What Is Ambivalent Attachment? Understanding This Child And Adult Attachment Style
Key takeaways
- Both children and adults with an anxious-ambivalent attachment style may experience a deep fear of abandonment.
- To cope with this fear, individuals with this attachment style may seek excessive reassurance from their partners.
- Therapy can offer a safe and supportive environment for individuals to address challenges arising from an ambivalent attachment style.
Ambivalent attachment, also called anxious attachment, preoccupied attachment, or anxious-ambivalent attachment, is a way of relating to other people that is often fueled by worry or a fear of being abandoned. As with other attachment patterns, this attachment style is thought to develop in early childhood and continue to impact a person throughout adolescence and adulthood.
Anxious-ambivalent attachment is a form of insecure attachment, but that doesn't mean a person who has it can't form healthy relationships. By understanding attachment theory and engaging in self-improvement work, such as therapy, a person can become more securely attached. This is often referred to as “earned secure attachment.”
What is attachment theory?
Attachment theory is a way of viewing relationship attachments that was developed by psychologist John Bowlby. Attachment theory lays out four attachment styles. The style a person has is thought to have originated in response to their relationship with their primary caregiver in infancy and early childhood. A person's attachment style is also thought to extend into adulthood, frequently impacting intimate relationships.
The four types of child and adult attachment
Below are the four types of attachment, and they all fall under the categories of either secure or insecure attachment styles:
- Secure attachment style: There is only one secure attachment style, and it is the healthiest form of attachment. Secure children typically trust that their caretaker will return after they leave, and secure adults generally don't worry much about being abandoned.
- Ambivalent attachment style: Both children and adults with the anxious-ambivalent attachment style, also called the anxious-preoccupied attachment style, are insecurely attached and tend to worry about being abandoned. They typically cope with this by seeking closeness and reassurance, sometimes excessively.
- Avoidant attachment style: Those with an avoidant attachment style are also insecurely attached. Unlike those with an anxious attachment style, instead of clinging or seeking reassurance, those who are avoidant usually cope with their fear by avoiding closeness, acting distant, or refusing to feel or show emotions.
- Disorganized attachment style: This attachment style, also called a mixed style or fearful-avoidant attachment, is another insecure style. People with this style may show signs of both ambivalent and avoidant styles — sometimes they cling, and other times they become distant.
How does ambivalent attachment affect a child?
The anxious-ambivalent child may experience a desperate need to feel close to their caregivers. In times of separation, they may remain distressed, and they may also struggle to be comforted when caregivers return.
Attachment theory in babies and children
Attachment theory argues that the nature of a person's relationship with the primary caregiver in infancy and early childhood influences their attachment process and style. Children with an ambivalent attachment are more likely to have had less time with a caregiver, received inconsistent attention from a caregiver, or had a caregiver who was particularly stressed and unable to effectively respond to the child's emotional needs.
What is anxious-ambivalent adult attachment?
Anxious-ambivalent attachment presents itself in adult relationships as a deep need for intimacy, especially in romantic relationships. This is usually coupled with a deep fear of abandonment.
How anxious-ambivalent attachment impacts adults
Adults with an anxious-ambivalent attachment style may struggle with anxiety in relationships, particularly romantic relationships. Without regular reassurance, they may worry that the relationship is nearing its end or that their partner no longer loves them.
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Can ambivalent attachment cause anxiety?
People with ambivalent attachment may experience significant anxiety related to their relationships. They may find themselves worrying about being “ghosted” or otherwise abandoned, and they may seek frequent reassurance in an attempt to reduce these concerns.
Working through anxiety associated with ambivalent attachment
Therapy can help a person work through their childhood or adult attachment anxiety. Even if a person doesn't naturally have a secure attachment, they can become more securely attached over time. This concept is called earned secure attachment.
How does ambivalent attachment impact behavior?
Those who have an ambivalent attachment may continually seek reassurance from a romantic partner to ease their anxiety about abandonment. They may also become upset by minor disagreements or perceived criticisms because of the underlying worry about being left by their loved ones. People with this attachment style may try to require their partners to display a strong sense of commitment, which could strain the relationship at times.
