How Does An Avoidant Attachment Style Impact Relationships?

Creating emotional distance, prioritizing independence, and fearing intimacy in relationships can all be common tendencies in individuals with an avoidant attachment style. This attachment style generally involves a lack of trust in others and a fear of being vulnerable, prompting an individual to avoid emotional closeness and instead prioritize self-reliance. However, while these behaviors can be common with this attachment style, this is not to say that people with an avoidant attachment always behave this way in close relationships. In addition, you can use various strategies, such as working with a therapist, to cultivate a more secure attachment style. 

What is the avoidant attachment style? 

To understand the avoidant attachment style, it can be helpful to zoom out and first get a sense of attachment theory. A key psychological theory regarding relationships, attachment theory posits that humans have an evolutionary need to form close bonds, and that the types of bonds infants develop with their caregivers can influence their other close relationships, even in adulthood.

Understanding different attachment styles 

In children, there are two main categories of attachment: secure attachment and insecure attachment. Within the insecure attachment style, there are three subtypes, including avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized attachment styles. 

According to attachment theory, a child’s attachment style can influence their relationships later in life, particularly with romantic partners. There are typically thought to be four main adult attachment styles: 

• Secure attachment style 
• Anxious attachment style (also called preoccupied attachment style)
• Avoidant attachment style (also called dismissive attachment style)
• Disorganized attachment style (also called fearful-avoidant attachment style)

Avoidant attachment style in adult relationships

In the context of adult relationships, avoidant attachment—sometimes called dismissive or dismissive-avoidant—is a type of attachment style that involves having a positive view of yourself but a negative view of attachments to others. Put simply, people with an avoidant attachment style tend to see themselves as worthy of love, but they usually perceive others as untrustworthy and unreliable, therefore rendering close relationships unimportant or without much value.

How do people with avoidant attachment navigate emotions and intimacy?

Suppressing emotions 

Individuals with an avoidant attachment style may minimize and suppress their own emotions. Researchers suggest that this unhelpful coping mechanism may arise as a way to manage stress due to negative experiences with an attachment figure in childhood. Challenges with emotional regulation may play a role in the link between attachment avoidance and depression.

Fearing intimacy and prioritizing independence

A key feature of avoidant attachment is the fear of intimacy, commitment, and vulnerability. For individuals with this attachment style, trusting others may seem scary and challenging, and it may be seen as safer to keep others at a distance. Maintaining independence and avoiding emotional intimacy can be common with this attachment style. 

Are people with the avoidant attachment style always emotionally distant?

It is important to note that, while the above behaviors can be common tendencies among individuals with an avoidant attachment style, this does not mean that individuals with this attachment style always behave this way in close relationships. In fact, a recent study on anxious and avoidant attachment styles found that people with a highly avoidant attachment style are “not always unsupportive, withdrawn, or uncooperative in their romantic relationships.” Instead, these behaviors tend to arise in the presence of certain stressful situations, such as:

• When they experience pressure to give or receive support
• When they experience pressure to become more emotionally intimate
• When they experience pressure to share deep personal emotions

Can you adjust your attachment style for stronger relationships and mental health? 

The behaviors and tendencies associated with an avoidant attachment style can take a toll on both an individual’s relationships and their own mental health. Suppressing emotions can increase stress, and avoiding close relationships may contribute to loneliness and isolation. 

However, there are strategies you can try to help you develop a more secure attachment style, enabling greater emotional closeness in your intimate relationships. These can include the following:

• Fostering greater awareness of your own emotions
• Identifying and addressing barriers to emotional intimacy
• Practicing mindfulness and self-reflection to combat your fears
• Developing stronger communication skills to express your wants and needs 
• Seeking support through relationship therapy or individual therapy

Identify and address barriers to intimacy in therapy

Connect with a licensed therapist online

Cultivating intimacy and supporting mental health in therapy 

For those with an avoidant attachment style, seeking support from a licensed therapist (individually or with a partner) may help you uncover the deeper fears and past experiences that may have contributed to your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in relationships. You can meet with a therapist in person or online. For those who are hesitant to discuss their emotions and be vulnerable when face-to-face with a mental health provider, meeting with a therapist online may be more comfortable and convenient. 

Research has shown that online relationship interventions can be effective for improving relationship satisfaction in multiple ways. For example, evidence suggests that they can improve emotional intimacy and promote more positive communication.