. The distance is necessary.
How long does it take a man to regret losing you?
People experience regret at different times, but typically, the more time that passes after a breakup, the more someone can look at the situation objectively and think about what they regret or what they could’ve done better. The more time that goes on, the more he’ll look at the situation from a more accurate and mature perspective. Regret happens more quickly for some than others, but time and distance almost always provide an even greater sense of perspective on relationships and other areas of life.
Do guys regret hurting you?
When people lose their partner after hurting them, they typically regret hurting the person, even if it takes some time to put things into perspective.
Does silence make a man miss you?
Silence or cutting off contact can absolutely be the thing that’ll make someone miss you. Using the silent treatment on a current partner isn’t the best way to go, but once you break up, time apart is healthy and often incredibly necessary. If you’re in an off-and-on relationship where you continue to engage in countless or thankless favors during your time apart, it’s time to stop doing those favors and step aside. Take time for yourself, and in many cases, he’ll worry about losing you fast. When you lose interest instead of sticking around and trying to make him worry about losing you, that’s when he’ll miss you, and it’s also when he’ll start to worry about losing you for good. Don’t worry about trying to make him see the light post-breakup; time is likely all he needs.
Do guys ever realize what they lost?
Yes. Many people reflect on breakups and realize what they lost, and for some, it does take a breakup to realize how special a person or relationship was. If your relationship was one where you felt unappreciated, it might very well take a breakup for someone to realize what they lost. Sadly, if you’re focused on making him worried about losing you, it’s not a timeframe you can control. What you can do, as opposed to trying to ensure that he’ll worry about losing you or realize what he lost, is focus on yourself most authentically. Please don’t make it about him; make your life about you.
How do you know when a guy regrets rejecting you?
The best way to tell if someone regrets rejecting you is to notice if they are putting in effort into building a relationship with you. If they have started to flirt with you, tell you that they appreciate you, take an interest in the details about your life, and so on, they may regret rejecting you. If you’re in a relationship and notice these changes, note that these are also potential signs that someone has become worried about losing you fast. That said, if it is the case that you’re still in a relationship and you want someone to worry about losing, you don’t put all of the onus on yourself. Sometimes, it really does take that time apart and regret someone to gain perspective. The ultimate sign, of course, is that they come to you and express their regrets verbally. Not everyone will do this, whether it’s out of pride or for another reason, but some will.
Do guys ever regret letting a girl go?
Many people absolutely regret letting a former partner, or even a potential one, go. If you’ve ever heard someone use the phrase “the one that got away,” they are likely referring to a person that they regret letting go of. This is a possibility for people of all genders, so the answer is yes.
How do you know if he is afraid of losing you?
There are a number of things someone might do if they are afraid of losing you or worried about losing you, some of which are unhealthy. One example of unhealthy behavior in a relationship that someone might engage in if they are afraid of losing you is avoiding sharing their own opinion, for example. If you have ever been worried about losing someone, you may have kept important thoughts to yourself that you and your relationship would have benefited from sharing. Rather than hoping that someone is worried about losing you, per se, look for signs that they value the relationship and see your worth. It is different. Signs that a person values the relationship and sees your worth include listening to your perspective, giving you emotional support when you need it, making an effort to work through problems if they arise, showing appreciation, and showing affection.