Recognizing and addressing ambivalent attachment behavior
Therapy can provide a safe space in which a person may address ambivalent attachment. By talking through their worries and behaviors with a therapist, a person can learn to recognize when they are likely overreacting due to their attachment style and learn strategies to behave in a healthier way.
Can insecure attachment affect mental health?
In addition to being associated with worry and anxiety, having an insecure attachment style, like ambivalent attachment, may negatively impact mental health in other ways. For example, some older research has found that insecure attachment styles may be linked to mental illnesses, including depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), eating disorders, and more.
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Maintaining good mental health despite ambivalent attachment
Although insecure attachment styles like ambivalent attachment have been linked to worse mental health outcomes, that doesn't mean a person with ambivalent attachment will automatically struggle with their mental health. Through therapy and work on developing strong, healthy relationship bonds, people with various forms of insecure attachment can develop a secure attachment style.
While many people enjoy attending therapy in person, services aren’t always readily available or convenient. Online relationship therapy can be an easy way for people to receive the professional mental health support they deserve, either individually or with their partners. Users can choose between video, audio, and online chat sessions and book appointments that suit their schedules.
Research suggests that online therapy produces the same results as in-person therapy. This applies to both individual online therapy for mental health concerns and couples therapy for relationship difficulties.
Takeaway
Ambivalent attachment typically develops during childhood due to an infant’s caregiver providing inconsistent emotional support. In adults, this type of insecure attachment is often associated with an intense fear of abandonment and a tendency to require frequent reassurance from one’s romantic partner. Therapy, whether in person or online, can be helpful for individuals who would like to foster a more secure attachment style.
What are the four types of attachment styles?
There are four main attachment styles, as defined by psychologist John Bowlby. These include secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment.
What triggers ambivalent attachment?
Ambivalent attachment, sometimes called anxious attachment or preoccupied attachment, tends to develop when a child’s primary attachment figure is sometimes responsive and sometimes emotionally unavailable. This inconsistency can lead to a fear of abandonment and attachment insecurity.
What is the unhealthiest attachment style?
Insecure attachment patterns are generally considered unhealthy. There are three insecure attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. These attachment issues can affect adult relationships and contribute to mental health challenges.
How to break ambivalent attachment?
Therapy with a qualified mental health professional tends to be the most effective way to foster attachment security for people with insecure attachment styles. As people with ambivalent attachment tend to require constant reassurance and display anxious behaviors, working toward a more secure attachment style can be highly beneficial.
What does ambivalence look like in a relationship?
Ambivalence, in terms of attachment style, typically involves a deep desire for emotional intimacy and a fear of abandonment in close relationships. This can sometimes lead to poor emotional boundaries that may stem from a child feeling insecure in their relationship with their primary caregiver.
What is the rarest attachment style?
The least common attachment style is thought to be the disorganized attachment style, which has aspects of both the anxious and avoidant styles. For example, someone with a disorganized attachment style may crave emotional intimacy but then create emotional distance in relationships.
Is ambivalent attachment the same as anxious attachment?
Ambivalent attachment is generally thought of as another name for anxious attachment. Some say that ambivalent attachment is the childhood equivalent of anxious attachment in adults.
How common is ambivalent attachment style?
Some estimates suggest that approximately 8% to 10% of children have the ambivalent attachment style. In contrast, it’s thought that securely attached children account for around two-thirds of the population.
What causes someone to be ambivalent?
In some cases, abusive behavior or interpersonal violence during child development can lead to ambivalent attachment. However, in most cases, this attachment style develops in response to inconsistent care, with the child’s primary caregiver sometimes being responsive to their needs and being emotionally unavailable at other times.
If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.
How to fix an ambivalent attachment?
Therapy can be an effective way to address insecure attachment styles, such as ambivalent and fearful-avoidant attachment, as well as attachment disorders. Options like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and attachment-based therapy may be particularly helpful.
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