How Does Anxious-Avoidant Attachment Impact Emotions And Behavior In A Relationship?
Key takeaways
- The anxious-avoidant attachment style is typically characterized by discomfort with emotional intimacy and a tendency to avoid close relationships.
- Individuals with an anxious-avoidant attachment style may suppress their own emotional needs, prioritize independence and self-reliance, and withdraw from their partner as a measure of self-protection.
- Therapy can offer a safe space to address a fear of intimacy and other relationship challenges that may arise for those with an anxious-avoidant attachment style.
Individuals with the anxious-avoidant attachment style tend to feel uncomfortable with emotional intimacy and may avoid close relationships as a way to protect themselves. Individuals with this attachment style may also suppress their own emotions and emotional needs, choosing instead to maintain independence and self-reliance. In relationships, this can manifest in pulling away from their partner, not discussing their emotions, and avoiding emotional closeness. To address these tendencies and foster deeper connections, meeting with a therapist can help.
What is anxious-avoidant attachment?
In attachment theory, anxious-avoidant attachment can refer to an attachment style that occurs in both children and adults.
- In children: With the anxious-avoidant attachment style, an infant only minimally explores their environment and tends to react to the parent with avoidance or indifference. This is one of the insecure attachment styles children can have in relationships with their primary caregivers.
- In adults: Also called the avoidant attachment style, this style typically involves discomfort with emotional intimacy and a tendency to avoid intimate relationships. It is sometimes considered to have two forms: dismissive attachment and fearful attachment.
Anxious-avoidant attachment vs. other attachment styles
In adult relationships, there are thought to be three other major attachment styles, aside from the anxious-avoidant style. These include the following:
- Preoccupied or anxious attachment style, which can involve needing frequent reassurance and fearing abandonment
- Disorganized attachment style, which can involve a push-pull dynamic of seeking closeness and then pulling away due to fear
- Secure attachment style, which tends to allow for generally positive, stable relationships
How do people with anxious-avoidant attachment styles navigate emotions?
When it comes to navigating emotions, some of the following dynamics tend to be common in people with anxious-avoidant attachment styles:
- Individuals develop strategies to suppress the sense of needing care and support from others.
- Individuals avoid intimacy in an effort to protect their emotional safety.
- Individuals suppress their own thoughts and emotions related to relationships.
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How do anxious and avoidant behaviors show up in a romantic relationship?
In the context of romantic relationships, individuals with an anxious-avoidant attachment style might exhibit some of the following behaviors:
- Choosing independence and self-reliance rather than leaning on their partner
- Avoiding emotional intimacy and fearing vulnerability
- Withdrawing from their partner as a measure of self-protection
How stressful situations can prompt anxious and avoidant behaviors
While the behaviors discussed above can be common in an anxious-avoidant relationship, they are not necessarily ever-present. Rather, some research suggests that these anxious and avoidant behaviors tend to be activated by certain types of stressful situations, such as when an individual experiences pressure to be emotionally intimate or talk about their feelings.
How can therapy help with a fear of intimacy and other mental health concerns?
If you are experiencing challenges in your relationship due to an anxious-avoidant attachment style, seeking support through therapy can help. Whether you are looking to address a fear of intimacy, develop healthier ways to manage emotions, or learn strategies to cope with stress, therapy can offer a safe space to do so with professional support.
Managing fear and complex emotions in therapy
In online or in-person therapy, a qualified mental health professional can help you better understand your own attachment style and address the relationship fears that may be standing in the way of building stronger relationships. A therapist can help you cultivate greater self-awareness to uncover the reasons behind those fears, develop healthier emotion regulation strategies, and adopt new relationship behaviors that allow for deeper connections.
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Seeking relationship and mental health support online
For those with an anxious-avoidant attachment style, discussing emotions can seem scary and uncomfortable. Being able to dig into these personal topics from the comfort of home through online relationship therapy may be a bit easier than speaking in a face-to-face office setting. Plus, research shows that online couples therapy can be effective for a range of relationship concerns, including improving emotional intimacy.
Takeaway
In general, the anxious-avoidant attachment style is characterized by experiencing discomfort with emotional intimacy, suppressing emotions, and valuing independence. These tendencies can show up in a romantic relationship in the form of avoiding intimacy and creating emotional distance with a partner. To address challenges with intimacy, learn healthy ways to manage emotions, and develop stronger relationships, meeting with a therapist in person or online can help.
What does anxious-avoidant attachment feel like?
People with an anxious-avoidant attachment style typically value independence and self-reliance. They may distance themselves from others when emotional intimacy arises.
How do you fix an anxious-avoidant attachment?
You can adjust an anxious-avoidant attachment style to be more secure by attending therapy with a licensed mental health professional. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and attachment-based therapy are two modalities that may be helpful.
Can avoidant and anxious attachments be together?
While avoidant partners and anxious partners can be together, they will likely face various challenges. For example, people with an anxious attachment style typically need constant reassurance, whereas people with an anxious-avoidant style tend to be more self-reliant and may struggle with their partner’s behavior when it becomes too “clingy” for their comfort.
How to trigger an anxious-avoidant?
Pushing someone with an anxious-avoidant style to open up emotionally or commit to a serious relationship can lead to their fear of loss of independence arising. Demanding emotional support and emotional expression from someone with an anxious and avoidant attachment can also be difficult for them.
How to break the anxious-avoidant cycle?
Working with a licensed therapist can help individuals with a fearful-avoidant attachment develop secure attachment behaviors over time. Learning healthy coping mechanisms and understanding the early childhood roots of this attachment style can be beneficial.
How do you make an anxious-avoidant feel loved?
Understanding anxious-avoidant attachment and respecting the individual’s need for space, independence, and autonomy can be crucial. Giving them the space and time to express emotions when they feel comfortable doing so can also lead them to feel loved.
How do I heal my anxious-avoidant attachment style?
Participating in regular therapy sessions with a qualified mental health care provider can help people with an anxious-avoidant attachment style understand the unmet emotional needs that likely led them to become anxious-avoidant children (and later, anxious-avoidant adults). Over time, working through attachment challenges in therapy can empower people to form more secure relationships.
How do therapists handle avoidant personalities in therapy?
Therapists may help people with avoidant personalities understand how attachment styles form and the types of emotional turmoil that are associated with avoidant attachment. With effort and consistency, avoidant individuals may overcome the anxious behaviors they engage in when their fear of losing independence arises.
What is the push-pull of anxious-avoidant attachment?
People with anxious-avoidant attachment often seem to pull away as soon as relationships grow closer. This may be especially common if two attachment styles, anxious and avoidant, are present in one relationship, with one partner fearing abandonment and the other fearing loss of independence.
What are anxious-avoidant attachment needs?
Those with an anxious-avoidant attachment style tend to need plenty of space and independence. This style usually begins in childhood, with such children not receiving the emotional support they need from their primary caregivers. Those who do receive the necessary emotional support from their caregivers tend to become securely attached children.
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