How Can Knowing Your Attachment Style Improve Your Romantic Relationships?

From how comfortable you are with intimacy to how much trust you have in your partner, your attachment style can influence several dynamics in romantic relationships. As a result, having a clearer understanding of your own attachment style can come with a range of benefits, such as greater self-awareness, an increased understanding of your needs in a relationship, and enhanced clarity about why you respond the way you do in certain situations. Understanding your attachment style can also help you identify unhealed wounds and areas for improvement, which can guide you in determining how to develop greater attachment security and improved relationship health. 

Understanding attachment theory: How do childhood experiences shape attachment style?

Attachment theory is a prominent theory pertaining to how individuals view and form close relationships. It encompasses a wide array of ideas, but below are a few core concepts:

• Individuals have an innate need to form close relationships.
• The types of bonds infants form with their primary attachment figure (e.g., parent or caregiver) can fall into different categories or “attachment styles.”
• The attachment styles formed in childhood can go on to influence adult relationships.

Attachment styles in childhood and adulthood

In children, attachment styles typically fall into two main categories: secure attachment and insecure attachment. An insecure attachment style can be further separated into three types:

• Avoidant attachment style 
• Ambivalent attachment style 
• Disorganized attachment style

Meanwhile, adult attachment styles are typically categorized as follows: 

• Secure attachment style
• Anxious attachment style (sometimes called preoccupied)
• Dismissive attachment style (sometimes called avoidant)
• Disorganized attachment style (sometimes called fearful-avoidant)

How do attachment styles impact fear and behavior in romantic relationships?

Fear of intimacy and fear of abandonment in romantic relationships

A common component of insecure attachment styles in adults is some type of fear, though the exact type of fear can vary from one style to the next. For instance:

• Anxious attachment is typically associated with a fear of abandonment.
• Avoidant attachment is typically associated with a fear of intimacy or loss of independence.
• Disorganized attachment is typically associated with a simultaneous desire for and fear of intimacy, sometimes referred to as “fright without solution.”

In contrast, securely attached adults generally do not have these types of fears. Instead, they tend to value closeness, trust their partners, and feel comfortable with emotional intimacy.

Exploring how attachment style can impact relationship dynamics

Each attachment style can have unique effects on various aspects of a romantic relationship, including the following:

• How comfortable each person is with intimacy
• How confident each person is in expressing their feelings and needs
• How much trust each person has in their partner
• How sensitive each person is to perceived slights 
• How much reassurance each person may need

How can understanding your attachment style benefit your relationship and mental health?

Since attachment styles can have such profound effects on relationship dynamics, understanding your own attachment style may help you better navigate various aspects of your relationship and your own mental health. Below are some of these potential benefits:

• Helping you better recognize and understand why you respond the way you do in various situations
• Allowing you to identify where your fear of intimacy or abandonment stems from
• Helping you acknowledge and work through the effects of negative past experiences
• Helping you better understand what you might need from your partner in a relationship
• Helping you set and maintain healthy boundaries 
• Helping you identify various areas for improvement in your own behavior patterns to cultivate greater relationship security and satisfaction

How can you learn more about your attachment style?

Given the many potential benefits of understanding your attachment style, individuals may wonder how they can learn more about their own attachment styles and reap these benefits. Two effective strategies are discussed below. 

Learning more about attachment theory

To start, it can be helpful to explore the basics of attachment theory and gain a deeper understanding of the different attachment styles and how different attachment patterns can impact relationship dynamics. There are countless research articles, online quizzes, and books on the subject, depending on how deeply you’d like to dive into this information.

Seeking mental health support for attachment concerns

Beyond taking steps on your own to learn more about attachment styles, seeking professional support in therapy can offer another level of insight. In sessions with a licensed therapist, you can learn more about your own attachment style and how it impacts your relationships. You can also learn ways to cultivate a more secure attachment style and build stronger romantic relationships. 

Help is available in person and online, depending on your preferences. Research shows that online couples therapy can be just as effective as in-person therapy, and studies support the use of online therapy more generally as an effective form of treatment for a variety of mental health disorders.

For those who find it difficult to discuss emotions and be vulnerable in a face-to-face setting, online relationship therapy may be more comfortable than in-person care. Users can choose between video, audio, and online chat sessions to suit their comfort levels.