How Can An Insecure Attachment Style Impact Trust And Emotional Intimacy?
Key takeaways
- In adult relationships, insecure attachment styles can be categorized into three types: anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, and disorganized attachment.
- Each of these insecure attachment styles can negatively impact various aspects of romantic relationships, such as by hindering both trust and emotional intimacy in distinct ways.
- If an insecure attachment style is negatively impacting your relationship, there are tools and resources that can help, including relationship therapy.
When someone has a secure attachment style, they tend to have a positive view of themselves and others in the context of relationships. This often sets the stage for positive and stable romantic relationships. In contrast, when someone has an insecure attachment style, they may exhibit various patterns that negatively impact trust and emotional intimacy in their close relationships. Insecure attachment styles can come in various forms, each of which can impact emotional needs and relationship dynamics. However, there are strategies to address insecure attachment patterns and develop a more secure attachment style, which can allow for stronger, healthier, and more meaningful relationships.
What is an insecure attachment style?
According to attachment theory, infants have an innate, evolutionary need to form close bonds with their caregivers. This need is sometimes referred to as the attachment system. The bond an infant forms with their primary caregiver in early childhood can be categorized as either secure or insecure, and this type of bond can ultimately influence an individual’s adult relationships.
Secure vs. insecure attachment style
The two overarching categories of attachment style are insecure and secure, defined as follows:
- Secure attachment style: In children, this typically refers to a positive parent-child relationship where the child finds comfort in their caregiver. In adults, this attachment style involves viewing oneself as worthy of love and viewing others as accepting and trustworthy.
- Insecure attachment style: In children, this encompasses several types of generally negative parent-child relationships. In adults, this can involve various difficulties with close relationships and can also take different forms.
Types of insecure attachment styles
In adult romantic relationships, insecure attachment styles can be separated into three types:
- Preoccupied or anxious attachment style
- Dismissive or avoidant attachment style
- Fearful-avoidant or disorganized attachment style
How can insecure attachment styles impact emotional intimacy?
The exact ways in which an insecure attachment style impacts emotional intimacy usually depend on the specific type of insecure attachment, as well as the individual and their relationship. Below are some potential impacts for the different attachment styles:
- Anxious attachment style: This style can involve a strong desire for emotional intimacy, as well as a deep fear of abandonment, which can lead to a need for constant reassurance from their partner.
- Avoidant attachment style: This style can involve a deep fear of intimacy and vulnerability, which can lead an individual to withdraw from their partner, create emotional distance, and avoid intimacy.
- Disorganized attachment style: This style can involve a contradictory mix of behaviors, where the individual both desires and fears intimacy. They may exhibit a push-pull pattern of craving intimacy and then pulling away due to fear.
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How can disorganized, anxious, and avoidant behaviors impact trust?
The common behaviors associated with these insecure attachment styles can also impact trust in a variety of ways. For instance:
- Anxious attachment style: Due to their fear of abandonment, individuals with this style may have difficulty trusting their partner and may be very sensitive to everything their partner does. For instance, they may read into seemingly minor actions, perceiving them as evidence of abandonment.
- Avoidant attachment style: Individuals with this style may find it difficult to express their needs to their partner or lean on their partner for support. Instead, they may avoid close relationships altogether.
- Disorganized attachment style: Individuals with this style may have difficulty trusting others, and given their tendency to engage in unpredictable behaviors, their partner may also find it difficult to trust them.
Supporting mental health: How can therapy help with insecure attachment?
If you have an insecure attachment style that is negatively impacting your relationships, there are a variety of tools and resources available that can help. Therapy may be especially effective.
Addressing anxious and avoidant behaviors in therapy
In therapy sessions with an experienced mental health professional, you can learn more about your attachment style, address unhelpful thoughts and behaviors, and learn new ways to approach relationships. A licensed therapist can also help you build relationship skills to enhance trust, communication, closeness, and conflict resolution with your partner.
Strengthening emotional intimacy and mental health online
If you are interested in seeking therapy for relationship concerns, you can find support in person or online, depending on your preferences. Research shows that online couples therapy can be just as effective as in-person therapy.
For some people with an insecure attachment style, diving into vulnerable topics and deep emotions may seem difficult to do in person, and being able to meet with a therapist virtually may be a little easier. Online therapy participants can choose between video and audio sessions, and they can also attend therapy individually or with their partners.
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Takeaway
An insecure attachment style can come in a few different forms, including anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. These insecure attachment styles can have a range of effects on romantic relationships, including negatively impacting both trust and emotional intimacy. However, there are ways to address insecure attachment patterns and build stronger relationships. For professional support, you can reach out to a therapist online or in your area.
How do I fix my insecure attachment style?
Self-awareness tends to be the first step toward emotional regulation and attachment security. A licensed mental health professional can offer insight and emotional support as you address unhealthy attachment behaviors and work toward healthy relationships.
What does insecure attachment look like in an adult?
Insecure adult attachment can come in the form of anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment. Someone with an anxious attachment style may have low self-esteem and require constant reassurance from their partner. Meanwhile, someone with an avoidant attachment style may avoid emotional closeness. An individual with the disorganized style (also called the fearful-avoidant attachment style) may alternate between being overly dependent on their partner and creating distance from them.
How to date someone with an insecure attachment?
If you’re dating someone with an insecure attachment style, it can be helpful to learn more about attachment theory and the behavioral patterns that tend to accompany different attachment styles. For example, adult romantic relationships involving someone with an anxious style may be characterized by the anxious individual seeking constant reassurance from their partner. Knowing this may enable you to respond to the behavior more constructively. Couples therapy can also be helpful.
How to spot an insecure attachment?
Insecure attachment styles usually involve fear. The anxious attachment style tends to be associated with a fear of abandonment, while the avoidant attachment style is often associated with a fear of losing one’s independence. The disorganized style typically involves a desire for and fear of emotional intimacy. In contrast, securely attached adults usually have a positive view of themselves and relationships. They can express their needs and trust their partners due to positive attachment relationships as children.
How to undo an insecure attachment?
It’s possible to develop a more secure style through therapy. Working with a qualified mental health professional can help people understand and adjust their internal working models of themselves and relationships.
What are the three types of insecure attachment?
The three types of insecure attachment in children include avoidant, disorganized, and ambivalent attachment. In adults, insecure attachment typically falls into the categories of anxious, avoidant, and disorganized.
Can insecure attachment be healed?
It’s possible to heal an insecure attachment style and develop more security in relationships, but it usually takes time and effort. Working with a licensed therapist can provide professional guidance and support throughout the process.
What causes insecure attachment?
Insecure attachment typically develops when a child forms a relationship with attachment figures (typically parents or caregivers) that doesn’t meet their emotional needs. This can affect the child’s emotional health in the long term, often impacting their adult relationships as well.
What are the long-term effects of insecure attachment?
The long-term effects of insecure attachment can include unhealthy or unsatisfying relationships, difficulty trusting others, and mental health concerns. For instance, depression and anxiety disorders may be more common in those with insecure attachment styles.
Can therapy help with insecure attachment?
Therapy can be beneficial for those with insecure attachment styles. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and attachment-based therapy may be particularly helpful modalities.
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